Writing Short Story: Angel

[Angelus_Necare]

Here's a short story I scribbled out a couple of days ago, I can't quite tell where the idea came from, but it's certainly a strong Idea.

I don't think this peice would offend anyone, and I'm not very religious so I don't use the words "God" or "Heaven", I think you make this peice what you want it.

This is a pretty raw version of the story, much work needs to be done but tell me what you think of it thusfar.
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"Angel"
By Tiff

Once, long ago before man was an idea or a hint of a thought, there was a race of beings called Angels. Angels lived in the glory of their creator in the paradise of neverending life spending their days singing to their creator in happiness. There was no hurt, there was no saddness, there was no death. Among the angels was one that was not so similar to the others, in fact, he was quite different.

His name was Lokai, and unlike his bretherin he had rich locks of brown and the clearest of green eyes, this was the case because he adored the land below. He wanted to walked among the creatures there, run along the babbling brooks and sleep among the whispering branches of the trees. Lokai soon found himself watching the world below quite offten instead of raising his song to the creator, pining away to be there at its surface. It wasn't long before the other angels noticed and told the creator. Lokai was asked if he really wanted to live on the plane that was being created for creatures called humans. The Angel nodded without hesitation, hopping secretly if his wish would be fulfilled. Lokai was warned however, that he would not be allowed back into the realm of angels once he arrived at the land below. Being Brash Lokai didn't realize the consequences of being seperated from his bretherin and the almighty.

Lokai was sent to the realm of humans, he lost his wings, his grace and most importantly, his ability to sing. Lokai cast these things aside as unimportant spending his days with the trees, and the land, and it wasn't long untill he wanted to go home. Lokai would cry at night, being so close to the humans. They had awfull things such as pain, agony, greed, deceit and lack of faith. Most humans didn't acknowlege the presence of Lokai, much unlike his kin above, who gave him love and care every day. Days, weeks, months, years passed as Lokai began to pine away to be back home, he couldn't stand the death that surrounded him, for angels never aged, and didn't die.

Then one day, when The last humans did away with eachother, only Lokai was left. He didn't feel sorry for the creatures that his creator gave so much too, they didn't deserve it at all. Lokai knew what it was to feel these human emotions, yet they clashed with his Angelic ideals, making thought a very painfull thing to even deal with. So he spent his days watching the sky, hopping for a sign that he could one day return home. He watched for so long that his body became intangled in vines, branches, forms of life, Seasons passed, along with many more years. In that time his eyes turned blue, to match the sky, to the place he wanted to be, and forever would Lokai be wanting to return home.