Writing A weird poem about the matrix

[Megumi momo]

Dreams


Sometimes I see it...I see how fake this world is.
Sometimes I believe it..I belive that someone else notices.
When I wake up from a dream I realize that my dream was more real.'
I don't have that common feeling when I dream because I don't feel.
There are so many lies that this world tells so many things this world hides.
That when reality comes back into focus I feel more dead than alive.
I try to understand the truth.. Try to understand why things happen the way they do.
But I give up hope... and watch for a message something that is actually true.
One day I will have my answer, one day My dreams will be reality.
And when that day comes I will find him the man they call Morpheus

[Guest ScirosDarkblade]

When you do slap him in the face for me for being such a moron.

[Retribution]

well, i think the matrix cult has brought you in too far... The poem was ok... elaboration would be good

[Brasil]

This doesn't feel "Matrixy" at all, actually. It feels more like teen angst trying to disguise itself so that it gets more attention, as teen angst is often ignored here, lol.

I haven't viewed Revolutions yet, but I don't recall anyone in M1, Reloaded, or Animatrix that demonstrated such teen angsty moods. Kid was the closest there was to that, but even he wasn't teen angst; he was just out of place.

This poem is so over-the-top and melodramatic that I really doubt what influence The Matrix had on it. The Morpheus line feels tacked on at the end.

So, is this [i]truly[/i] a poem inspired by The Matrix? Or is it just an 8th grader's rant with an escape hatch of "This was inspired by The Matrix"?

I think a Matrix-inspired poem would go like this:

(I'm just going to improv this)

[quote]I have a choice.
My decision is mine and mine alone.
I have the power to do,
And I have the power to undo.

Those around me are scared;
They don't realize what I do,
And don't believe what I say.
But I have the power to do,
And I have the power to undo.

Their Fate is in my hands.
My choice will dictate their futures.
And when I speak,
They do not hear.
When I am silent,
They listen.

Who am I?

I am the one in the corner.[/quote]

[Megumi momo]

Well Thankfully this poem is not mine.
I heard it from my friend John who seems to be in tune with everything about the matirx.
Another thig John is quite young and due to the fact that I am older He asked for me to post.
I find his poem lacking in certain areas and I also find it irratating but I still think in some ways something here could have been said or could not have been said.
I apperciate you veiws and yes Posion Tounge you have a great sense of touch for the Matrix I commend you.

[Brasil]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by Megumi momo [/i]
[B]Well Thankfully this poem is not mine.
I heard it from my friend John who seems to be in tune with everything about the matirx.
Another thig John is quite young and due to the fact that I am older He asked for me to post.
I find his poem lacking in certain areas and I also find it irratating but I still think in some ways something here could have been said or could not have been said.
I apperciate you veiws and yes Posion Tounge you have a great sense of touch for the Matrix I commend you. [/B][/QUOTE]

What? If the poem was your friend's creation, why didn't you say so in the initial post? I mean, it sounds a bit questionable that negative reviews are presented and then you mention a friend writing it.

And, okay, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that this was your friend's poem. Now, if he is unable to post it for whatever reason, why didn't you make a mention of that?

Example. When I had posted A Poetics For Bullies by Stanley Elkins (Elkin? Can't remember. Shame on me.), I think it was safe to say that Stanley was unable to post it himself. But I still made sure to say it was not my work.

I'm not going to harp on your grammar--although...it does need a lot of work.

But I will harp on the fact that even if your friend wrote this piece, you copied and pasted it without giving any notice that it wasn't yours. That's plagiarism, honey.

And uh...my "talent" for writing "Matrixy" material is not from a love for the series. I really dislike much of the trilogy. Animatrix and the original are the only entries I enjoy. Also, depending on who you talk to here, I have no idea what The Matrix is about, lol. Being able to write a "Fanfic" does involve knowledge of the source material, but moreso than that, it requires being a competent writer.

I can point to 80% of the Matrix fanfic writers on fanfiction.net who are horrible writers. Then I can point to 15% there who understand the series on some level, but their stories are still horribly written and clumsily executed.

You can have all the knowledge there is about a series and still write a crap story because you lack the lingual and literary tools to craft a quality piece. Simple as that.

And this is a question to anyone who reads this:

Is my name [i]that[/i] hard to spell?