Writing Somewhat depressing peom

[anime_guy]

I'm back at it...still writing depressing stuff...

[I]Let there be a new darkness in the world Let the world turn upsidedown for the men Let the men keep darkness through the night Let the night be dark from the fight
Let the fight be won.
Let darkness be at the end.[/I]

*Bows* Thank-you! Thank-you!
What do you think?

**Only compliments and constructive critisum are welcome!**

[Mitch]

[size=1][color=red] Well, first off, put some more effort into your poem. From what I can tell, you probably wrote this right on the spot (which itself isn't too bad) and I can tell you didn't put much effort at all.

I mean, you aren't even using the most fundamental thing in poetry, which is universally used: stanzas, and spaced lines.

This isn't prose, you know. Not that you can't write poetry like that, but generally, if a poem is prose, it's not going to be this simple, either.

So, basically, use stanzas.

Stanzas are things like this:

Down and up
and up and down
there we go
round and round

And I'm spinning
all the time.

See those two spaced blocks of text? The first one is stanza one, the second one is stanza two. And they're also spaced in lines; they aren't straight-flowing blocks of sentences that context into paragraphs.

So yeah. I don't see reason to keep this open--there's not going to be much discussion other than what I said here.

Try and take some time on a poem, make it have stanzas, give it heart. Then I'll give you the bad with the good.

But I'm not going to critcize this poem--I mean, it's so scant and lacking effort, I can't.

Thread closed.

Try posting a new poem, and making it better, by doing what I said. Then I'll give you some opinions on it.[/size]