Writing Parting away..

[Annie]

[color=indigo][i][size=1]I know I'm leaving,
a place so harsh and strict,

Failure is not an option,
Option is failure,


Consequences shall be my friends,
My friends shall be consequences,

Alone I shall be,
My heart aches,
My mind stresses,
My soul cries,

The silent requiem
of my state of being,

My state of being,
a crumpled pile of hope,
Residue of happiness
torn away,

I know I am leaving,
I know I will be missed,

..........And I will miss them,

More than they will know....

So wait for me,
Wait for me....[/color][/size][/i]

[Mitch]

[size=1][color=red] I thought it shows good potential, and is good on its own as well. Other than this stanza, which needs a quick work to it:[/size][/color]

[quote]My state of being,
[i]a pile of crumpled of hope[/i],
Residue of happiness
torn away,[/quote]

[size=1][color=red] See the two "ofs"? One of those can go. Sure it was just a simple error, but it's worth fixing.

So, fixed, it'd read like this:[/size][/color]

[quote][i]crumpled pile of hope[/quote][/i]

[size=1][color=red] Other than that, this poem shows good heart--the emotions are there, you're not using words that aren't you, it's Annie. And that's the way to go with poetry--make it your own.

It took me a while to find this out, but I've finally learned it. Speak with your own voice; be obtuse when you want to be, but not to the ambiguous extent I used to.

And you're definitely doing this. Just keep writing and keep at it, trying to write a poem a day (it's what I try to do, hasn't been going on much lately) and it should all work out

I mean, honestly, everyone has the potential to be a good writer. You just have to apply yourself. Yes, for me it does come easy, but that's because I've applied myself to it a lot in the past, as well as now. And it's just something I'm interested in. Interest is a big part, but if you keep at something long enough, interest's bound to grow.

The main thing for me is I need encouragment. And that's why I'm here--encouragement to other people. Heh. [/size][/color]

[The Vampire: Ed]

This a rather good poem Annie, nice work. It shows a lot of emotion, and is both simple and complex at the same time. But I agree with part of Mitch's suggestion for correcting that one line, however instead of just making it "crumpled pile of hope" as he suggested, I think it would sound better if you just dropped the "of" between "crumpled" and "hope." It sounds better, to me anyway, if it reads "a pile of crumpled hope." But then again, that's probably what you meant to do in the first place. Anyway, that's really the only "problem" I can see. But it was probably just an error, I have found myself having similar errors many times before. Not that I am anything special, lol, but you get the point.

[Annie]

[color=indigo][i][size=1]It has been written, and so it has been done.

Thank you for catching that Mitch. I meant something along those lines.

Yes, whenever I write poetry, I write simple. I'm not much of a poetic person and I don't really write due to that fact. I write whenever I am inspired. It's much like my drawing, if I see or feel something that moves me, I will draw. It's not something I can sit down and do off the top of my head.

I appreciate your encouragement, Ed and Mitch. It actually helps me to start taking up writing poetry once more. It will probably come in handy once I get into boot camp and tech school. If I do write, I'll be sure to post them once I return.[/color][/size][/i]