Writing My Poetry

[xxxGothChickxxx]

Welp, here's one of my poems to get you guys started out....

Apocalypse

Energy....Stuck in a moment in the past,
The present, now and always.
Forever one with the universe...
The universe torn in two pieces.
And never again will it shine.
The words fall from broken lips,
The mouth trembles with anticipation.
Waiting, and seeing behind the blades of
infinity. Only in our lifetime.
Running backwards fowards,
Skipping stones in an endless stream...Life.
Following the rythm of earth,
We seek what we can never know.
Higher it pulls us into the nothingness of
mankind.
Our own destruction we have created.
Filling the air with darkness, and it drips
So slowly now.
The earth trembles, and our bones are weak.
Never again may we remember what never was.
Further into the ground...
Digging for words of past civilizations...
Never again.
Seeking truth,
But believing the lies.
What is hidden from us,
Is what we were before.
Washing the brain,
With sounds of structure and chaos.
Together as one, yet never united.
Tying up our thoughts with myths and lore.
Fiction never seemed so real.
Now we sit quiet,
Almost waiting for the end to come.
A weary spirit comes from deep within,
It pours out it's sadness to the earth.
Fields of laughter,
From the children who will never know.
Discussion, remembrance,
And what the future holds,
It is all to bright for human eyes.
When the sun comes closer,
Bringing with it secrets, and promises.
Complete fulfillment.
One more time around,
One more day to live.
Everything matters when nothing does.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Well, first off, I have to say that your poem could be sorted into stanzas. Partly because it introduces new ideas, partly because it makes it easier to read, especially on the net.

You have some pretty profound lines in there, although some of the surrounding things could do with tidying up -- of course, everyone's work needs that from time to time. For instance, the line, "Everything matters when nothing does." Really thought provoking. *nods*

I think the main problem with this poem is the lack of stanzas. I find it really hard to see where one thought ends and another begins.

The poem doesn't have much rhythym or consistancy, which isn't necissarily a bad thing. There have been some very good poems like that.

There's quite a bit of imagery there, but it's almost...unfocused. Perhaps if you focus on a subject, rather than an event? *shrug* However, there really [i]is[/i] some pretty powerful imagery there, and some profound lines.

So all over, it isn't a bad poem. It could do with some revising, but then, [i]everything[/i] can.[/size]