Writing Hey, Sennen makes poems too.

[OtakuSennen]

[color=midnightblue]I wrote these poems today while taking notes in Social Studies. I was looking at a.. Friend for inspiration, as she sits next to me, and I decided to write these.

These obviously don't rhyme, and really don't have much of a rhythm. I made them in about fifteen minutes, with very little revision. Two of them are here, and I may make more later if I get positive response. If not.. Ah well. It was worth a try, huh?

[center][i]Ai no Mizu[/center]

[center]Like the flow of the river,
This passion seems to change.
It runs swiftly without hinderance,
But moves past obstacles with silent protest.
Cold, lifeless, without remorse one moment
And warm with love the next.

While the stones and sand around us,
So different from the water,
Ridicule us, judge us, ignorantly comment,
We needn't take notice, we've no reason to care.

Water only needs itself.
We needn't rely on the stones.
For two rivers can form one.
As may our souls.

--

Foggy Emotions

Your emotions seem like a dense fog.
So gray, and bleak, yet so intriguing.
How I wish to travel through your hazy thoughts,
To penetrate that darkness.
To see what's three feet away from me,
And yet so unknown.
The veil of silence blinds me,
In your swirling sea of mind.
And yet, I persevere,
For I know at the end of the fog
Is the reward of understanding.[/center][/i]

Well, there you are. Enjoy.[/color]

[Syk3]

Well, that's Sen for you. He's really a very deep individual, as you can see from his poems. Wise beyond his years..

Like I told you over AIM, these poems are really beautiful.. I'm serious! STOP LAUGHING! >:o That's it.. you little--

As I was saying, you really went deeply into these poems with such great metaphors as a stream and fog. It makes complete sense, and is filled with so much emotion and love that they literally brought tears to my eyes. I'm completely serious when I say.. show these to her. You won't regret it.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Oh, Sen, they're lovely. It's some of the best poetry I've seen. And you make it seem so effortless! I myself [i]cannot[/i] write poetry, and so I have a lot of respect for you and your genius.

The metaphors are just gorgeous and, well, [i]right[/i]. And, well, the rhythm is great, the words don't interrupt the flow, and there are no phrases that jar the feel.

So, I have no suggestions. Well done, Sen. It's gorgeous![/size]

[Mimmsicle]

[COLOR=darkred]You say these two have no rhythm ?!
I beg to differ.

The first one was [i]very[/i] harmonious and swayed/flowed delicately.
Poem number two also had a certain "beat" to it, mimicing the feel of searching through the misty surroundings.[/color]
[quote]For two rivers can form one.
As may our souls.[/quote][COLOR=darkred]That was really profound. There's no other way to say it.

I would very much like to read more.

- Mimmi[/COLOR]

[Shinmaru]

See, I told you these would be worth posting on OB.

As I know full well, poems definitely [i]do not[/i] have to rhyme in order to establish a sense of flow and rhythm; it's just that I find it more difficult to do so without rhyming. You, however, have done so quite nicely...and in fifteen minutes, even. You never cease to amaze me, Sen.

As Asphy mentioned, the metaphors you used are very well done and really flesh out the poems a lot. As Mimmi mentioned, the poems are just very profound. Who's taking modesty a bit too far now, Sennen? Even you have to admit that you've written some good poetry here :p

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink]
Sen, that was quite eloquent. I'm glad I saw this thread.

Your poems tell a story, and utilize imagery to bring it to life, as if your words were a living, breathing thing. The metaphor between love, souls, and a river was beautiful, and although I've seen metaphors similiar to it, you do it in such a unique and intensely emotional way.

The second was definitely not as best as the first, but still quite good. Again, use of imagery and metaphor is done very well.

"For I know at the end of the fog
Is the reward of understanding."

Excellent ending. For a poem that seemingly had a very anxious, searching mood, you brighten it up with that last line of hope and expectation. Great stuff.

Sen, post more of your work. I would genuinely like to read it.

-Karma
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