When you feel excluded

[Takun]

At school with your friends or something, do you ever feel excluded alot? it hppened to me today, and i know that you arent going to be always the one with attention all the time, but sometmes, do you ever feel you need to be away from your friends? or for some reason they aren't paying much attention to you? Also, I have like two other friends that don't get included much at all in anything we do, i feel really bad for them so i spenp time with them a little more than i used to, even though they make me feel mad at them sometimes. I only have two friends that I really connect to, but the rest i sorta end up getting in fights with, but that hasn't happened for a while becuase i sorta noticed that it was me all along who accidentally started the thing but thats another storie. oh ya, today i had a class with one of my friends and it seems like she doesn't like working with me although we're always partners. she always talks to the two other people who sit with us but never talks to me about those things, and she seems annoyed at me then happy, constantly changing. I don't know what it is and i wonder what i did wrong or if she doesn't like me as much, so i end up confused.
but anyways my the topic about this is have/or ever end up being the one on the edge, ignored on days, or ever felt like somethings wrong with your friend and you? :worried:

[Corey]

[color=003333][size=1]Wha... That confused me terribly...
Ummm...

Have you ever thought that people just have bad days?
I'm going to try and make more sence of that *points up* a little later when I'm not so brainfried.[/size][/color]

[SasukeUchiha]

I am kind of confused to? Maybe im just tired. Everyone has days like that, Guess its natural.

[Kanariya]

[size=1][color=chocolate]Well for some reason, I can pretty much understand this.

To you, yes I always have days like this. Actually, almost every day I see a friend or friends it happens.
On the bus today, every one of my friends really ignored me much, and I was hardly in everything, and I sat there. Not to mention the fact that some people wouldn't talk to me because I looked like Samara from The Ring because my hair looked wet and dark. Well that's a good thing for me.

Your friends do this because they are probably having a bad day, and really don't want to talk to anyone. Try living them up with something stupid; that works for me. Heck I go so far as crashing into the chalkboard and getting white out all over me. I'm desperate you could say.[/size][/color]

[Japan]

Almost everyday I get this as well. Some days I talk a lot with my friends and other days, they don't say a word to me. It all depends on what kind of day it is and what mood everyone is in.

When I do get ignored, I try to make the best out of it. Like at lunch, if they don't talk to me, say hi, or don't notice me at all, I just go to the Japanese classroom and eat there, or I put my headphones on and turn on some music, blocking them out. I am pretty anti social with people I don't really know and I am very shy. Those elements are a couple of factors why it makes it easy for people to ignore me. Also, when I don't really feel like eating lunch, I just walk around till the bell rings. I do that a lot to to waste time before class starts as well. On the bus too, I don't talk much at all. I just keep my headphones blaring and I look out the window. I either think or daydream during that time, or don't think at all. I am really used to be ignored, though it does hurt and I feel lonely at times.

The rest of the time, I don't get ignored. I either get teased by unfortunate people, or my friends include me in the conversation or the activity that they are doing at that time. Getting teased by people who don't know better isn't that great, but when my friends talk to me and include me in their conversations at lunch or on the bus is really great.

To tell you the truth, being ignored can be a blessing just as it is a curse. People who don't really like you would ignore you and you would be saved from either a black eye or hurt feelings for that day, or as you stated, your friends would leave you out and make you feel lonely. As I said before, it all depends on the day and time.

Like two days ago, my friends ignored me at lunch and on the bus, and this girl in my science and English class was mean to me. Today though, that girl in two of my classes didn't bother me, and my friends talked to all through lunch and on the bus. We had a good time. You can't expect every day to go perfectly. If everyday were to go exactly your way all the time, that would just not be normal.

Hopefully, your day will be better tomorrow. Just don't lose hope.

[Guest rttocs77]

I do sometimes, everyone does at some point. Drop it.

[DeathBug]

[color=indigo][font=century][size=1]Ah, that wonderful feeling, like you're on the outside looking in. Feeling disconnected from your peers and friends suck, but if it happens, it happens.

Of course, you could actually make an effort to talk to talk to people and stop being a pariah, but in many cases, that's easier said then done.

Unfortunatly, if you can't get your nerve to talk to people, (and I'm not being nasty, I understand where you're coming from), then you shouldn't complain. The solution is there; it's simply a matter of whether or not you're willing to pursue it.[/color][/size][/font]

[Drix D'Zanth]

SasukeUchiha, rttocs77, the posts you made were totally unacceptable and of absolutely poor quality. I thought you were capable of posting more intelligent, thought out responses than one or two sentances discouraging disucssion! Posts like these detract from OB and its board integrity. I thoroughly urge you to re-consider your post quality or re-consider posting at all.

Take a look at Japan_86's post. That is the quality threads with incredible potential need.

[Takun]

yeah, once i read my post after i posted i realized that it was hard to understand. I was really distracted because i was at school, and i was half way through it when my friends popped in the computer lab. sorry, i'll try to make a better post next time.

I know that being excluded isn't much of a thing to be complaining about, I don't mind it much at all, because I'm sorta used to it. It's just that this one friend of mine never gets mad at people at all, and today and yesterday she would say "please be quiet" and "stop!", when i talked to her sometimes, and whenever someone else talked to her she'd seem completely fine, and she'd pay attention to other poeple all day. I don't know if I did something wrong or not, but I do worry when my friends become mad. Also when they exclude themselve from the group, it's just that sometimes i wonder if i was the one who cuased it to happen. I don't want to make my friends mad or angry or anything because it was me who caused it. I always feel bad when I do things that hurt other people emotionally. I was just wondering about what you guys had to say, and hopefully i made it a little clearer even though i didn't get all my points that i wanted to out..

[Guest lavalamp]

You seem to be too passive with your friends. It's as if you're the b-list member of your proverbial friendship ring. That's sad.

I was always the person doing the ignoring, so I can't say I can relate. Maybe if you develop that friendship "authority" or whatever, you too can blind yourself from the possibility of being ignored and throw off such a problem on one of your friends! Brilliant, don't you think?!

[Xyandar]

I am excluded all the time. Especially at school. I am always the person left alone... To sit in the corner while everyone else is playing their games.. I HATE group activities. And you know you are just plain left out when a girl comes up to you, acts so nice to you, and then tells her friend to come over cuz shes tired of talkin to me... Yeah thats life. I know i'm the reason this happens. Im a shy person and I hate it. All the guys in class are bein loud but me. Im always focused on work. When friends are around thats a different story.

If life could be changed then I would change it in so many ways. But seeing as it cant and how i am stuck with it for the next 70-80 years, then I'll have to stand up to it cuz i only have 1 life to live.

Sorry if i went into much detail lol I just tend to explain alot when it gets into my head... especially memories.

[Dragonstar]

I used to spend literally ALL DAY on my own, break times, lessons, and then I found out that one of my so-called 'freinds' was b*****ing about me behind my back.

Then I went to college and made some great friends and even got myself a boyfriend (I asked if he had a gluestick O_o) and OK, so one of his freinds has a 'cold sarcastic sense of humour' as one of my friends phrased it, which is usually aimed at me, but I've found that if I try and get along with everyone, then eventually people will realise that I'm a nice person (even if I annoy them and never shut up about anime) and they accepted me for what I am...

My point... just be a nice person, say hi when you walk into a room, smile, and if poeple still decide to be off with you then forget them, there are always people who are just mean and nasty people, let them get on with it.

And if you think your friends are ignoring you, it's probably not even a concious thing, or a deliberate one, sometimes people have a bad day or get absorbed in a conversation with someone, I do. It drives my boyfreind nuts...

You will eventually meet people who don't ignore you and who take an interest in you, even if you are shy... :D

[AnonymousSource]

I also tend to feel excluded... from everything...

I walk alone to classes all the time (save Phatty whenever he can) and I tend to make the impression that I'm pouting...

I don't try to, but I always start out crazy and cool and stuff, then I realize that no one's listening to me/ cares if I'm even there, so I just suddenly stop talking...

Then suddenly people either ignore me because they think I have mood swings (dunno where they get that, and yes I am a guy....) or that I'm just pouting, or even that I'm sick!

But yea, I'm not really complaining... it's my own fault, but it kinda sucks, you know? A friend of mine is having a "party" at 7, and I'm going because my friends will be there... but I know I'll just end up being left out...

[Turkey]

I know that feeling. Sometimes, I'm trying to talk to a friend. I call out to him, then he pays attention for like 2 seconds. I usually end up giving him a good smack on the arm, and telling him to pay attention. It seems to work, because they ignore me little less than usual.

However, I can see why they do that. I've thought about things I've said, and sometimes they are dumb/worthless. I know because I've seen friends do the same, and I end up ignoring. Hell, I've blocked friends on Messenger to shut them up.

My advice is to evaluate what you say. Maybe you just talk too much junk, and your friends get used to that. Or, your friends are jerks. If so, ignore them and only talk to them when you need something.

[Takun]

yeah, I often think if it's something I've said or done in the past, or maybe they think I'm the one who's ignoring so their turning their back on me in ruturn. It's so sad when people are ignored like that, it makes them feel bad when it happens, like they aren't even friends with them anymore, it's like your a pet they feel like playing with or when they don't. I try to pay attention to everyone, cause I know how it feels. My post up there isn't much a thing to be going on about, but my past in elementry school i didn't even have a friend. Until I met my friend Ariel in the fifth and sixth grade was when it made a difference. Now i have many friends and I don't want things to go like they did before. So yeah, I like to make other poeple happy, I like that feeling more.

[Eli]

When I feel excluded, I actually like it.Call me crazy, but a little alone time at school once in a blue moon is relaxing- especially if it's a stressful day. The only reason I don't like it, is when I do get that time, people other than my friends come up and just start off a conversation, then ask for my name and lunch period. Pretty ironic if you ask me. >.<

[Megumi momo]

Hey sometimes things like this happen. Everyone has a time now and then when they are excluded. Me personally I aint that popular around big gruops of people but underneathe i actually like that. My group of friends are all in the same boat and we enjoy knowing about things. I am more open than shy and that turns people off. I let you know how it is when it is and how it's gonna be. But enough about me...You just got to be who you are stop wandering about what someone else thinks. Take that little peice of time that you are excluded from and cherish it. Things happen and things take time but the most important thing is to let it go and stop worrying about it. And if you are shy use it to your advantage. . plus you are never excluded unless you feel that way.


For you Xyandar- I mean for guys, we girls like a guy who listens. And shyest guys are the best beacuse that's what they are good :)

[island gurl]

I didn't read through all the posts (yes guilty as charged) but it seems that many of you just dismiss it as the fact that her friend were just having "a bad day". Though that can be the case, 9/10 people feel this way regularly and almost everyone is excluded at least once in their life.

If you are feeling this way, exluded and left out by your friends and not appreciated you are not alone. You can start by telling your friends how you feel. Try in a casual way or make a joke of it at first - you don't want to sound like you're feeling sorry for yourself or you're blaming them because that my lose you more friends.

The main thing that you need to do is just tryi to be the best person that YOU can and if all else fails...FIND NEW FRIENDS!!!

I'd better go now b4 this turns into an essay. Sorry but I council people so I'm used to raving on...

[Godelsensei]

I know what you mean about insecure friendships. You're lucky from what I've read, at least: my group of friends got so bad for about three months, that we had to go into *therapy*. Personally, I found the whole thing rediculous: after all, if they're your friends, you shouldn't need some one else helping you out. But...

Anyway, people change. People become depressed. People become total jerks. It happens.

I'm not telling you to get over it and move on, but I'd strongly recomend sitting your group of friends down together and being blunt. "What the hell is wrong with us?"

It's what saved us.

[Mikkaddo]

[COLOR=DarkRed]ahhh something I can relate to . . . not happily mind you but that I can relate to . . . I find a lot of times that I feel "left out" or "ignored" but not by firends so much as society at large, you know? its hard to explain, but when it happens it always manages to hit that nerve ya know? to where you want to punch the moh-ron in front of you that won't face you and listen to you . . . . but I always get over it, can't explain why, or how it happens, but I can say this, I have learned to mostly deal with it, it still bugs me, but not as much as it used to[/COLOR]

[Darius_Stomu]

Hard for me to answer this topic cause the closest thing I have to a friend is an aquantence. And I have about 50 of them around the intire school. So here I am, trying to get some alone time, when a group of them just sit around me and start to talk my damn ears off! I tell many of them to bugger off, and they do...until the next morning. The worst thing about it is that I don't know many of their names. I remember...maybe...20 of them. But the rest are just random people that come up to me and say "Hiya!" when ever they feel like it! :mad: It's time like these I wish I could maul someone...

Anyways...If anything, I WANT alone time. I don't like being the center of attention or getting lectured to and I really hate having to make group decisions cause no one likes my desicions.