Writing Diseased

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=darkblue]I just happened to not be able to sleep one night since so many things were going through my head, so I wrote this. This poem expresses what I was feeling/thinking of. Take note this was done at about three in the morning, so don't expect it to be great. This poem doesn't rhym and it wasn't supposed to. This poem is to and about someone who causes me so much pain, and doesn't even realize it. I personally don't like this much at all... but here you go:

[center][b] Diseased[/b]

This pain I hold within myself,
Phisically I am fine.. mentally I am diseased.
This desease is none other than you,
You are the source of this unbareable pain.
We used to be so close... almost unattachable,
Now we drift farther and farther apart.
I can't help but wonder if that cause... is me,
My mind is slipping deeper and deeper into misery.
Ever since what I did... you walk through me like I'm invisible,
I'd do anything to get back what we had.
I understand you don't feel as strongly about me as I do you,
I also know I shouldn't belive in what isn't meant to be.
I try to let go, to set my feelings free,
But each time it gets harder and harder to forget.
All these tears and anger, only for you,
You make me act like a fool.
I want you to give me attention, notice me,
Even though on the inside, my heart knows it's not meant to be.
My soul is turning dark, empty, sorrowful,
Only you hold the key to my happiness.
So I beg, set me free... let me fly away,
But as long as your head is turned the other way, I am trapped.
All I want is that boy who looks straight ahead,
To take the time and look my way.......[/center]

So, tell me what you think. Not that great I know. I'm open for comments.[/color][/size]

[Guest kyung_jin_lee]

Wow, I think that was wonderful Conna! I'm feelin' for you. I feel terrible about how that certain guy won't turn towards you....heh, it's happened to me before!

[The_Ghost]

Yea for poems that don't rhyme! Rhyming poems always seem so dry to me...

Anyway, I loved the poem. I've had that kind of thing happen to me too...yea it sucks.
This is a really good poem. It flowed really well and the descriptions were good.

*I also like to write at three in the morning. Usually that's the best time...you don't censor yourself. You write from the heart instead of thinking if it sounds good. Sometimes you get duds, but sometimes (like this one) it just rocks!

[RainbowChick]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by The_Ghost [/i]
[B]Yea for poems that don't rhyme! Rhyming poems always seem so dry to me...
[/B][/QUOTE]

Yeah I totally agree but some can be really good.

Anyway, it was a really great poem and so together. You really expressed your self well and got your point across but didn't overdo it. You know this reminds me, sometimes the things that hurt you the most also bring the best out of you. In this case, it brought out your poetic side. Great poem.

Sorry about how you're feeling. Hope it doesn't last too long.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Well, it isn't bad, but it seems more a stream of consciousness than a poem to me. A poem often has a more...metaphorical/rhythmyical sort of approach.

However, the sentiment behind it is very strong, very honest, which I love.

So please, continue writing. Perhaps it's not the best you've ever done, but it everything is a learning process, and it's certainly on the upperhalf of things I've seen on the good/bad scale. ^.~[/size]

[KarmaOfChaos]

[color=deeppink]
I agree with Asphy, it definitely seemed more a 'stream of conciousness' piece than poetry. Even free-verse, non-rhyming poetry possesses a melodical feel, like the flow of water in a stream. Not exactly smooth, but almost.

However, I like SOC too, so I enjoyed this. I also can empathize with you, which always makes the piece of writing better for the reader.

And, again as Asphy said, you were honest and wrote what you felt, which I personally like and relate well with.

Overall, pretty well done piece. =)

-Karma

PS: Spellcheck is your friend.
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