Farto the Magic Posted February 9, 2004 Share Posted February 9, 2004 Any feedback is good feedback. Even bad feedback. ________________________________ I follow the lions I follow like a scavenger chasing a hungry predator They abuse me if I get too close I am lonely if i'm not They treat me like a scavenger Like a hyena Though different Never laughing or even smiling So concerned am I, that I ignore where they take me I've forgotten how to be self-sufficient I search for their scraps I search so much that I've forgotten how to hunt I've forgotten how to blaze a path Though I know that if I do, I will be hunted myself I am either in front of the lions, or behind Hunt or be hunted The lions have abused me I am ready to lie down and die Like a hyena Though different Never laughing or even smiling I haven't smiled in so long, I've forgotten what it looks like I've forgotten happiness The joys of living are alien I will not follow them I will blaze a path Til I must lie down and die Others will follow Other hyenas I will not become a lion I will not change The other hyenas will eventually leave They will go off to others in time They have not been awaken _____________________________ I came up with that in study hall. That's what it's for. Lions are a metaphor for the "cool" people and hyenas are a metaphor for the "not cool people who will do anything to get them to talk to them" people. (That's a bit wordy, but it's the best I could think of.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godelsensei Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 [COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]"They have not been awaken." That's "awakened", Chunky the Doughnut Slayer. I sure hope you weren't referring to yourself: I would have to lose alot of respect for you, if you were. Anyway, it's very cool, though it drones on a bit towards the end. I think you could compress it a little to get a more "short and sweet" effect. Don't mind me, I'm just a friendly reminder...[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Hawkins Posted March 17, 2004 Share Posted March 17, 2004 I seen a man today As I was walking down the stairs I seen a man staring right back at me. Todat I seen a man who wan't there again today how I wish he'd go away. How I fear and hate him so and how he know's not even I know. I made this up when I was bored how do you all like it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theodore Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 hey man I had no idea you were so poetic I think its awesome. Yo are such a great writer and I had no clue. :flaming: Dude!! You should have told me something!! :flaming: Im just kidding but man it was an awesome poem but you had a few minor typos you maught want to check those out :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retribution Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 1st poem: good, but a little bit too long. You might also want to make it a little bit less repetive. I guess i mean to make it shorter so that you dont have to worry about repeating that stuff. 2nd poem: you should make your own thread for your own poetry. It was vague and was straight forward. Try to make it a little harder to access, that way people think more about it. Just a thought. g/j Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Hawkins Posted March 25, 2004 Share Posted March 25, 2004 What is this thread about. I mean is it us telling the person who made is how we liked or did not like his poem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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