Writing Life After Death [PG-13, Language, Violence, etc.]

[Shinmaru]

This is a story I started a very long time ago (almost a year ago, I think). I began writing it in script form, but I got bored and stopped writing it. However, ideas have been forming in my head and I really want to finish the story, so I decided to adapt it to normal prose form and give it another go. Hopefully, there will be enough motivation for me to finish it.

[center][b][u]Life After Death[/center][/b][/u]

?[i]It was all just a dream?[/i]?

[center][b]January 1st, 2075[/center][/b]

A young man stood on the very edge of a rooftop as the sun set on the horizon; the dark red rays of the setting sun meshed perfectly with his crimson red hair as it flowed with the slight wind that was blowing softly. He was almost as a shadow, a dark silhouette set against the foreground. It was no wonder, as his black clothing, with the exception of his gray tie, did nothing to contradict that feeling. A door at the very back of the roof opened and several soldiers filed out around the young man. They pointed their guns threateningly at him, as the head solider stepped forward.

?Shinmaru Hazuki!? the soldier shouted. ?We?ve finally caught up with you...drop your weapons!? Shinmaru turned his head slowly and grinned sardonically at the soldier.

?So, you actually managed to find me for more than a few seconds, eh?? he said with a hint of amusement. ?Took you guys a couple months this time. Losing your touch?? The soldier shot a warning bullet that grazed Shin?s left cheek. A slight cut opened and a drop of blood fell slowly down the side of his face.

?I didn?t ask for a sarcastic comment. I asked you to drop your weapons.?

?Take it easy, old chum. I?m unarmed.? As if to prove this point, Shinmaru turned slowly and opened his coat. There were no hidden weapons at all. The soldiers tensed slightly, as Shinmaru grinned down at them. ?See? What did I tell you? No weapons to speak of.?

?You can try to fool us all you like, but we?re well aware of the games you like to play, Hazuki!? the soldier warned.

?I?m sure you are.? Shin stepped ever closer to the edge of the building.

?What the hell do you think you?re doing?!?

?Relax, I?m not going to hurt any of you guys. My watch alarm is beeping, that?s all.? Shin poked and prodded at his watch for a couple seconds and the shrill beeping noise died down. ?There we go?now where were we??

?I do not believe that you are taking this seriously at all, Mr. Hazuki," the soldier commented. Shinmaru laughed, a laugh of a man on the edge of life and death.

?I can assure you that I am taking this very seriously,? Shinmaru stated. ?After all, if I didn?t, I?d be going home with you guys.? Shin turned his back to the soldiers, but kept his head turned over his shoulder. ?Well, I?ve had fun; see you in a few weeks, I suppose.?

?What?!? the head soldier yelled incredulously. Shinmaru declined to answer. He stepped lightly off the side of the building and plunged to the ground below. Two soldiers ran up to the side of the building and looked down. There was no trace of Shinmaru that they could see. One of the soldiers noticed some movement over to the side and his eyes widened.

?Look over there!? the soldier yelled. Shinmaru waved at the soldiers in the helm of his ship, a sleek red starship.

?Damn that son of a bitch, he gave us the slip again!? the head soldier yelled furiously. He angrily grabbed a communicator out of his pocket and yelled hoarsely into it. ?He?s escaped! Get two ships on him! Now!?

?Yes, sir,? came the answer from the communicator. After a few seconds, two starships emerged from behind the building and give chase to Shin?s ship. His ship did a few evasive maneuvers, but after a few minutes it was hit with a blast from a laser cannon. The ship lurched slightly, then exploded. Parts of the ship rained down on the city below, like a drizzle of metal. The head soldier grinned in victory.

?Got him,? he said triumphantly. ?This is a proud day for the Syndicate?the day we got rid of another traitor.? He turned to a few soldiers and barked some orders. ?Be sure to search the wreckage very thoroughly! I want nothing in there to go unnoticed! Is that clear??

?Yes, sir!? The soldiers saluted and shuffled off to search through the wreckage.

-----

Shinmaru stepped out of the building on the opposite side of the street. He noted that he was lucky that the soldiers didn't know his escape routes as well as they thought. He looked tentatively down both sides of the street, wary of syndicate soldiers. He was relieved to see that the huge crowd around the wreckage of his ship was distracting everyone within a mile?s radius.

?This is just great,? Shin mused. ?No money, no food, no place to go?maybe I should?ve given this a bit more thought. I did have two months to prepare. Ah well.? Shin walked down the street, as the street lights flickered to life. The lights of several shops came on soon after and danced around the street in frenzied movements. Shin continued strolling down the street.

?I don?t even have a place to stay,? he lamented. ?The bastard syndicate stole my life from me?and I was too stupid to realize it until it was too late?? Shinmaru walked up to a random home and tapped on the door lightly. A beautiful woman came to the door to answer.

?Yes?? the woman asked, before looking down at Shinmaru. ?Oh my!? Shin was lying on the ground, groaning with pain. He looked up weakly at the woman and smiled with appreciation.

?Oh?you answered?you?re the first person to show me any compassion at all today??

?What happened to you?!?

?Nothing much?just got in a bit of a scuffle?? Shin winced at the thought. ?I just need a place to stay for one night?just until I get my strength back??

?You poor man?I?ll get you a nice bed to sleep in!? The woman helped Shin to his feet, put his arm around her shoulder and helped him limp his way back upstairs.

?Heh heh,? Shinmaru thought. ?I still got it.?

-----

The syndicate captain spoke with the leader of the Black Moon Syndicate, one Joseph Kanashimi.

??and after a thorough check of the wreckage, we were able to find some traces of Mr. Hazuki?s DNA, but were unable to find any remnants of the body itself,? the captain stated. Joseph put a hand slowly into his coat pocket and took out a cloth. He dabbed at his head a bit before staring the captain in the eyes.

?I think it?s quite obvious that you let him slip through your fingers once again, captain,? Joseph said icily.

?But, sir?!? the captain stammered.

?That?s quite enough from you; I?ve dealt with your incompetence for long enough.? Joseph leaned over to one of his assistants. He whispered something in his ear. The assistant nodded and left the room.

?What?what are you going to do??? the captain asked.

?Something I should have done long ago. I?m putting someone else in charge of this mission. Somebody I know will get the job done.? A door opens and two men enter the room. The one on the left was a tall American; one of the few Americans left in the Syndicate.

His dark brown eyes gazed lazily around the room as he swept a hand softly through his messy brown hair. He was dressed in all black, except for the red tie he bore on his chest. The one on the right had long black hair and piercing black eyes?his eyes never stopped for a moment as they sweeped the room frantically, looking for anything out of the ordinary. He too was dressed all in black, but he had a far more sinister look and feel to him. They walked right up to Joseph and stood in front of the captain.

?Jake Salazar and Kataki Akusai?just the two men I wanted to see,? Joseph commented.

?You had a new assignment for us, sir?? Kataki asked. The captain shivered slightly?no matter how many times he heard Kataki?s voice, the simple sound of it always unnerved him. The deep, calculating roughness was enough to send chills up his spine. It was as if Kataki was not one of his own?he was certainly nothing like Jake, whom had a calm, smooth voice.

?Yes, I?m sending you to work on the Shin Hazuki problem,? Joseph stated. Jake stood to attention as Joseph mentioned Shin?s name; Shinmaru and Jake had been good friends in the old days. Kataki slowly raised an eyebrow.

?I?m surprised to hear that Shinmaru is still alive,? Kataki said. ?Haven?t your men been able to capture him??

?Most unfortunately,? Joseph said calmly. ?My men have not been able to capture him. I?m hoping that you will be able to do what they have not.?

?You can count on us, sir,? Jake said quickly. Joseph glanced at Jake, while Kataki merely smiled. He knew that this was another test for Jake ? even if Jake was unable to go through with it, Kataki would be able to kill Shin easily.

?Good,? Joseph said. ?Now please leave.? Kataki and Jake bowed slightly and turn around to leave the room. Jake walked through the door and Kataki was about to follow, when Joseph spoke up again.

?Oh yes, Kataki,? Joseph said passively. ?Please take out the garbage.? The captain?s eyes widened slightly, before he felt a slight pressure on the front of his neck. The cold steel of Kataki?s sword moved swiftly across the captain?s throat, dropping several pints of blood onto the dark floor. The captain?s body fell to the ground with a thud, as a couple attendants dragged his lifeless body out of the room.

?Thank you, Kataki,? Joseph remarked.

?It was my pleasure,? Kataki replied. Kataki turned slowly and walked out of the room.

-----

And that's the end of that. As always, comments and critiques are most appreciated ^_^

EDIT: Changed stuff a bit, revised some weirdness and changed other random things.

EDIT #2: I noticed the story was an absolute nightmare tense-wise, so I corrected the whole thing. I gotta be more careful next time o_o

EDIT #3: I'm sure editing this a lot, haha. Spaced things out a bit more and made a couple corrections. The next part/chapter/whatever you want to call it should be posted tomorrow or Thursday by my calculations.

[Mimmsicle]

[COLOR=darkred]It's a good story, but I feel that a few things stick out. Forgive me while I pretend to go critical :p [/COLOR]

[quote]A young man stands on the very edge of a rooftop as the sun sets on the horizon. The dark red rays of the setting sun mesh perfectly with his crimson red hair as it flows with the slight wind that is blowing softly.[/quote][COLOR=darkred]It feels a bit much repeating the sun twice, maybe you could find another way to approach that description of the scene ? And put in a comma ?[/COLOR]
[quote]?You can try to fool us all you like, but we?re well aware of how dangerous you can be, Hazuki!?[/quote][COLOR=darkred]Sorry Shin, but that felt really corny ^_^; The first part of the line is perfect, but try to revise the latter part. "[i]We know your game[/i]" or something to that effect. Make them emphasize that they know he's dangerous, but have them say it in a way that highlights how aware they [i]think[/i] they are.[/COLOR]
[quote]?I do not believe that you are taking this seriously at all, Mr. Hazuki.? Shinmaru laughs, a laugh of a man on the edge of life and death.[/quote] [COLOR=darkred]You need to add that it's the soldier saying that line, it comes off rather odd as it is now.
[/COLOR][quote]?Yes, sir,? [u]came[/u] the answer from the communicator. After a few seconds, two starships [u]come[/u] flying out from behind the building and give chase to Shin?s ship.[/quote][COLOR=darkred]Past and present tense, or whatever it's called in English ^_^; Maybe I'm just being picky >_>;


I'll get round to the last part later today, I need to read it over again.

Overall it's a great story, Shin ! Is there more ? ~_^

- Mimmi [/COLOR]

[Shinmaru]

Ask and you shall recieve :p

Heh, methinks I need to spend more time revising this stuff. Thanks for spotting the little mistakes and stuff littered throughout the story; I shall get to work revising it right away *raises finger into air dramatically*

And, yes, there is more...much, much more ^_^

[Mimmsicle]

[COLOR=darkred]Sorry Shin =^_^=
I guess you could always brag about the fact that you got my juices flowing.... O.o
Boy did that come out wrong O.o;

On to the story ! >__>

I know you've revised it and put it on your [URL=http://www.myotaku.com/users/shinmaru/]MyO[/URL] but I'll run with things here as well ^_^
[/COLOR] [quote]?Something I should have done long ago. I?m putting someone else in charge of this mission. Somebody I know will get the job done.? A door opens and two men enter the room. The one on the left was a tall American; one of the few Americans left in the Syndicate. His dark brown eyes gazed lazily around the room as he swept a hand softly through his messy brown hair. He was dressed in all black, except for the red tie he bore on his chest. The one on the right had long black hair and piercing black eyes?his eyes never stopped for a moment as they sweeped the room frantically, looking for anything out of the ordinary. He too was dressed all in black, but he had a far more sinister look and feel to him. They walked right up to Joseph and stood in front of the captain.[/quote][color=darkred]Break it up before the door opens. Some of the drama is lost when it's all scrunched together. In my humble opinion ^_^;[/color] [quote]The captain?s eyes widened slightly, before he felt a slight pressure on his throat. The cold steel of Kataki?s sword moved swiftly across the captain?s throat, dropping several pints of blood onto the dark floor.[/quote][color=darkred]Use "neck" [size=1](instead of throat)[/size] in either of the two lines, to avoid repetition >_>

That's all for today ^_^;

.....So there's more ?... Why is it now up yet ? .... How long will you keep me in suspense !? ;]

- Mimmi[/color]

[Shinmaru]

[center][b]January 2nd, 2075[/center][/b]

Shin woke up in a soft bed. He debated with himself whether or not to remain in the comforting warmth of the blankets, but decided that it would be best to get going. Shin stood up, stretched and put on his shirt.

?That was the best night?s sleep I?ve had in a long while,? Shin mused. ?Haven?t slept in a bed that comfortable since the old days.? He opened the window and paused a moment to let his eyes adjust to the early morning light that poured into the room. ?I feel like I was taking advantage of that poor woman, though. Perhaps I?ll find a way to pay her back someday.?

Shin opened the door and crept out of the room. He walked slowly down the stairs in order not to wake up the woman who had kindly taken him in. He grasped the doorknob of the front door and began to turn it when he felt a hand placed upon his shoulder.

?Are you leaving already?? the woman asked him.

?Well, I have lots of things I need to do?uh?I didn?t really catch your name,? Shin replied.

?My name is Karen.?

?Karen?lovely name,? Shinmaru smiled at her. Karen?s cheeks pinked very slightly.

?Thank you very much,? she said. ?Are you sure you wouldn?t care to stay for breakfast??

?You sure you want me staying for breakfast?? Shinmaru asked.

?Well, you seemed pretty hungry last night,? Karen remarked.

?I?m not really that hungry,? Shinmaru said. Immediately after that, his stomach growled loudly. Shin grinned sheepishly at Karen, who laughed a bit. ?I guess I [i]am[/i] a little hungry. I?ll stay for breakfast, then.? Karen walked over to her kitchen and Shin followed closely behind her.

?So, what would you like to eat?? Karen asked sweetly.

?I?ll have whatever you?re having,? Shin replied.

?Well, I just like to have some toast and cereal in the morning,? Karen said, pouring some milk.

?Sounds good to me,? Shinmaru said while grinning again. Karen prepared Shin?s breakfast and set it down lightly upon the table. Shin pulled it over and started eating it greedily. Karen stared at Shin and his voracious appetite with wide eyes.

?You certainly have a healthy appetite,? Karen said.

?Well, it?s been a while since I?ve had a good breakfast like this,? Shin replied. He poured himself some orange juice and gulped it down. ?Heh, sorry if I?m being a bit rude; I can?t help it. I don?t get to enjoy these things too often.?

?Why not?? Karen asked.

?I?m not exactly the richest guy in the world?? Shin lamented.

?That?s too bad,? Karen said, sympathetically.

?Yeah, I?m not too good at holding jobs, either??

?That?s horrible!?

?But today?s the day where my luck changes!? Shin yelled as he leapt onto the table, hand extended into the air. ?In my hands, I hold the key to my future!?

??a newspaper?? Karen asked.

?Yes! A newspaper!? Shin said, excitedly. ?In this newspaper, I?ll find the perfect job!? Shin jumped gracefully off of the table and ran off. ?Goodbye! Thanks for being so kind to me!?

?Goodbye?? Karen said sadly, while waving. Shin opened the door and closed it, running all the while. He ran all the way over to the local park and sat down upon a bench, where he opened up the newspaper.

?Jeez?after all that talk, there had better be a good job in here?? Shin said to himself. After a hard half-hour of searching, Shin threw the newspaper to the floor disgustedly. ?There?s nothing in here!? He hung his head miserably. He looked up and a small ad, no more than three inches around, caught his eye.

?Bounty Hunter/Mechanic looking for partner to lessen the workload. Wage depends on amount of business received. Previous bounty hunting skills required.? Shin read to himself. ?What kind of idiot bounty hunter would put an ad in the newspaper? No, wait?I don?t even want to know??

Shin continued to search through the paper, but found nothing even close to anything that he would want. ?I guess I?m stuck with this job?oh well, I?ll look on the bright side, at least I know I?ll be able to do this! I used to do some bounty hunting for the syndicate?well, it was more like assassinations, but it?s almost the same thing?? Shin stood up and took a closer look at the ad.

?No wonder this ad is so small; this guy lives in a pretty poor neighborhood. How much could he really need a partner? Oh well, a job?s a job, I suppose,? Shin said to himself. ?Besides, if I?m in a part of town that doesn?t draw too much attention to itself, perhaps I won?t be found as easily.?

Shin started walking slowly down the street. He crumbled up the newspaper and tossed it nonchalantly into the wastebasket behind him. ?Lucky thing this guy?s place is close; I don?t have enough money to catch a cab.?

-----

Dead bodies surrounded Jake and Kataki. The raw stench of fresh death permeated around the room; Jake winced a bit at the sight of all the mutilated corpses, but Kataki stared about the room without even batting an eye.

What unnerved Jake most about this were the faces of the corpses?every one of the faces was caught in a look of pure surprise. None of them had even seen it coming.

Jake turned around and watched a door open on the other side of the room. A young woman entered the room; tall, with beautiful long, brown hair and shining brown eyes. She was dressed in the same manner as Jake, sans red tie. Kataki turned his head to her direction and acknowledged her.

?Miss Kanashimi,? he said, a sort of greeting.

?Hello, Joseibi,? Jake said.

?Hello, Jake,? Joseibi said. ?I thought you two were supposed to avoid a fight??

?Well?? Jake started.

?We avoid nothing,? Kataki said roughly. ?We do what is necessary to accomplish our purpose. No more, no less.? Kataki?s eyes swept the room, taking everything in. His eyes darted from corpse to corpse, almost as if he were admiring his handiwork.

?In this case, it was necessary to kill these people,? Kataki continued. ?They refused to give us what they needed, therefore, they served no purpose. They had to die.? Joseibi grimaced and turned away from Kataki.

?I?m not sure I understand,? she said.

?I know that you don?t understand,? Kataki said. ?I?m sure Jake does not understand, either. But you?ll both understand eventually.? Kataki took out his sword, stained crimson red with the blood of those whom he had just killed.

?This sword has spilled the blood of thousands of people who served no purpose in life,? Kataki said. ?Eventually, we will die along with them. The difference between us and them is that we will have served our purpose in life.? He stepped lightly between two bodies that were seemingly embraced in one last desperate defense against death.

?We were made to kill those whom wrongly live in this world,? Kataki continued. ?That?s what people don?t understand about us. They think our purpose is to gather money, fame and power. Perhaps even Joseph himself convinced himself of that once. But our ultimate purpose is to cleanse this world of filth?filth like these people?and filth like Shinmaru Hazuki.? Kataki slipped his sword back into its case.

?People like Shinmaru Hazuki are those who deserve to die the most,? Kataki said darkly.

-----

Shinmaru arrived quickly at the building that was specified in the ad. The building looked exactly how he had pictured it in his mind: dull, dilapidated and, basically, an eyesore.

?Just as I thought,? Shin mused to himself. ?This place is a dump.? Shin walked slowly up to the door and knocked lightly on it. ?Can?t believe it?s come down to this; never thought I?d be working at a place like this, that?s for sure.?

After noticing the door was open, Shin walked inside. A small bell on the front door ringed as soon as he closed the door. His eyes took a quick sweep of the room: dust, dust and more dust along with random items of machinery.

?Hello?? Shin yelled. ?Is anybody home?? He heard a small crash come from the backroom, along with a muffled curse.

?Just a minute!? a voice yelled. Several more crashes echoed out from the backroom. ?Damn it! Stupid tools?hold on!? Shin frowned.

?Whoever he is, he sure is clumsy,? he said to himself. A man stumbled to the front desk. He was about Shin?s height and had on a dirty, deep blue suit. He shook some of the dust out of his short black hair and peered at Shin with his sharp blue eyes.

?Uh?can I help you?? the man asked.

?I?m here to answer your ad,? Shin replied.

?Ad?? the man asked, mystified. ?Oh, right! That ad!? He chuckled to himself. ?I almost forgot about that little bugger. It?s been ages since I put it in the newspaper. I never thought anyone would answer it. This isn?t exactly the best neighborhood for business, know what I mean??

?Yeah, I can see that,? Shinmaru said, nodding his head.

?Heh, you must be pretty desperate for work if you want to work here,? the man said.

?Well,? Shin said. ?Let?s just say that I?m in need of a new life.?

?Hey, you?re preaching to the choir, man,? the man replied. ?I know exactly what you?re talking about.? He pointed at some of the machines littered around the room. ?You have any experience with this stuff??

?Well, I don?t know how good my mechanical skills are, but I do have some bounty hunting experience,? Shin answered.

?Got any references?? the man asked.

?Bounty hunters don?t carry references,? Shin said amusedly.

?Point taken,? the man replied. ?Well, you look plenty tough. I guess I could try you out and see how things go.?

?Thanks,? Shin said gratefully.

?What?s your name?? the man asked.

?My name is Shinmaru Hazuki,? Shin said. [i]No use in making up a fake name[/i], he thought. [i]I doubt he knows who I am, anyway. Besides, fake names are hard to think of.[/i]

?Nice to meet you, Shin,? Vincent said, shaking Shin?s hand. ?I?m Vincent. Vincent Suzuki. Let?s hope this is the beginning of a great partnership.?

?Yeah, let?s hope,? Shin agreed.

-----

Jake and Kataki stood behind Joseibi, while she read off the report of the incident to Joseph.

??and they were unable to get any information on the whereabouts of Mr. Hazuki,? Joseibi said. ?So, they had to?dispose of the people.?

?I was hoping to avoid bloodshed, Kataki,? Joseph said.

?With all due respect, sir, it was unavoidable,? Kataki replied coolly.

?Yes, we?re well aware of how you feel on the subject, Kataki,? Joseph said. ?Is there anything else you?d like to add, Joseibi??

?No, father,? Joseibi said.

?You?re all dismissed. Please continue with your mission.? Joseph waved them out of the room and they all left. Outside the room, Jake turns to Kataki.

?So, where do we go from here?? Jake asked.

?I?ll leave that up to you, Jake,? Kataki replied. ?I have other matters that require my attention. I?m placing you in charge of this mission.?

?Me?!? Jake said incredulously. ?But??

?You [i]will[/i] be in charge of this mission,? Kataki said smoothly. ?Those are your orders. Are you going to follow them??

?Y-yes, sir,? Jake said.

?Good,? Kataki turned to Joseibi. ?I assume that you are accompanying him, Miss Kanashimi??

?Yes, sir,? Joseibi said, nodding.

?Very good,? Kataki replied. ?I?ll leave you two to?take care of the mission.? Kataki turned and left the room.

?What do you suppose he?s doing?? Joseibi asked Jake.

?It?s not our place to worry about that,? Jake replied. ?Let?s just worry about the job.? Besides, Jake wasn?t exactly sure that he [i]wanted[/i] to know what Kataki was up to.

?I suppose we should?? Joseibi said.

-----

Vincent took Shin on a tour of his building. He led Shin into the backroom where most of his work took place.

??and this is the backroom where I do most of my mechanical work,? Vincent said. ?I also have my computer back here; I get most of my bounty data from the network.?

?This is a pretty high-tech setup for such a low-tech building,? Shin remarked.

?Yeah, it took me forever to save up for it,? Vincent noted. ?It?s pretty good, even if the technology went obsolete in about a week. I still update it occasionally with the funds that I scrounge up.?

?Er?isn?t food a little more important?? Shin asked.

?Hey, I can live without food,? Vincent replied. ?Food isn?t my main source of income. This computer is the key to my income. I can?t afford to let my technology become obsolete.?

?But how can you afford other things if you just??? Shin started asking. ?Never mind?? Vincent walked up to his computer and sat down. He turned the monitor on and tapped on the keyboard a bit.

?Might as well check for some bounties,? he told Shin. ?See if we can get some action.? Vincent typed for a few seconds and a few names scrolled down the screen. ?Great, all these guys are chicken scratch; the only good bounty is on Earth!?

?What?s wrong with that?? Shin asked.

?My ship is in the shop,? Vincent replied. ?I wasn?t able to fix it myself and the bastards won?t let me get it back until I get the money to pay them for it. Say, you wouldn?t happen to have a ship, would you??

?I used to have a ship,? Shin answered. ?I had to get rid of it.?

?Figures?? Vincent muttered. Vincent turned off his computer and stood up. ?I guess we?ll have to do this the old-fashioned way, then.?

?And what would that be?? Shin asked.

?We go out into the street and hope that we find a crime that pays a bounty,? Vincent answered. Shin frowned over at Vincent.

?Exactly how long have you had to do that?? Shin asked.

?Not that long,? Vincent replied. ?I?ve only had to do it for half a year now.? Shin smacked his hand to his face.

?I can?t believe I thought I would be better off here?? Shin muttered to himself.

?What was that?? Vincent asked. Shin sighed.

?Nothing,? he answered.

-----

Jake sat in front of a computer and typed away, with Joseibi standing behind him watching closely. He made his way swiftly through each menu and sub-menu in the hopes of getting the information that he wanted.

?What exactly are you looking for, again?? Joseibi asked.

?I?m trying to see if Shin?s record is still on the mainframe,? Jake answered. ?If it is, then maybe we can trace his steps.? Jake continued searching for a couple minutes, then he frowned. ?Great?it?s long gone.?

?Well, it [i]has[/i] been five years, you know,? Joseibi pointed out.
?Yeah, but it was worth a try,? Jake sighed.

?Let?s not let this stop us,? Joseibi said. ?We?re still going to find Shin no matter what.? Jake looked up questioningly at Joseibi.

?Yeah?no matter what, Joseibi,? Jake said slowly. Joseibi turned and left the room. ?There?s something going on in that girl?s head that I?m not sure I like??

-----

Shin and Vincent slipped on sunglasses and stepped out of the building.

?Could you remind me exactly what we?re going to do?? Shin asked.

?We?re going to walk around and try to find a crime to stop,? came the reply from Vincent.

?No matter how many times you say that,? Shin said. ?It always comes out sounder dumber than before.?

?Hey, it?s been a slow week!? Vincent argued. ?Would you rather us sit around with nothing to do and starve to death?!? Shin rolled his eyes.

?Fine, you?re the boss?? he said, grumpily.

-----

And that's the end of that chapter! There was one more chapter that I wrote on Fiction Press, but I've decided to forego adapting that to prose. The chapter was basically a filler chapter about Shin and Vincent's first day on the job...not really integral to the story in the grand scale of things. Besides, if I get caught up in writing filler chapters, I might get bored writing the story again; and nobody wants that, right? ~_^

So, basically, this means that updates will take a bit longer, since I'll be writing chapters from scratch, rather than adapting them from script form. Luckily, I have a three day weekend coming up, so you'll probably see the next chapter around then. After that...well, hopefully, I can get into the habit of writing maybe one chapter a week. We'll see how it goes.

As always, comments and critique are vitally appreciated ^_^

[Mimmsicle]

[quote]Shin woke up in a soft bed. He debated with himself whether or not to remain in the [u]comforting[/u] warmth of the blankets, but decided that it would be best to get going. Shin stood up, stretched and put on his shirt.

?That was the best night?s sleep I?ve had in a long while,? Shin mused. ?Haven?t slept in a bed that [u]comfortable[/u] since the old days.? [/quote][color=darkred]Comfort twice ? Other than that, it's a great opening ! ^_^[/color][quote]He grasped the doorknob of the front door and began to turn it when he felt a hand placed upon his shoulder.[/quote][color=darkred]Maybe add that he's turning to face her, because I assume that he does that ?[/color][quote]?Thank you very much,? she said. ?Are you sure you wouldn?t care to stay for [u]breakfast[/u]??

?You sure you want me staying for [u]breakfast[/u]?? Shinmaru asked.

?Well, you seemed pretty [u]hungry[/u] last night,? Karen remarked.

?I?m not really that [u]hungry[/u],? Shinmaru said. Immediately after that, his stomach growled loudly. Shin grinned sheepishly at Karen, who laughed a bit. ?I guess I am a little hungry. I?ll stay for breakfast, then.? Karen walked over to her kitchen and Shin followed closely behind her. [/quote][color=darkred]Repetition ^_^;
You could leave it as it is, because you'd probably end up having to re-write it to make it come together without using "hungry" and "breakfast" twice and it's not really needed. I'm just being over critical here, really >_>;
Apart from that, I really thought it was a good conversation you got there, with the actions meshed into it ^_^

[size=1]**********[/size]

There's a lot of humor in this story and you've got the interaction between characters down pretty good (read [i]very good[/i]).
The stuff that I pointed out were really minor issues, but I just had to put my finger on them :p

It sounds bad to say that I'm surprised at how well you write stories, but that's just because I've not read much from you before this one. I've read the poetry stuff, but it's not the same ? you know ?

I look forward to following this story ? but take your time, I am patient when I need to be ~_^


- Mimmi[/color]