Writing A samurai's request.(wrote this after watching Kenshin lat last night forgive me)

[Megumi momo]

I have slayed many.
I killed without honor.
When I was refused death I could no longer...Wish to be a Samurai of truth.
I could no longer honor that any more.
I am merely a lost soul looking for a signal, a sign that can bring me home.
My home...What of it?
Where has it gone?
I have been following down a dirt road of atonment stained with blood.
My atonement?
What I wished for is no longer in my grasp...It takes so much strenghth to breathe.
I have yet to breathe anymore, I have yet to do what I was made for on earth.
I keep wandering around this pit called earth, I keep walking over the same sins I so desperatly tried to get rid of.
What have I done to deserve this?
What have I said....I am a samurai of sorrow I carry nothing but my sword....nothing but the blood of a thousand men whom I have slain and never gave a chance to ask for mercy.
And Mercy what of it?
I have none, so please this time strike me down...I deserve death please give it to me...

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Well, I don't know what Kenshin is, so I'll forgive you, heh.

First of all, there were an awful lot of ellipses [the ...] and some of them didn't seem entirely needed. Most ellipses are used in a quote, when something is left out [usually in articles], or as a trail-off in dialgoue [i.e. "Well..." Mary trailed off, looking behind her shoulder before continuing.], or as a blackout. [Which is often used in romance novels, heh. i.e. "That was they last they heard for a while..."] After an ellipse, unless it's a new sentence, don't worry about capital letters. Word does try to change them to capitals, but that's because it reads an ellipse as a full stop. It gets confusing if you do use a capital after an ellipse.


The first two sentences were great, really fantastic. They were short and to the point. The third sentence, however, was a little rambling and confusing.

[i]When I was refused death I can[color=red][You switched from past tense to present tense.][/color] no longer...[color=red][Why is the ellipse needed?][/color]wish to be a Samurai of truth[color=red][Do you mean a title, Samurai of Truth? It needs to be a capital, then. If you mean, "Truthfully," have a full stop after Samuria and cut out the of.][/color] I can no longer honor that [color=red][strike]no more[/strike][/color].[/i]

[i]I am merely a lost soul looking for a signal, a sign that can bring me home. My home...What of it?where has it gone? I have been following down a dirt road of atonment stained with blood. [color=red][Great lines there!!][/color] My atonement? What I wished for is no longer in my grasp...[color=red][What did he wish for?][/color]

[color=red][New paragraph.][/color]It takes to much strenghth to breathe...I have yet to breathe anymore[color=red]['Yet to breath anymore'? Bad phrasing, sorry. I can see you were trying to do the repeditive thing, yeah. But it came out wrong. The way you've phrased means something like, "I haven't begun to breathe...anymore." So perhaps something like "I cannot breathe anymore"?][/color] I have yet to do what I was made for on earth..I keep wandering around [color=red]in[/color] this pit called earth[color=red].[/color] I keep walking over the same sins I so desperately tried to get rid of. What have I done to deserve this? What have I said? I am a samurai of sorrow I carry nothing but my sword....nothing but the blood of a thousand men whom I have slain and never gave a chance to ask for mercy. And mercy[color=red]...[Heh. Use an ellipse here, I think][/color] what of it? I have none. Please this time stike me down...I deserve death please give it to me...[/i]

*nods*So, that's my corrections and impressions. I thought it was quite a good reflective piece, actually. You just need to watch the ellipses and the tenses.

So well done![/size]

[Shinken]

As far as relating to Kenshin goes, I think you've hit the nail right on the red-haired, cross-scarred head. ^^x It really reflects his attitude, and the like. Grammatical errors aside, that was really good. (Paragraphs would help. :D)