Writing Drug Dealer

[DeadSeraphim]

He walks alone through a valley clothed in blackness, his eyes keen and his body tense. He knows he is being watched, he knows because of the sounds around him, the sounds of small creatures with foul intentions, the sounds of gentle lumbering beasts armed with wicked horns and razor-sharp teeth. In his hand is a torch, in his other a blade, the firelight casting eerie, flickering shadows of his twisted form behind him, like a foul apparition to forever haunt his wretched soul. Over his head no sun shines, before him no path appears. He is lost, forever, in a world of darkness, a world of evil, a world of his own design. His purgatory.

How many times had he led them down that dark road of no return, how many times had he sent them to places such as this? How many did he try to imagine what they were feeling as they followed him down the path? And now he knew.

The death of a drug dealer is hardly significant.
----
[FONT=Arial Narrow][COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1]Inspired by and written in the space of a song.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

[Mimmsicle]

[size=1][color=#800000]Part of me wants to tell you to break it up more, space things out in places and tighten in others. [/color][/size]
[size=1][color=#800000]But I'm not sure how to suggest it, so hopefully someone with more writing skill can guide you through that. Sorry.[/color][/size]
[size=1][color=#800000]And on the other hand, the way it's done now makes it easy to read. Sort of. [/color][/size]
[size=1][color=#800000]You've laid out how to read it, so one doesn't have to apply much of energy there. Which is nice, hehe.[/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]I really like this piece. It's powerful in a subtle way, if that's possible, heh. [/color][/size]

[size=1][color=#800000]- Mimmi[/color][/size]

[James]

[color=#707875]I quite like this piece, CrH. It's only very short, but I think you've described a great variety of thoughts and feelings here.

I don't really know what else to say about it. I'm not feeling up to a big analysis of it or anything. I guess the only thing I'd say is that the final line seems a bit awkward to me. This might be because it's so blatant, while the rest of the piece seems to be a little less obvious.

Anyway, it's a great effort overall. No numerical rating from me though -- I can never rate stuff like this with numbers I don't think.[/color]