Writing Skye's Poetry

[Skye]

Okay. I love peotry, and so I wrote some. ^^ Ratings please!

Silver Teardrops/Mother Moon

Rain, falling all around me
They are tears, tears of an endless eternity
They charm those whom they touch
Loving, losing, living much

Silver teardrops, rainfall, moon shine
Come now, children, love me, live life
Give strength, love, and friendship never dieing
Know not, what you are defying

Rain, falling all around me
They are tears, tears of an endless eternity
They stop now, silent, forgiving
Knowing tomorrow will warm the living

Silver teardrops, give life
Dull pain, fight strife
Nothing, all things
A small bell rings

Rain, falling all around me
They are tears, tears of an endless eternity
They charm those whom they touch
Loving, losing, living much

[Kayin Cloud]

I give it a 7, but don't mind me my poems aren't very good either...

[Muad'Dib]

God, that seems familiar... where did you say it before? Can't remember... oh well, I'd give it aaaaaa...... 8.5! Not entirely sure why... it's very touching. Kinda has that romantic mood, ya know? Though I still say the best poetry is depressing. ^^

[Skye]

LOL Goddess, Jacob, you saw it on my otaku! Thnx, guys!

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1][font=Verdana][color=black]Most of this thread is pretty much spam. However, as this is a poetry thread [with actual poetry in it], I'm hesitant to close it at this point in time. However, please read the thread on [url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=37710"][b]Constructive Criticism[/b][/url][/color][color=#000080][color=black] If it isn't Constructive, don't post it. And Callmegoddess, the [url="http://otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=27614"][/color][color=black][b]Forum Rules[/b][/url] that Sara has set down clearly state that off topic posts should be kept to PMs and IMs. Off topic in this case means not relating to your poetry. I'm giving you guys a warning here. I'll leave this thread open for now, but if the spam continues it will be closed.[/color][/color][/font][/size]
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[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]As to the poem;[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]It had a nice sentiment to it, however, the rhymes were often obvious: touch/much, things/rings and so on. It didn't really hold much of a story to it, though. Perhaps if you have a character to focus on it would give a better story. You could probably tighten it up, but I believe that would probably come with a main character to focus on. [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]The earth and nature are really hard things to write about, and I commend you for your efforts.I thought the feel to the poem was lovely. Please, continue.[/color][/size][/font]
[/color]

[Skye]

Sorry, Lady! Really sorry! Okay, back on poetry: This next one, the rymes aren't as good... but I like the message:

Reality

Pink flowers & butterflies
Picture perfect grass & open skies
Cool water flows in a creek
Beautiful dogs w/ fur so sleek

Everything is amazing
What will tomorrow bring?
Chocolate ice-cream
Choirboys singing

Reality
Just hit me
Like a board
Frozen cold

Kids doing drugs
People getting mugged
Guns going off
When will it stop?

All of it stings
What will tomorrow bring?
Murder, rapings
Then the doorbell rings

Who could it be?
A salesman, a robber
Are you about to get clobbered?

You can?t depend
On this life to end

You can?t trust your ?rents
Or anyone else
Life?s so difficult
But watch your step
You might just trip

Whoops!
Welcome to reality

ACK! Sorry if I was spamming, Lady Asphyxia. Thanks for the comment, though! And another; this one is also... not very long. ^^; Basically theres everything, yet nothing.

Song In The Silence

A flute sings into the night
A bird joins in as it takes flight
A wolf bays, a cricket sings
A bell gently begins to ring

Then silence falls, and no one stirs
A sure and true sound can be heard
Yet at the same time, its presence is unknown
Darkness know sits on its throne

A call is heard, yet no one hears
The darkness melts, as does ones fears
You hear it all, yet nothing falls
Upon your ears, and nothing calls

Sound returns as the presence retreats
The wings once again beat
The noises return, but not to their full brink
They know not what to think;

A flute sings into the night
A bird joins in as it takes flight
A wolf bays, a cricket sings
A bell gently begins to ring

Ratings...? I will have more later!

[Muad'Dib]

^^;; sorry LA...

Right, so... the first one, I actualy thought flowed rather well, except for these two stanzas...

[I]Reality
Just hit me
Like a board
Frozen cold

You can?t trust your ?rents
Or anyone else
Life?s so difficult
But watch your step
You might just trip[/I]

The first one just kinda... well, didn't match up. The second one was hard to imagine rhyming. But poetry doesn't have to rhyme, so it's all good! And you're right... it sends a good, if not grim, message.

OK, the second poem... yes, short, but very, how you say... lyrical. It seemed almost liek it should be a song. Except this part confused me slightly... "[I]Darkness know sits on its throne[/I]". The words just didn't make sense... maybe I'm just confused.

Good job over-all.

PS: better L.A.?

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Much better, Fire Phoenix. Just remember to keep it up. ^.~ [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]As for the Poetry, I [i]loved [/i] [b]Song In The Silence[/b]. It had a lovely feel, with a great description to it. The rhyme scheme was perfect, with just enough edge to make it seem original. The rhythm was good, and it was all around a good, solid poem.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]The only problem I had with it was this paragraph: [/size][/font]

[size=1][font=Verdana][i]Sound returns as the presence retreats
The wings once again beat
The noises return, but not to their full brink
They know not what to think;[/i]
[/font][/size]
[font=Verdana][size=1]The third line really hurt the rhythm of the poem, and you'd need to reword it to something else for it to flow properly. *scratches her head* I'm not sure what you'd change it to, though. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, I hope that helped some.
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[Skye]

[size=4]Beatsiary[/size]

[size=3]Hippogryph[/size]

A Hippogryph is a silent creature
A creature of legend and lore
But I pray, do run, and leave it there
When you hear it roar

[size=3]Dracogryph[/size]

A Dracogryph is a fearsome beast
Of matings unheard of and cruel
But they are wistful and loyal undoubted
And have endless energy and fuel

[size=3]Unicorn[/size]

The Unicorn is a graceful thing
Of horse and goat is said
But come hither to close now
You may soon be dead

[size=3]Ogre[/size]

An ogre is a beats of human-like form
Though stupider than a rock
They lumber about, no care in the world
Without a mental clock

[size=3]Cyclops[/size]

Its hard to tell if when you meet one
If it first was human or no
And if it was, then be kind
For he may soon be so

SO far, that?s it on the beastiary, but there WILL be more! And thank you so much, Lady, I am VERY glad you liked it! ^^; I ran across tht, too, and my brain went blank. I am not sure what to do about it?.

[size=3]The Cycle[/size]
Phoenix sinks into decay
Haughty dragon yearns to slay.
Lyorn growls and lowers horn
Tiassa dreams and plots are born.
Hawk looks down from lofty flight
Dzur stalks and blends with night.
Issola strikes from courtly bow
Tsalmoth maintains though none knows how.
Vallista rends and then rebuilds
Jhereg feeds on others' kills.
Quiet iorich won't forget
Sly chreotha weaves his net.
Yendi coils and strikes, unseen
Orca circles, hard and lean.
Frightened teckla hides in grass
Jhegaala shifts as moments pass.
Athyra rules minds' interplay
Phoenix rise from ashes, gray.