Is It Worth It?

[Mist]

[color=orange][size=1] I don't even know where to begin...My friend,who was always a great happy girl, is being hospitlized for stabbing herself in the stomach at Linden Oaks Hospital. I wasn't there the day this happened, thank goodness, but from what I was told by school officials, they told me she did it to herself. Naturally I told them they were stupid; that she would never do something like that. She had too much to lose to do something like that; she was an all A student and was really popular. Basically, what happened is that her father had been beating her for two years ever since she moved from Russia and her mother to live with her father in America. She always wore baggy clothing, which would explain the marks that my friends could see sometimes. The police told me and my friends, who they had pulled privately from our classes, told us that she was attempting suicide. It makes me really wonder about my friends now. I mean, seriously, you think she would have told somebody, right? It just makes me feel realy sick when I think about it. Have any of you ever gone through a smiliar situation? And if you have, do you have any tips on how to cope with it?[/color][/size]

[Godelsensei]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Courier New]Is watching your friends carve intricate designs into themselves with knives, and not being able to get them to stop counted as "a situation"?

My group of friends seemed to slip into a mutual state of depression, spurred by nothing in particular, for an unbearably long period of time. The result? Well, I think we're more mentally stable, but we've sort of been devided in half.

As for what there is to do about it, I don't really know what to say. I, and one of my friends (the only one, other than myself, to not take part in said actions) tried everything.
We tried approaching each of our group individually, and stating our concearns. This worked with the two reasonable individuals involved.

As far as the other two went...well, we went through constant councelling. It didn't work.
We tried for six months, and nothing worked.

We just stopped trying after a point. Our situation was different from yours in that the one member of our group is very stuck in coming up with problems for herself.

If your friend's dad was/is beating her, I think you have to go to the police. Which you already did, it would seem...

Removing the issue at hand seems like the only real solution.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[MissWem]

I have a friend whom is far more 'unstable' than that she's...borderline to put it bluntly; cuts, multiple suicide attempts, manipulative, extremely intense relationships, pervasive emptiness, bulemic(sp?)/anorexic, alcoholic possibly a smoker now and pretty much almost any kind of unstability rolled into one.

However she told us about her cutting so from there on we tried to talk to her, bribe, guilt trip, crying, begging...eventually she's now getting proffessional psychiatric help after I convinced her to tell the counsellour about her suicide attempt. It's not working, but none of us want to give up on her yet, she's one of the closest friends I've ever had.

But the first thing to do in coping is not to feel guilty about it. No matter how bad you feel it won't help and to put it straight, ultimately everyone is responsible only for their own actions, no one else.

I suppose from the looks of it though, you just need to let her know you're there to talk to if she needs someone. Don't try give any advice or anything, just listen and be supportive, as one should do for anyone they consider a friend.

[Winter]

Short answer; there is little you can do. Long answer; do you think its worth it? If this friend is, then its time for you to step up and be a friend.

Consul, coax, and comfort. With care, compassion, and love, your friend will find their own path to freedom. Generally, all they need is warmth to stay in the game, and keep working toward that path.

But aside from that, there is little to nothing you can do. *Unless you want to get involved with authorities* Cut your losses, and detatch yourself from this friendship, unless you are ready to be pulled on a rollercoaster ride.

Easiest, and some would say worst answer: realize you can do nothing, and sit back and let her die.

Which will be your reality?

[Boba Fett]

[QUOTE=Winter]Short answer; there is little you can do. Long answer; do you think its worth it? If this friend is, then its time for you to step up and be a friend.

Consul, coax, and comfort. With care, compassion, and love, your friend will find their own path to freedom. Generally, all they need is warmth to stay in the game, and keep working toward that path.

But aside from that, there is little to nothing you can do. *Unless you want to get involved with authorities* Cut your losses, and detatch yourself from this friendship, unless you are ready to be pulled on a rollercoaster ride.

Easiest, and some would say worst answer: realize you can do nothing, and sit back and let her die.

Which will be your reality?[/QUOTE]

[color=green]That disgusts me.

To even contemplate dropping a friend when she?s going through one of the more difficult times in her life, so you don?t get ?pulled on a roller coaster ride?, sickens me. You sound like a real loyal friend, Winter.

Mist, I?d advocate you going to see some kind of counselor, who can tell you what the best things for you to do for your friend would be. I certainly hope that your friend can recover successfully through this hard time, and that you can keep your friendship through all of this.

Best wishes.

-Boba[/color]

[maikiratori]

Unfortuneately, there are people out here who will beat their children and abuse them physically and mentally just because the abusers have an infiriority complex and have to make other people feel bad to make themselves feel good about themseves and to make themselves feel important.
I feel bad for your friend. She probably felt like it was all her fault and that if she were to ask for help in some way, she would only make things worse, which is probably true, [I]if[/I] her father found out. If she'd gone to the police or school first, and showed them what he'd been doing to her, he would have been thrown in jail immediately for beating her.
I don't think she had thecourage to admit to anyone, especially herself, that she was in this sort of situation. She probably couldn't deal with the situation mentally as long as she did, if she had admitted to others that she needed help. Unfortuneately many abusee's feel this way and they only end up making the problems that befall them worse because of this.
I send my best wishes and prayers to your friend, so that she might find the strength in herself to stand up for herself and for her to find courage enough for her to fight back in whichever way she can and I send good energy her way to heal her wounds.

[Panda]

I am sorry to hear about your friend. Truly counceling would be the best step for everyone involved in this situation. Many people don't like the stigma that goes along with seeking help, but why is that any worse than trying to kill yourself? Being pro-active is the best way to make things right. This of course is just my opinion and everyone needs to find their own path in life. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your friend. May she have a speedy recovery and find the help she needs.

As for being a friend. When someone puts up a front to hide what is going on inside it is very difficult for anyone to tell what is really going on. I have lost a few friends to suicide and I don't think it is a pain you can ever really get over. I feel like "What should/could I have done? Why didn't I see the problem and help?" but in the end you can only help as much as your friend will let you. Hindsight is 20/20 and wondering about "what ifs" will drive you crazy.

Now that you know there is a problem, be supportive of your friend though this difficult time. Having true friends you know you can count on means so much to someone who feels alone. I know, I have had some depression problems that my true friend stuck though with me, and I owe the world to them.

Again, my thoughts are with you and all your friends as you go through this difficult time.

[Balinese]

"Having a friend who hurts themself deliberately is a difficult proposition. On the one hand, they're crying out for attention, but hiding it."

Bull.

As a person who DOES this, I have only one piece of advice for you, Mist. Stick by your friend. She needs your support more now than ever, and your hugs and smiles mean the world. Stay close, and don't let this tear your friendship apart.

If she wants to talk, talk with her. If she needs to cry, be there. If she doesn't want to talk about it, just be supportive.

My thoughts are with you and her. Take care of yourself. *neko-hugs*

[Skye]

[QUOTE=Balinese]"Having a friend who hurts themself deliberately is a difficult proposition. On the one hand, they're crying out for attention, but hiding it."

Bull.

As a person who DOES this, I have only one piece of advice for you, Mist. Stick by your friend. She needs your support more now than ever, and your hugs and smiles mean the world. Stay close, and don't let this tear your friendship apart.

If she wants to talk, talk with her. If she needs to cry, be there. If she doesn't want to talk about it, just be supportive.

My thoughts are with you and her. Take care of yourself. *neko-hugs*[/QUOTE]

Exactly. It makes me sick to even THINK about her father beating her! Then, to follow it up, she has to attempt suicide?! She must feel awful! My mom is slightly depressive, and so at the moment, your friend must be fealing like hell, and thinking, 'Why? Why did they save me? I want to die! It'll just get worse!' Sorry, Im an empath and I know about more situations than any of you could count...

Just make her feel loved and needed. Make her feel like there are people who care about her. Her father was wrong to do that, but there are others in this world who love her, and need her to stay alive.

My thoughts and heart go out to emnsly. Goddess Bless.

[Renee]

All my friend are in councling, and have tried suicide at least once. What does that say about me? I don't know, and I really wish I did. All you can do is be there and listen to them. I guess I spend most of my time trying to not become lost with them. But have faith, the worst has passed and now it's time to heal.

[Winter]

[QUOTE=Boba Fett][color=green]That disgusts me.

To even contemplate dropping a friend when she?s going through one of the more difficult times in her life, so you don?t get ?pulled on a roller coaster ride?, sickens me. You sound like a real loyal friend, Winter.

[/color][/QUOTE]

Be as disgusted as you want, you, like your opinion, mean nothing to me.

I stated what I stated as 'possible realities'. Let me explain to your little brain what that means.

It means the girl can choose any path she wants. I merely pointed out what the most evident paths are. Its up to her to pick them.

You are a fool if you deny even the darkest of paths.

[Heaven's Cloud]

[QUOTE=Winter]Be as disgusted as you want, you, like your opinion, mean nothing to me.

I stated what I stated as 'possible realities'. Let me explain to your little brain what that means.

It means the girl can choose any path she wants. I merely pointed out what the most evident paths are. Its up to her to pick them.

You are a fool if you deny even the darkest of paths.[/QUOTE]

[color=indigo]Good, I am glad people's opinions mean nothing to you. That means that I won't be hurting your feelings when I tell you that your post disgusted me as well.

Mist, my best advice for you is to be a good friend. Act normal around your friend but at the same time let her know that she can turn to you if she needs help. More than likley she won't want a crutch to lean on but she will need a sympathetic ear once in awhlie.

I suffered from a sever depressive disorder that caused me to take a year off of college between my sophmore and junior years. When I returned to school many in my former social scene treated me like an outcast or pariah, but a few good friends helped me get through the tough times, just like I have been there for them during their hardships. Thats what true friendship is all about.[/color]

[Kei]

[color=darkblue]Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about things, but I suggest cooling down a little on the side comments. The last thing needed is to have this turned into another battlefield of insults.

Anyway, as stated before, I believe the wisest thing to do is to stick by your friend. She's more than likely seriously hurting both physically and emotionally. People in that situation should have as much support as can be provided for them if they want it. Like HC said, she more than likely won't want someone suffocating her and such, but just letting her know that you're there could suffice.

I do hope everything turns out for the best.[/color]

[Winter]

[QUOTE=Heaven's Cloud][color=indigo]Good, I am glad people's opinions mean nothing to you. That means that I won't be hurting your feelings when I tell you that your post disgusted me as well.

[/color][/QUOTE]


I said 'you' referring to Boba Fett. I didnt say people. You're powers of assumption however, are quite profound.

[Guest ScirosDarkblade]

I think Winter was just trying to make the point that there are some bad choices one can make in regards to the situation in addition to the good ones. Rather than being taken as suggestions, they are merely there to weigh the other choices against. And I'd say that he meant one to be a right choice and another to be a wrong choice, at least even from his own point of view. I suppose it was audacious to say what others didn't dare [i]think[/i], and was certainly uncalled-for, but that's all I'd criticize.

But let's not turn this into an argument over semantics, at the very least.

(Winter, it WAS uncalled-for. You upset way too many people and I think you knew you would. It's just not worth it to bring this much wrath on yourself.)

Personally I'd also say stick by your friend as long as they need you there. Depending on how confident you are in your power as a "healer," in whatever sense of the word, you should take more or less of a role in your friend's recovery. Personally, I would fear I'd say something critical and wrong at some point or another, and set progress back, so I wouldn't get TOO involved. But that's me.

[Ben]

[SIZE=1][strike][quote name='Winter']I said 'you' referring to Boba Fett. I didnt say people. You're powers of assumption however, are quite profound.[/quote]

As is your grasp of grammar.[/strike][/SIZE]

I hate to echo what a few other people have said already, but I will anyways.

Stay by your friend's side. To abandon them when they're in need might crush them, depending on how close you two are. If she recovers, and you've abandoned her, where would that lead? Think about it. I don't know her, so I can't tell. Maybe you can.

I know that I personally would like to have somebody to be there for me if I were in such a situation. Leaving someone alone to brood over dark thoughts is no way to help them.

[Mist]

[color=orange][size=1] Thanks a lot guys, but please back off Winter. I appreciate his honesty, even if I don't agree with some of it. Just an update: She's out of operation and she's going to be fine. Counseling is being resorted to, but I'm not going to take any. I don't need it; I'm fine. I'm going to do my best to be there for her, but I have a life too, you know? I'll just have to be strong for the both of us.^_^[/color][/size]

[Ashura]

That's great! I'm very happy for you and your friend :) .

Can I make a suggestion? (you don't have to accept it). You may not need to resort to counselling, but at least spend some time talking to someone about it. I had a very **** year when I was in Year 7, and I really would have liked someone to talk to about what I was going through. Actually, I like to have someone to talk to a lot of the time. It just allows you to sort things out, even if you don't think you need to.

As others have said before, I believe that your friend is in a very vulnerable state at the moment, and needs your support. Don't force it upon your friend, but just be there as a shoulder to lean on. It'll make a huge difference. Although, since year 7 I've been ridiculously overprotective of my friends, so my views may be different to most people, but do I know that the support of a friend can mean the world to someone.