NashvilleDream Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 Why am I crying I am not sad Nor am I excedingly happy I do not cry for pain And I am not suffering So why am I crying I am not betrayed I am not crying out of anger Or frustration I do not feel So why do the tears keep coming? There is nothing to make me cry So why are my cheeks still soaked? I am not crying for a reason So why will my crying not stop? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ScirosDarkblade Posted March 23, 2004 Share Posted March 23, 2004 It seems to be a pretty empty poem. I found it to be very unfulfilling, because it seems like you might hint at a reason that the person crying cannot/will not acknowledge, or something along those lines, but all it is is a person crying for no reason. As a result it ends up being overly repetitive, and you can cut out about half of it and not lose anything at all. Additionally, you overuse "I am" and "am I" extremely, without preserving any sense of parallelism. Sorry for such a seemingly mean-spirited review, but it really did strike me as bad poetry. Then again, I personally have very distinct tastes when it comes to poetry. --Sciros Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NashvilleDream Posted March 24, 2004 Author Share Posted March 24, 2004 [QUOTE=ScirosDarkblade] Sorry for such a seemingly mean-spirited review, but it really did strike me as bad poetry. Then again, I personally have very distinct tastes when it comes to poetry. --Sciros[/QUOTE]I have no Idea what it was originally about, It just keeps popping into my head at random intervals, I think the first time it happened was when I was thinking about all the times I cry for no reason. Yay!! someone finally reviewied!!! I love to get criticism, because it lets me know what I can improve on the next time I write something. I don't even care if it's not constructife critiscism, just as long as it let's me know that i'm not a perfect perso and I can improve on it inn any possible way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grey Aurora Posted March 24, 2004 Share Posted March 24, 2004 Usually, I don't judge anyone else's poetry but my own. But, I fear I must make an exception now. First of all, Sciros has done a wonderful job of pointing out what is wrong, and I just want to build of this. After I finished reading this poem it struck me immediately as strange. Why should the reader's be wondering why they are crying? We need some insight onto this since we are as lost and unfufilled as the person who is the subject of the poem. Next, I need to applaud Sciros for pointing out the lack of parallelism. Almost anything can be cut out with almost no loss whatsoever. Why then did you write this poem? If any part can be removed with no loss then why even bother reading it? Every line and/or stanza in a poem should compliment and add to one another. And like a well-written thesis, everything should relate directly to the subject of the whole thing. It just needs a sort of explanation so at least we know why they are crying. I criticize not for the sake of insulting you, but I refuse to not give you the truth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NashvilleDream Posted June 4, 2004 Author Share Posted June 4, 2004 [QUOTE]Why should the reader's be wondering why they are crying? We need some insight onto this [/QUOTE] [QUOTE]It just needs a sort of explanation so at least we know why they are crying. [/QUOTE] But that defeats the entire purpose Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Asphyxia Posted June 4, 2004 Share Posted June 4, 2004 [font=Verdana][size=1][quote name='NashvilleDream']But that defeats the entire purpose[/quote][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Not really. What I think they're trying to say is that we (the reader) [i]need[/i] to have a reason for this person crying. The ending you've given is like...like going to see a movie, and everything seems like it's leading up to something...only it never happens. And you leave the movie feeling disappointed. That's what has happened with this poem. While reading it, I felt like you were leading up to a great revelation, only you don't. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]So perhaps you should lead up to something like..."I am not crying for a reason/But rather a lack of reason/Why should others expirience/What I cannot?" Or something along those lines. Just something to make the poem feel like it has a point, you know?[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Um. As for the 'am I' and 'I am' problem...wording that differently could definately help that. [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]Anyway, yeah. Not bad, but it does need a point, heh.[/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NashvilleDream Posted June 8, 2004 Author Share Posted June 8, 2004 [QUOTE] [size=1]..."I am not crying for a reason/But rather a lack of reason/Why should others expirience/What I cannot?" [/size] [/QUOTE] [QUOTE] [size=1]Just something to make the poem feel like it has a point[/size] [/QUOTE] The whole point of it is that there is no point, the purpose is that there isn't one. There is no reason, no emotion, just tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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