Writing My Freaky Stuff

[Guest Joey Killer]

I'm a writer. Most of my stuff is filled to the brink with curse words and gore. But it's amusing all the same. Though... it does annoy several of those who read it... over, and over, and over, and over, and over... *trails on*

Oh, but today, my first one will be nice (as in cuss-word-free) to the best of my ability. I call it: The Words That Go Through Seto's Head.

[size=1][B][u]The Words That Go Through Seto's Head[/B][/u]:

Curses, Joey! CURSES!!! I'll get you-- No wait: KILL you if it's the last thing I do.
I'm gonna rip out your jugular and use it to paint my dog's doghouse! Then I'm gonna prod your mangled body with an icepick and let all your fluids drain out in a pool of crimson gunk.
Then, I'm gonna tear you apart limb by limb and throw your severed body parts into the ocean for the sharks to eat. And then, oh Joey, your gonna love this... You'll end up being a pile of shark crap while I sit having tea and crumpets laughing at your demise.
HAHAHAHAHA! Ya get that?! You're gonna be a shark turd! Ah-hahahahahaa.. ha....
Oh, and if you're not dead by then I'm gonna sic my evil little brother on you. Beware, he's not afraid to bite.[/size]

Okay, will you please review it? Like, give me a score or something? And trust me, there will be more. Dun, dun... DUNNNN!!

-Tina

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I'm sorry, but I [i]really [/i]don't believe in scoring literary works. I hate the practice, quite frankly, because it relys so largely on your opinion. I may not like something, but I am able to see its merit, and scoring just seems so...impersonal. It's like saying "Your hope and joy is only worth half of this other person's hope and joy." if you know what I mean. Writing is often so personal that I find it a horrible practice to judge it so clinically. I just wanted to explain my reasons for not scoring/rating your work.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]As for the story itself...first of all, it isn't really a story -- no narration [[i]i.e. Joey walked through the door and sat in his chair][/i]. The reader doesn't know who Joey is, and as such cannot connect with the main writer, or the hate that is involved.[/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]The description of the death leaves nothing to the imagination, which makes it so much less creepy or disturbing, and because the reader doesn't know what's going on -- [i]why[/i] this person wants to hurt them, who this person is, who Joey is, etc -- the descriptions just get...silly. [/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]The reader won't really care about what happens to the character unless they care about the character, and the only way to do that is to draw them in. [/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]That isn't to say that you don't have some potential. The descriptions of deaht were certainly imaginative. So perhaps you could turn that imagination to the settings and characters involved so that the reader is drawn into the story. [/size][/font]
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[font=Verdana][size=1]I'd like to help [and watch] you improve as you get stronger with your writing, and learn to focus that imagination into something other than death and maiming, heh. Because you do have a great imagination. ^_^[/size][/font]