Manga A manga yet to be titled

[klinanime1]

This plot's been on my mind for quite awhile, and I had to get it out and have people at least see it let alone review it. Character sketches will come along later, when I get around to it. This is a four part original fiction. I only have an introduction to the first part and a bunch of character profiles.
Decades after the present, a classic battle between good and evil is revealed that has raged millenia before the present. Three intelligent species existed; humans created from earth, ethereal elven beings from the rest of the cosmos, and demons from the chaotic clashes of energy allowed to occur, all by the immortal, reigning God. The fall of man only indicated the eventual destruction of the other species. In a climatic battle of deception and the near annihilation of the elven species (Part II), the instigator was sealed within his own mind, and the efforts to subdue him should he break through the barrier lie in the strengths of six extraordinary teens who are anything but ready to fight off the masses of demons sent to destroy them, let alone defend the human race. And above all, the guiding hand of a God who bends the events to His will dictates the outcome.
Characters:
Protagonists:
Main Character: Tony Dartle dragon demon/human
Elven name: Mayekli
Gender: male
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 21, Part III 19, Part IV 37/38
Birthday: September 21, 2031
Height: 6' 6.3" (It seems he was slouching, however)
Weight: 158lbs
Hair Color: brown
Eye color: Ice green
Quiet, reserved, defensive. A Charles Dickens' effect happens to him in parts I and III; a sort of "small world out to get you" thing. He's a half demon half-human, and so is gifted with keen senses, almost indomitable strength, and agility. He notices a lot of things, but keeps them to himself if he feels it isn't important to notify other people. He struggles to open up and battles a death wish after attempting suicide at the age of 9. He harbors feelings for Beth that intensifies when memories of his past life return. He has an inane wish to protect Thomas, as he was essentially Thomas' bodyguard for 3 years and follows the last command of his former Captain. Tony lives vitually alone.

Supporting protagonists:
Beth Nightson Venesian, elven
Elven name: Alerianne
Fender: Female
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 20, Part III 19, Part IV 37/38
Birthday: January 15, 2032
Height:5' 9"
Weight: 117 lbs
Hair color: Dusty lavender
Eye color: Dark green
A flamboyant, tough girl who assumes too much for her own good. She is a healer by nature and talent and has a curiousity that will not be sedated except by answers. A Venesian elf, she is extremely pretty and extremely protective over her friends and family. Unfortunately for Tony, she isn't ready to nurture a relationship yet, and her memory return is excrutiatingly slow. She gets "weirded out" by his confessions of his feelings towards her.

Thomas Astrilage Solarian, elven
Elven name: Arlhtonel
Gender: male
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 17, Part III 19, Part IV 37/38
Bithday: December 7, 2031
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 146 lbs
Hair color: Black
Eye color: bright blue
Popular, intelligent, and charismatic, Thomas is the typical hero. He always delivers the death blows to the adversaries Tony is unable to. The Crown Prince of the Solarian Reign, he is the undisputed leader. He bears the responsibility, masking the strain it puts on him with a happy go lucky attitude that can irritate is girlfriend.

M (Melissa) George Lunarian, elven
Elven name: Brea
Gender: Female
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 39, Part III deceased, Part IV
deceased
Birthday: Novembr 27, 2031
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 149 lbs
Hair color: blond
Eye color: blue-violet
Out of all the elves, she is the one who differs most from her past. Before, she was a beacon of hope for the men she led, but is now hopeless. Buried in self-pity, she hides her addictions to tobacco and alcohol from her Aunt. Somehow, she's made an alliance with Nikki despite their vast differences. All hell breaks loose when anyone crosses her.

Kyle Byars Lunarian, elven
Elven name: Luthail
Gender: male
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 27, Part III 19, Part IV 37/38
Birthday: March 19, 2032
Height: 6' .5"
Weight: 152 lbs
Hair color: Red
Eye color: Usually warm grey
Mischevious and brainy, Kyle seems to especially enjoy tormenting M, but may be hiding his feelings for her. His right eye sometimes bothers him, causing him to see odd things.

Nikki Louisa Mae Elizabeth Lunarian, elven
Elven name: Kahlel
Gender: female
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II ends @ 14, Part III 18/19, Part IV 37/38
Birthday: June 15, 2032
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 124 lbs
Hair color: white
Eye color: amber
Calm, organized, and down to earth, Nikki never found out about her elven roots until well into Part I. She was the Lunarian princess.

Mark Nightson Human
Dender: male
Age: Part I 15-16, Part II n/a, Part III 19, Part IV 37/38
Birthday: January 15, 2032
Height: 5' 1"
Weight: 120 lbs
Hair color: dusty lavender
Eye color: dark green
Beth's fraternal twin, he is very different from her. Kind, polite, and tactful, he tries to keep his twin in check, and loves her very much. They are inseperable and he is capable of laying out any lecher who messes with Beth - if she doesn't beat him to it.

Arliss Human
Gender: male
Age: Part I undeterminable, Part II ends @ 37, Part III undeterminable, Part IV deceased
Hair color: Gunmetal gray
Eye color: yellow
Who knows his age, since Arliss himself has forgotten after roaming the world trapped in the body of a feline for many millenia. He is sealed in cat form in order to preserve him, though it is the disputedly most questionable action of the Lunarian Queen.

Celine (Celhionne) humn
Gender: female
Age: Part I undeterminable, Part II ends @ 15, Part III n/a, Part IV n/a
Hair color: dark brown
Eye color: dark brown
Arliss' younger sister, she is a lot like him and was sealed into the body of a fox

Antagonists:
Michael/ Mica human
Gender: male
Age: n/a
Hair color: black
eye color: black
Kept alive by the spell of Mauvais at a bit of foresight, he burns for revenge under the lies devised to ensnare his services. He holds contempt for his species and wishes only to exact his revengs and then die. A pity that he is trying to kill the person he is trying to avenge.

Mauvais/Lane dragon demon/ human
Gender: male
Age: n/a
Hair color: blonde
Eye color: blue
The instigator of it all, his objections aren't clear. Perhaps he wishes to defy God in bringing about the end of the world in a different manner than originally planned. Manipulating masses of demons by driving them insane, he eagerly awaits the end of it all.

Please tell me what you think and explain what you don't like. (Suggestions for a title are also welcome, but maybe I should get more of the plot out first...)

[eleanor]

[color=firebrick] It looks like you've got all of your characters and the outline of your plot laid out, so all you really have to do it tweak it a bit. And yes, it's better that you get most of the plot planned out before creating your more in-depth characters. If you want to let readers get to know your main characters and create you know...character history and events...and you do it before you lay out the plot, there's always some kind of conflict with the plot and the character. But it is very important that your main characters are really developed and you can answer any question about them before starting this thing. It's pretty important if you're going to take this thing seriously and work on it. Title is practically least important in my opinion. [but don't make it something like 'The Adventures of Six Teens!' Whoot! O_o] [/color]

[Dragon Warrior]

(WEE! First post in this forum everness! Fell privelaged, friend)

I believe before making anything to rash with characters, figure out the plot from beginning to end. When I say that, I mean big, basic ideas. Adding little things throughout it is fine, but what if you run into a plothole in your main idea that doesn't match your original character bio? I'm just warning to be careful. But good work anyways and good luck.

Titles: [u]Deep Six[/u]- This title has actually two meanings. The first is obviously six teens and six. Then, the phrase "deep six" simply means to discard or destroy and isn't that what's happening to the world in a way? A play on words and I'm sure you can find many other meanings for it.

[u]Seal of Moira[/u]- This title means the fate of the world. Simple. Meh.

[u]Whimsical Karma[/u]- Means unpredictable fate of the world. More simple.

I'm not on the best title thinking spree so sorry if I'm no help. Good luck anyways :D

[Anqueetus]

Well, there's nothing to say. The plot is good, character developement is outrageously incredibly well done, and the idea behind the progression of the story seems all intact. So, I guess I do have one thing to say....GET TO WORK!!! Let's see us some drarin's.... As for Titles... I'm leaning towards WHimsical Karm or Deep Six....I really like those Titles.... I only wish I was able to contribute....

[Gentle]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=Magenta]Wow, it seems you worked hard on this. Characters are thought out and developed well. Your main plot is out. But be sure you have what you need. As said, if your character backgrounds don't match your plot, you'll run into a little snag and be stuck. Make sure that your characters somehow, are all fit into the plot or with each other. Your setting should also match your time period.

Since your drawings aren't up, I'll say something about that later if I can think. But sweet idea. You plan well. [/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Dragon Warrior]

Pretty cool shizzit, there. I don't even think my manga books will be that long, but ya never know, hm? ^_^ Also, I think it's pretty good artwork. I'm really just learning how to draw anime O.o;

[asian_tofu]

Whoa... :eek: I finally get what you mean when you said what? NINE progatonists??? Sheesh...I never thought so MANY...Manga is complicated. It's sort of late, so I'm going to finish reading it later, but from what I've read so far, you've been thinking for a long while. I happen to like your pencil drawings better (but I suck at coloring so there you go), but the picture was nice. I look forward to seeing your manga!! ;) Also, about your volume lengths. That's sort of long for one book, and most artists get about a month to do them (unless they're given time to do a rough draft, then its two months), from what I've heard. Maybe you should cut back a little?

--BLUE

[klinanime1]

Yeah... my attention span is about as long as the lifespan of a fly, so there ya go. Five pages, without much action but it's the first few pages of intros and ect. About length: 200 pages is about the average for most manga series' individual books, so it's not really that long. Especially compared to the eventual length of my plot. ^^
I request you critique my work while keeping in mind I have shrunk the pages, words will fit in the speech balloons better in my original, and there is no tone as of yet. I'm a slacker, get over it.
[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18995[/img]
[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18996[/img]
[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18997[/img]
[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18998[/img]
[img]http://www.otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=18999[/img]

[Bloodsing9]

Holy freakin hell! :eek: Now all my artwork looks like *******! Im learning the ropes personally, but that is a great piece. You should consider making a color copy. Nice plot idea too.

[klinanime1]

Um, thank you. Not exactly the criticism I had hoped for... then, I didn't really give out much to go on. :: shrugs :: I don't think I would have enough patience to do a colored copy...

[Kei]

[color=darkblue]I think this art is very nice. There are only a few gripes I have about it (namely the digital clock), but other than that, this is great artwork to go with a great story. You should really try to go for a colored version, or at least let us see one that's toned. I know I'd look forward to it. ^^[/color]

[asian_tofu]

Hmm, most manga I read is about 190 pages for manga, except for Ranma 1/2 which goes between 180-300. But that?s close, so I presume you?re right. I still don?t know how anyone could do it though. One page for me takes at least an hour to sketch. It couldn?t always be exactly 200 per volume though, since it mostly depends on the story and how you pace it.

All right, I?m a major observer. I have gripes about everything, including my own art and the way my room is set up (Must?rip off?puppy wallpaper?). So I?m here to offer a few words of constructive criticism. But your art is good. I?ve seen enough to establish that. I want tones!! *pouts* Yeah, anyway. I really loved the title page. At first I was a little confused on what his position was, mainly because his head was turned a little too much than I would?ve liked, but when the page finally loaded (about 15 minutes later?stupid dialup! *reaches for mallet*), I was extremely impressed. Though your art looks even better with shading, so I suggest you get right to tones! It may help set his position, so putting in color would be an even better idea.

Also, something that would probably help give a bolder effect to the eyes, like thickening the lines of the eyelids. Like the close-up of the eye in page 2, panel 4?I think (I?m bad at identifying panels). Thickening the line of the upper eyelid would probably have a stronger effect (along with TONES, of course ;D). If you?re using one of those normal pens that I do, then draw an outline and then color it black. But drawing an eye-line a little too bold could always make the character look sort of feminine. Yeah, so just solidify it a bit more?not too much. Maybe define the pupils some more with a skinny pen. Or just press lightly. This comes to the suggestion that I have for inking variance. It makes a big difference when if you draw with a heavy hand or a light one, so try being both and see what you get. You probably know this already, but generally in manga outlines of objects and people are done with a slightly heavier hand than the inside lines. Discrepancy of lines allows the reader to understand positions, wrinkles, etc more clearly and easily than clear-cut, consistent lines.

There are also a few other minor things that don?t really matter, so I?m not going to mention them because I?m probably the only person who would care. Other than that, I?m anticipating you to post some more stuff! Since a) Your story is so complex and intriguing I will hunt you down if you give up on it, and b) I love your art so much! Tones would be really appreciated! Even better, color!

Go and draw, Klin, DRAW! ;D

--BLUE

[goldengriffin]

Great Job. I see you really know how to use that pen. Now if only I could use one. Oh well, I guess I'll get the hang of it, for now I'll just use a pencil. Also, wheres the toning? Oh well, some puplishers (like Tokyo POP) take care of stuff like toning. Keep up the great work. [IMG]http://www.piratechat.012webpages.com/pirate_small1.png[/IMG]