Writing Mobile Age 80: Samurai Gundam

[MaxSonic]

[B]Prequel[/B]

The year is BM.200, or 200 years before the Mobile Age. Earth has become severely overpopulated. The countries of Earth decide to colonize Luna (aka the Moon). In BM 150, the Lunar Colonization project is complete. Luna?s population grows slowly. In order to further the balance of population and go deeper into space, Earth starts the space colony project. Each space colony is a floating city in space, were people can live their everyday lives like they did on Earth. Colonies are grouped together as fives, called Sides. In BM 115, the first two colonies are complete and launched from Luna. By BM 95, Side one is complete. In BM 90, tension rises once again on Earth. The vast majority of nations become part of one of two super nations: Earth Alpha and Earth Beta. Any nation that did not join was quickly conquered by the nearest of the 2 nations. In BM 88, the Neo War starts between Alpha and Beta. For four months, nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons were used to the extreme. The war ended with a truce, and 28 years later in BM 60, Side 2 is completed. In BM 35, Side 3 is completed, and Earth abandons the colony project to focus their funds on military weaponry. However, in BM 25, a pact between the 2 nations banned nuclear, chemical, and biological weaponry. This was fortunate, because in BM 20, the greatest and bloodiest war of all times starts. Both sides focused everything into this war, because it would determine the ruler of the entire Earth. Because of this, it was originally called the Supreme War. However, in BM 17, a new weapon was developed that would change the course of history. It was the mobile suit. It was based on the human form, with arms and legs, and for that reason it was extremely mobile. The first company to develop the MS was the Earth Corporation. One year later, it was introduced into the battlefield. The mobile suit became so essential, that in BM 15 the war?s name was changed to the Mobile War. While the war raged on Earth, the colonies and citizens of Luna suffered. In hopes of peace, the citizens of space formed a group called the Judges. The Judges were highly intelligent people from different origins. The first set of Judges originally had 20 Judges. The Judges became leaders of Luna and Space. However, when the Judges were recruited, morality was not looked at. Tension grew between two ideas of how to end the war: work out a peace treaty with Earth, or using the superior technology of the Judges to crush the Earth military. In BM 05 the Judges separated into two factions: The Yen (peace) and the Yang (war). The Yang Judges formed the first Gundam, called Ghost Gundam. A Gundam was a powerful Mobile Suit built by the Judges, and was made of a material called Gundanium. Ghost was sent to Earth in BM 03. Within three months, it had wiped out over 15 cities. On BM 01, Earth Alpha and Earth Beta formed joined together to form the Earth Military Alliance. The Yen Judges built their own Gundam: Wing Gundam. With the combined might of Wing Gundam and the EMA, the Yang Judges were defeated. The Judges became leaders of all of Earth and space, and had a colony built just for them. This was the start of the Mobile Age. In MA 05, the Judges restarted the colony project. A company called Zeon started in space to develop mobile suits. By MA 20, Side 4 was complete. And by MA 50, Side 5 was complete. Luna decided to start developing Mobile Suits also, and a company called OZ started there in MA 65.

In MA 68, a terrorist group takes a Side 2 colony hostage. The Colonial Military Force is unable to reach the colony in time, and the Judges order the EMA to take care of it. The EMA responds by using a laser cannon to wipe out the colony. Two ships escape the colony before it explodes. One was captured, which was said to be piloted by members of the terrorist group. The other escaped. In MA 70, the Judges built two new Gundams: Excalibur and Inferno. They are launched to Earth. A boy named Arthur finds the Excalibur Gundam, and a boy named Pyro finds the Inferno Gundam. Pyro decides to use his Gundam to attack Earth, but the reason is unknown. Arthur tries to stop him, and they become rivals. The current leader of the EMA, Commander Kishin, decided to destroy the Gundams, stating that they were terrorists. OZ built him a mobile suit called the Anti-Gundam: Talgese. In Kishin?s hands, it was even more powerful than the present Gundams. However, Arthur managed to defeat it, also killing Kishin. Commander Creon becomes leader of the EMA. Both Excalibur and Inferno were dealt heavy damage from Talgese, and the Judges secretly repaired and upgraded them, even better than before. The Judges then launched a second batch of Gundams in MA 73. The number is unknown. However, Pyro rallied up many of these Gundams and their pilots, and declared war on the EMA. His army of Gundams was called the Gundam Total Takeover Force. Pyro enlisted the aid of any pilots who would help him, and created the Gundam Resistance Force, in order to stop Pyro?s plan. Oz gives Creon a new suit, Anti-Gundam 2: Mercurius, and in return the EMA has Oz supply their weapons. An unknown group gives a GTTF pilot a new Gundam, Epyon. Soon after, a colony is attacked by the same group. A gigantic mobile suit emerges from the colony, having similar design to the Gundams. This mobile suit is known as the Devil Suit. A battle ensues, and Mercurius is destroyed, only to be replaced by the Anti-Gundam 3: Veyate. The colony is destroyed by the Devil Suit, and the Veyate uses it?s anti-gundam cannon to obliterate the Devil Suit. A few days later, the EMA launches it?s new battleship, Satalius. The Judges then deliver 2 new Gundams to the GRF, Heavyarms and Shining Gundam. All sides of the war prepare for the final battle. In a twist of events, while Creon is at Luna, the GTTF uses the Inferno?s Psyphrame system to take over Satalius. A battle ensues, and during the battle, the Epyon suit merges with another Devil Suit. In order to defeat the GTTF, Arthur and Creon join forces. With the combined strength of Veyate and Excalibur, the Devil Epyon is destroyed. Pyro sends the battleship in a crash course towards Earth. Pyro then reveals that he was in the second ship launched from the colony, and claims he is taking his revenge on the EMA. Before the battleship enters the atmosphere, Arthur manages to activate it?s self-destruct sequence, and the remains fall into the ocean. Defeated, the GTTF retreats into the shadows.

A year later, the Judge colony is attacked by the creators of the Epyon and Devil Suit. The creators reveal themselves as the last of the Yang Judges. They unveil their newest mobile suit, Ghost Custom. A battle ensues, and after days of combat, the Judges are defeated. The Yang Judges take control of the Judge colony, and assassinate the Judges. They begin to build a new Gundam, called Doomsday Gundam. The GRF and EMA launch an attack on the Yang Judges, but the Ghost Custom appears, and the heroes retreat. The GTTF remains decide to join forces with the other heroes, in order to stop the Yang Judges. They launch another attack, and when the Ghost Custom attacks, it is destroyed by the Burning Gundam. However, the Doomsday Gundam is then revealed, and it launches an amazing attack on the heroes. They retreat, and when they return to Earth, they are met by Neo, a young boy who pilots SD Gundam, a third generation Gundam. According to a message on the SD Gundam, it is the core of a 5 part Gundam, called Hybird Gundam. Hybird Gundam is the most powerful Gundam ever built by the Judges. Creon unveils his third generation Gundam, Talgese II. The heroes work together to find the other pieces of Hybird Gundam. The final piece is on Luna, and when the 5 pieces are combined, the Hybird Gundam takes flight, going after Doomsday Gundam. A battle ensues, and the Hybrid Gundam is the clear victor. Neo then destroys the Doomsday Gundam. The Gundams then launch another attack on the Yang Judges, and a bloody battle ensues. The Yang Judges unveil their last Gundam, Armageddon. The Armageddon was based on the design of the Hybird Gundam, and the two mobile suits begin a battle to the death. The result? both Gundams destroyed by the other one. The EMA storms the Judge colony, and eradicates the Yang Judges. The remaining Gundam pilots, including Pyro and Arthur, become the new Judges. In order to hunt out the last remains of the Yang, they build a new Gundam, Gundam Sandrock. The story starts in Mobile Age 80?

[Jagan]

So far good. but a litte story and not just summarry, dialogue and suspense.

Other than that, it's a good story i feel.

[MaxSonic]

JAGAN! Have'nt seen you in a long time!

[I]The story starts in Mobile Age 80, on Side 2 colony number 3, or Colony 2-3. This colony was primarily inhabited by Asian families, who believed in the traditions of their ancestors. On this day, a trio of men from the Earth Military Alliance have come to this colony.[/I]

The men have walked into town. They are all wearing the EMA uniforms. The uniforms are dark blue with red collars. The first one is tall. He has dark hair and a mustache. He hasn?t shaved in a while, and it shows. His name is James. He is the head of the group. There is also a shorter man with blonde hair. He has no facial hair, and keeps his hand on his gun. His name is Leon. The last man is short, but bulky. He has a shaved head, and large arms. He walks like a penguin. His name is Rex.

?Now explain this mission again James.? Rex says. James sighs. ?The EMA has reason to believe that there is a top-secret weapon stored on this colony, probably designed by the Judges. We got an anonymous tip that a group called the Samura know where the weapon is. Any questions??

Rex shakes his head no, while Leon laughs. ?So, we get to kill anyone?? Leon asks. James smiles and replies, ?Depends on whether or not they tell us what we want to know.? The three stop in front of a temple. A man in a robe stands outside the temple, who has a sword at his waist.. ?Hey ninja guy! Is this the Samura temple?? asks James, rather rudely. The man opens his eyes. ?Yes. Is someone expecting you?? Leon laughs again. ?No, but we?re looking for the man in charge. Where the hell is he?? The man stands up. He moves his hand to his sword. ?You are not welcome here unless you have been invited.?

James is becoming a little agitated now. ?Listen you, we?re with the EMA. Do you understand that? That means we can do whatever the hell we want.? James steps towards the man, who quickly unsheathes his sword. Just as quickly, Leon draws his gun and fires two shots, both landing in the man?s chest. The man falls to the ground. A few men run out from the temple, all dressed like the man before. One kneels before the man lying on the ground, checking his pulse. He stands up slowly.

?You have killed one of our men. What do you have to say for yourselves?? the man asks. Leon responds, ?He was pissing us off, then he pulled out his little stick. And whom might you be?? The man glares at Leon. ?I am Kitano, head of the Samura. Who are you people?? James steps forward. ?We are with the Earth Military Alliance, and we?re here to see you. We have reason to believe that the Samura are holding a top-secret weapon. We are here to claim it for the EMA. If you don?t?well, you?ll end up like the ninja dude.?

A younger member of the group steps forward. He has long dark hair, tied up in a ponytail. He is wearing a white robe like the others. He?s very tall, and looks about 18. He has a sword at his waist. His name is Shoen. ?You people must leave before I have to defend this temple. If you do not, you will regret it indeed.? The EMA group laughs. Leon replies, ?You?re a cocky one, especially considering you don?t have one of these??
Leon pulls out his gun and puts his left hand on the back of it, about to cock it. Suddenly, in a lightning fast motion, Shoen draws his sword, dashes forward, and stabs it thru the back of Leon?s left hand and into the lower half of his right arm. Leon drops the gun, as Shoen withdraws the sword from Leon?s arm. As James and Rex draw their weapons, Shoen slashes at the guns, knocking them from James and Rex?s hands. This all happens within five seconds.

?My hand! You cut my damn hand!? Leon screams. James stand in awe of what just took place. ?You?ve done it now, boy. You?ve pissed us off.? James steps back, and withdraws what looks like a small black remote. He slams his thumb down on a button. He laughs. ?Wait until you see our new toys.? A few seconds later, three large aerial objects come forward. They are tree mobile suits. They land, and the EMA soldiers run to them. Once inside his cockpit, Leon wraps up his hand and arm.

?Now you?re gonna tell us where the damn weapon is!? Rex shouts thru his mobile suit?s speakers. Rex is in a Virgo II mobile suit. The mobile suit is green and has a screen type camera for a head. It has two large thrusters on it?s back. On it?s shoulders, it has large armored plates, each shoulder with 4 planet defensor shields on them. The mobile suit was designed by OZ. Leon has a purple Gera Doga mobile suit. This mobile suit is bulky and has spiked shoulder panels. It has a cycloptic eye camera, meaning it was designed by Zeon. The suit is holding a beam rifle. And last of all, James has red Jagd Doga mobile suit, also built by Zeon. This suit has white panels on it?s shoulders with 3 missile launchers attached. The cycloptic head is designed similar to the beak of a bird. This is the most powerful of the three suits.

?Now, ninja boy, tell us where the weapon is, and we?ll go easy on this town?, James offers. Shoen smiles. He lifts up his sword, blade facing down. He slams it into the ground. ?I will defeat you with this sword.? James laughs. Shoen slams his hand down on the end of his sword. Suddenly, the ground begins to rumble. ?What the hell?? Leon stammers. ?Something?s coming out from behind that temple.? Rex says. Just as he says, a large object begins to rise out of the ground. Shoen lifts his sword. ?Nice mobile suits. Let me show you mine.?

The suit is much larger than any of the others, but is not bulky. It?s shoulders, legs, and waist are covered with armor, similar to those worn in feudal Japan. The head of the mobile suit has two eyes, and is designed like a samurai?s helmet. Shoen runs to the suit, and uses his grappling hook to enter the cockpit. The eyes of the mobile suit flash. The arm of the suit pops out a beam saber, which lights up. The beam saber is a long blade of light, similar to a light saber from Star Wars. The mobile suit steps forward. ?How do you like it?? Shoen asks.

James remains silent. Then he responds, ?It?s still three against one. No matter how powerful that damn suit is.? James thrusts forward in his Jagd Doga, and slashes at the large suit with a beam saber. However, the suit easily dodges the attack, and counters with a Vulcan cannon shot from it?s head. While most of the shots miss, a few connect to the opponent?s leg. Rex flips a switch in his Virgo II, and the defensor shields float into position in front of the suit. The defensor shields create a barrier of energy in front of the suit, which is almost impenetrable.

?You want a swordfight, let?s go!? shouts Shoen. He thrust forward at James? suit, who holds off the slash from the large suit with a block from his beam saber. ?Damnit, his saber?s stronger.? Suddenly, the Jagd Doga withdraws a second beam saber, and slashes at the large suit, missing is just by a hair. ?I?m tired of playing these games.? Shoen responds angrily. His suit twists the handle on the beam saber, which seems to focus into more of a blade. Surprisingly, the beam from the other suit is unable to block the blade, and the large suit slices the Jagd Doga?s arm off.
?What is that thing!?? Leon shouts. Leon?s Gera Doga begins to shoot it?s beam rifle at the large suit, who backs off and sways out of the way. Shoen fires his Vulcan cannons again, but they are blocked by Virgo II?s defender shields. ?You can?t defeat us boy!? Rex calls. The large suit charges, and slashes at the defender shields. Rex laughs out loud. However, his laugh is cut short when his shield falls apart and drops. ?HE CUT THROUGH IT!? Rex says, bewildered by what just took place. The large suit slams it?s fist into the Virgo II, sending it to the ground.

?I?m getting outa here!? yells Leon, and his Gera Doga takes off. The large suit draws a strange instrument from it?s back, which attaches to his arm, and folds open to create a bow. Shoen attaches his beam saber to the bow and pulls back. The bow begins to light up. The suit releases the handle, and a large beam of energy burst forward at the Gera Doga. It connects, and the Gera Doga explodes in a flash of light.

?LEON! YOU IDIOT!? yells Rex. The large mobile suit walks towards James?s ruined suit. ?He killed an innocent man, I killed the murderer. Get your friend and leave.? Shoen commands. The Jagd Doga stands up, it?s leg screeching as it dose so. ?You will not get away with this. You cannot go around, disrespecting the EMA.? James says bitterly. Shoen replies, ?And the EMA cannot go around the colonies, imposing it?s will. The EMA is a power hungry military force. It will collapse again like it once did before. Now get out of here.? James remains silent. He then coms Rex. ?Are you okay?? Rex replies, ?Yeah, but what the hell is that thing?? Shoen stops the large mobile suit to reply. ?It?s Gundam Samurai.?

[Domon]

[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]I hate to say it but this just seems somewhat unoriginal simply because this seems a lot like the Universal Century timeline Gundam. I mean you have two warring factions (course that comes with any kind of gundam series) and then you are derviving your colony names from the name of the colonies in the UC timeline which were also called Side something or other like Side 6. Then you have the development of the Gundam as a superior secret weapon.

You really should be original in your own sense such as not combining all of the gundam series and such into one big lump, that really is just not pretty. I mean yes the gundam is nice but you have all these gundams from their own series being massed into this one series and it just doesn't seem right, I mean a Jagd Doga, a Virgo, and a Gera Doga all working together?? I wish it would happen but its just to off kilter and it just doesn't seem like you really took time in the main plot of the story.

In my own opinion you really should just go with an orignal plan and work with it from there otherwise you're just selling yourself short. Go back and re-evaluate this story, take out all of the gundam series that are existing and make your own from scratch. If you don't want to, you can make an extention of another Gundam timeline but pick one, all of these time lines and such being lumped together is not very original.[/SIZE][/COLOR]