MaxSonic: The failure

[MaxSonic]

First, let me fill you in on the story. I copied and pasted this from MyOtaku.

[i]This is a short story that really happened to me. Some of you heard in on OtakuBoards, but most of you have'nt.
A while back, in 8th grade, I met a girl named Jessica. I fell in love with her, and we became friends. Then in 9th grade, I told a friend (who was also a close friend of her's) how I felt about her, and he said I should tell her, and that he did'nt like her. Well, I wrote her a letter and got him to deliver it to her. She was neutral about it. However, not long after that, I found out that they were in a relationship. I decided to kill myself, but then my friend talked me out of it. So I decided to remain friends with Jessica for now...
Six months later, they had broken up. I decided to go after her again. But I was so determined, that I did'nt see things clearly. I began to follow her around and right her numerous letters. I started to talke about suicide, and I even got to the point where I'd cut myself with a staple to get her attention. Eventually, she got worried about it and told her mother. Her mother said not to go near me or talk to me. I tried sending Jessica and even her mom some letters, but they just made things worse. That was the end of my life as I knew it.
9 months have passed since she last talked to me. I cry all the time, and I hate myself. I have only one friend now, who is nowhere near as close as Jessica was to me. I'm seeing a psyciatrist, who dose'nt help. I'm on medications which do nothing. I can't stop thinking about Jessica. I just want to be her friend again.[/i]

A couple of months ago, it all but stopped hurting. I daydream about her all the time, which helps ease the pain. In fact, on April 1st, I returned to school. I saw her the first day, and I was fine. But then the secound day, while on the bus, I sat there staring at her. I started to feel the pain again. I just wanted to go up to her and put my arms around her. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I love her. But I could'nt. I can't talk to her or go near her. I stared to cry. I, a 6 1/2 foot tall 17 year old Junior, was curled up in a little ball on the bus crying. Now it won't go away. No matter how hard I try. I want to here your advice on this. I also want you to answer the poll, and tell me why you chose that as your answer.

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial Narrow]Can I be cliche and say move on? You've obviously hurt her somewhat, and she needs just as much time to get over it as you. Either that or you scared her. NEither is a smart idea.

You may absolutely love her, and would probably kill yourself for her, but you gotta ask yourself, does she feel the same way? If its no then move on. Pestering her isn't gonna help and neither is being depressed.

~CrH~[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[maikiratori]

Well yeah I think you do...At least until you're mentally stable. I've only been in one relationship where my ex was in love with me to the point of getting jealous when I talk to other guys and so on... It scared the **** out of me... I'm sure that Jessica is feeling the same way, especially now that you guys are going to school together again... It probably doesn't encourage her when you start crying and staring at her on the bus. I'm gonna say this, but I don't mean to be mean or anything... You need some help, maybe you don't think the psychiatrist is helping, but I'm pretty sure they are... Even if you don't think so... You keep seeing them and you'll get to the point where you won't think about her much (though that idea might scare you to death at the moment)

[Guest cloricus]

I started down that path when I first got to high school for the same reasons though early on (after about a year and a half) I realised I was just being a dickhead and dropped it. Two words make it sound easy but it wasn't, I was young with all the things that go along with that. Though I'm happy now looking back that I just didn't go further with it.

You are in the position that you never did stop which just means it will be harder to let go. How do you let go? One easy way is to just lay all your blame on the other person and you will end up hating them completely and depending on how much hurt you feel you could reck their live, but as I say that is the easy (and or weak) way out. The hard way is to realise that you are completely in the wrong (even if they had a part in it) and deal with it, surprisingly this will make you a better person as when you are depressed you can be frank about yourself and then say "damn that's a stupid thing" and then slowly work towards a way of fixing it. The first way will take a few weeks and the second could take anything from a year to several, it's your choice.

If you want to talk further just pm, aim or anything like that.

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1][color=darkred]Will any of this help you? Will any of this make her like you?

You've obviously done some...strange stuff. That is seriously weird. But...you're 17. Not even out of school. There will be others, and eventually you'll forget all about this girl.

I am highly skeptical about this...but whatever. Move on. Unless she is really forgiving then I don't think you will have a chance with her. Move on. If you really feel that strongly for her then make her happy and leave off.

Suicide? Don't be an idiot. Or a coward. Suicide is not the thing to do.[/size][/color]

[James P. Galvatron]

Just reason it out Max is she really worth all this pain, suffering, and sorrowing.
You have scared her and hurt her making her feel sad for you yet not safe around you; She may also be confused on whether she should once again talk to you or not.

You should stay away from her from a while and give her some space and try to think about something else because suicide is not the answer death is not the answer to anything.

[Semjaza]

Generally, I'd offer some sort of decent advice... but I've also been around here long enough and seen enough of your posts on the subject that I just can't help but be disinterested. It's nothing personal, but you have been dwelling on these same events for so long that they've lost all meaning and are more like obsession than actual "love".

There's nothing there to get this upset about. Why? Because there was nothing there from the start. You've taken slight interactions with a girl and somehow twisted them into some bizarre love tale that just never really existed by any stretch of the imagination. How you can become such a mess over a girl that obviously never had interest in something like this to begin with, I have no idea. How can you "loose" her if you never had her?

There are other girls out there... And let me tell you, if they knew you acted like this over one girl you never really had -- not even remotely-- their interest in you would be at rock bottom levels. You either move on from this or you're never going to have anything work out in your love life.

[MissWem]

Can I just ask you to consider how do you think it makes her feel to have you do what you do?...

Some of the things you've done to get her attention definitely will get her attention. However she probably feels more guilty maybe even sorry for you, that you'd do so many terrible things to yourself because of her.
You 'stapled' yourself because of her.
You see a psychiatrist because of her.
You cry because of her.
You probably can't concentrate in class because of her.
Most of all, you tried to kill yourself...because of her.
See a pattern?
Would you want someone who'd do those kind of things because of you?

Love isn't meant to be forced, it's either there or isn't. You can't lose what you didn't have. And to coin a cliched phrase "if you love something, let it go, if it comes back to it's yours if it doesn't then it was never yours to begin with". Maybe it's not love, just an obssession like someone else mentioned earlier.

Although usually medication takes about 3-4 weeks to start working and I'm sure you actually want to get better so talk to the psychiatrist. If you don't get along with them ie. have a good repore with them then try get a new one.

Other than that. Go have a crush on a hot female celebrity like half of the other teenage guys I know. Do some extra-curricular acitivites, perhaps you've got too much time on your hands...meet other girls..??

[pipopu]

Hmmm... I kinda understand the way you feel... loving someone so crazily that you could do almost anything for her... but will this help? Making your loved ones happy by sending her things she likes, love letters, express your feelings and so on are part of the process. In either way through the process there'll be either success, or the terrible failure. Yes, indeed you couldn't bear your love towards her, and somehow without good control you fell off your path, causing problems you having now. But just let her go... I won't say just go and forget her, cause it's really difficult to forget someone whom you loved... but she's just out of your grap, so just let it go. There's some old sayings which mention:

If you love something, let it go.
If it ever comes back, it'll forever be yours.
If it never comes back, it'll never be yours.

Based on these words I've manage to survive till now... so I hope they will help you too. Again, 17 years old is still the begining of your wonderful journey of life. Don't waste it. Go ahead and try finding other girls... surely there'll be someone out there suitable to you, right? Again, I remember some sayings:

Don't let a tree detsroy the whole forrest...

I hope you get well soon, and move on...

[Dan L]

Man, you need to face up to the truth that you've messed up good and proper. You need to quit living in your daydreams and face up to the pain- the daydreams can only numb the pain, they can never get rid of it. You need to stop looking to what you really hope can happen and start taking steps to change your circumstances, because you can never get what you want just by dreaming about it.

Like it or not, your daydreams are [i]never[/i] going to happen just like that- and as long as you spend as long daydreaming as you do, they're never going to happen at all, and you're just going to sink deeper and deeper.

basically my advice is this:

-stop hiding away from reality
-accept the pain for what it really is
-don't make excuses for yourself but accept that you're generally messed up
-take actual steps (rather than just thinking about it) towards improving your life

and that's about it

When you've faced up to the mess, then you can go about clearing it up- at the moment you're just taking every opportunity to pretend it's not there.

You can get her back as a friend, but as long as you go down the way you're going now it's not going to happen

[MarkM]

Well, I have to say that at the begining...your chances were probally quite good.

Chicks + Cutting youself and suicide threats = WTF WERE YOU THINKING?


Anyway, Just move on and find sombody else...She oviously didn't want a relationship so....why are you still dwelling on this?

-Mark

[amibasuki]

[font=Arial][size=2]*sigh* look dude, I know how you feel, probably a lot moreso than you think I do. but you're not doing anything to help yourself. if you want to stop hurting, then you're going to have to get over her. but with you staring at her when the first opportunity arises......MAN, what's WRONG with you?! :nono: you're not going to get anywhere if you fix your undivided attention on the thing you're trying to forget. it sounds like you don't even [i]want[/i] to get over her. maybe it's because since it's so natural for you to think of her all the time when you have been for such a long time, you're afraid that you won't know what to do with yourself if you don't have her influencing your thoughts anymore. and you're right, pills and psychiatrists aren't going to help you, [i]if you don't take any personal steps to change your way of thinking yourself.[/i][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]now I'm going to give you some advice. think of all the stuff that reminds you of her, like pictures, CD's (pay attention to music [i]especially[/i]), maybe certain books or movies, and even hobbies or activities. concerning all that stuff, [b]put them away and don't think of them.[/b] take all the material items and stuff them in the back of your closet for the time being. you said yourself that you were doing a bit better once you'd gone a while without seeing her. well, you're basically doing the same thing here, except this deals with material things that remind you how you think of her. I know it's not possible to completely get her out of your mind, but this will certainly give you a jump start on it.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]now that your CD rack and dresser top is literally empty and bare, start looking into new things. use this internet thing to look up different bands and types of music you could consider getting into. pick up a new hobby. read different books you normally wouldn't think of reading. drive around for a while and check out different sights or stores you haven't been in before. do ANYTHING NEW that you haven't done before, assuming it's legal. hopefully that was a no-brainer. :wigout:[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I'm not saying you have to abandon everything you had before forever, but if I were you, I'd wait to start in on that stuff again until a time when I was emotionally stable enough to handle it. if you start feeling [b]solidly normal[/b] and, dare I say, HAPPY :wave:, start taking stuff out [i]bit by bit[/i] and going over it like you would have over all that new stuff from before, and make it part of your world of new stuff. you don't want to overwhelm your new self with too many old memories at once.[/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]as for dealing with her in the present tense, if you have to see her at school, use some self-control and don't do so much as look in her direction. fight it! preoccupy yourself by reading on the bus if you have to. the [i]whole point[/i] of this 5,000-word essay is to preoccupy yourself so you don't think about her so much, or to at least fill your mind with other things so that when you do think about her, it won't be the only thing on your mind.[/size][/font]

[MaxSonic]

Thank you all for your comments. I must apologize, once again I have left out some information. We were always good friends, and I was nice to her. I never touched her, I always kept my hands to myself. I opened doors for her, and sometimes brought her food. Whenever she was in need of someone, such as when her boyfriend started yelling at her, I was there by her side. To me, she's not just a girl I care about. She's my sister, my best friend, my concler, and my protector. That is why the seperation hurts so much. Whenever I do stare at her, which so far has only been once, she could not see me. Whenever she is around I try to pretend I don't notice her. When this first happened, I thought I was innocent, that I had done nothing wrong. But after a while, it hit me. I did hurt her. I followed her around. I talked about suicide (but only was serious once). I'd cut myself. I was doing this all to get her attention. And all the while I must have been upseting her so much. She did'nt deserve to be treated the way I treated her. And in the end, when she finnaly told her mother, it was not becauce she was fed up, it was becauce she was worried about me. And [b]that[/b] is why I cannot move on. That is why I cannot sleep at night. That is why I cry. Not just becauce I miss her, but becauce I hurt her. I'll easily be able to get on without a relationship with her. It will be extremly difficult to get on without her as my friend and companion. But it is impossible for me to go any furthur without me doing one thing. I have to apologize. I have to let her know that she did'nt make me feel like hurting myself. She did'nt make me feel depressed. I just wanted her attention. I want to tell her that all I wanted to do is be there when she needed me. I wanted her to know that I did'nt mean to hurt her, and I'd give anything to take it all back. I want to tell her how I realy felt about her. That I truely love her. That she did nothing wrong, that it was all me. I have to tell her this. I have to.

[Corey]

[quote name='MaxSonic]And in the end, when she finnaly told her mother, it was not becauce she was fed up, it was becauce she was worried about me. And [b]that[/b'] is why I cannot move on.[/quote]
[size=1][color=#2F4F4F]Worrying about you doesn't mean she still likes you. The reason she might have went to her mother is because she pitied you.

You came off sounding like a stalker, maybe that's what she saw you as when she told her mother. Because you [i]were[/i] her friend, she couldn't hate/be digusted by/or completely fear you. She pitied you.

Take Amibasuki's advice to heart. It works.[/size][/color]

[Guest Spike88]

[FONT=Impact]Well, maxsonic being that one friend you mention in your little confession, I probably know you better than anyone here. Now people listen to me. This guy is not crazy and let's just say he has few friends. Look at it like this. He has told me many times that he could careless about going out with her or even talking to ehr a lot. All he wants is her forgiveness but he can't get that. I see most of you think he should lose her. Be careful remember your telling him he should lose one of the only people who ever cared about him. Most people think he's obsessed. Hey, the girl was not only someone he "loved" it was also his best friend. Try losing your best friend forever and doing everything you can to try and fix it. Maxsonic this comes from me your friend. It's hard but give up on her. I won't vote on your pole because it's the ohter way around she is losing you. I don't think you will ever lose her. In the eternal words of wisdom from me and the one who knows the story best on here. Vote on your opinion but I surely gave you mine. Later Maxsonic. Stop beating yourself up. In the end time heals all wounds later dude[/FONT]

[amibasuki]

[quote name='Spike88][font=Impact'] This guy is not crazy and let's just say he has few friends. Look at it like this. He has told me many times that he could careless about going out with her or even talking to ehr a lot. All he wants is her forgiveness but he can't get that. I see most of you think he should lose her. Be careful remember your telling him he should lose one of the only people who ever cared about him. Most people think he's obsessed. Hey, the girl was not only someone he "loved" it was also his best friend. Try losing your best friend forever and doing everything you can to try and fix it. [/font][/quote][font=Arial][size=2]whether or not he thinks of her as a love or a friend, he is still obsessing about it. and considering the nature of the past events that led to her being that estranged from him, plus the situation between them now, his measures of trying to win her back can't be the same like under regular circumstances. [/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=2][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=2]if it bothers him so badly that he just HAS to apologize, then he needs to go ahead and get it over with. if he can't because he's not allowed to talk to her, then he needs to suck it up, accept it and move on until a time when he can. worrying about it so much in the mean time is only prolonging that time. wallowing in your own muck and waiting for someone to dig you out of it isn't going to solve anything. if you've got a problem, do something about it. you just might have to accept that things might not get any better between the two of you, no matter how much you don't want that to happen.[/size][/font]

[Ashura]

Laugh, man. Laugh.
Laughing can make you feel great. Do something stupid (within the law) and laugh at how stupid you are. Do it with mates if you can. The more the merrier. I've gone through some hard times too, and laughing got me through them. I'm not gonna vote either way, but it would hurt so bad if I lost a friend as close as yours was. So I'd say to take it slow. See if she still wants to be just friends first. If she does, be a friend. Nothing else. Work from there, but take it slow.

BTW, I think she may have forgiven you. Apologise anyway if it will make you feel better, but if she's a true friend I don't think she would have held a grudge this long.

[Jagan]

Look man, I've been in half your shoes. What I did might be something for you. I wrote a page letter about how I feel about her and mailed it. I didn't give it to her or her family. Plus, I avoided her as much as possible. Now we're best friends. Her name is Chelsie Black. She's in Denton, Texas. Anyone know her?

[MaxSonic]

Thank you for your comments. Actually, I was obsessed with her. I'll be the first to admit that. I mean, I used to wait for her to get off the bus and then sing the "Jessica's getting off the bus" theme song. If that's not an obsession, I don't know what is. But it's no longer an obsession. What I feel for her is no longer a danger to her or me. I think I'll wait for a chance to apoligize. Probably some time during my Senior year.

[Xander Harris]

O.k. I would say definately apologize to her. Tell her you are sorry, and then don't talk to her again, ever.

It sounds like both of you would be a lot better off without each other.

I have some more advice, but I want to give it through some personal examples.

First of all, feeling pain when a girl you really like turns out not to be interested in you the way you are in her is normal. Many a time I have had this feeling... there's nothing wrong with it.

I think you will find, though, that many of the girls you crush over without getting anything in return are not girls you would have been happy with anyway. For instance, when I myself was in Junior High, I had a huge crush on a girl named Rhonda. I mean huge. Once, in study hall, I tried to draw every inch of her hair, because I thought it was so beautiful... I wrote a mushy love note to her, which soon found it's way to everyone in the school. That was the end of that. :laugh:

Nowadays, I can hardly stand Rhonda. Her mom is an irritating gossip, and she's not much better. She has nothing worth interacting with in her head. She is the absolute definition of stupid, annoying blonde. I can't stand her, and yet there was a time when I would have sworn I was in love with her.

Xander Harris has a great interest in women, and always has. There have been many girls I have been interested in, but nothing came of it. The worst is always when the girl starts being nice to you, and you think you have a real shot, only you soon find out the reason she is so cheerful is that she just acquired a boyfriend that isn't you...

But I go on with my life. I hang out with my male friends. I type an absurd amount of crap on Otakuboards ;) I get involved in school and church activities. When the time is right, I will find my soulmate. Until then, I just need to concentrate on being the best person I can be, so that when I find that special girl, she will have found a complete and special man.

So my advice? Keep on with the counseling, but realize that you will only be free of this obsession when you find other things to do with yourself. Ever try Roleplaying? If you are a creative fellow, that's a great way to get a bunch of guys together. Most of the friends I have I got through roleplaying. Join some extracurricular activities. Buy a new video game (preferably a strategy or RPG game) and play it obsessively. Spend more time here on Otakuboards. Go to church/synagogue/mosque/whatever more. Get out there and live a bit.

And it's o.k. to be friends with girls and nothing more. I'm friends with a wide variety girls. Hopefully one of them will end up being something more than a friend. And those that don't still make great companions.

Anyway, good luck. And don't ever try to kill yourself again.

[MaxSonic]

[SIZE=10]JESSICA TALKED TO ME!!![/SIZE]
Today, I decided to take a chance and say something to her. So I said she looked nice, (it was picture day and she was all dressed up) and she said "Thank You" like it was no big deal. Then I said hi to her later, and she said hi back. I'm going to try to apologize tommorow.

[Sara]

[size=1]Wonderful.

If you'd like to keep us posted on further exchanges, please consider using myOtaku. I do believe this thread has run its course.[/size]