Writing The Adventures of Puss in Boots

[Dragon Warrior]

Orson Welles: Greetings. I am Orson Welles. I wrote War of the Worlds and Citizen Cane. Worship me, YES! *clears throat* Anyways, this is the Adventures of Puss in Boots. I'm sorry to those of you who thought this were a porno. It isn't. I'm sorry. If you don't want to watch something that isn't porn, please leave now.

[i]8/9 of the audience leaves.[/i]

Orson: Now then, let the story begin. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *lightning flashes*

[i]It all started in the town of.. of... ummm... Oh God... what was the name again... well, it's not important. This town had Puss in Boots who was some deranged cat wearing boots. I know. WTF?

Anyways, ever since Puss was young, he fought monsters with a cheap sword he got out of a quarter machine.[/i]

Puss: Meh :3

Monster: I'm a monster :^D

Puss: Engarde, monster!

Monster: Kiss my surprisingly firm a$s >:^o

[i]He continuously got into mischief and the town got sick of it.[/i]

Town: He's a bad person :^<

[i]So they kicked him out.[/i]

Puss: ;_;

[i]So on Puss in Boots traveled until he found a princess in the woods. He watched carefully for she was just bending down to a frog.[/i]

Princess: Oh, Mr. Frog, I'll make you a prince again.

Frog: Wooha! Pucker up! *is kissed and turns into handsome prince* Yays! *suddenly turns into hideous ogre*

Princess: What the flying fuckles?!

Ogre: I am the evil ogre Ruberry Pie... erm... shut up about the name. Anyways, I wanna do stuff to you. Come with me >:^D

Princess: No :^(

Ogre: >:^o

[i]At this moment, Puss in Boots leapt out of the bushes, plastic sword drawn![/i]

Puss: Engarde, hoe!

Ogre: Eegad! It's... umm... who are you?

Puss: Puss in Boots. I have come to rescue this maiden.

Princess: But you're a frickin' cat in boots.

Ogre: And did you get that sword out of a quarter machine?

Puss: ;_;

Princess: Screw you! I wanna be saved by a real prince.

[i]And so the three waited for a real prince. And waited. And waited. And just when they thought they had the need to play some Gamecube, a handsome prince did not arrive.[/i]

Puss: Can I save you now?

Princess: I suppose ;_;

Puss: *pokes the ogre with the plastic sword* Take that!

Ogre: Haha! Stop it! Hahahaha! That tickles. Don't! Hahaha! *grabs up Puss in Boots* ENOUGH OF THIS! You must die so I can do things to this princess!

Puss: What... kind of things?

Ogre: I wanna paint her face. I'm good at face painting. *points at roadkill with a rainbow on its cheek*

Puss: That has to be the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

Ogre: Now you die!

[i]But Puss in Boots was more craftier than that. He took off his giant boot and took out a real sword, which he tossed aside and then took out a box of jelly beans.[/i]

Puss: Hungry?

Ogre: Otay :^D *eats*

Puss: *grabs princess* Run!

Princess: *runs for it, dragging Puss in Boots across the ground*

Puss: Ow! Oo! Son of a-EEE! Crap! That's gonna-OH MY-AHHH!!!!

[i]It wasn't long before they had escaped Ruberry Pie. The Princess sat down on a log and panted heavily. Puss tended to his broken limbs.[/i]

Princess: I guess I should thank you for saving me, but I'm not gonna.

Puss: *turns his broken neck around to look at her* Wha?

Princess: You're just a deranged feline in giant boots with a weird hat and a plastic sword.

Puss: My plastic sword! I left it behind :^o

Princess: Oh my God! You are sad! *stands up* Well, we need a place to stay for the night. Or, at least, I do.

Puss: Umm... about about there? *points a messed up finger towards a peaceful-looking inn*

Princess: ******* no! I'm a princess! *wanders towards the dark scary castle on the hill* Now that's better.

Puss: But princess... that castle has the evil sexy sorcerer Gavynn inside. ;_;

Princess: Uh huh. Nice. *walks through front door*

Puss: Frickle pickle. *stands up and wobbles through the gates*

[i]Inside, the two endure complete and utter horror. Pictures of Carrottop are plastered all over the walls.[/i]

Princess: AHHH!!!11

???: Sowwy :< *turns on lights and the pictures turn to sexy photos of Gavynn* For some reason, my pictures look like that in the dark.

Puss: Gavynn >:^o

Gavynn: *stares down at the diseased-looking cat blob* WTF IS THAT?

Princess: I dunno. *kicks Puss out the door* Let's go make babies :^D

[i]The doors closed leaving Puss outside in the cold with his wounds. He gradually got up and started climbing the walls of the castle.[/i]

Puss: I must get inside before they make babies >:^o

[i]He suddenly heard sounds from Gavynn's bedroom. Puss leapt in to see... TEH BABY MAKING MACHINE![/i]

Puss: HOLY SHITONIES! The urban legends were true!

Gavynn: Yesh! *laughs evilly* The Baby Making Machine is real as you and me.

Puss: Well, I'm not too real. I'm a fictional character in this story as are you.

Gavynn: True :< But nevertheless, I shall make babies with the help of the princess >:^D

Princess: *gets inside the machine* La la la...

Puss: Am I the only one who has noticed this story makes no sense?

Gavynn: And now, I shall just throw the switch! *is kicked in his kerplasterm* Ow! My kerplasterm!

Puss: Your what?

Gavynn: I dunno. You kicked it. O.o

Princess: Ahem >:^(

Gavynn/Puss: Sorry ;_;

[i]Puss and Gavynn began to fight to the death as the machine and the princess made babies (how, I dunno). Puss was losing greatly to Gavynn's sexiness and it wasn't long before he was mangled on the floor once again.[/i]

Gavynn: Now, no one can stop me.

[i]But Gavynn was wrong! Puss' Fairy Godfather came through the window... well... he got stuck, but eventually got through the window with the help from tinkerbell.[/i]

Godfather: Hey, wassa matta wit you? *slaps Puss* Get up or I'll give ya somethin' to really cry about, capeesh?

Puss: Hey, aren't you from the movie Godfather?

Godfather: Umm... *runs out the door*

Gavynn: Muhahahaha! I didn't notice you talking to your Godfather. Muhahahaha!

Puss: Well, good, because that gives me time to transform into... [b]PUSS IN GUNDAM ARMOR![/b]

Gavynn: WTF? O.o

Puss: I have gone Gundam! *crushes Gavynn and saves the princess from the machine* Let's fly!

[i]And so they took off out of the castle.[/i]

Princess: You idiot cat! The machine already made some babies! They're sexy and will try to take over the world.

Puss: Save it for another time. For now... PUSS IN BOOTS... AWAAAA-*hits a building*

Orson Welles: And so, Gavynn the evil sexy sorcerer has been defeated. But his babies live. Will they do what the Princess says and try to take over the world? I dunno. I do commercials now. Actually, I'm dead. That sucks. I'm gone. *leaves*

[center]DUH END[/center]

----

I dunno. I was bored ;_;

[Ryu_Sakura]

*Falls over laughing and pounds the floor till there is a dent in the wood* Um.. oops.. Anyway... THAT'S GOT TO BE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I'VE EVER READ! Ehem except for my stories! *evil laughter* But your's I gotta admit is funny, and the scary thing is is that I've read 'Puss In Boots' but it's very differnt from that... anyway... I COMMAND YOU TO MAKE A SECOND CHAPTER! *clears throat* Ehem *bursts out laughing and falls on the floor agian*

[Dragon Warrior]

Heh. Well, this wasn't exactly a planned chapter book ^_^; That was just a result of boredom. I've never actually read or had the knowledge of anything on Puss in Boots so I was just winging it and making fun of something I've never actually seen. Silly puss :<

[Ryu_Sakura]

You should read the actual Puss in Boots book, it's well, there's really no princess involved, except for the one the peasnt boy falls in love with... or a dead (haha) sexy evil person... Puss helps people... Like, he goes and gets fish to sell for the peasnt so he can buy clothes.... But write another chapter, I want to see what happens with the sexy babies. lol

[Dragon Warrior]

Heh, maybe I will. He's quite an odd character, in my opinion, so I'll pick up a copy when I get the chance. As for another part to mine, maybe. Just watch for another thread. If I do make another, it'll be "Puss in Boots Returns!" ^_^

[Guest Joey Killer]

[COLOR=Red][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hullo...All I have to say is..."ROCK ON, MAN!!!!" That story kicked *ss! Okay I'll admit, Joey didn't die, but screw it! I never knew that a story could be sooooooo
f*ckin' funny while still avoiding the cussin' and naughty situations (Hold that thought.....well there WERE naughty situations......you get the point, right?)....

You see, I tend to do all the funny story writing and picture drawing (You can guess what I write about....go on guess....JOEY ya dumbass!!), so I never get to sit back and read some grade-A matreial that's not mine,......Awwwww.....damn! I gotta go!

I'm your number-one fan!!!!!
[/FONT] [/SIZE] [/COLOR]

[Dragon Warrior]

[QUOTE=Joey Killer][COLOR=Red][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Hullo...All I have to say is..."ROCK ON, MAN!!!!" That story kicked *ss! Okay I'll admit, Joey didn't die, but screw it! I never knew that a story could be sooooooo
f*ckin' funny while still avoiding the cussin' and naughty situations (Hold that thought.....well there WERE naughty situations......you get the point, right?)....

You see, I tend to do all the funny story writing and picture drawing (You can guess what I write about....go on guess....JOEY ya dumbass!!), so I never get to sit back and read some grade-A matreial that's not mine,......Awwwww.....damn! I gotta go!

I'm your number-one fan!!!!!
[/FONT] [/SIZE] [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

Ya know, I say the same thing. I've always wanted to watch animations here on OB that aren't mine. I've wanted to see comics drawn by members that aren't by me. Ya know? I'll watch out for your work then ^_^

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]O_O ..Tina... are you.. okay? Oh wait. You're always like that. Nevermind! ^____^

So, nice story Dragon Warrior. Puss in Boots used to be one of my favorite fictional characters when I was little. It's probably been... nine years since I've read something about that lil' mischievious cat in boots. Yeah. I thought it was HILARIOUS.

Just like your others, I loved it. But.. I think this is the only one that I've actually replied too. O_O *Starts backing away slowly*[/color][/size]

[Dragon Warrior]

No. You've replied to most of my movies/animations and I believe you posted in [u]Pirates of the Otakuboards[/u]. Possibly [u]Syk3's Guide to Modding Your *** Off[/u]. I could be wrong, but meh.

Thanks for the comment anyways. I'm now plotting [u]Puss in Boots Returns[/u]!

[Kitty]

[color=blue][size=1]Actually, DW, I KNOW I've replied to many of your creations in the Art Forum, but not in the LITERATURE forum.

I read them, then plan on replying, then.. just forget I guess. But I'm glad I replied to this one. ^_____^[/color][/size]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I'm sorry, but I just don't like this one as much as your others. I found it to be slightly...all over the place? It didn't really have a concentrated plot, and it was silly and random, which I didn't really find funny. Your other stories are often much better, though. Of course, like you said, you were bored, which could just be that.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]This was my favorite part of this piece:[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font]
[i][b][font=Verdana][size=1]Inside, the two endure complete and utter horror. Pictures of Carrottop are plastered all over the walls.[/size][/font][/b][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=1]Princess: AHHH!!!11[/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[i][font=Verdana][size=1]???: Sowwy :< *turns on lights and the pictures turn to sexy photos of Gavynn* For some reason, my pictures look like that in the dark.[/size][/font][/i]
[font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]I thought that was pretty good, actually, hee.[/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1] [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So, yes. While usually I immensely enjoy your pieces, this one wasn't as good. [However, [i]do[/i] keep writing them, or I shall be incredibly displeased, heh.][/size][/font]

[Dragon Warrior]

Heh, yeah. Sorry bout that, but boredom hits a certain note. But you won't find such displeasing work in [u]Puss in Boots Returns[/u] since I [i]know[/i] what I'm writing this time. Last time, I was running on a goofy thought of a cat in big leather boots ;_;