Writing Dawn-A Short Story

[Onix]

This is my apparently really good and somewhat sad story, titled Dawn.
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The light from the rising sun spread heat across my body. I took in the shining orb of life and basked in its warmth. My legs dangled over the edge of the roof, five stories up. A week ago, I wouldn?t have cared if I suddenly slipped and fell to the Earth. Now, I wished I had a safety harness, so I didn?t have to worry about losing all I had gained.
?Ty??
I turned, and saw her. The sun bore down on her, making her hair glisten like a sheet of fire, and her emerald-green eyes glitter. An expression of concern and fear graced her beautiful countenance. Even in the simple white t-shirt and jeans, she still surpassed Aphrodite in beauty.
?What, Sara?? I questioned, smiling warmly. There had been little to smile about for a long time, so I made sure to do so as much as possible.
?Why are you up so early?? she asked, even though she had a different though in mind. And for good reason.
?I?m just sittin? in the sun, basking in its warmth,? I said. ?I need the heat, since your feet are so cold,? I added, smiling devilishly.
?You jerk!? she ?yelled? in mock-anger. She then smiled and laughed, and a second sun was born.
Maybe you?re confused. Probably, I should say. You see, a week ago, my life was crap. Pure, putrid, festering, crap. I had nothing to live for, except her. And she didn?t even seem to care.
It was at a Chinese restaurant my epiphany started. Not quite the setting they come up with in Hollywood, eh? Anyway, I had finished some anonymous meal (I didn?t care at the time what I ate. Could?ve been the Kentucky Fried Rat they talk about in Urban Legends, for all I cared) and was about to eat my fortune cookie. I broke open the dessert and read the tiny slip of paper.
?Always darkest before the dawn,? it read.
?Yeah right,? I muttered darkly.
Maybe I should explain why my life sucked. You see, I had just gotten fired from my job. Cosmic laugh #1. Next, I came home to find out my pure, innocent, sweet baby sister Karen had been leading on two of her best friends, TJ and David, in love triangle so complex and disturbing it would confuse even the most prolific Soap Opera star. Cosmic laugh #2. And then, the big whammy, the grand Kahuna, the biggest belly laugh the Cosmos ever had. I found out my best friend, secret crush, and favorite person in the entire damn world has been dating another guy. And not just any guy, oh no, that would be too kind. It was my other best friend, Mark Isenburg, the teen-dream rock-star.
The Universe definitely hated me.
So, after reading this innocent little piece of paper, I decided that I was the biggest butt of the meanest joke the Universe could come up with. So, I decided to find myself a way out.
While leaving the fine establishment, I had the poor luck to run into one of the biggest, meanest, surliest bikers in the world. He turned around and bashed me right in the nose.
I had difficulty deciding whose shot was cheaper, the big guy?s or the Big Guy?s (God, if you needed to ask).
Nursing my broken nose with my NEW handkerchief (now doused in blood), with the occasional droplet staining my NEW leather jacket, which had already been stained by some moron?s coffee on the bus.
So, as I was saying, I was walking home and (big surprise) it started to rain. Just like Hollywood, right? And then, some genius in his (probably) new Sports Car raced along, dousing me with muddy water. Classic bad day material.
I could only think about one thing. Suicide. It seemed the only way out of this never-ending nightmare. As I walked, I was contemplating the best way to go about it.
I briefly thought about cutting myself, but I couldn?t. Too messy, and my roommate would probably find me first and report it before I bled to death. Hanging seemed like it might be good, but sometimes you don?t break your neck instantly and have to strangle, and that?s a bad way to go, plus I could get found first. Then it hit me.
Jumping.
Clean, easy, and almost no chance of surviving long enough to be stopped. It was perfect.
So, I headed to one of the tallest buildings I could think of. Unfortunately (for my death wish, anyway) it was Sara?s office. So technically, it was good I went there.
I went to the building and headed immediately to the elevator. The two people next to me both had colds. Brilliant. But still, it didn?t matter, as dead men don?t get colds.
I got off at the top floor and headed towards the stairs when I saw them. Matt and Sara walking towards her office. Most definitely not the best thing that could happen right now.
I ducked into the Men?s Room and decided that I might as well relieve myself. I had heard that you release your bowels and bladder upon death anyway. I really didn?t want to die like that.
So, as I water the proverbial daisies, who should walk in, but Mark. My life had officially become a friggin cliché.
But back to my horrid life. So, Mark walks in and stands in the next stall, not noticing me. Which was good, him not noticing. Unfortunately, he turned his head.
?Oh, hey Ty!? he said.
?Um, Mark, hi,? I said, trying to act nonchalant.
?How?s life on your end, man?? he asked, perfectly cheerful and unaware of the horrible, gut-wrenching pain it was causing me to talk to the asshole that stole my best friend/secret love from me.
?Oh, things are?good?? I muttered, trying to conceal the fact I was lying through my teeth.
?Good. So, come here to visit Sara?? he asked.
?Oh, uh, no. Here looking for a job, actually. Scopin? out the real estate. Job-wise, of course. Not like I want to live here, or anything,? I rambled. Actually, I wanted to tell him, I want to die here. And take you with me.
?Oh, cool. I?ll ask Sara if she could figure out a way for you two to work together. She?s missed you, dude. We all have,? he said, warmly.
Great, I thought. I?m in the Men?s Room of the building I plan on jumping off of being comforted by the one person in the world I didn?t want to see right now.
My life officially sucked the big one at that point.
So, I finished up, washed up, and left. Sara had vacated the hall it would appear (okay, my life isn?t too terribly cliché, but still) and went to the stairwell. As I opened the door to the roof, I saw a dark sky, pitch black even. I hadn?t realized until now just how late it was. I checked my watch, revealing the time to be 5:00. Time flies when you?re contemplating suicide. Or something like that.
I stepped forward to the edge, and psyched my self up for the plunge. It was a long drop, 15 stories I think. Soon, I?d have been street pizza, hot of the concrete griddle. Would you like Extra Irony on your Cosmic Butt?
I was about to step forward, when I remembered. I had forgotten to give someone the note. I reached in my pocket and read it again.
[I]Dear Everyone,
Sorry that I have to go, but life just sucks. Karen, don?t think it was your fault. It wasn?t. I love you, baby sis, and trust me, you?ll be in my thoughts. Mom, Dad, you didn?t raise me wrong, I?m just in some hard times and I can?t handle it any more. I love you. Everybody, don?t worry. You can keep it together. It?s just, I can?t. Mark, keep rockin. Maria, stay cute. Will, make like Bill Gates and make it big. Joey, you got it in you, oyu can be what you want to be. TJ, you cool. David, you were like a little brother. Keep Karen company. Mia, Cory, Kevin, I didn?t get to know you well enough, and I?m sorry for it. You all keep it real, and remember, you?ll all be with me. And Sara, even though I could never tell you, I love you. Always have, always will. Sorry to leave you, but I gotta.
-Ty[/I]
I sighed and walked to the door. I figured I?d slip it under Sara?s door before leaving.
Unfortunately (again, I mean that for my suicide-side), Sara appeared at last. She looked scared?worried?sad, and I couldn?t bare it.
I shoved the note into her hands and turned, heading back towards the ledge.
?Ty, stop!? she yelled.
I froze and turned back to face her. She had begun to cry.
?Why, Ty? Why are you doing this?? she said, between heart-wrenching sobs.
?Sara?? I started. Seeing her standing there, tears flowing down her face, I couldn?t bare it.
?No!? she yelled. ?You don?t deserve to even explain yourself!? Her face had changed from sadness to anger. Her eyes burned with a furious flame. ?You stupid?jerk! Why would you hurt us like this!??
?Sara, I??
?Stop!? she snapped. ?Please, come back with me. We can work it out,? she said, becoming sad again.
?No, I can?t. Sara, you?re part of the problem.?
?What?? she gasped.
?It?s not so much you as?you and Mark?? I said, looking away, ashamed.
?You?you love me?don?t you?? she said, confused.
I looked back at her. Confused, sad, terrified, even now she was beautiful.
?Yes,? I said, at last confessing it to her. ?I?I?m sorry. I?m making it sound like my problems are all you. It?s not just that?it?s?other stuff. It?s complicated.?
?Then we?ll work it all out. It?ll be fine Ty,? she said, taking my hand.
I walked back with her. I learned later that Mark had mentioned how I seemed to be acting odd, and that I had headed for the roof. She had bolted just in time to find me.
Mark took the break-up well. He is currently dating one of his various groupies. Me and Sara are ?involved?. Things are certainly looking up.
?Ty,? she asked, snapping me out of my daze.
?What, Sara?? I asked, smiling down at her.
?What were you thinking about,? she said looking up at me a bit confused.
?My epiphany, actually. That, and how much I hate fortune cookies,? I said, nodding my head for emphasis.
?And why, pray tell, do you hate fortune cookies?? she asked, eyebrows raised.
?Because they should always be right,? I said, just before kissing her.
We sat there, huddled together, as we basked in the light of the new dawn. At last, we decided to go back inside.
I grabbed her hand and said to her, ?Come on Charlie.?
?Charlie?? she asked, again confused.
?The angel,? I said. Seeing how she was still confused, I added, ?The angel from It?s A Wonderful Life? The one that stopped George Bailey??
?Oh, right. That one,? she said, smiling.
?It suits you. You saved me from jumping,? I said. ?And you?re definitely an angel,? I added, kissing her on the forehead.
?Well then, George. Let?s get some breakfast,? she said racing ahead.
I laughed and looked up at the sky.
?Can I have another night soon?? I asked the clouds. ?Because dawn is definitely worth the wait.?[/SIZE]
And yes, I know that the angel from 'It's a Wonderful Life' was named Clarence. My character is the one who didn't know.

[Albane]

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!! (Did I emphasise that enough?) That was awsome, seriously. I'm a writer and I'm working on a book but...damn...after reading that I'm pretty freakin' sure you're a better writer then I am. (For the time being any ways but give me a break I'm only 15).
I don't usually give huge compliments but this story deserves one.
That was as good as Stephen King stories (I know the genres are totally different but I'm comparing the writing talent only).
I need to ask you something: how long have you been writing?
Please say more then 4 years other wise I'm going to look really bad.
(Just so you know I've been actually trying writing short stories for 4 years that's why I brought this up). One more thing, how did this plot come to you?

[Onix]

Thanks for your complements, and you don't know how much equating me to Stephen King (my idol) makes me happy. I think I've been writing for more than four years, though maybe not as seriously as I do now.
As for my inspiration...well, this was for a school assignment. We had to enter the Reflections contest and the theme was 'What Makes Me Happy.' This is pretty much what made my character happy, so...
Although, I didn't win squat. Just got a 'Cudos on Entry' thing. Sigh. At least it isn't as bad as my friend's experience. She wrote a story about a murderer and what makes him happy, and, well, she kinda got referred to the school counselor. :sweat: She's generally okay, though.
And, since you are a writer, have you posted anything? Maybe I can help you reach my level.
*Beats ego with a stick*
Sorry. My ego is so huge it's taken on a life of its own. Really annoying.
Anywho, thanks for the major compliment. You have made my day.
-ULX

[Albane]

I have a poem I wrote called "Sing to the Sarrow" in this literature forum so if you want to you can check that out. Maybe I can post one of my short stories, The Traveling Brat, as well.
(I'm not sure I'd really call it short, it's about 15 pages long using MS Word).

Anyways, I'll give you a little heads up on the story. It's about this kid who has a really neglected/abusive relationship with his parents so he decides to run away from home. He has a few hardships and finds a few friends along the way. To know more you'll just have to read it. ;)