Personal Space.

[Panda]

Different cultures have different amounts of personal space. In some cultures it is acceptable to be close enought to touch shoulders when standing next to someone when they are speaking to you, even if they are just a stranger. While other cultures it is not acceptable to even touch.

This brings me to my question to everyone here. How big is your personal space bubble? When is close too close? Have you ever been in a situation where you felt really uncomfortable because the person you were talking to was just way to close to you?

For me it depends on who it is. If it is a close friend or family member I don't mind them touching me. If it is a stranger then about 5 feet away, or a desk/counter away from me is fine. Anything closer to that is uncomfortable to me. I have a fairly big personal bubble. I will go to the opposite side of an elevator when getting in if someone else is in there. I just like my space.

The most uncomfortable situation I have been in when someone invaded my personal bubble has to be the time a 75 year old man kissed me...on the lips! I work with lots of senior citizens and many of them are grandparents (or great grandparents) and treat me like a grandchild. I get lots of hugs and candy from them. This one day my little 75 year old man had his arms out like he wanted a hug. So I went over to give him a goodbye hug and then the kissed me! On the lips! Eeeeegah! That has to be the most uncomfortable, and disturbing, invasion of my personal bubble ever! :eek:

This is the reason I love the internet so much, no one can invade my personal space!

Now that you know my story, tell me your story! How big is your personal space, when is close too close and what is the most uncomfortable situation you have been in?

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]I have to say it depends on the person I'm around.

For example, if I'm aound my husband (on the rare occasions it happens) or one of my close friends or family I like to be close enough for comfort. If I bump knees with one of my friends I'm okay. We even squish into places if we have to. Infact, if I had an actual bubble, I'd let them bounce around inside.

But some people just creep me out and I try to stay away from them. Infact, that's the case where I want people to stay out of my 'bubble' It's realy bad when you have this 5/6 month pregnant belly sticking out though and people are all can I touch your belly. And it's not nice to hit people, but still....

I have a few stories of invasion of personal space and one actually made my normally easy going (IE not possesive acting) husband (then boyfriend) want to knock the guy out. That's the one I'm going to tell:

A few years ago after a movie, Lincoln, his battle buddy and I stopped at a Denny's by the Movie Theater. I had completely forgotten that this really freaky guy who has a crush on me (I worked with his sister at a grocery store and he'd always come up and touch me) worked there. We ordered our food and then the guy came out and put his arm around me and starting talking. As soon as he got near me I stiffened up and got real uneasy. After like a minute (who knows) Lincoln pulled me over near him and wanted to know if I wanted him to kick the guy's ***. I really didn't know what to say to that because I'd never seen Lincoln act like that before or since, but atleast that guy never bothered me again.

In daycamp once some kid came up and kissed me on my brithday, but I don't remember teh whole thing-except I punched him. :laugh: [/color]

[Brasil]

[font=Arial][size=2][quote name='ChibiHorsewoman][color=darkviolet']But some people just creep me out and I try to stay away from them. [/color][/quote][/size][/font]

[font=Arial][size=2]I seem to attract the loons. There's this one girl at Rutgers, who is a bit...I want to say "not all there." See, I think she's a nice girl, and she probably is, but I don't think she has any social skills whatsoever. She speaks without thinking, it seems, and has no regard for what is actually going on in a conversation. She has random interjections of random topics that are totally unrelated to anything my friends and I are talking about. Needless to say, I try to not come within arm's reach of her. She is one of the very few people to cause me to shudder when she makes physical contact with me. I should include an email I just got from her that talked about my "aura" today.[/size][/font]

[color=#0000a0][font=Arial][QUOTE][color=#0000a0]Hey,! Just wanna tell you that you had a white light about you today. Your aura seemed to glow. As a Witchy person I notice such things, most of the time I don't tell ppl bc they just don't get it. You seem so cleansed, alive. I don't know, what the hell, maybe u were just stoned off ur ***. Either that or u've been nuked....hehe...I'm just being silly. I know a shining aura when I see one. I think it's wonderful. I always tell my friends stuff like this...I hope u don't mind. Ppl may think I'm crazy, when ppl do that I tell them that I am what they think I am...as I cannot control what they think, they always think what they want anyway. I'm in quite an odd mood. I have to do an oral pres for Ms. Gess, on whatelse, a Witch. Anyhow, I'll be going now, and I'm sorry if this aura white light confuses the **** out of you. It's just nice to see, that's all. [/color][/font][font=Arial][color=#0000a0]Peace and regards,[/color][/font]
[font=Arial][color=#0000a0]Please keep your white light, it suits you well,[/color][/QUOTE] [/font]

[font=Arial][color=black]Yeah...you all see what I mean, lol.[/color][/font]

[font=Arial][color=#000000]Other than this girl, I'm pretty much fine with physical contact. I'm a hugger, heh. Up until a few months ago, I wasn't this carefree. An aspect of Tourette's Syndrome is a hypersensitivity to unwanted/unexpected physical contact. Basically, if I don't like you, or am unfamiliar with you, or just generally uncomfortable around you, I will react negatively if you touch me in any way.[/color][/font]

[font=Arial][color=#000000]Sounds bad, I know, but I've learned to control that unconscious reaction. And the strangest thing about that is, back sometime last year, a former friend of mine insisted on tickling me, even with the very explicit request from me that she stop. She didn't stop, and found her hand in between my teeth. I left teethmarks that can probably still be seen today, albeit barely. This friend wasn't too happy with that, to say the least. On top of the matter, I showed no remorse for doing it. Apparently, she didn't like the idea that there were consequences for her actions.[/color][/font]

[/color][font=Arial][color=#000000]Flash forward to a few months later, when she and I are hanging out with Brandi, a friend of mine from Rutgers. Over those months, I began the intensive self-control process. Now, she and Brandi begin tickling me mercilessly. I felt that strong urge to react negatively and I was able to suppress it. Had I reacted how my subconscious wanted to react, there would have been bloodshed, and that would have served nobody. But this self-control wasn't proper, so it seems. My friend got very hurt and insulted that I "would bite [my] best friend without remorse or regret, but I wouldn't bite a complete stranger."[/color][/font]

[font=Arial]Self-control goes a long way, and personal space is something that some people still do not understand, apparently.[/font]

[font=Arial]So, if it wasn't already clear, when someone pisses me off through unwanted physical contact, I will give them a warning, a very clear and explicit warning. I use self-control up to a point, but past that point, my voice stops doing the work and my teeth go to action, lol.[/font]

[font=Arial]Violent? Perhaps. Disturbing? Perhaps. But cross the line with me and violate my personal bubble without my blessing, and you're going down fast.[/font]

[Balinese]

[FONT=Comic Sans MS]like chibihorsewoman said, it depends on the people. when i'm with my pals (ninelives, darkwolf, and many more) we hug and squeeze into my mom's car (which is like a tuna can with seatbelts) whenever. it gets to a point though...

i can be either extremely exuberantly huggable or icy untouchable (bipolar disorder can be weird that way), and when people get to me in my icy mood and try to touch me, they can get a fist in the nose for their troubles. (Case in point, my ex-boyfriend.)

i also hate it when people who can be really nice otherwise decide that you're their bestest pal and do stupid stuff. this kid... gah. he and i are pretty close, so i gave him a kiss on the cheek, and he decided to pull me in for a kiss on the lips. i wanted to sock him, but it's not fair to sock the guy... he has CP and is in a wheelchair. >.<[/FONT]

[IceWolfEyes]

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[Baron Samedi]

[size=1][color=darkred]I have never had too much of a problem with personal space... I never really had anyone push their way in, so to speak,or anything like that. I'd say that with some people there is a limit, with others I don't mind. I for example have, over the last few weeks, turned into a total Teddy Bear. If I don't get ten or so hugs everyday, then there is something wrong. Seriously, there are these few girls and everytime I see them they just hug me. It isn't uncomfortable or anything- if I had a problem with my personal space there would be a problem. I never was really possessive of my own space, because at home I could just sit around on my own anyway. But, I have become free-er with my personal space lately. So, it's all good.[/size][/color]

[wiccansamurai]

If its my female friends, I'm fine with them. Its the guys I'm careful with now.

I allowed a guy friend too much into my personal bubble and he took advantage of it and got wandering hands while I was sleeping. :mad: Ever since then, I've been extra careful around guys.

And another guy, just this weekend, was getting too close for comfort. He said he was afraid of heights while we were on a ski lift thingy, and used my thigh as a handrail. And, yes, there was a proper handrail. And then he got on the bus and patted my thigh. (My brother got up and yelled at him. :love: ) And then the next day he went on a bunch of high roller coasters and I tried to figure out what happened to his fear of heights. And every time I said I was dizzy after getting off a ride, he'd put his hand on my back, no matter how many times I pulled away when he did that.

Maybe I just have bad luck with having guy friends in band....

[Japan]

When it comes to personal space, it all depends on the situation, and the people I'm with.

When it is my friends, whom, I am not necessarily tight with, I don't like them touching me in any personal way. Poking me, tapping me on the shoulder, and standing right by me is alright. Though, I get really nervous if someone I don't know and trust very well hugs me. In fact, I hate it. When someone hugs me, and when I don't like the person, they know it. Not that I hurt them or anything. I just get this look on my face saying, "What the heck are you doing?" I also don't hug back. That's for both guys and girls.

With guys or gals that I am close to hug me or what not, I don't mind. They can get as close as they want, as long as they don't get too personal. That goes for my guy friends. If guys get to close to me for comfort, I can make them stop real easily. >_>

I get really nervous when someone tries to kiss me, whether they are close to me or not. I am just that way I guess.

Since I am mostly a shy person in real life, I usually have a huge personal space for complete strangers. I just get really nervous when they get to close to me. If they get to close, I have to back away, or go straight to where a really close friend is.

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial Narrow]My personal space requirements vary. With people I know well its fine, I can hack it. But if I don't like you or don't know you you can stay the f**k away. I don't know why... but if I want to learn about someone or meet someone new I'll go up to them to meet them. I'm odd I think.

And on bodily contact - no. That's all.

~CrH~[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Sara]

[size=1]With my friends, I really don't care. There's a large, changing sort of group of people that I hang out with on weekends (Carr knows what I'm talking about), and we generally get along pretty well. I've met them through another friend, so I'm not in close contact with any of them. But when we're watching movies, or whatnot, people are generally commanded to all pile on the couch so everyone can see. It kind of freaked me out at first (two years ago...yeesh), but it's just fun.

I get bothered if people I dislike try to get too close to me, especially as that's usually accompanied by some condescending explanation of something they don't understand...Meh. But I guess I'm fairly easy-going. [/size]

[eleanor]

[color=firebrick] I let my best friend climb all over me whenever she wants [granted she's not trying to steal something from me], and unless it's someone I don't like, I basically don't care how close anyone is to me. My friends and I [b]always[/b] end up having a giant sleeping bag fight whenever we sleep over together and we're usually piled on top of each other laughing ourselves silly.

I mean, I'm not going to let guys jump on me and start harrassing me, but I'm usually very carefree about personal space.[/color]

[amibasuki]

[font=Arial]my 'bubble' has a radius of about one foot. I become uncomfortable once that one foot is breached. it really shows in groups pictures, too. everybody will be all huddled in, trying to fit and whatnot, and I'll look like I'm trying to stand as far away from the person beside me as possible. it's not like I consciously try to lol, since most of the time I don't even realize I'm doing it. I've tried getting better about that recently, so I don't get as weird nowadays when the situation arises.[/font]

[Maully]

[color=green]I am very protective of my personal space. My friends and I are close, but we're not really huggers. I hate going to a bar or club and having to fight my way through the place or not being able to stand somewhere without being touched or shoved or groped. I avoid those places a lot of the time now. I also consider sounds that are loud and bothersome an intrusion to my personal space.

Conversely, with my significant other, my personal space seems to disappear. I lvoe to hug him and hold his hand and just have physical contact with him. [/color]

[DeathBug]

[color=indigo][size=1][font=comic sans ms]Hmm....I actually have little problems with personal space, despite being terribly anti-social. I'm actually starting to miss contact; a friend of mine used to always get very close to me, until she got a boyfriend. Now, I get no contact at all. I need a hug.[/color][/size][/font]

[Nats]

My personal space is tiny, that's probably because my sister always demands a hug from me. My friends and I don't hug much, I just really don't know why. When it comes to the boys, I'm a little more concerned. Ever since I have joined my new school, there has been one boy who refuses to leave me alone. Squeezing my a** and his hand crawling up my thigh are the most frequent things he does. And I was [i]so[/i] disappointed in D.T. when I found out he hated me. :rolleyes:

And now another boy has joined the act, hip hip horray. :rolleyes: I can't be bothered to describe this one. He basically pretends to have a crush on me, I'm all right with this one because he does that with every girl in the year.

My friends find it hilarious when he calls my name in that squarky voice. They are doomed. :flaming:

[Dan L]

I have a tendency to let people get as close as they want to get (with set boundaries, of course...) in most circumstances.. occasionally I'll find someone who really winds me up the wrong way and I want nothing to do with them- but I don't particularly condone that attitude so it usually wears off..

There are people who I tend to be a lot closer to than others, but usually I let the closeness be dictated by the depth of the friendship- the deeper it is, the closer I am naturally.

However I do find that I really need to spend some time on my own every so often (the more regular the better, to a certain point) in order to function when I'm around people- hence I'm an introvert, in that I tend to recharge my batteries away from people rather than with them.