Meeting People

[Doll]

[COLOR=Purple]I was wondering...I'm only fourteen, I live in a not so great park, my family dosen't usally leave the house, and I'm homeschooled...So how on earth can I make freinds!? The few freinds that I've had either: A. Used me B.Beat me up or C. They said they were my freinds only because they don't want me to be sad, but I can see the hatered they hold for me within their eyes. My mum looks concerned whenever I say that I'm happier without any freindsand that I could always make freinds online, but she tells me that I should get some real freinds that I can go to the movies with and have parties with, but given the sitiation..I can't. Even if I went to school or something I have a really really hard time talking to people(except for online). You may consider me very childish by posting somthing so dumb, but I needed to say it. Even though posting this won't help me with freinds, it does help me release some of the emotions I left bottled up within me.


Sorry if this is an inconvinence, if it is you have every right to delete it.

Sincerely, Your Vampire: Doll [/COLOR]

[Solo Tremaine]

[COLOR=#503F86]Well, meeting new friends that you can actually like and will look after you as you look after them can be a rather ambiguous thing to do- you have to look for places you can find them, but then not try and enforce yourself on them to become friends. It's best to let things happen naturally.

I went through a bad friends patch when I was trying to avoid some other people I'd just broken up with. I was patronised, bullied, left behind, etc but I didn't care because I was trying to avoid the first group of friends I'd left. It didn't take too long for me to find other friends, though. They cane come in some unexpected places, heh.

Of course, it helps if you look happy. If you look sad all the time people are more likely to want to be with someone who looks like they're going to give them a fun time, especially at your kind of age. I'm not suggesting that you do look depressed all the time, or that you're not a fun person to be with, but you have to have confidence in yourself that you can actually have friends. If you can do that and know where to look then you should be alright.

As much as I love the people I've met online, you really need physical companionship as well. It's human nature, if nothing else, to actually be [i]with[/i] someone rather than just talk over a computer screen. Try taking out a few hobbies that you enjoy; like drama, reading clubs or anything else you're interested in. Chances are, if you meet someone with the same interests then you could wind up becoming friends. It's not guaranteed, but it's a start.[/COLOR]

[Doll]

[COLOR=Purple]You have a good point. I shoould probabley stop complaining, get off my butt and go look for some. LOL I probably should look for a club...Mabee an art club, a book club, or a drama club. I'd probably find a freind there. So I'll make this message short and start looking right away! Thank you!! :D :D

Sincerely, Your Vampire: Doll [/COLOR]

[The Vampire: Ed]

We're actually a lot a like in the friend department. I've been used and stabbed in the back so many times, by friends and family alike, I'm the human equivalent of a pin cushion, figuratively speaking of course. Anyway, I, like you, said similar things about not having many friends. I said I was better off without them, one is all I need, etc. However, I still hold that true to this day. It's not that I don't or can't befriend people, it's just that I never feel compelled to, not anymore at least. Online it's obviously a different story, people can become friends easier because online friendships mostly never are focused on appearance or objects it's always about who you really are on the inside. Well, it's nice to have these online friends, but even an untrusting guy like myself knows it's not enough. Just try and find friends who are accepting and caring of you and your differences or similarities.

[Ryu_Sakura]

[FONT=Fixedsys][COLOR=DarkOrange]Crackers... *steals*

Anyway, I am very anti-social, I have a few really good friends, but other then that I have many pen pals. I used to be the most popular girl in schoo (Grade K-early Grade 4), then I became 'great' friends with a backstabber, she found my secrets, and told the people who hated me enough already, in 3 days, I had only one friend, (we still talk, but we aren't on the 'friend' level) then as soon as I made more friends she dropped me. Now I'm stuck with those who I met at that time (with about 6 additions, in a 3-4 year time period!)[/COLOR][/FONT]

[The Vampire: Ed]

[QUOTE=Ryu_Sakura][FONT=Fixedsys][COLOR=DarkOrange]Crackers... *steals*

Anyway, I am very anti-social, I have a few really good friends, but other then that I have many pen pals. I used to be the most popular girl in schoo (Grade K-early Grade 4), then I became 'great' friends with a backstabber, she found my secrets, and told the people who hated me enough already, in 3 days, I had only one friend, (we still talk, but we aren't on the 'friend' level) then as soon as I made more friends she dropped me. Now I'm stuck with those who I met at that time (with about 6 additions, in a 3-4 year time period!)[/COLOR][/FONT][/QUOTE]
You're not actually antisocial, at least I doubt it. I always thought I was antisocial as well, but I found out that being antisocial doesn't mean that you're someone with poor social skills. Actually the real definition of antisocial is defined as having a lack of conscience. Here's the full definition:

[quote][b]Antisocial[/b]
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.[/quote]

There you have it. You're actually avoident.

[quote][b]Avoidant[/b]
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.[/quote]

There was no real reason for me to post this I guess, but I figured it would be good for people to know the actual definition of antisocial.

[Ryu_Sakura]

[FONT=Fixedsys][COLOR=DarkOrange]Hm.. then what I looked up was incorrect. Meh, but people do need to get a kick in the butt once in a while, oh and you spelled [I]aggressive[/I] wrong.

And just so you know, I have lots of self-confidence, why else would I freakin' yell at teachers, glare at others, and be plain old mean to peopple I don't like? I'm not freakin' afriad of others, they are afraid of me, (it's not my fault I'm the cutest little girl in school who just happens to be able to kick ***). :P

Oh, and if I offended anyone, I don't care, I'm in a real pissy mood! :flaming: My twin sister stole my colored pencils, and left them at her friends house! :( Now I can't finish my art assigment! And I won't be able to get into Accelerated Art!!! Annoying little sisters. *steal's Skye's chair and wacks her sister who just walked into the room* ::BANG:: Mwahahaha. I feel a bit better, now I just need to find a solid folding chair and smak her down the stairs till she goes over to her friens house and gets them back! (Our mom won't drive her back to her friends house but she's too lazy to walk)[/COLOR][/FONT]

[The Vampire: Ed]

I didn't spell aggressive wrong, I took that definition right off a web site. The misspelling was on their part. Anyway, my post wasn't meant to offend you or anything, I was just letting you know what antisocial really meant. Besides those definitions alone don't mean anything, they're just the basic definitions. I took them straight off of a personality test page, and there are levels assigned to each category depending on what your answers are. It doesn't mean that the whole definition applies to you, but some of it may.

[Doll]

*Doll reads over the defenition of avoident 80 times*

....Whaaaaaaaaaaaa :bawl: Why am I avoident!? LOL
Thanks you guys your advice helped. And what wasn't advice cheered me up. LOL

BTW If my brother ever stole my colored pencils he wouldn't live long enogh to go to school the next day. LOL

[Darius_Stomu]

*smirks at the kid being wacked...* Reminds me of my younger years...

Anyways, should you need help at all, I'm one of the best bleeding hearts in my school. I'm usually not one for good advice but you can, at the least tell me your problems.

If anything though, you can concider everyone that has posted in this topic a friend. My definition of a friend is one who helps another in need, even if it's constant. So, if anything, I'll lend you my ear for the day when you need it.

Ugh....just listen to me...I'm being a friggin' hypocrit...

Thanks for posting those defienitions though Ed. It's now got me set straight that I truly am anti-social. ^^;

[Guest RayWing Blitz]

[FONT=Book Antiqua]Hey, I'm home-schooled too! Likewise, I'm not a very social person...at all. My social status goes as this:

When around people I don't know well, the lip is zipped, and I feel really nervous. :wigout: Very shy, in other words.
When around good ol' buddies, I'm loud and comfortable. :laugh:

So, yeah, it just all depends on the situation where to be extrovert or introverted.
- RayWing Blitz[/FONT]

[Darius_Stomu]

Guess that most people don't like to talk alot. I mean, in the morning at my school, it's very quiet except for the damn preps...they tend to be the loudest of the entire school. Unfortunatly though, I have 3 of my 4 classes full of preps. And the only ones that arn't are me and my ex...ugh....

Some tips to friend making. (Though like I said, my tips arn't usually good.)
1. Find a person with some interests that you share. For me, it's M:TG, only the best TCG ever created! *Day dreams about flying on Treva, The Renewer's back...*

2. When you're talking amongst friends, try your hardest to get to them. Knowing most people like I do, they'll tend to ignore you unless you can actually project (Right?) yourself.

3. Before going out to find friends, shower. Trust me. You're new friends will most likly not want to go hang around town with "smelly".

[Panda]

::takes some crackers from ed::

Thanks TVE for the definitions there. I now see that I am avoidant. That just hit the nail on the head. By chance did that definition have my picture by it? :p I find that making friends online is much easier for me than IRL. It doesn't matter what gender you are, how much money you have, what size you are, where in the world you live...online you are all right next to each other. The playing field is equalized. I have made many friends online and even got to meet a few of them. I had to go to Ohio for a veterinary conference and it just happened to be in the same town as one of my online friends who I got to meet! It's fun to finally put faces and screen names together.

Solo is right though, having physical companionship is important. I have 2 very close friends who are in my hometown. They are the ones I go shopping and hang out with. Sometimes you just have to take the chance on a friend. If you don't try, you may be missing out. At least you can say that you gave it a shot versus always wondering what would have happend.

I guess what it comes down to is be yourself and your true friends, online or in real life, will like you no matter what. :)