Writing New character story (UNDONE)

[DeadlyDrifter]

My life will never be figured out. Noone will ever know what happened to me back then. Not even my very dearest freind. Read this carefully and you might figure it out but if you do dont tell anyone, because if you do ill kill you. So here is the story of what noone has ever figured out.
For centuries Ive lived for killing, I am the samurai that no one relizes I am. They just think that i am an worthless scum like my lord who has kicked me out of the sacred clan that rare people know about, and if they do they dissapear. I will get reveange on what happened so long ago. But im wreckless easily noticed but ignored. I act stupid and mentaly ill so that i wont be suspected. So you should watch out because once I get you no one will ever see you again you wont even go to heaven you will just be a mear image in the forest for ever.
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Reply after you read this please to tell me what you think and i cant think of a japanease name for this character that would also help if after you read you could reply one to thnx

[Flashlight]

#1 thing I see that ruins perfectly good stories is bad spelling and grammer. You should really type this up on a program like microsoft word first and make use of the spell check and grammer check, and then go through it yourself since the spell check may miss a few things. No one is not spelled noone.

[quote]They just think that i am an worthless scum like my lord who has kicked me out of the sacred clan that rare people know about, and if they do they dissapear[/quote]

Take more time to make your sentances look a bit better. This one is terrible. You should have panned it out more, turned it into three or four sentances and give us more detail rather than just rushing through this. Also, you must read it over and make sure it makes sense to you.
'rare people know about'? What makes these people so rare? I think your may have meant rarely, and that makes a lot more sense, but even then it would sound better 'peple rarely know about'. That order of words also has a great impact on how the story sounds.

Right now, this just seems like an idea, hastily typed up before it was lost. Not something that should be posted for criticism just yet. You should take time to make it much longer and turn it into a full story.

And, as for finding a japanese name for your character, just type in "Japanese Names" in the google search engine and choose from whatever sounds good to you.

Develop this character and his/her background more, make a fuller story about him/her, then post the results. I look forward to it. :)

[DeadlyDrifter]

OK thanks for the feed back and suggestions and it was kinda of a character for a comic that im going to TRY: to make and ill post it at my sight so check that out if you want to