Writing --Losshearth--

[Dragon Warrior]

[center][size=3][u]Losshearth[/u][/size][/center]

Maybe it didn?t happen in your world. Maybe it didn?t happen at all. It could?ve occurred in a parallel universe, another realm, or even through a wormhole. It?s just for sure that it was like our Earth. Humans, animals, trees, skies, the works. Everything down to the last tale of history. You can fight the fact that it never took place, but there are those who do know it did unless they?re a figment of the story as well.

I guess it all started when the world of Earth was attacked by demons. Sounds crazy, right? Yeah, that?s what they thought too. No one believed it until it was on the news and they saw their neighbors running for safe soil. By then, it was too late. Not many survived the main invasion where the demons wasted away our main civilizations. Whole farm acres were up in flames from a single monster, cities gone in a fireball. The world was lost with few people alive to tell of it. That?s how the new earth got it?s name: Losshearth. It means ?lost world,? which is just what it was--a world lost to the demons.

After the first attack settled down and little to no cases of demon attacks were heard of, the people of Losshearth began to flock back to the ruined cities to see if their loved ones survived. Most didn?t. Instead, people were chosen to be leaders of newly founded ?kingdoms,? as they called it. Their resources were very limited and they seemed to of gone back to more primitive days. Living in stone castles they built from rubble and metal parts. Their technology was cut short and the closest they got to was a gun that didn?t work properly. The world was, once more, a world of the middle ages.

Keeping most of their present properties, people tried to go back to the regular lives. It wasn?t possible. They began to lose control of themselves. Many ran out into the wilderness alone where they?d eventually be taken down and eaten by demons. That?s how it was. The demons didn?t attack. They waited for their pray. That made everyone uneasy. With the lack of nuclear and mechanical weapons, people began going back to what was used when technology wasn?t present. This included swordplay and bow. People were trained to fight, for it?d determine their existence. The leader and his family were trained more than anyone else since, in times of crisis, they?d be the main defenders of their people.

As the years passed by, life began to come back to the planet where the demons didn?t remain. Trees and plant-life, water and stream, no longer did the skies glow with darkness and fire. It is safer to journey. If only the people of Losshearth could find some materials, they could form new weapons to fight. They had the minds, but no way to use them. That?s what this story entails. To tells of a noble warrior and his companions who journey into the unknown to find a sacred place where no demon has touched and build their ultimate vengeance.

This warrior that is named is Matthias, last name not given for last names no longer abide in this new world. His grandfather, Mortetine, was the first ruler of their castle Asonolog. After the passing of the fair ruler Mortetine, Matthias? father Looden took the throne. It wasn?t until shortly after Matthias turned three that something tragic occurred?


It was an incredible battle. Word from Castle Lendenbergus came that demons were approaching their way and afterwards, Castle Asonolog. Immediately Looden ordered his men to accompany his brother?s side. He rode away to battle with his general and best friend Jaken by his side. The rest of his army followed. The fight was long and hard and it wasn?t until the near end of the fight did a flying demon horn pierce the breast of Asonolog?s lord. Jaken was there to attend his lord and friend. It seemed that was the end of Looden. His death was coming and sorrow would soon sweep the kingdom of Asonolog.

?Look after Matthias,? were his last words to Jaken or anyone as his grip on Jaken?s hands loosened, became still, dropped.

There was a victory that day, but not a proud one. Lendendergus was very grateful, but mourned the death of Asonolog?s leader. With Matthias being too young, Jaken happily accepted to take his best friend?s place. With Jaken in command, maybe Asonolog would prosper. Or maybe it will fall. That is yet to be foreseen. But what will be wondered is what will occur in the life of Matthias that ties him in with the fate of his friends, his kingdom, and his world. This is Losshearth, a world once lost, but a world soon to be found once more.

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[size=3][b]20 Years Later[/b][/size]

?Matthias?? A boy of around the age of sixteen ran through the stables of Asonolog. It was bright and early in the morning and the sun had just started to show through the misty clouds, lighting the dew like sparkling stars from above. He wore peasant clothes, not to mention dirty ones, which further proved he was a stable boy. ?Matthias, you there?? He peered over a gate to one of the horse stalls and saw Matthias sitting down on a wooden crate brushing a horse. ?There you are, Matthias. Mercutio is looking for you.?

Matthias didn?t bother to look at the boy. ?What does he want now??

?He needs you to help with the pen?s gate for the horses. It broke again.?

Matthias looked over at the boy, then back at the horse who he began brushing again. After seconds, he finally said, ?I?m busy.?

?Mercutio sounds pissed. You better get going.?

Matthias stood up and sighed. ?You know you shouldn?t be swearing, Hallen. Your father wouldn?t let you hang out with the older boys if he caught you saying that dirty talk.? Matthias opened the gate causing Hallen to jump down from his perch. Hallen laughed.

?My father would not. He thinks I?m a fine boy. I can swear all I want and he wouldn?t have a clue in hell-? Hallen suddenly let out a yelp as his father gripped his ear and tugged.

?You listen to Master Matthias, Hallen, my boy. He knows what?s best.? Hallen squirmed and when his father let him go, he took off running out of the stables. The man laughed and rubbed his large gut.

?Thank ye, Matthias. He may think he has me fooled, but I know better.?

?He?s still growing, Mr. Barbos. Give him time to mature.? Barbos laughed again and took off his hat to wipe his brow.

?Ha! When?? The two walked out of the stables in the direction of one of the castle gates and the path to the horse pen. ?So, I hear you may get a job helping paint a portrait of Lord Jaken??

Matthias looked down at his feet and laughed. ?Heh, yeah. New project. He knows I?m really fascinated by art.?

Barbos fixed his tunic and handled his small hammer. He was a blacksmith, you see. ?And you?re good at it too, don?t ye know. I say you?re just the person in this God forsaken kingdom to do the job.? He felt his bald spot, then his patch of hair around the side of his head, then finally placing his cap back on, he made his way through the door. ?Good luck with it, though.?

?Thanks, Barbos.? Barbos nodded and closed the door behind him after passing over the stone threshold. Matthias beamed and made his way towards the pen. His smile soon slopped to a frown when he spotted the dark expression Mercutio had painted across his face.

?Glad you could make it,? Mercutio said sarcastically.

?I?m here and that?s all that matters,? Matthias grumbled. He stepped up to the table Mercutio had set up outside to lay out some plans on. ?What do you want?? Mercutio suddenly slammed a large book down on the unsteady woodwork.

?Build the new fence.?

?All of it? By myself??

?That?s the order.?

?Who?s order? Yours??

?I work under the order of my pops. Whatever I say, goes. Ya got that? Not get to work before I tell my father about your slacking.? Mercutio then pushed past Matthias, but not before smacking shoulders with him first. Matthias grimaced at his rival. Mercutio has always had it out for Matthias ever since Matthias could remember. The guy just plain isn?t loveable, in Matt?s eyes. He?s nice to everyone else. So far, Matthias can only figured Mercutio despises him because Jaken raises him as his own and makes it appear Matthias is the favorite over Jaken?s real son. Makes perfect sense, yes, but Matthias didn?t want to believe Jaken favored him over his own son. It was crazy. And yet, Matthias couldn?t help, but feel sorry for Mercutio. He did have the artistic talent before Matthias, but Matthias was recognized by everyone for it before Merc was, including by his own father. This was just one of the troubles living in this type of world. Feelings showed through and grudges were made like table salt. Hopefully things would change soon. That?s what Matthias wanted.


After the hard day of back-breaking labor, Matthias finished the fence. He heard gossip that all Merc did all day was sat back and chatted with some of the maidens. Typical Merc. He had the looks of a movie star--well, at least what Matthias thought a movie star looked like. He decided to not fight with Mercutio about it and go up to one of the tower balconies and enjoy the cool evening breeze.

He was leaning over the ledge looking out at the setting sun when a girl approached him. Turning, he saw it was one of his few friends, Jocelyn. ?Jocelyn,? he said her name in his mind and out of his mouth.

?Hey, Matt,? she said. She was one of the only few allowed to call him that. If Merc did it, Matthias usually would want to sock him, but then again, he is the leader?s son and next in line to take the throne. Jocelyn leaned against the balcony like Matt had just been doing. Her eyes glistened with the new stars out in the sky. ?The sunset sure is pretty tonight.?

?Yeah, I like it,? Matthias said in his normal, sloppy and slurry language.

?Doesn?t it make you think, Matt??

Matthias turned around and leaned over the balcony again to look at what Jocelyn was. ?Yeah, it kind of does.? Jocelyn grinned and looked at him. ?What do you think of, Matt??

Matt just stared, then shook himself out of his trance. ?I?m sorry, what??

Jocelyn laughed and punched him playfully in the arm. ?Matt! Listen to me.?

Matthias looked at her crazily. ?I am!?

?I asked you what does it make you think about??

?What does what make me think about what??

?Ohhh, you?re hopeless,? she said, putting her head in her hands and looking back out at the sunset. Matthias followed her gaze.

?Oh, the sunset.?

?Yes.?

?Oh, geeze, I don?t know.?

?Matt,? she repeated his name and smiled. After moments of staring at the sky as it darkened, only the torches lit their balcony. The stars only supplied a dab of light. ?I think of another.?

?Another??

?Another person that will be with me always. A true friend--or maybe more.?

?Really??

?Yes,? she said. She then turned back to Matthias and grinned. Matthias, being like he is, never took a hint in his life. He just went on.

?Good luck with that.?

Jocelyn stood up and stared blankly. ?Yeah.?

?Jocelyn,? came a voice from behind. Matthias and Jocelyn turned to see Mercutio. Jocelyn walked past Merc, but once out of eyesight, turned back to look at the two on the balcony. Mercutio then approached his rival. ?What were you doing??

?Nothing, Mercutio. I was just on this balcony and she came over and-?

?I don?t want to hear any of your bullsh*t, Matt.? Mercutio?s tone had risen. What were you doing with my girl?? That?s another thing. Jocelyn was with Mercutio. Jocelyn liking Matthias and Matthias not taking the hint never helped. Since Jocelyn is Matthias? best pal, Mercutio becomes rather suspicious often. This time, he?s gone over the edge.

?I already told you, Mercutio. We?ve gone through this.? Matthias? face suddenly burst into a ray of pain. Mercutio?s fist had met his cheek. He had punched Matt.

Matthias looked at Mercutio, shock and anger mixing in his expression. Mercutio never actually hit him. ?You stay away, Matt. I don?t want you near her--[I]ever[/I]!? With that, Mercutio left. Jocelyn had been long gone by then. Matthias stayed on the balcony for a great while after. He had a lot to contemplate.

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That's it for the storyline so far. I'm just getting out the characters right now, but it'll grow into the real storyline/adventure very shortly.

[Brasil]

I reply for two reasons.

One, this is a fantastic story. DW, this is very strong writing, and the tone is spot-on for the material. It's a great concept. It's been done before, and using it runs the risk of the story sounding tired, but you skillfully avoid falling into the conventional tone of a piece like this, and make it sound very fresh. I'm interested already from just reading the backstory.

The idea of technology being destroyed and the people being forced back into the Middle Ages is great, because it allows for social commentary on our dependence on technology, and what we become without it. I found traces of Epic of Gilgamest in there, especially with the forest section. The fear of the unknown, desire to survive in the face of a dominating nature/outside force.

Two, this should be read. As you've mentioned to me, people view you as a comedic writer and that's it, and really, your strength lies with this type of work.

Kudos, DW.

[Dragon Warrior]

Well, word up, girl ^_^ Thank ya. I've never actually finished a serious story before (mostly because support and inspiration is scarce), so I'm just hoping for something different soon. If I do finish a serious story, it's short and it's been forced by a school assignment XD They're usually crap too. I'll write more of this, but only if more than one person wants to read on. It's not worth my time for just one person, even you ^_^;

[terra]

From this first section, Matthias seems almost too clueless and nice, and Mercutio seems too typically the bad guy. What I mean is, the two characters fall perfectly into the stereotypes we have of the unsuspecting hero and the jealous brother. Of course, it's not very long right now so you haven't had time to develop a lot of characterization, I'm just letting you know what I think.

In general I think your narrative sections are much stronger than your conversation ones. The conversations seem a little stilted, and not quite like they could happen in real life. You might want to try reading them out loud to yourself and seeing if you and your friends would ever sound like that. The back story part is written well, though.

And I'm wondering what will happen next, so I want to read on, too :).