mace_lightning Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 A soft wisper in the ear, yearning to be heard. The cold prick of fingers, yearning to touch. Dimly lit eyes wander, yearning to see. Forgotten, left behind in darkness. The lungs with great pain pull, Yearning for breath. "Let me be heard! Let me touch you! I want to see! I want to breath!" light comes, and then warmpth. A loved ones face hovers with great worry and despair. Breath again, See again, Touch again, For now Death has departed, But it will come again................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mamimi_Sagimi Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 now that i must say was moving, it was good, really good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shippou Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 that was just beutiful *sob*. it truely was moving. there is nothing else to say but that was moving. Shippou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mace_lightning Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 Thank you! :love: keep a good look out, you can b sure i'll be writing more poetry. ;) :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: :love: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 [COLOR=Pink][SIZE=2][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Wow.. this is very well written and i must say i love it. It pulls the reader right in their and they get involved emitionally. Please keep on writting i would like to see more of your work. ~MEW~ <((_^)>[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Midnight Rush Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 This seems to me, and this is merely my opinion, like an introduction to something greater. To put it another way it is sort of like the intake of breath before someone speaks and then stops. For an introduction its decent, seems a bit floaty though, but whatever floats your boat. If it were me, I'd attempt to add more substance rather than this sort of neo feminine mystical feeling. You might think I'm being a hard ***, and I am, but no hard feelings. Grade: C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mace_lightning Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 ouch! but thanks for the imput! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AngelofDesire Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Very lovely indeed, but your style is seem most often in other poems :stupid: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Asphyxia Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 [font=Verdana][size=1]Guys, please take note that 1 line posts that basically say "I like it, very good", or "It's very pretty" [i]aren't[/i] allowed. To quote [url=http://otakuboards.com/forumdisplay.php?f=57][b]The Constructive Criticism Thread[/b][/url]:[/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][i]Posts will either be deleted or edited with a warning about post quality. Of course, post quality applies here as much as it does elsewhere on the boards. When you are talking about someone's work, try to explain why you feel a certain way about it. Talk about what you like or what you don't like...but don't simply say "I like it" or "I don't like it", or ?I wish I could write like that.? Discuss the reasoning behind your thoughts.[/i][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]If the quality of this thread doesn't improve, I'm going to have to close it.[/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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