Writing callmegoddess04's Spur of the moment poetry...

[Skye]

GAH! I was reading thorugh the poem of the day thread, and a poem popped in my brain. I almost said head, but that would have rymed... gah! Don't have a title for this one.

You told her no
She followed you home
You slammed the door
In her picture perfect face

She kept on coming
Following you everywhere
And when you asked her why
this is what she said

You've got a good home
You've got a good life
Why can't I be a part
Of it?

You say you're generous
You say you give to charity
But if thats true then why
Won't you talk to me?

He avoided her day and night
He tried to make her leave
But everytime he said no
She would say the same thing

You've got a good home
You've got a good life
Why can't I be a part
Of it?

You say you're generous
You say you give to charity
But if thats true then why
Won't you talk to me?

How is it?

[Epsilon]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=SlateGray]Very nice poem, callmegoddess04.

I like the style that you've written it in. Also, the feeling it gives off through out the poem; from start to end. I think you've done a great job on both of the two's personalities, and that the girl...Really does want to be apart of the boy's life. But there is a bit of a flaw in your grammar in the line;

But if thats true then why
Won't you talk to me?

You could have added a bit more effect of wanting with the girl saying why at then end of the sentence and then at the begging of the question. Plus "thats" should actually be "that's" For the compound word of "that is."...But both flow very nicely within your poem.
[/COLOR][/SIZE]

[Skye]

Wow, thanks Ruby. I'm very glad you like it. ^_^; Typo. Thats all. Yeah, that was kind of what i wanted to imply in it. I'm glad someone liked it enough to comment!

I Am

I have no explanation
For what I'm meant to be
I have no obligation
Of how I'm to proceed

I only know I'm here for good
Or at least until I die
For when you take a good look
You?ll see it in my eyes

I am because
I'm meant to be
I am because
Of sincerity

No one can tear me down
I will live long enough to cry
But I am because
I am

I won?t try to explain to you
Or even try to find
Who else I could be now or then
Or to whom I will confide

My life is mine, yet not at all
I am who I should be
I will let life takes its course
And take its toll on me


I am because
I stand up tall
I am because
I will not fall

No one can tear me down
I will live long enough to be
But I am because
I am me

You don't know hwo long it took me to do that one. The beats kinda off, and the rymes.. ugh. I still like it, though.

[Muad'Dib]

[COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]Well, yeah, you could've done better with the rhyming, but the message it sends is pretty good once you understand it.The beat [i]does[/i] need to be fixed, as it seems a bit... hmm... choppy. It's short though, so I like it!

The first one flowed pretty well, even if i didn't rhyme, though I think you could have made it a bit longer... or maybe I'd just like to see it longer. Whatever. Your style is very literal, witch can be a good thing because they're easier to understand when a poem is literal.

Nice job over-all.[/COLOR]