Sui Generis Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 [COLOR=Indigo]Well its been quite some time since I've posted on this thing, and almost that same amount of time since I've written anything. Not really sure, but I had the sudden desire to write a poem, so I scribbled this down. Comments/Criticism...the whole 9 yards. Do your worst... When the moon fails to rise, and the sun always sets, I know you'll be there, offering your loving embrace. When the nights last forever, and the warmth never enters, I know you'll be waiting, With your loving embrace. When the wind blows, and the sheering rain always falls I know you'll be smiling with your loving embrace. When no one is around, and the lights turned off, I know you'll be watching, with your loving embrace. Then when you fall down, and the pain never stops. Just know I'll be there, with my loving embrace.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xander Harris Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 I like each verse until their last lines.... Maybe make a chorus with the "loving embrace" in it and give each verse a new ending... I really like the first two verses... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexandria Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 Yeah, here it comes.... AWWWWW! It's so sweet! I'm so used to hearing sad, angsty, death poetry/verses. It's a lovely change. I can't help but squeal, forgive me. I like the repitition of the poem and then how it turns at the very end, and yet still keeps the same basic idea. Adorable. X3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AngelofDesire Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. so very pretty So very pretty all of your work. [font=Verdana][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=red]Please do not double post. If you want to say something more than you already have, just edit your previous post. ^_^ -- Lady Asphyxia[/color][/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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