Cutting

[TOTALIMMORTAL]

[FONT=Century Gothic][COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=2] :( Hey people. I'm in need of some serious help. I've liked this girl named Ally all year and just a few weeks ago I worked up the nerve to ask her out and she said yes. I don't think I have ever been happier. So now we've been dating for about two weeks. We've already made out and held hands and all that good stuff so whatever. We both know each other very well and we're comfortable talking about anything at all together. Well anywayz, Ally is a cutter. I've known since just about when I first met her and she doesn't try to keep it a secret from me. I've never really known how serious her problem is though. We talk about it together and I try my best to help her and make her feel better but she really needs help. She has small scars all over her arms and hands and stomach. Her mom has found some of them and she sent Ally to therapy but soon stopped. At least once a week Ally comes to school crying and really messed up and tells me she did it again. I hate to see her like that. I hug her and help as best I can and we talk about it but she needs more. I don't know what I would do if something serious were to happen to her. I've actually thought about cutting too but I'm afraid I might get hooked to it also. I know Ally wants to stop. She thinks she is psycho but I know she isn't. I told her that she's not psycho and that it's just a bad habit that she doesn't know how to stop. I know she really wants to stop, she told me she's at least trying not to now. She's been doing it for almost a year now and she told me she started cause she was bored but now she can't stop. I also know a few other of her friends cut too. I've at least gotten her to promise me she won't kill herself. I would do anything at all to help her stop. I worry to death about her. I love her and I don't know what I'd do without her, she's totally changed my life. If anybody at all has any ideas whatsoever on how I can help Ally please tell me.....[/SIZE][/COLOR][/FONT]

[Guest cloricus]

You cannot stop her, simple as that, sorry mate.

Encouragement to challenge her self to keep the blade down for as long as she can, then try to beat that time and all that with help from friends (you/others) until she losses the urge is all anyone who isn't her can do. One of the biggest things you personally can do is if she does try to quit is to make sure she doesn't just replace it with some thing else, excessive drinking, dangerous thrill seeking, smoking things other than cigs and the more powerful drugs. (Or no drugs at all.)

I have no idea how old you are, and at a guess I'd say you are reasonably young (and so is she) but serious cutting can start off as small and immature then develop into far worse problems. So try your best to help her quit but as I said up the post, there is nothing you really can do as it is a chemical addiction.

[Shwa]

Its a real shame to hear about your girlfriend being a cutter and continuing to do so, but like cloricus, you basically cannot stop her from doing it. Cutters basically have phychological (sp) reason for causing themselves pain and suffering by cutting themselves. Simple as that, they dont know how to deal with their problems/anger so they decide to abuse their bodies for compensation or relief. Maybe you should try to get your girlfriend to stay with the theropy for a long time and stick with it a well. So thats basically all the advice I can give you and al, sorry if its no much help but I'm not one who believes hurting yourself to get rid of something is the right way to go.

~Laters

[Solo Tremaine]

[quote name='TOTALIMMORTAL][font=Century Gothic][color=darkred][size=2]I've actually thought about cutting too but I'm afraid I might get hooked to it also.[/size][/color'][/font][/quote][color=#503f86]Don't start doing it yourself- if anything that will reinforce her need to keep cutting: she might feel like it's her fault that you started doing it and so feel guilty about it, get more depressed and then cut herself more. Or, if nothing else, she won't feel that she has a need to stop, because you're doing it with her.

I have a few friends who cut themselves, but they often don't realise the damage they cause to those around them. At least Ally knows she wants to stop- that's getting one step closer.

It sounds like you're doing all you can at the moment. Just be there for her when she needs you, and try and keep her occupied with other things. Maybe you could try asking her to phone you whenever she feels like cutting herself and then talk about it instead. That might help take her mind off it at the time.

Good luck.[/color]

[Milo]

[QUOTE]Maybe you should try to get your girlfriend to stay with the theropy for a long time and stick with it a well. [/QUOTE]

That's a great suggestion. Unless you're a registered therapist/psychologist, you can merely support her. It is not YOUR responsibility to get this young lady to stop cutting. You can only help yourself, so you needn't feel that you are the one to blame for not being able to get your girlfriend to stop.

It seems she's quit therapy many times, and isn't taking her problem nearly seriously enough. Not only that, she's putting YOU through stress by continuing. Maybe you need to get strict to get her to quit. You could make an ultimatum, such as "You [I]need[/I] help...and I can't give it to you. You need professional help. This doesn't mean you're 'crazy' or anything like that; this problem is just too big for either of us. So, I'm getting tough; if you decide to drop out of therapy, I'll (insert bad thing you could do, such as break up, if need be)."

Tough love, TotalImmortal.

Milo :whoops:

[Transtic Nerve]

I never understood cutting. I cannot figure why anyone, in their right mind, would actually cut themselves. Now I believe everyone has the potential to be smart, but with stuff like cutting, thats just f-ing stupid. I don't care how messed up in the head you are, you should be able to relate "cutting" to "pain" and "pain" to "bad." which is obviously never good, therefor WHY DO IT? It doens't accomplish anything. I've had chronic depression since I was 13, I know what it's like to be depressed, but I went to a therapist, I never cut myself.

You know what you need to do. You need to take her to a therapist, or have her mom do it (whatever) and make sure she friggin stays there. If she can't do that, you should yell at her for being a stupid moron, and then if she still doesn't get it, abandon all hope and HER. Maybe she'll understand how dumb she was then.

[Milo]

[QUOTE]I never understood cutting. I cannot figure why anyone, in their right mind, would actually cut themselves.[/QUOTE]

People who cut are trying to relieve stress by hurting themselves. They do not know how to normally deal with stressful situations, so they resort to hurting themselves. It's sort of like someone who binge eats when they're upset; it is soothing at the time, but they suffer later for it.

When cutters injure themselves, they feel soothed for the time being, as if some of their anger/tension/nervousness may be gone for a bit. But, of course, it comes back again.

Well, Transtic Nerve, it's good you don't understand, in a way; probably means you'll never become a cutter. (Only 1% of Americans are cutters, anyway.) Either that, or you're not a masochist in any way. ~__^

[QUOTE]I've had chronic depression since I was 13, I know what it's like to be depressed, but I went to a therapist, I never cut myself.[/QUOTE]

That's good that you knew how to deal with your problems, but this guy's girlfriend may not. She probably cannot help herself.

That is why it is VITAL that she gets that push in the right direction. Help her out, TotalImmortal. Be tough, stand strong, and be there for her by getting her the help she needs.

Milo :whoops:

[NeoNabishen]

All you can do is love her man. let her know that you will always be there.

[BlueGender]

[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]I use to be a cutter but stopped almost 3 months ago and have thought about it since but always stop myself before I do. I feel like sometimes I deserve to be hurt because of things I do so I use to hurt myself because I thought I deserved it. It made me feel some sort of relief afterwards. I stopped doing it was because my friends made me sign this contract saying I would never do it again, I know its not legally binding but hey it made me feel like I owe something to my friends, you may want to attempt to get your girlfriend to sign one.

My only other suggestion is to keep doing what your doing, treat her well, and always let her know how much you care about her.My exgirlfriend was a hardcore cutter as well and when she was happy she wouldnt do it because she didnt feel hateful towards herself enough to do so. She also has scars up and down her wrist and was hospitalised a few times for trying to kill herself and almost succeeding before I met her. [/SIZE] [/COLOR]

[Xander Harris]

I checked your Public Profile to see how old you are... you are as old as my sister, who is in Junior High now. Apparently, according to my sis, cutting is somewhat in fashion among some of the JH girls at my school as well. I can understand the internal pain and anguish kids at that age go through... I went through it myself. (and still do at times.) Never did the cutting thing, though, but I can see why someone would.

Therapy is definately what she needs. Also, keep being there for her, but if at some point your relationship doesn't work out, don't feel you have to stay with her. You are under no obligation to 'save' anyone through romantic love. Don't let your relationship with this girl eventually destroy you too. The fact that you considered taking up cutting yourself really scares me, to be honest with you, dude. Far too many people marry someone hoping to 'change' them down the road, and end up getting burned.

But go ahead and use your influence to get the girl back into therapy. That's what she needs right now.

I don't know what religion you are, but I would recommend the girl talk to her pastor/priest/rabbi/whatever about this as well, if she has one. It sounds like she has some real spiritual needs right now. If she keeps punishing herself, she may be looking for forgiveness and redemption for sin. Not trying to preach too much, but that's what she'll find at a good church.

It can't be said enough: she needs therapy, not a boyfriend. It's simply not healthy for her only solace to be a male significant other at this early stage of her life. If you really love her, you need to try and get her back into therapy, and get her to talk to some adults about her problems.

[Guest Spike88]

Well, dude as for cuttes sad to say there is not much you can do about them I have a had a few friends that were cutters and it's just like a drug. At least she wants to stop so like any drug she has got to come off of it slowly and see if she can cut down cause it's one of those things you can't do cold turkey like cigarettes. So encourage her to cut down on the amount and maybe she might be able to quit. If not I suggest serious help. That's just me and a few people I have delt with.

[MischiefEclipse]

Well, I've not had any experience with girls and this kind of problem but...

If therapy dosn't work for sure, try self esteem boosts! :)
Like sports, for example. Or artistic things, like poetry and painting, whatever works.
If not, then I am very sorry for the lack of help.

[Skye]

Aw, poor babe. I am very glad she doesn't want to do it anymore - one step in the right direction. You should do stuff to get her mind off it. Keep her out of the house as much as possible. Play soccer with her. Go see movies. Have a date swimming or reading in the park.

I can't say I've done it(thoug I'm your age), but thats probably because I have a low pain endurance. Keep her mind off it. Try methods that don't envolve mone, unless their activities for her to do.

Boost her courage. And show her you care, and that you believe she can do it. Deep down thats what all girls want. They need their self-estime built up. I should know...

^.^ Oh! And hugs for you to. Its good that you care about her. And I think its great you could tell everyone abut this. Good job! And try your best to be there for her! Go you! ::three thumbs up::

[No_Regrets]

Oh wow....man that really sucks. But hey, I used to be a cutter. I never got help. I stopped myself. I realized instead of feeling pain by getting useless scars.....I invested in peircings. When ever I get mad or upset, which is rare anymore, I go get a peircing. Like I got my bellybutton done after I failed 2 classes @ school. And After my boyfriend breaks up with me, like he's telling my friends he's going to....I guess I'll go get my tounge peirced...other than that I just have my ears done a couple of times. I don't know if that will help and I doubt it..but....I hope she works it out! You seem really great and i think if she stopps stressing about cutting...you two could really be great together! But whatever you do.... DON'T BREAK UP WITH HER CUZ OF IT! That's why one of my friends is dead......But, Just talk to her....or take sharp things from her....hav her stay @ your house for a while and watch out for her....help her break the habit!

Good Luck!


No_Regrets........keeps on trucking onto her goal of being a member...... :D

[Adora]

I know this isn't a comfortable thought, but a good deal of self-harmers (eating disorders, physical hurters, emotional masochists) have been abused sexually somehow, and deal with the pain that way. "Because I'm bored" is not the real reason.

It could be other kinds of pain though, and I do hope it is, simply because dealing with sexual abuse in society is not an easy thing for anyone involved.

I think you should talk to her about it, ask her the [i]real[/i] reason she started, and try and get her back in therapy.

And be there for her. You obviously feel greatly for her, and want to help. And that's great.

[MissWem]

Sure...you can help her...get her to a therapist. Make sure she finds one that she feels she can trust. Listen and support. Also, if you're feeling to emotionally exhausted to listen to her then tell her to talk to another friend because you're tired or something. It's alright to take a small break, because that's a lot for her to put on you.

And no matter what you do. Don't feel responsible for whatever she does. NEVER, EVER feel responsible because that's when you'll get dragged down.

As for you I suggest you go visit the school counsellor, they'll give you some coping techniques and other helpful suggestions, but most should tell you what I just told you. I know because I'm still trying to help my friend, and I can fully understand why someone would cut. I'm glad I never started because it's addictive, dangerous and usually leads to suicide attempts. That's when things start to get fun.

[Guest cloricus]

[quote name='Adora']"Because I'm bored" is not the real reason.[/quote]
If you will note no one wasted the time saying that because it was so openly blatant. Think about it.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
I just thought I'd say it a bit more as people here seem to think the word solves everything and anything, just like the great ideal that a pill with fix everything! In fact I love the idea! Lets put it up every where with signs and the world will be perfect! Or maybe not.

Did it not strike any one here that it would be odd that she has been in therapy but did not continue? Does this not suggest some thing? It does it me, two such things. 1) The help wasn't what she needed. Which is rather common, remember the people on the other ends of these sessions are only human and can only advise, not solve problems. Or 2) she wouldn't open up so nothing could be done. Either of these solutions really leaves you are a blank brick wall that is deciding if it should fall on you or not.

The real solution here is for her to stop, sort out her problems, and get on with it. No one else can help much in this process as I've already pointed out.

[Adora]

[quote name='cloricus']If you will note no one wasted the time saying that because it was so openly blatant. Think about it.[/quote]
Well ex-cuse me if I don't underestimate the stupidty of the human condition!

[MissWem]

[QUOTE=cloricus] If you will note no one wasted the time saying that because it was so openly blatant. Think about it.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.
I just thought I'd say it a bit more as people here seem to think the word solves everything and anything, just like the great ideal that a pill with fix everything! In fact I love the idea! Lets put it up every where with signs and the world will be perfect! Or maybe not.[/QUOTE]
Who said anything about getting her medicated? There's always psychologists. They even work together sometimes to try work through the issues.
[quote name='cloricus'] Did it not strike any one here that it would be odd that she has been in therapy but did not continue? Does this not suggest some thing? It does it me, two such things. 1) The help wasn't what she needed. Which is rather common, remember the people on the other ends of these sessions are only human and can only advise, not solve problems. Or 2) she wouldn't open up so nothing could be done. Either of these solutions really leaves you are a blank brick wall that is deciding if it should fall on you or not.[/quote]
Hence she needs someone she can trust who has some idea what they're doing, however Totalimmortal is obviously in no condition to give her the full support and advice she needs. He did say he actually considered getting into cutting himself. In that case he himself must also have problems he needs to sort out. I'm just trying to be honest, I'm not attacking you Totalimmortal
[quote name='cloricus']The real solution here is for her to stop, sort out her problems, and get on with it. No one else can help much in this process as I've already pointed out. [/quote]
Oh yes...well put. If only the mysteries of the human psyche were so easily solved.

However cloricus does have a subtle point. It's really her decision if she wants the help. If she chooses to "wallow" in these issues and not deal with them then there's really not much hope.

[Guest cloricus]

[quote name='DerelictDestiny']Who said anything about getting her medicated?[/quote]Good question, I know I sure didn't, and reading up it seems you are the first to mention it.

[quote]If only the mysteries of the human psyche were so easily solved.[/quote]
I was hoping... Oh never mind. :)

[quote]However cloricus does have a subtle point. It's really her decision if she wants the help. If she chooses to "wallow" in these issues and not deal with them then there's really not much hope.[/QUOTE]Exactly.

[Milo]

Okay, I know this post is a few away from where we are now, but No_Regrets, what are you telling this boy?!

[QUOTE]But whatever you do.... DON'T BREAK UP WITH HER CUZ OF IT! That's why one of my friends is dead....[/QUOTE]

No, no, NO!!! It is not the other person's fault, and it is certainly not yours if someone committed suicide.

Whoever asked this question in the first place, do NOT feel bound to somebody just because they say they are going to commit suicide. That is simply ridiculous. Anyhow, listen...if somebody really wants to forcibly take themselves from this world, there is nothing anyone else can do to stop them.

Milo :whoops:

[Charles]

[QUOTE=Transtic Nerve]I never understood cutting. I cannot figure why anyone, in their right mind, would actually cut themselves. Now I believe everyone has the potential to be smart, but with stuff like cutting, thats just f-ing stupid. I don't care how messed up in the head you are, you should be able to relate "cutting" to "pain" and "pain" to "bad." which is obviously never good, therefor WHY DO IT? It doens't accomplish anything. I've had chronic depression since I was 13, I know what it's like to be depressed, but I went to a therapist, I never cut myself.

You know what you need to do. You need to take her to a therapist, or have her mom do it (whatever) and make sure she friggin stays there. If she can't do that, you should yell at her for being a stupid moron, and then if she still doesn't get it, abandon all hope and HER. Maybe she'll understand how dumb she was then.[/QUOTE]I'm glad on I'm the same frequency as someone else.

I had never heard of people cutting themselves until about two years ago when my friend did it--and it angered me very much. It was surprising and hurtful. I never imagined that it was such a widespread problem either. But, here we have all these people calling themselves "cutters" and talking about how mutilating themselves relieves stress as if it's some sort of excuse to justify the act. I have another term in mind: "lunatics." I don't intend to offend people or be disrespectful but I'll never, ever, for the life of me, comprehend [i]why[/i] anyone would do this to themselves even once--or even consider it for that matter. I've heard all the explanations (and read them) and I still can't grasp the motivation for it all. I can only assume that these people simply don't love themselves at all. It doesn't matter if they're surrounded by people who care about them. Before they can be helped, they have to learn to find that love inside themselves and care about their own well-being.

I'm human, I know what depression feels like, even severe depression. Yet, self mutilation has never crossed my mind. I would rather eat ice cream, talk with someone, write my feelings out, etc. than deliberately harm my own body physically. Anyone who is addicted to inflicting damage upon themselves is two French fries short of a happy meal and needs therapy, pronto.

I apologize if I'm being insensitive; I just won't mask my feelings about this condition in an effort to sound politically correct on the Internet. [b][size=2][color=#808080]


[/b][/color][/size]

[JuliasPeach]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Hi, i know how you feel! one of my best friends is a cutter and has scars all over her legs, arms, and body. she has been doing it for i while and her other friends told her mom... she was mad at them for a bit but she hasn't done it for a while. she seems to be finding soloutions for her problems. you could just try to find whats wrong and make her feel better about it or if its possible try to solve these problems. this may only help her for a little while but it will do for now. i also have girlfriend who doesn't cut but she hurts her self all the time. its probably because her mom died about 3 years ago and i dont think shes gotten over it yet. all my friends seem to do this, but i dont know why! before reading this thread i was starting to think i was the only one who didn't hurt them selves! so this thread should help you but it also helped me![/COLOR]

[Ryu_Sakura]

[COLOR=DeepPink]Well, I've personaly cut myself. I have some scars to prove it. I cut myself becuase of my mother. She used to (and still does) make me feel terible about myself. When I did it I was hooked. ^^;;; I managed to stop by talking to my best friend. She lives in Japan, she killed herself a few weeks ago because she cut too deep. :( But she was the reason I stopped, I tried to stop her.. but I couldn't my dad just died a few months ago, and another one of my friends hung herself over a building. i couln't stop her. What you should do is... don't listen to my advice, well my advice works often, I'm just not really sure about this... Just find out what's making her depressed. Talk about it, understand it, take all sharp objects away from her, explain to her pain is bad, if she hurts or kills herself she can't blame anyone else, but she can't blame herself, it's all really a jumble to me, I don't know why I stopped cutting... but the scars are still there... they'll never go away. Tell her that. If she stops then she'll have no reason to be upset... eh.. ignore me... I'm rambling agian... but think about it, she's cutting because she's depressed.[/COLOR]

[Guest cloricus]

[quote name='Charles']I had never heard of people cutting themselves until about two years ago when my friend did it--and it angered me very much. It was surprising and hurtful. I never imagined that it was such a widespread problem either.[/quote]

Don't worry as it really isn't that wide a spread problem. It has increased via bus and si information that was made available over the net (originally to help people on the edge) but had some bad effects of making cutting more well known. Though nearly every 'cutter' you hear about is just faking it (with small scratches etc) as most 'real' cutters can't even bring themselves to say anything about it.

It is just, in most cases, an addiction that can be as deadly as many drugs with some of the same effects. I know I personally don't see the difference between si and taking powerful drugs.