Writing Untitled Short Story (Looking for Constructive Critism!)

[Flashlight]

The hail sent strong sharp pains through my body as the thunderstorm roared overhead. What was I doing out here? I really wasn?t sure.

I was cold and wet, and shivering all over. But why? I couldn?t remember.

The wind was picking up, blowing against me of course. My body had gone numb, I could no longer feel my fingers gripping the flashlight, I could not see more the a few feet in front of me, and all that I could hear was the howling winds calling my name. Reaching out to me, to take me.

[I]Christine?Christine?[/I] They said. No, not my name. Christine...Christine!

I quickened my step, as did the wind, and exploded into the wood, fighting off tree and hail alike, losing my torch along the way. I came to a muddy bank and slid down.
Thrust into darkness and ran ever faster, led not by sight or mind, but by the will of my heart, going quickening in pace as I grew nearer to her.

I blasted into a overgrown tree root, tripped and fell, but back to my feet in an instant.

[I]Please, can?t we just give ourselves up?[/I]

[I]They?ll understand.[/I]

It was all coming back to me.

[I]The lies, the secrecy, I just can?t take it anymore!
What do you expect me to do? They could never understand!
Give it a chance! They love us!
Only if we abide to their expectations! Only if we live how they want us to live![/I]

My fault.

[I]Then why don?t we just come out and tell them this is how we want it!
I?I can?t do that.
I can?t live like this Leon.
What does that mean.
Just as I said.
Christine, wait![/I]

It?s all my fault.

?Christine!?

Exiting the bush, I saw her, silhouetted in the pale moonlight, looking over her shoulder. She was standing by the edge, the rushing waterfall to her right.
It suddenly clicked in my mind that the rain had stopped, and the night sky quickly cleared.

?Christine?? I called out again, quieter this time. So quiet I doubt she even heard me.

As I drew closer, I saw the tears in her crystal blue eyes, the quivering of her delicate hands, and her beautiful dark hair fallen loose from it?s usual ponytail.
I went to hold her, comfort her, but she stepped back, teetering over the edge, indicating she didn?t want me to draw near.

She choked back the tears for an moment, and ever so slightly her lips moved, in a breath delivering her message. Her voice was inaudible, but I knew what she said, and I knew what it meant.

It was the strangest thing. In that one moment, that one instant, time seemed to slow, just for us. The image of a glowing white dove fluttered past, and she took her final step back, plunging down the cliff wall on her way to the murky depths.
I lunged forward, taking her hand in mine, and reaching gallantly for a hold with the other. I couldn?t find one.

Everything went dark, and I was thrust into an eerie darkness. Nowhere to go, nothing to see, and no voice I could call my own, I was lost.
I was alone.

As I lay there, trying to figure out where I was, what was going on, I found my mind wandering, always returning to that same image, one of a small boy helping a little girl plant her flower garden, asking if they were going to grow roses. I always loved Red Roses.

In the far off darkness, I could distinguish a small light. It was very dim, and fading fast, but it was real, and I had hope. And Love.

Love enough to propel my forward, striving to reach it before it was gone.

When I entered the light, something immediately overcame me. A mild surprise and an immediate warmth. Heaven?

I found myself in her arms, listening to her soft lullaby as she calmed my thrashing body. I was calm now, but she continued to sing. Heaven.

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Well? Please, share your thoughts, and tell me anything (even the slightest, insignificant thing) you didn't like about it. Always trying to improve! :)

-------- How's that Shinji?

[TheShinje]

Quite a nice, descriptive piece of writing that you've created, well done.

The finer points of this story are the way you deal with a character suiicide, the wya it's described as such, and yet not directly told to the reader deserves credit. Some of the descriptions, such as the dove, and the pelting rain and hail were also very well worded and placed.

There were a few little points I didn't like, such as the calling out to Christine being the main characters voice, I had laready felt by the descirption that this was the case, it was "niether an imagined voice or the winds" From the tone, you can tell that the main character is alone, therefore, it is his voice. I flet you didn't need to emphasise that point.

Other than that, great work, It's also noteworthy to point out that those who they are running from are not physically in the story, they are like an unseen menace, that could be anything, leaving that up to readers minds is a strong point in thsi story, it worked well for Blair Witch, too.