Writing OtakuBoards members doing stupid stuff.

[MaxSonic]

[B]Otaku Planeteers[/B]

: It was a sunny day. The sky was blue, the birds were singing, and the bees were trying to have sex with them. I think that's what it was. Anywho, Charles was outside in his lawn, spying on his sexa neighbor, DragonWarrior. Actually, everyone was spying on DragonWarrior. That's cauce he's teh sexa beast. The only one who was'nt was the evil Doctor Eggman! He was in his lab, preparing another attack.
--Eggman: BWAHAHA! I have completed my most evil plan yet. It's so genius!
: Doctor Eggman's evil assistant, Syk3, walked out.
--Syk3: What is your genius plan?
--Eggman: I will...build a giant robot and attack OtakuBoards! Bwahaha!
--Syk3: That's not genius! It's the same thing you always do.
--Eggman: It's genius becauce I made it up, and I am DOCTOR EGGMAN! BWAHAHAHA!
: Syk3 remains silent.
--Eggman: Laugh Syk3.
--Syk3: It's not funny.
--Eggman: I'll give you a dollar if you laugh.
--Syk3: HAHAHAHAHA!
--Eggman: Bwahaha!
: Later that day, OtakuBoards is under attack by...a giant robot! MaxSonic, Dragon Warrior, James, Charles, and Solo Tremain run out to see what the commotion is.
--Charles: Oh my god! It's a giant robot that looks just like Doctor Eggman!
--James: Who could have created such a machine?
--Dragon Warrior: Mabey Adam made it.
--Giant EggMech: NO YOU STUPID IDIOTS! I MADE IT! I AM DOCTOR EGGMAN!
--Solo Tremain: Oh no!
: The EggMech scratches it's butt.
--Eggman: I created this EggMech to destroy OtakuBoards! Why? Becauce I am Doctor Eggman!
--MaxSonic: Actually, the mech you are in was first introduced in Sonic the Hedgehog 2, and then used in Sonic 3 & Knuckles. It was not created to destroy OtakuBoards, it was made to kill Sonic.
--Eggman: Damnit, he's right. But that's not going to stop me from destroying OtakuBoards!
: Syk3 runs in with a bag in his hand.
--Syk3: Eggman! I got you chilli-cheese dog!
--Eggman: Oh good. You can wait behind my mech while I destroy OtakuBoards.
--James: We can't let him do this. Let our powers combine!
--Charles: Cheese!
--Dragon Warrior: Teh Sexaness!
--MaxSonic: Gerbles!
--Solo Tremain: Wolves!
--James: Kangaroos!
: A big light appears in the air.
--Light: By your powers combined, I am... Bill Cosby, with the powers combining, and the Jello, and the big robot thingey.
: Everyone is silent for a moment.
--Charles: Why the hell did we make Bill Cosby?
--James: I don't know, MaxSonic made the rings.
--MaxSonic: It seemed a good idea at the time.
--Bill Cosby: You kids want some Jello?
--Solo Tremain: No... go kill that robot.
: Bill Cosby runs up to the robot. He kicks it in the foot.
--Eggman: What the hell?
--Bill Cosby: I hurt my foot, with the kicking of the robot and the metal foot.
--James: Godamnit, we're doomed.
--DragonWarrior: Yes but I'm still teh sexa beast.
: Bill Cosby sets down a Jello cup.
--Cosby: You want some Jello? It's good for you, with the fruit flavor and the sugar.
--Eggman: No, I don't want any godamn Jello.
: Cosby raises his spoon up.
--Cosby: Make my Jello grow!
: Suddenly, the Jello begins to flow out of the cup. It begins to grow, and grow, and grow, until it's even bigger than the robot.
--Eggman: Oh ****.
--MaxSonic: I knew he'd be good for something.
: The Jello blob charges at the EggMech, and slams into it. It begins to fall over.
--Eggman: Ohh Noo!
: The EggMech falls directly on top of Syk3, splattering all over the ground.
--Charles: Oh my god! You killed Syk3! You bastard!
: Bill Cosby walks up to everyone and hands each of them a spoon.
--Cosby: Now you all have to eat the Jello!
--James: How do we get him to go back into these rings?

[Amity]

Uhmmm, what is this? At first I just laughed at it, but now, nuh uh. Is this supposed to mean something? And what's with the Jello? This is messed up. Very weird. I have a question, why are most of your character Administrators and Moderators from this site? And also why is it based on the distruction of OtakuBoards? :confused:

[AzureWolf]

[font=Georgia][color=blue]*seesaws hand* Ehh... It's [i]kinda[/i] funny, when the sensation of shoving a fork into my ear stops for a moment and the loss of blood makes me feel ecstatic.[/color][/font]

[font=Georgia][color=#0000ff]I think the whole thing would have been fine and dandy if you didn't "personalize" it with real online people and just made your own, anonymous people. In addition, you should really ask a person before you use him/her in some of your writing. Otherwise, the closest you can go without offending anyone is just "hinting" that it's that person.[/color][/font]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Okay, well...I have to agree with what has already been said. First of all, self insertion is [i]not[/i] conducive to good writing. When one does write self-insertion, one's ego gets in one's way mightily. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]Secondly, in anything written, random isn't funny. Random is [i]possibly[/i] funny when you're standing around with your friends, but not when it's written. For some reaosn people seem to think that humour/comedy=random...but that's not the case. I'd much rather a story that has ties to what's been going on in the story. [/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=1]So...yes. I don't particularly like this one much. You can do [and have done, if my memory serves me] much better, heh. ^_^"[/size][/font]

[Annie]

[color=darkslategray][size=1][font=Lucida Sans Unicode]Maybe it's just me, but it seems like a spin-off of DW's work. Which to me, is sad. But, I'm too nice to really voice my opinion..well, at least when I'm in a good mood.[/color][/size][/font]

[G/S/B Master]

....OOOOK. Umm, it was funny alright. After 3 seconds -_-;;;;;.

MaxSonic, DO NOT EVER copy Dragon Warrior's style. He can draw the funniness of random. You can't. Search a style of your own. Don't copy someone else's.

Make your own characters. Make your own style. And please, no relations to Otakuboards (all robots against and with Otakuboards is copyrighted to Solo Tremaine who ownz the Otakuboards parody already -_-)

One more thing. THe first thing I thought this would be is one of those "America's most funniest home videos" stories.....

[TheShinje]

The story could have benifitted form a better title. And perhaps a refining of the talking sections, the whole thing reads like a play script, with the characters: and what they say and the narrator in between, don't know if you were going for that style though.

G/S/B, what is the harm in MaxSonic trying Dragon Warriors style? If done correctly it could be almost a satire of it, sure believes itself alright, I simply suggest a bit of refining.

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]As Shinji said; there's nothing wrong with 'copying' other's styles. You think that a style is always original? Most writers develop a style by imitating those they admire, and then these imitations mish-mash themselves into the writer's deeply personal style. Just because this piece didn't quite work in my opinion doesn't mean that this style isn't acceptable -- it just means that (as Shinji said) more refining needs to be done. That's all, heh.[/size][/font]

[Amity]

I too noticed that this might have been trying to come out in a form of DW's work. As Lady said, other's may too 'copy' another's work (just don't use plegerisam).

I don't like it because it includes a base/setting of this board's distruction, and uses our OB Administrators, and some of our Moderators as well.

[James]

[color=#707875]Yeah, I think the only real problem here is that the randomness isn't necessarily very humorous.

As far as copying a style...well, DW certainly didn't invent the whole randomness thing. I've seen it done plenty of times before.

But again, as has been said, everything tends to come from something else. My latest RPG is inspired by Kill Bill and Kill Bill is inspired by various other movies. So even potentially unique work may still have influences from certain places.

The point is not necessarily whether there's an influence, but whether or not the actual outcome is any good...and if there [i]is [/i]a deliberate influence, you have to ask whether or not you're living up to the subject matter that your work is based on.

In this case, I just think that the randomness is kind of pointless and there isn't much of a solid storyline. In DW's stuff, I tend to feel that the randomness can be a bit overwhelming at times...and it can take away from the possibility of a good story. But DW [i]does [/i]tend to include a relatively solid story and he does tend to focus on keeping things running along a certain track...rather than letting things get so out of control that the reader is totally confused.

So, I think it's probably a good start, but it's something to work on.[/color]

[noelmvilla]

It's a bit funny at the start, but just slumps down to plain pointless.
The plot is kinda corny, the end is kinda unconclusive but with a little more work, you could turn it into a masterpiece.
I say that all-in-all, what you made is not bad but not too good
(Not that I wanna hurt ya but) Put more detail and be more serious about stuff.
Sure, comedy is good but you kinda took it to another level.
But if you intentionally created it that way, then that's another story. :D

[Dragon Warrior]

*reads through* Woah, since when did I invent random? That's not my style. It's been done so many times before. I just use fresh material.

As for me, since I understand random insanity like it were another lingo, it was humorous to me, but yes, plotline does tend to help. I even shame myself when making those completely pointless (and rather disturbing at times) animations that sometimes do get out of hand. I've tried to curve my stories along the lines of actually having some meaning at the same time of keeping that style I [i]supposedly[/i] invented O.o

But I don't wanna sound like your grand-daddy so no lectures >:^o Aside the point, this is aight for random fun in a box, but I'm not sure what you expected to be audience reaction. You got one, that's for sure :)

[Semjaza]

The only good thing I can say is thanks for not including me in this nonsense...

[friday 13]

[COLOR=DarkRed]if that did happen i would help dr. eggman plus i hate sonic x it sucks[/COLOR]

[Boo]

[color=gray]Okay... This was scary o-0
At some times I found it (really) funny and sometimes you brought it wrong. But yes, it's a really good start. Like the part when they summon Bill Cosby, you should have let Charles said just a few dots infront of his line instead of adding: "Everyon is silent for a moment"
And after Charles' line, leave the reaction on it. It gives the story more randomness. And there are more of these small flaws. As said, a good start, and you'll learn the true way of the randomness. *japanese samurai tune at background*

Furthermore, Randomness is not Gav's only o-0, I remember myself making really random stories before I knew him -.-*tosses a potatoe at James and walks off*[/color]

[MaxSonic]

Wow, thanks for your replies. While I may have received some influence from Dragon Warrior, this is actually a continuation of something original I did earlier on OtakuBoards. Do any of you remember the OtakuBoards sprite comics I used to do. Basicly, I'd have sprite characters of OtakuBoards memebers doing... STUPID STUFF! One was a parody of Power Rangers, and in another Michael Jackson attacks OtakuBoards. I think I may re-start that. Or not. I'v been wanting to make fun of Bill Cosby for a while now, so I used him. It was either him, Cartman, or Big Gay Al. If you want, I can do another story. The James VS MaxSonic story was the best one I did, but Charles closed it. Basicly it was me and James fighting each other anime style. First it was G-Gundam, then YuGiOh!, then Pocket Monsters, after that samurai battling, and finnaly, DRAGON BALL Z!

[Guest Midnight Rush]

L>>>M>>>>>A>>>>O>>>!>>>!>>>!


That is hilarious! Hilariously stupid... My sides hurt from laughing at this...this... wierdness. MY parents were asking me all sorts of questions because of my laughter... damn Cosy and his Jello.

Plot-1/10
Intelligence-0/10
Coherence-3/10
True Humor-4/10
Stupid Crazyness- 11/10