Writing My fey of illusion (Might be PG-13)

[wiccansamurai]

This is something I'm kinda still working on. It'd be great to get some critique. I think this is PG-13 a little. :huh:

Tell me what you think. (I hope its not to angsty or anything.)


My Fey of Illusion

I wish I could feel
your touch upon my skin.
But that's just where
sweet illusion would begin.
How easy I could feel your love
if you would just console me
how simply lies would dissolve
as you unfold me.

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me!

Maybe its all
something you can't feel?
Is love for me
so lacking in appeal?
Feed me on lies then!
I'm dead with you anyway!
filled with sweet light
of my relentless fey.
She won't leave,
she won't see
how her presence
deepens that desire in me.
Deepens my desire,
deepens my mirage.
how painful she is
that lustful fey's barrage

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me!

watch, my lovely one
can you see her?
that fey inside me,
she begins to stir.

She's swallowing me whole!
Entering every crevice
of my damned soul,
my lusting accomplice.
Hold me now,
don't leave me here
feeling so alive
Don't have to be sincere,
let me pretend
I have your smile,
let me imagine
love for a little while.

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me,
fool me!

[Hikari]

[FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]One word. Amazing. Maybe we can share each other's ideas sometimes, ne? :D [/COLOR][/FONT]

[wiccansamurai]

Thanks. Sure, anytime, I guess.

Here's the next draft of the poem. I've changed some minor things since then.


My Fey

I wish I could feel
your touch upon my skin.
But that's just where
my sweet illusion would begin.
How easy I could feel your love
if you would just console me
how simply lies would dissolve
as you unfold me.

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me!

Maybe its all
something you can't feel?
Is love for me
so lacking in appeal?
So feed me on lies!
I want it anyway!
filled with sweet light
of my relentless fey.
She won't leave,
she won't see
how her presence
deepens that desire in me.
Deepens my desire,
deepens my mirage.
how painful she is,
her lustful barrage

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me!

watch, my lovely one
can you see her?
that fey inside me,
she begins to stir.

She's swallowing me whole!
Entering every crevice
of my damned soul,
my lusting accomplice.
Hold me now,
don't leave me here
feeling so alive
Don't have to be sincere,
let me pretend
I have your smile,
let me imagine
love for a little while.

Draw me close
kiss me, dear
I'll ignore the lies,
just hold me near
make me feel
as if you care
Please don't worry
that its unfair.

Have me,
hold me,
feel me,
own me,
fool me!





I've been thinking that if I get this good enough, I'll give it to my friend so her band can make music to it, but I'm not sure if that'll ever happen.