Writing Project Decadence.

[Decadence]

Project Decadence.

Mankind: Flawed perfection.

The human paradox study.

Chapter 1.

[i]... And he fell from the sky, an angel with wings charred by lies, and he shed tears for the loss of paradise, but even hell refused him entry, so he bled his soul upon the earth, becoming the scourge, her acid tongued messenger, bringing fourth truth in guises of despair, so that some may see the darkest light. [/i]



Greed, suffering, hatred, pain, and destruction all lead back to one thing, humans.

Humans are a paradox; we would be much better off with out our selves, for all we do is destroy each other. Some are destroyed emotionally, others physically, and then others by there own hand. And when we are alive we are always working, and we never get to enjoy the fruit of our labors, for once we finish something we start on something else, we are never content with our current station, always striving for more. We tend to try to force our beliefs on others in the false hope that we are helping them, even though if we succeed we have just destroyed a part of them. And we are not content to die, and others are selfishly saddened by our deaths. They aren?t sad that we died, at least not a first, they are sad that they can?t be with us any more, ?we will miss you? ok and? My point here is that we never accept death of our selves or others, and if we do we seem callous and unfeeling. Yet how can one be callous and unfeeling if they aren?t being selfish in seeing that the person was in pain and now that they are dead they aren?t? How can you want some one to be alive in pain and still say that you love them? These feelings we feel tear our selves up. People say stuff with out realizing what it does to the person they are saying it to, even if it doesn?t seem to affect that person them, it makes them who they are later, every single this that happens in our life forms us, and yet the results are never complete until death.

And yet despite all this we are still some how the most perfect creatures on this earth. Or are we a plague destroying our host? Changing it to our will? Our designs? How can we say a god exists when every thing we see is created or affect by our own hand? Yet in asking this I also hope that a god exists or else life is pointless, the constant striving for improvement reaps no rewards ever, we never stop trying to improve our selves and we don?t stop until we die or are to old to continue to, and by then all the work is for naught.

Death is the finale release and some grant it to them selves when the pain of life becomes too much. Some people see them as weak but how can they be called weak when the ones calling them that never went though the same experiences they did? And even if they did they didn?t respond the same way. Even when they kill them selves the ones who caused it feel no remorse, so some take the ones who caused it along with them. They feel that they deserve death, for causing them all the pain that they did. And yet we call those people crazy and accuse the parents for not stopping them. And yet we place no blame upon the ones that caused it. How can we call our selves just and fair if we don?t bring all to justice who played a part in the act? Then we aren?t and justice must be taken into there own hands. When no one stops the murderers from killing when some one kills that person they are rewarded. But when some one kills the people who cause pain to others for enjoyment they are either killed or they kill them selves. Yet we still do not see the problems that plague us as long as we look at life though our own eyes, and feel no pain.

Hell isn?t hot enough to burn from earth?s soul all the sins man has committed. There must be an alternative to heaven and hell, for god loves his children or so they say, and yet if we don?t believe in him or trust him we are sent to hell, even if we live by most of his tenants, live a better life then those who do, and then there are those who think that if they ?accept? him they are saved, that they can?t be sent to hell, if they are corrupted are they not sent to hell? If not how is that fair. How can some one who has lived life trying not to be cruel and not to hurt others be sent to suffer for all eternity, And then what about those who commit suicide does God not take pity on them? How could he not? He must have seen how their life was, was bad enough for them to seek death as an escape. But also it could be seen as a survival mechanism, the pain is to much if it was physical pain the person would be dead but this can?t kill them only take them to deaths door and hold them their, bring them to the point where they aren?t living any more only feeling pain. How is that fair? Yes I know life isn?t fair, but if God or karma exists what happens to those people who caused others to kill them selves. In columbine we saw what happened when anger and pain got mixed, revenge was taken for the pain that was caused to them. I am not saying they were right to do that, but the people who made fun of them deserved some thing, maybe not death but then maybe so, they caused those boys to kill them selves so why not an eye for an eye? Isn?t that only fair?

Chapter 2.



[i]? She fell from the sky, abandoned, she was caught by a mere child near death, so in return she saved him, he was her savior and she was his guardian angle, teaching and protecting him. And when she died her death was a part of him, part of him died that day, he was trying to recover his life and when she died he gave up letting the pain of the sickness take hold again and drag him back to the grave.[/i]



There?s a point at which the both the body and the soul have been subject of so much pain they both stop feeling. That point comes after the point of contemplating suicide, it is acceptance and the person distances himself from every thing and everybody who used to matter to him, he can?t be hurt that way and he can observe others and feel happy for them when they are happy and feel sad for them when they are sad.

Bringing these people back to what is considered ?normal? is almost impossible and quite likely to cause them to kill them selves when they feel pain again; there is a reason they have distanced them selves. Some do drugs to keep the pain at bay others just accept it and hide and others kill them selves after having survived it once.

Why would you want to bring them back? Do you think your going to make them happy, by bringing them back into a world where they can feel pain again? You don?t think they feel it when they?re on drugs or when they?ve distanced them selves? So you bring them back and magnify the pain they?re trying to deal with, they?ll come back in due time.

Chapter 3.



[i]Liquid pain?

Blood flows freely from the self-inflicted wounds, hate me for what I do to my self despise me for I am your self in the darker mirror. I am the apex of human pain, suffering past suffering, feeling past feeling, the loss of all emotions. The knife wounds on my arm are the only remnants of my former life. 19 scars are 19 clues to my life, the pain I?ve hidden. Forgive me my love I had to leave.[/i]



You laugh when people say they want to die, you think it?s a joke till some one shows you what they?ve done to them selves. And then you think they are pathetic weak. The ones who cut to try to ease the pain they feel on the inside, the ones who do drugs to forget it, the ones who bury it deep with in them selves and it seeps out little by little, in there demeanor, in there actions and writing. You find them weird but they know more then you. You seem to think being normal is good, but what is normal except being the same as every one else. And that breeds weakness, your weakness becomes the group?s weakness and your limited strength becomes the groups limited strength.

And you hate those that are different, why? You have no reason except for thee fact that they are different.

Chapter 4.



[i]Blinded from the pain, of days remembered, of days buried deep with in ones self. Ones who have forgotten how to dream, and just remember the pain burned into souls. The darkness that encompasses my eyes keeping me from seeing all that I have lost. [/i]



Some dates hold special meaning to people. Some events and some songs too. They may bring back memories of pain and despair. And others of happiness. How can you judge ones reaction to something when you do not know what has caused it? How can you tell then to snap out of despair or to calm down when they are happy over a seemingly trivial thing? You may think they are over reacting when in fact the thing holds such a special meaning to them and them alone they may not be reacting at all? How can you judge one on actions and words when emotions and thoughts guide them?

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[color=silver]There is more I just don't have it on this computer so i will update it later. I'd like to know what you people think of this.[/color]