Writing My Poetry

[mckaylyn]

Just a few at first...if you want me to post more, tell me!!!

-Stranded-
I watch from behind transparent window
Your continuing struggle, well I know
Stranded, wishing I could help you
But only regretful torment, as I watch the anguish ensue

There are so many things to you, I wish I could say
To dispel your grief, chase the pain away
Anything in hope to save your sanity, I'd mercifully do
To this vow of protection, I would forever hold true

Locked away in this demented prison
If I could only aide you, guide your every decision
I would wipe away the tears, no longer would you be blue
But helpless, I am confined to panoramic view


-Crimson Reprieve-
From its prison hell's released,
Demons fly among the mortal.
Fear and torment travel free,
evil passes through the portal.

A wave of death washes through the living,
crimson fiends of hate and lies.
Leaving despair in their wake,
Course unseen across the skies.

Paradise serene no longer,
Straying far from what has been.
Spirits of rage and vengeance,
Make it a crumbling world of sin.

In the darkness they did linger,
forever longing to return.
What can motivate their horror,
No sane mind can discern.

Independent is this evil,
from its everlasting capture.
Corrupting this world,
until the time of its rapture.

Untold powers have escaped,
Trap opened by unknowing captor.
Portal shut tight but far too late,
leaving only hope of laughter.


-I'm Sorry-
I'm sorry my friend,
things have changed,
and times are tough,
I'm sorry...
but I guess we just don't talk enough.
I'm sorry my friend,
but things I believe
are coming to an end
I love you more than anyone
but you've changed
and I've changed
We just don?t talk enough
I held your hand again
But it wasn't the same
I'm sorry,
You changed.


-Nightmare Reality-
In my dreams I see an evil,
And when I awake it's always there,
A constant reminder of a pain,
The marks, forever, I will bare.

In my dreams I see a person,
And when I awake they're always there,
Haunting my footsteps, hiding in shadows,
Taunting me to my final dare.

In my dreams I see a knife,
And when I awake it's always there,
Seducing me, mocking me,
But I choose not to listen,
Because I don't care.


- Forever -

Forever apart,
And forever combined.
From you I depart,
Yet we're still intertwined.

Forever as mine,
And forever I love.
For you I still shine,
Like the stars up above.

Forever together,
Is ever so true.
Although you say 'never',
I'm always with you.


-What If-
What if tomorrow never came, would you still love me?
What if the sky fell and the world collapsed, would you still care?
What if you couldn?t hold me, or could never see my face another day,
Would you abandon me? Leave me to freeze in the depths of winter,
Or let me scorch in the blistering sun to burn and dry up into nothing?
What if you died, would you wait for me in heaven? To sit next to the thrown of the most high God.
What if all your dreams came true, and all your regrets were thrown away.
Would you run and leap for joy and leave me in the dust of your pride?
What if black turned to white and all reason was abandoned for madness?
Would you still find me in the topsy turvey world and never let me go?
What if I died would you be stricken with insanity that I?m not at your side,
Or would you know that I would be waiting for you instead?
What if all the ?what ifs? never could and never would be answered,
And all your dreams would never come true
Would you still be able to look me in the eyes and say
I Love You?

[KarmaOfChaos]

[SIZE=1][color=deeppink]Stranded, by far, was the best. The rhyme made it flow well, and you illustrate clearly the feeling you are trying to convey. The feeling of helplessness, and watching someone else self-destruct while you stand and watch is indeed a painful feeling, and that comes through with your poetry.

I also liked I'm Sorry, because you could tell from the way you wrote it that there was a story, and a lot of emotion, behind it. I especially liked the repetition you used, it made the effect of lingering a powerful message.

Crimson Reprive and Nightmare Reality seemed to me more along the lines of just stringing together rhymes to morbid images, there wasn't a clear message or thought, which made the entire poems seem superflous. Try to stay away from poetry that is just angsty and depressing with no real purpose or message.

The last two also didn't stand out because they were love poems that were about the same old things that people have been ranting about for centuries. Use caution when writing love poems, because unless you can put a new twist on an old theme, you'll just be repeating somebody else and boring the reader.

Your poetry has potential, I'd like to see you flesh out your talent as a writer. :)

-Karma[/color][/SIZE]

[White Akita]

[color=purple]I like all of yours. they are so....whats the words....sensitive....They pertray a hard to get meaning that isn't captured at the first glance. Even if they seem to hav no message, you make sure there is one inside. I can sort of feel the illuminated feeling in the writing, and you have much talent. I would like to see more. ^-^

I like crimson reprive....but that is just me. It tells a story that KarmaOfChaos didn't quite get.[/color]

[shadow15]

Your pretty good I like stranded the best.I write two look at mine its here tell me if its good or bad I put my most comest one down. I ask you to do this because I think your a great writer.
Plz
luv ash