I want help with my RPGs...

[mononoke_man]

can someone help me. i can.t get anybody to join my rpgs. and if they do, they don't post anything. can you help me. check out my new rpg called Kouseki, and see if theres anything i can do to improve it. :(

[Zen]

[color=green][size=1]

Well, the whole comprimise is kind of confusing. You don't flesh out really the whole world. What its like, why its like the way it is. Aswell, the whole element warrior comprimise is very played out. Its just not original, and thats what people are really looking for. The more creative RPGs don't really incorperate that sort of 'different magical users' anymore. Check out Kill Adam, War of the Shadows, or Urban Arcana and you'll see. Its really about originality. If I may make a suggestion. If you are going to use the ' element warrior' thing, make it where the people aren't all together, maybe even against each other. Maybe even use different types of element other than water, fire, wind, earth. Like maybe metal, sound, vegetation, and what not. Thats just a suggestion though. It be best to go down a different road anyways. These are just a suggestion though. I'm no one to talk about how to make a successful RPGs, seeing as how I only have a few RPGs in my name in the first place.[/color][/size]

[Sara]

[size=1]You're also going to want to modify your writing style a bit. What you have there is very...informational...but not very interesting.

[quote]Tatsujin was walking across a field of the outskirts of Mura. [b]He[/b] had been sent by his village to stop the demons of Makai from getting the Kouseki. [b]He[/b] had just reached the edge of the field when he heard the grass part. [b]He[/b] turned, but nothing was there. [b]He[/b] figured someone was stalking him, so [b]He[/b] decided to lose them. Tatsujin ran out of the field and into a forest. [b]He[/b] dodged in and out of the trees, trying to lose whoever was stalking him. [b]He[/b] finally stopped in a small clearing with a creek running through it. Panting, he drank some water from the creek. Then, he heard a twig crack. [b]He[/b] turned yet again, and this time he saw a boy. A boy no older than eight. He stood there, staring endlessly into Tatsujin's eyes.[/quote]

For example, in the first post of your RPG, almost every sentence starts with [i]he[/i]. Break that up a little bit. Talk about the weather, how he's feeling, what's going on--actions aren't the only important things. Get into the backstory a bit.

[i]It was a cool summer day. The countryside of Mura was open and empty--few dared leave their villages lately. But if someone [i]had[/i] ventured out to this particular meadow, he might have seen a person other than himself--today, the figure of a young man could be seen walking steadily across the field.

Tatsujin shivered. It was summer here, yes--but cold. The coldest Mura had seen in years, the old ones said. He looked up at the sky--the sun shone above, but its light was weak and pale, and the breeze whisked away its warmth from his skin. No wonder the mages spoke of demons and monsters...the world was not all right.[/i]

Remember--you're telling a story here. Not only that, but you're trying to [i]sell[/i] the story to others. Being part of an RPG can be a big commitment--and often, the better the RPG, the greater of a commitment you're asking people to make. You need to convince them that [i]your[/i] story will be interesting and fun, and you need to convince them that it's worth 'investing' in. Make sure everything you offer is well thought out and well written. No one wants to join an RPG that's not going anywhere.



On a related note, be sure to use proper punctuation everywhere on the board...that includes the Lounge.[/size]

[mononoke_man]

[QUOTE=Lore][size=1]You're also going to want to modify your writing style a bit. What you have there is very...informational...but not very interesting.



For example, in the first post of your RPG, almost every sentence starts with [i]he[/i]. Break that up a little bit. Talk about the weather, how he's feeling, what's going on--actions aren't the only important things. Get into the backstory a bit.

[i]It was a cool summer day. The countryside of Mura was open and empty--few dared leave their villages lately. But if someone [i]had[/i] ventured out to this particular meadow, he might have seen a person other than himself--today, the figure of a young man could be seen walking steadily across the field.

Tatsujin shivered. It was summer here, yes--but cold. The coldest Mura had seen in years, the old ones said. He looked up at the sky--the sun shone above, but its light was weak and pale, and the breeze whisked away its warmth from his skin. No wonder the mages spoke of demons and monsters...the world was not all right.[/i]

Remember--you're telling a story here. Not only that, but you're trying to [i]sell[/i] the story to others. Being part of an RPG can be a big commitment--and often, the better the RPG, the greater of a commitment you're asking people to make. You need to convince them that [i]your[/i] story will be interesting and fun, and you need to convince them that it's worth 'investing' in. Make sure everything you offer is well thought out and well written. No one wants to join an RPG that's not going anywhere.



On a related note, be sure to use proper punctuation everywhere on the board...that includes the Lounge.[/size][/QUOTE]

I improved both the sign-up and the post. Do you think you could look at it and see if it's any better?