Writing I'm writing a manga if you care to read it! [E]

[*Tatl&Tale*]

Here is the Prologue of my manga! Now be very honest!! Tell me exactly what you think of it. It's just the prologue so~~ Yeah here it is! By the way it is called Seigaku!

Seigaku
Our story begins twenty years ago when a man and an elf came together in a bond of love. The two were shunned by all, as their bond was sin! It was against the Holy Tome of which the laws lie. The law stated ?No inter racial species marriage accepted, for it is an immoral love, as demonic children will be spawned from your black, sinful hearts?. They ignored this law unbelieving that their love was something evil and wed. In their circle of love their daughter was borne, but she was scorned and hated by the other clans. Everyone who had heard of the three despised them, but as long as they had one another it did not matter.

?But too soon their bond was broken?

?Demons came and raided homes, a massacre took place. The elf was separated from her family during the commotion?She was murdered brutally by the fiends?The man and his child managed to survive amongst a few others, but without his wife, the sorrow was to much for him to bear. He fell into a deep depression. He rejected his own daughter. Disowned her! And so she was thrust into the hurtful arms of the humans. But so long as she believed in herself, her mother would always be with her.
All written work here on this page belong to animeRtist/Jessica Good [email][email protected][/email] It may not be taken or plagiarized, ever. My ideas may not be used by anyone else.

That's it! Well there's a whole lot more on the Chapters and stuff but I just wanted to show the prologue before I started putting the Chapters on. Oh and the last part is just legal crap so no one steals my ideas. So give me your HONEST opinion please!
My mom's friend is an editor too, so I'm going to send my story to him and he'll go through it and help me out with all the problems and stuff. I hope youall like it!

The attachment is a really puny picture of my main character Koe, you can find a larger pic of her on my site. She is still in development stages and I may end up changing her appearance a little.

[Silthfox]

So far, It seems like a tale that has alot going for it. you can go in so many directions from the end of the prologue.

The interacial idea has been done in a few manga already such as [B]Inuyasha[/B] but if you manage to give the story a whole different tale, it will be it's own thing. it's very interesting.

[Box Hoy]

Hmmm. If I were you I'd try to add just a little bit more detail to the Proulouge. Anyway I like the plot. It has a lot of possibilities.
If you just keep it up this could be as good as Naruto or some Manga like that.

[Cat]

Hey thats a cool story. I like it. Keep up the good work. :)

[*Tatl&Tale*]

Here is Chapter 1 of my story! Hope you like it! Honest opinions too, please!

A young elfling is outside sparring in the small-gated pen of her burrow, Baka. The fence is old and worn as is the entire village. She is intensely focused on her training, while kicking and stabbing at a haystack, that she doesn?t notice two boys leaning over the fence. Unexpectedly, an insignificant pain swells on the back of her head. *Clunk! Clunk!* Koe stops what she?s doing and turns around, with her hand on the back of her head. The two boys are giggling with one another and have a hand full of stones. They smile and laugh as they toss a few more.
Koe: Hey! Ow! Hey! Stop that!
1st boy: Ha ha! Here dodge this!
He throws another stone.
Koe: Aah! *ducks* Stop! Why are you throwing rocks at me!?
2nd boy: Cuz? we can!
1st boy: Yeah! And besides, it?s fun!
Koe: Grrrr?You better watch it kid!
1st boy: Ha! What?re you gonna do? Stab me with your rusty, little dagger? Ha ha!
Koe: That?s exactly what I had in mind! *smirk*
1st & 2nd boys: Huh?
Koe: Hiyah!
Koe throws the dagger swiftly and it goes right between the two boys into a tree behind them.
Koe leans in stance, with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. The two boys look at the dagger *blink blink* then they look at each other wide-eyed.
Koe: Oops. Looks like I missed. Guess I?ll have to try again!
The boys jump off the fence and run away yelling a few weak threats.
1st boy: You?ll regret this!!
2nd boy: Yeah you?re in big trouble!! Eeyah!
Koe: -_- *sarcastically* Oh my what ever will I do??
Koe walks over to the tree, leans over the fence and pulls the dagger out of the old tree. She hears noisy laughter behind her. It?s her spirit friend Uta, curled into a little ball gasping for air in between laughs while floating in midair.
Koe: *smiles* ^-^ Ye gods, Uta! It wasn?t that funny. [Jeeze? Are they Christians? Changed it to Ye gods --Brian]
Uta: ^O^ Haahaa! *gasp* are?you..haa!..kidding!?..Haahaa! Didn?t you see their faces!? Haahaa!! It was hilarious!
Koe rolls her eyes?Suddenly Koe?s father comes stumbling through the back door that?s barely able to support itself on it?s hinges. Her father looks around the area, and notices Koe standing there. He tries to focus his eyes on her. He slurs when he talks.
Mr. Biru: Wha~?the hell~!?iss~ goin? on?out here!..I heard some kids?uh, screaming!?What?d ya do to the kids, *****!?
Koe: Nothing father?It was just some kids playing?
Mr. Biru: Lyin? *****!
Koe:?Father you?ve been drinking again?here *she pushes him inside the house, Uta following close behind*?here just sit down.
She leads him to his favorite old tattered chair in front of the hearth. She forces him to sit down.
Mr. Biru: Git off me! ...I don? wanna sit...here, uh?there! Anywhere! I need?uh?I need?
She leans forward and asks him directly.
Koe: Yes?
Mr. Biru: Neh neh! *waves his hand at her* Don?t tell me! I know it?s, wait?
Uta: He really is a pathetic sight isn?t he?
Koe: No kidding.
Uta: *perkily* Maybe you should make him some healthy herbal tea!
Koe: I?ve tried before but he refuses to drink it. That?s how we lost several glas-
Mr. Biru: NO! I can?t concentrate?when ya talk to that imaginary?thing?
Koe: Father? *she leans over and looks into his face*
Mr. Biru:?THE LIST!!
Koe jumps back in surprise!
Mr. Biru: Yeah! I gotta list uh stuff ya gotta get at the?market. There.
He points to a piece of paper on the coffee table, she picks it up.
Koe: This one?
Mr. Biru: Yeah, that one! Duh. Now git going and don?t forget the rum!
Koe: *sighs* Yes father?
She rolls her eyes and walks down the barren hall to her puny bedroom. She grabs her cloak and puts it on. Then she takes the beautiful elvish rosary out of the pocket and touches it. She smiles and thinks of her mother. The cloak and rosary were hers once. It is a beautiful red-violet, elvish cloak with tapered gold designs on the sleeves and edges. The rosary was precious to her mother since it had been passed down from generation to generation in her family and had always protected them. Koe prominently hears Uta protesting behind her. Koe drops the rosary back into the pocket.
Uta: WHY?! WHY?! WHY Do you put up with him?!! If he said jump off a cliff after you set your hair on fire, just so he could see the pretty light falling from the sky?WOULD YOU??
Koe: ^o^ Ha ha ha! Uta! Please! I never take him seriously when he?s drunk, you shouldn?t either. *smiling* ^-^ I?m only going to the market because we need some things anyway. That?s all, it?s not a big deal.
Uta: Ugh! Ooooo! If I were only alive I would give him a nice kick in the shins and show him who?s boss! *grumble grumble*
Koe: *giggles* I?ll do it for you someday when I feel like you do now.
Uta: Yeah right. I doubt it. You never stand up for yourself!
The two walk out to the stable (well, Uta floats). Koe is latching the cart onto Baka as she talks.
Koe: I do to stand up for myself! You saw what I did to those boys, I scared the crap right out of them.
Uta: I mean with your father! You submit to everything he says.
Koe: No, I just agree with everything he says so that there are no silly arguments. And trust me Uta, arguing with a drunk man is completely hopeless. *still smiling* ^-^
Uta: Ugh! You?re the one who?s hopeless!
Koe leads Baka out of his pen with Uta pouting close behind. Koe is no longer grinning and is hoping that none of the humans take to much notice of her. Her hood is kept on her head so none can see her face. Koe hears a few muttered words but hardly anyone sees her and she makes it out of the village and on her way to the castle through Piot Forest.

[Cat]

[font=Courier New][color=darkorchid][size=2]Hey, that was even better then the prologue. In fact its one of the best manga that I have ever read. Keep writing. I want to see what happens to Koe.[/size] [/color][/font]

[font=Courier New][size=2][color=darkorchid]Well see you around. In fact why don't you pm some time.:D :) [/color][/size][/font]

[font=Courier New][color=darkorchid][/color][/font]

[*Tatl&Tale*]

:( Okay~ So nobodys been reading it huh? Well i'm gonna post up the second chapter anyways if anybody cares...T_T I'm sad...My editor likes it tho so I guess that's one person... :(

Chapter 2 Ignorant Humans
Koe arrives at Shanti City, the capital city of The Empire. Shanti is a huge city composed of ten named sectors. They surround the castle located at the center of the city. Shanti Marketplace is the most busy and bustling place in the city. People from all over Grandeur (that?s the name of the world) amass here as tourists during the spring. Koe prefers that time of the year because she blends in amongst the amazing creatures from other clans. She also gets to communicate with other elves and learn some things of their culture. She has a wonderful elvish friend named Vani that visits her every year during spring. Koe is mindlessly daydreaming of her friend and the good times they?ve shared together. She hardly notices all the glaring humans.
Inner Koe: I wonder what Vani is up to now? Maybe someday I can go and visit her in Salendor. I?d probably be doing it though, just to see the place in all its elegance and beauty. And to visit the historical museums and to see the amazing artistry and to listen to the sophisticated music and to?What am I thinking? I could never go there. As soon as I arrive they?d probably throw me out?Just ?cause I?m?an elfling?
Koe hears a rude voice near her. He spits when he talks.
???: How ya doin? Koe? Daydreamin??
It?s the most dirtiest and disgusting merchant in town, and the only one Koe can afford to buy from, because of her menial pay at the tavern. Mr. Toki is grinning at her showing a row of yellow, some golden and missing teeth. His hair is in knots and he smells like old beer. She forces a smile and goes up to him.
Koe: Good evening Mr. Toki. My father sent me, here?s a list of things he wanted, *Koe hands him the list* I hope it?s readable, he was probably drunk when he wrote it.
Mr. Toki looks the list up and down reading it?s contents, it suprised Koe the first time she met him that he was legible. He began going around his little shop picking out the things on the list.
Mr. Toki: Ok letch see now, a keg of rum, hehe the firsht one on da list, three loavsh of bread, a shquare of butter, and shix pounds of beef.
Uta: -__- *sarcastically* Wow, what a great diet he?s on, living off of bread and beef, oh and don?t forget the rum! Sheesh!
Koe: Uh?I?d like to add a few things to that.
Toki is loading the supplies into Koe?s cart. He practically breaks his back trying to lift the keg.
Mr. Toki: Urrrrrgh! *plunk!* Whew! Ok, a few more tings ya shay? Ok, itch your gold?*He walks back around the counter scratching an itch on his rear* Ok what?ll it be?
Koe: Two jugs of water and a basket of fruit and vegetables please.
Mr. Toki: Here ya go!
Koe: Thank you Mr. Toki.
Koe hands him the gold and loads the rest of her supplies into the cart. A gang of troublemaking teen boys walk up to Koe. She is about to leave when the leader of the gang comes up behind her. He grabs her shoulders and turns her around so she faces him. He takes her hood off, and Koe is left helplessly staring into his snarling eyes.
???: Hello Koe. What are you up to today?
Koe: *Seriously* Just buying a few things for my father, ?Tag?.
Tag: Hmmm?Is that so?
Tag walks around to the side of the cart and picks out a peach from the basket. He?s tossing it in the air and catching it.
Tag: Since when does Biru eat fruit? Eh? I thought he only enjoyed good rum and meat.
Koe: *Angrily* Give it back! It?s not yours! And it?s none of your business!
Tag: He he! Ok you asked for it!
Tag throws the peach at Koe. The soft fruit splatters all over her cloak.
Koe & Uta: *gasp!* o_o
Koe: Ah!
She looks down where the fruit hit, she worries it will ruin the cloak.
Tag: I say if she wants fruit we should give it to her!
Tag and his gang start grabbing old fruit from the stands and begin throwing it at Koe.
Uta: Koe! Why aren?t you defending yourself?! Koe!!
Koe just stands there, tears beginning to well in her eyes, while the boys pelt her with old fruit. She takes out the rosary and clutches it as she prays. She then kneels down on her knees, letting her hood fall back down, and holds herself as she sobs. Koe hears jeering all around her. The people in the market have formed a wide circle around her and the gang of boys. She hears them laughing and making remarks.
Merchant: I guess that?s one way to get rid of the old fruit! Ha ha!
Woman: She deserves it! Mutt!
Man: How pathetic is she?! Ha!
Girl: Mommy! Mommy! Is that the devil girl?
2nd Woman: Yes honey! That?s the mutt!
Many words and noises are swirling in her head, Koe feels as if she?s in a dream, no a nightmare.
Inner Koe: Why? Why do they hate me? What?d I ever do to them? Why me? Why? Why!????
Suddenly distant horns and bugles are heard sounding in the distance. People are yelling in the far back of the audience.
Man: The Shanti Militia has returned!! The soldiers are here!! General Shogun is back!!!

Well I hoped you liked it...to whoever read it...if you did...I'm still sad tho... :(

[man]

:smirk: [FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]I am impressed that I'm not the only one who makes manga I made one and I am in the middle of making another one I hope yours make the top.[/color][/size][/font]

[size=1][b]Please do not attach random images that have nothing to do with your post.[/b] - PiroMunkie[/size]

[*Tatl&Tale*]

Here is chapter 3 & 4 of Seigaku. I've already written 10 Chapters tho and I hope somebody has been reading it!...Oh and I used Solt and Peppor from Chrono Cross in the story. I couldn't think of what to name these 2 guards so I just named them Solt and Peppor! It's only for a brief sentence tho.

Chapter 3 The Harsh General
The jeering begins to quiet and then everyone stops. The people move to make a path for the soldiers. An angry man rides up on a huge monster. The beast resembles a horse. It has six legs four in the front and two in the rear. The monster has three horns two on the sides that resemble goats horns but spiked and one pointed horn protruding from the center of it?s forehead like a unicorn?s horn. The mane and tail are shaved down flatly and it is wearing a dented and maimed, but beautiful plate of mythril armor obviously forged by the elves. The man trots towards Koe and Tag. She is still on the ground bawling taking no heed of the great man?s presence. He speaks loudly and angrily.
Shogun: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!!? You there! Young man! Tell me!?What do you think you were doing to this woman!?
Tag: *stutters* ?.uh uh?I uh?
Shogun: WELL! SPEAK UP!!
Tag: She?s the demon girl?uh sir?
Shogun: Demon girl?! *glances around* THE ONLY DEMONS I SEE HERE ARE ALL OF YOU!! YOU THINK THIS IS A DEMON?! *points to Koe*
Shogun climbs off of the beast and grabs Koe?s arm, he helps her to her feet and removes the hood from her head to reveal her tear stained face. She stares horrified at all the humans as tear still flow over. Koe presses the rosary close to her bosom.
Shogun: So! This is your demon?! I see here nothing but a helpless elfing? *he grabs her hand with the rosary in it and holds it up to show the people* ?praying for her life! Hoping that the next thing they throw at her isn?t some piercing dagger! *he drops her arm* She also seems to be the only humane person here at the moment! You should all be ashamed of yourselves! Lowering yourselves to the level of ravenous beasts jeering and gawking at a harmless and helpless elfling!
Koe is now staring at the man, mouth gaping, shocked by his words.
Inner Koe: He really sees me as a person? Not as a demon? Is this really happening??
Tag: ?But sir, she?s the mutt?an unholy being sir?
Shogun looks Tag up and down, face straight, serious, and hard as stone.
Shogun: That may be true, boy, but I don?t think she had much choice in the matter now did she? No I didn?t think so! Your actions are definitely not holy either! You boy! What is your name?!
Tag: ?Tag sir?
Shogun: Tag, eh? Well Tag I?d say by the look of it you were the one who started this fracas? Hm?
Tag: ???
Shogun: I?ll take that as a yes. You know, disrespecting someone because of their birth-right is against the law. Didn?t know that, did you?
Tag shakes his head ?no?.
Shogun: You do know the consequences of your actions though, don?t you?
Tag: C-Consequences?
Shogun: It states in the Holy Tome and I quote, ? If thou shall disturb the peace thou shall fall on the punishment of thirty lashes witnessed by the public.?
Tag: Uh! Uh! *blinks* But! But I!
Koe: Oh no! Please! Sir! I don?t want anyone hurt because of me! Please, sir!
Uta: What are you doing Koe! The guy finally gets punished and-
Shogun: Those are the laws! They were not meant to be broken! *looks out at the crowd* Perhaps this will be a lesson to all of you! The next time you plan on harassing a person because of their birth-right, remember the humiliation this boy goes through tomorrow. And everyone must attend or suffer several days in the Imperial prison!! You are all dismissed! Return to your current activities!
The General signals everyone away then calls over two soldiers over.
Shogun: You two there! Take this boy to the prison and prepare him for the lashing tomorrow.
The two soldiers grab the frantic Tag by the arms. Tag struggles to get free but the two hardly move an inch. Of course they wouldn?t they are Imperial soldiers, trained to be physically and mentally stronger than normal men. They have to be that way to protect the Empire; you can?t rely on frightened weak men for protection, that?d be foolish. Koe looks somewhat distressed because of the situation. Shogun walks toward Koe, still straight faced and serious.
Shogun: Ma?am? I request your name please.
Koe: Huh? Oh I?m sorry, it?s Koe.
Shogun: General Shogun at your service ma?am. I insist on escorting you to the castle for some rest and to get you cleaned up of course...
Koe: What!? The castle!? Oh no! I could never go there? It?d be too much, and you?ve done enough already sir. Besides I must get home to my father now. I?m already late.
Uta: I can?t believe you!! Turning down an offer like that just to get back to that drunken bastard of a father!! Koe~!
Shogun: Please Miss Koe, I insist, I?m sure your father can wait a little longer and I?ll have several of my men deliver your parcels to your home.
Koe: Well?Alright, but because you insist?and I?ll be honest I?ve always wondered what that castle is like.
Shogun: It?s settled then! *mounts the beast* Give me your hand.
Koe: Uhhh?I don?t know if I can?
Shogun: It?s alright. He?s completely tame. You have nothing to fear.
Koe: *nervously* Ok?
Koe takes his hand and he pulls her onto the enormous monster.
Koe: Wow! I?m up! *looks down* WOW! R-Really h-high up?Eep!
She tightly grabs Shoguns waist in fear of falling. A little embarrassed she releases him some and blushes. He doesn?t seem to notice though.
Inner Koe: Wow his abs are really?hard.
Shogun: Miss Koe.
Koe: Y-Yes?
Shogun: Where do you live?
Koe: Oh, uh in a small house in Piot village. It?s the third house from the road to Piot forest.
Shogun: Alright then. Solt, Peppor!
Solt&Peppor: Yes sir?!
Shogun: Take this woman?s parcels to Piot village and deliver them to the third home from Piot forest. Uderstand?
Solt&Peppor: Understood sir!
Shogun: Good, You?re dismissed.

Chapter 4 Secrets of the Past

The General turns the creature towards the gates to the castle. The gates are located in Shanti market, so it does not take long to get there. The gates are huge, towering a good one hundred and thirty feet up, made of thick iron. It?d be impossible for normal humans to open the gates so obviously there were hired ogres to open and close them. As they were opened Koe could see the thickness of the gates at least ten feet in width, even the ogres seemed to have some trouble opening them. Inside was a beautifully flourished courtyard and soldiers, workers, militia men, servants and even some creatures not normally seen this season wandering about. They all had a job to do and a place to be. Koe was very curious about the creature she was riding; she saw many other horses all around but nothing like this creature.
Koe: General Shogun? May I ask what this animal is? I?ve never seen, or ridden anything like it before.
Shogun: Ahh yes. It is a camellorn. A unicorn of the desert, I suppose. I found this creature in the desert of Dryland on a mission there. In fact I had to fight the beast just to get to the village.
Koe: You fought him?
Shogun: Yes. They are untamed monsters of the desert. They ride alone and have no consideration for anyone but themselves. They are also very territorial. If they find a place with a lot of water they will stay there for several weeks until their body is filled to the brim with water and then finally leave but until then they will fight and kill whatever crosses their path. They can live off of the water for ten months at a time.
Koe: Oh I see. He must have found water in the village then.
Shogun: Correct! There is a surplus of water in Cacti village. This beast, which I have named Bolshie, found it and was harming the villagers for it. The people could not even leave their homes for water, they were literally dehydrating. I was called to go there and kill him but instead I chose to tame him. I found him to be very useful in battle. On long missions I don?t even have to feed him because he lives on the water stored inside him. It was only by luck though that he survived the shot from my gun.
Koe: Gun? What?s a gun?
Shogun: This is.
He pulls out a small handheld gun from a holster on his belt and shows it to Koe.
Koe: I?ve never seen anything like this either. It?s a weapon?
Shogun: It is a weapon indeed, a very powerful one. I invented it myself some years ago. Here watch. The bullet moves so quickly you can?t even see it. You may want to cover your ears.
Koe covers her large ears as best as she can. Shogun stops Bolshie and aims the gun at a whiskey bottle on a bricked fence in the courtyard. He waits until everyone is moved out of the way. He fires a loud booming shot at it. Koe sees the bullet, perfectly as if it?s moving in slow motion. It goes straight through the center of the bottle shattering it. But it doesn?t stop there it continues moving at the same speed through several bushes and finally stops by hitting the iron wall, making a loud *Clang!* against it. Many of the people in the courtyard stop to look around wondering what happened. Once they notice the General they resume their duties.
Koe: Wow! *stares in amazement*
Shogun: What do you think Miss Koe? But a novice wouldn?t be able to make a shot like that; you?d have to have a lot of practice and good aim. You might not be able to see it but you can still hear it, unfortunately. I?m designing a way to silence the sound.
Koe: No offense sir, but I could see the shot perfectly. It moved in a straight line and went through everything except the iron wall.
Shogun: You could see it?
Koe: Please don?t forget sir, but I am part elf.
Shogun: Of course, the sight of the elves. And you inherited other elf abilities too?
They resume trotting to the castle.
Koe: Yes, strength, speed, sight, and hearing sir. Oh! And big ears. ^-^
Shogun: Amazing. But you are not immortal?
Koe: No sir. I inherited mortality and the appearance of humans from my father.
Shogun: You are right you do not look like the elves, if it weren?t for your ears I think everyone would treat you like any other human.
Koe: Yeah, I know.
Shogun: Your mother, who was she?
Koe: Kasha Nayru.
The General suddenly stops Bolshie jerking them both forward a little.
Uta: *mutters* Oh crap! Don?t you dare tell her anything!...
Shogun: You don?t mean Kasha Seigaku Nayru!? Do you?
Koe: Uhhh, I guess. Is that her middle name? I didn?t know she had a middle name. Hmm, why what?s wrong? Did you know her?
The General is shocked some from Koe?s response. He looks back at her in disbelief.
Uta: No~No~No! Keep your yap shut!
Inner Shogun: She doesn?t know? She doesn?t know anything does she? Damn it! What have you planned for this girl Kasha? What were you thinking? You and a human? Damn it Kasha! If she didn?t tell her maybe?hmm.
Koe: General Shogun? Are you alright sir?
Shogun: Yes I?m fine.
Koe: Did you know my mother?
Uta: No! He didn?t! He didn?t know her! He?s just a stupid liar!
Shogun: Yes I did know her for a while. If it?s alright, would you tell me what happened to her? How did she die?
Uta: Don?t tell him anything!
Koe: Oh?She passed away during the massacre in Piot village about fifteen years ago. Demons killed her.
Shogun: Did she have a sword with her? An elvish one?
Uta: What?s with the interrogation?!
Koe: No I don?t think so. She never really trained in the art of war. Why? Did she have a sword like that?
Shogun: Oh no. I guess not. Anyways we?re here.
Uta: Phew! You almost let it out! Stupid idiot!
Koe: Oh, *looks up* Wow the castle is huge!
Shogun: Yes, well many people live here, not just the royal family.
Koe: They do?
Shogun dismounts the camellorn and helps Koe off too.
Shogun: Yes all the servants and many of the soldiers and there families live here. Even me, well me when I?m actually here. But that?s not usually for too long.
Koe: What I wouldn?t give to live here.
Shogun: Well if you live here you work here. That?s the pretty much the rule. Oh, there?s my stable boy. Nate! Nate over here!
Nate: Oh! General Shogun! Welcome back! How was your trip?
Shogun: It went quite well, although I had to whip some of those dwarves back into shape. I?m not paying them to sit around on their ***** and smoke all day.
Nate: Ha ha! Of course not. Oh his majesty wishes to see you as soon as possible, he has a few more missions for you and wants to here how well the railroad is coming along in great detail.
Shogun: Well then I should probably get going. Nate would please call on Charlotte to assist and escort Miss Koe here to one of our guest rooms. After that I would appreciate it if you could bathe, brush and give water to Bolshie too, he needs some rest.
Nate: Not a problem sir! I?ll go and get Charlotte now.
Nate takes Bolshie?s reins and leads him to a nearby stable.
Shogun: Well then, I suppose this is where we part for now Miss Koe. I assure you though, we will meet again someday soon.
Koe: Thank you so much General for all you?ve done for me.
Shogun: It was my pleasure Miss Koe. Goodbye.
The General turns and walks away to a nearby side door that leads into some part of the castle. A guard greets him and allows him through. Koe watches him leave, still curious about how he knew her mother. Uta pops in as usual catching Koe?s attention.
Koe: Uta what were you mumbling about back there?
Uta: Uhhh?Nothing! Nothing at all! Just talking to myself!
Koe: Hmm?How does he know my mother? I wonder?
Uta: Don?t believe anything he says Koe! There are lots of elvish women with the name Kasha. He may have mistaken her for someone else.
Koe: Yeah but I told him her last name too.
Uta: Oh. Uhhh?yeah but?Her middle name! She has no middle name! So there must be someone else with almost the same name as your mother.
Koe: What are you trying to hide from me Uta?
Uta: Nothing! It?s all true!
Koe: Then why is your halo blinking? And little devil horns are perking up from your head?
Uta: My halo? *looks up* Ack! Ok it?s a lie! It?s all a lie!
Koe: Why are you lying to me? Why don?t you just tell me? Tell me everything.
Uta: Because as your guardian angel I cannot tell you anything about your future or past. You have to figure it out for yourself. My lips are sealed.
Koe: Then what good are you?
Uta: Hey! I?m here to help you make good choices. That?s all.
Koe: Righ?t.

I hoped you all liked it and just post some feedback and I'll start putting up the next couple of chapters.

[Kei]

[color=darkblue]I'm going to move this to the Literature forum, since this thread would be much more at home there. Feel free to continue posting in it.[/color]

[Cat]

Hey There. Your story is getting so much better. Keep posting. I want to see what happens. :)

[*Tatl&Tale*]

Ok! Thanx Lady Katana.

Chapter 5 Fairy Suprising

Nate and an older woman come up to Koe, who seems to be talking to herself. Koe notices them and shuts up. The woman, who must be Charlotte, is a little stout, and somewhat wrinkly because of her age, but has a lovely smile and rosy cheeks to brighten her up. Her attire suggests that she is a maid.
Nate: This is Charlotte, Miss Koe. She will escort you to one of the guest rooms and if you need anything just ask her.
Koe: It?s a pleasure to meet you Charlotte.
Charlotte: You too Miss Koe.
Koe: Please, just Koe.
Charlotte: Well then Koe, follow me. I?ve set up a very nice room for you I hope you?ll like it.
Nate leaves them and Charlotte takes Koe to another side entry way opposite of the one the General left through. Koe is led through a large kitchen where many chefs are working hard to make delicious meals for everyone that ?lives? in the castle. The two dodge out of the way of many cooks and come to a door leading into a grand hall. Koe stares in wonder at all the beautiful tapestry?s and armor décor hanging on the walls. There is a very large tapestry with the Royal Families symbol of a lion on it. They come too a huge stairway with a beautiful golden railing and red carpet. Following the stairs up Koe notices many paintings of the royal family, and other royal relationships. People that have made peace treaties with the family have their portraits up next to theirs. She sees some from dwarves, merfolk, nymphs, and even elves. One of the paintings catches her eye. It?s the portrait of a beautiful elf dressed in a white silk gown with a silver crown-like tiara. She is standing next to another elf, a man, who is wearing a blue silk kilt and cape. He is also wearing a crown-like tiara. Koe gets a closer look at the woman. Her eyes widen in great surprise.
Inner Koe: Oh my God! Th-That?s my mother! No?it couldn?t be though. Who?s that man next to her. No I must be wrong. That can?t be her, unless, maybe she?s the one General Shogun was talking about. Wait there?s a plaque?
Uta quickly floats in the way of Koe obstructing her view. Although she?s see through Koe doesn?t have time to read the plaque, she hears Charlotte calling to her.
Charlotte: Koe! Please stay with me! You wouldn?t want to get lost in this castle. If someone found you you?d go straight to the prison accused of being an intruder.
Koe: I?m sorry.
Koe quickly catches up to Charlotte following close behind. Maybe a little too close. Charlotte suddenly stops and Koe bumps into her.
Koe: Oh! Oops. Sorry.
Charlotte: It?s alright dear. We?re here!
Charlotte opens the door to the room Koe would be staying in. Upon entry Koe is encircled with a wonderful flowery scent. She gasps, astonished that this is where she will be staying. The room is very large with the same red carpet as outside. Most of the room is pink though. The huge queen sized bed has an elegant pink, floral covet and satin sheets and pillows. There are luxuriously carved furniture painted in a light peach-pink color. The walls are painted with murals of a flowery garden with butterflies and unicorns. There is a center table carved from the same wood as the other furniture and a covered object in the center, perhaps a canary cage. It is quite obvious this was once a little girls room.
Charlotte: Beautiful isn?t it? This used to be Princess Marie?s room. But she moved out when she got older and we just made it a guest room for any other little princesses from other visiting kingdoms to use. I would?ve given you one of the other adult guest rooms but they will be occupied soon with the coming visit of his majesty Sovereign Roland and his escorts.
Koe: What kingdom are they from?
Charlotte: They come far from the grand forest kingdom of Salendor. I believe they are here to discuss issues about the construction of the railroad.
Koe: I heard General Shogun mention that too. What is a railroad?
Charlotte: Well it?s going to be a great new form of transportation that the General created himself. He?s such an inventor, always finding new ways to bring our kingdoms closer together for peace and prosperity.
Koe: Sounds like he?s done a lot for us.
Charlotte: Oh yes! And he?s so young too, only thirty five. My, my how the times go by. I still remember him when he was just a child. Hmmm?
The two hear loud horns sounding outside. Koe and Charlotte scurry to one of the windows in the room. They both see the iron gates being opened and several elf men on unicorns enter. Down below they can see the large front doors of the castle open and the Emperor and the Empress walk out to greet the elves. A man in a bright orange kilt opens up a scroll and announces their arrival.
Man in orange: WELCOMING THE GREAT ELVISH LORD, SOVEREIGN ROLAND! HIS MAJESTY EMPEROR EDWARD AND EMPRESS ELIZABETH GREET THEE!
Charlotte: Oh dear that?s them there. I?m late now. I hope you don?t mind dear but I?ll have you all cleaned up in a short while, just leave your clothes on the desk and another maid will come take them and clean them for you. I?ve left some clean clothes on the bed for you too. You are welcome to stay the night and if you need anything at all the maid will be outside and you just call on her. I?ll be back in about an hour or two. Have a nice stay dear.
Koe: Thank you very much Charlotte and good luck.
Charlotte: Oh thank you dear, buh-bye!
Charlotte quickly leaves and almost slams the door behind her for being in such a hurry. Uta appears again and is looking out the window Koe was at.
Uta: Oooo~! He?s pretty cute!
Koe: What are you doing Uta?
Uta: Just checking out all the sexy elves. But that one there in blue is really sexy. Come over and see.
Koe: Oh please Uta! You have got to be kidding me! You checking out all the sexy elves. You?re just a child.
Uta: Hey! I may look like a child but I?ve got the spirit of a very mature adult, thank you!
Koe walks over and looks out the window again. She sees the elf Uta?s talking about and her heart can?t help but flutter.
Uta: I see that look in your eye. I told you he was cute!
Koe: Uh! What look?! I can hardly see him from here! I don?t know what you?re talking about!
Uta: Don?t pull that crap on me kiddo! Whatever happened to ?elvish sight?? Hm?
Koe: Ok. I can see him perfectly. And he is kinda cute but?like I could ever get a date with someone like him?Ahh! He?s looking up here!
Koe and Uta duck down from the window. The young elf noticed Koe blush and duck; he just smiles and resumes his escorting duties.
Koe: What are you doing Uta? He can?t see you!
Uta: I know~! Duh! It?s cuz I hid before he noticed me.
Koe: Oh brother. Uta you?re a ghost!
Uta: What? Oh yeah, I am! ^-^
Koe goes over to the bed and undresses. She puts her fruit splattered clothes on the desk as asked and puts on the white dress left for her. Koe is rummaging through all the drawers in the furniture curious about what?s inside of them. But all she finds are formal dresses for little girls. About a half hour later a young maid comes in and takes the dirty clothes. She doesn?t talk to Koe or even look at her, she just takes the clothes and leaves.
Koe: Hmm?I wonder what?s wrong with her? *yawns* Maybe I?ll take a nap on this soft comfy bed!
Koe: *sigh* I wish this would last forever. I can?t believe I?m really here in the castle!
???: Would you please stop talking to yourself!!? It?s so weird. And I?m trying to think!
Koe: Huh?! Who said that?
Uta: There?s someone else here?
???: I?m in here!
Koe: Where, here?
???: In the cage under the cover!!
Koe cautiously goes up to the cage on the center table and removes the cover. She looks down and sees a little fairy staring up at her. The fairy looks at her amazed by the giant human with elf ears.
???: Ahh! You are definitely not a normal human. What?s with the big ears?
Koe: Oh! I?m not a human I?m an elfling. My name?s Koe.
???: My name?s Kihana and what?s an elfling?
Koe: It?s a mix between an elf and a human.
Kihana: Oh.
Koe: What are you doing in there Kihana?
Kihana: Planning a way out!
Koe: No, I mean how did you get in there?
Kihana: The Empress had her stupid soldiers capture me and all my friends and family! She did it ?cause we smell so pretty, I guess. There is at least one of us in each of these rooms.
Koe: That?s terrible. Here I?ll let you out.
Kihana: Yay!
Koe opened up the cage and let her out. The little fairy flew around the room in circles and swirls and a lot of fairy dust came sprinkling down from her. The fairy flew down to Koe and just started babbling, going on and on about how they were just minding their own business in the flower fields when a bunch of stupid soldiers captured them in butterfly nets. She explained how the fairy queen was caught and mistreated by them. This went on for about forty-five minutes when Kihana, just suddenly stopped talking.
Koe: *giggles* What?s wrong? Is that the end?
Kihana: No wait listen.
Koe could hear footsteps outside in the hallway coming closer.
Kihana: Ah! Someone?s coming!!
Koe: Hurry! Go back into the cage!
Kihana flew quickly into the cage and Koe shut it and put the cover back on the cage then sat over on the bed just as the maid from before came in. She went over to the desk and like before didn?t speak to or look at Koe. She set the clean clothes on the desk and left. Koe went over to the desk and quickly changed her clothes back.
Koe: Wow. They?re much cleaner than even before those jerks threw fruit at me. ^-^
Kihana: Hey don?t forget about me!!
Koe: Oh yeah!
Koe went over to the table and removed the cover, but just as she was about to open the cage Uta chimed in.
Uta: Koe! Are you sure this is okay? If you let this fairy go free you?ll be going against the Empress, she?ll get really mad at you and kick you out of the castle or worse execute you!
Koe: Uta it?s not right that the Empress imprisoned these fairies in the first place. I?m letting her and all of her family free no matter what anyone says.
Kihana is staring at Koe with a queer _expression on her face.
Kihana: Who are you talking too?
Koe finishes opening the cage. Kihana quickly flies out again.
Koe: Just my guardian angel. She can be a little brat sometimes.
Uta: I am not!!
Kihana: Ok~?Wait! But does this mean you?re gonna help me rescue my family?!
Koe: Yes I promise to help you. But we?re going to have to do it before the elves take residence up in their rooms. And you?re going to have to tell me where they?ve placed your friends. And we only have about forty five minutes left to do it.
Kihana: Ha! That?s plenty of time!

Chapter 6 A Gallant Rescue

Koe opens the door from her room and looks outside. The other maid is standing there just as Charlotte said she would be. Koe used some quick thinking and came up with an idea that would occupy the maid while she and Kihana found the other fairies.
Koe: Excuse me Miss. Could you please bring me some supper? I?m beginning to get a little hungry. And could you also direct me to a room where I can relieve myself?
The maid almost looks as if she?s glaring at Koe. She doesn?t speak but simply points down the hall, nods her head "yes", and turns to leave. Koe was curious, wondering if the maid was a mute. She new that if the maid assumed she was at a restroom then she wouldn?t be too curious of as to why she wasn?t in her room when she got back. As soon as the maid was gone from her sight she turned into her room and called on Kihana.
Koe: *whispering* Kihana, she?s gone. Let?s go now.
Kihana: Ok...
Koe and Kihana go out into the hallway. They both look each way, left and right, several times cautiously.
Kihana: *sniff sniff* I smell them!
Koe: Shhh!
Kihana: Oh, right. I smell them. This way. And you don?t have to shush me?
Kihana flies to the first door across from Koe?s room. Koe cautiously opens it and peeks inside to make sure no one is in there. She doesn?t see anyone. Kihana flies in quickly and heads straight for the center table, with Koe following her. There is a cage on this table too. In fact this room is almost exactly identical to the room across, except decorated in blue and more maturely furnished. Koe can hear small whimpers and cries coming from the cage. She quickly removes the cover startling the little fairy inside.
Fairy: Ahhh!
Kihana: Shhh! Be quiet Marigold.
Marigold: Oh my. Kihana, it?s you. How?d you get out?
Kihana: *smiles* ^-^ My new friend, Koe helped me. *looks up at Koe* She?s an elfling.
Marigold: Wow. You?re really helping us?
Koe: Of course. But we have to hurry before that other maid comes back.
Koe quickly undoes the latch on the cage and releases little Marigold. She flies out and spreads her wings with a big grin on her face. ^--^
Koe: Come on. Let?s hurry.
There are four other rooms in the same hall that Koe and the two fairies enter. Each room is identical to the others. So with six fairies in hand Kihana leads Koe and the group to another hall by her nose. Just as one of the fairies is about to round the corner Koe snags her by her wings. Koe holds her in her palm and shakes her head "no". She puts a finger out meaning "wait". The fairy flies up again and joins the others. Koe peers around the corner. She sees two guards chatting with one another. There are only two rooms in this hall. One of the rooms she notices chefs and cooks constantly coming in and out of. They have trays of food --probably to serve the guests.
Koe: *whispering* Ok this is what we have to do. I?ll go and distract the guards while the six of you head into that first room there. But you?ll have to sneak in as soon as another chef comes out. Kihana, there are fairies in there, right?
Kihana: *sniff sniff* Yep. There sure are. About three of them.
Koe: Ok. When you get inside, fly all the way up to the highest shelf you can and hide there. I?ll meet you all in there as soon as I get rid of the guards. Got it?
Fairies: Yup.
Koe puts the hood of her cloak over her head then casually walks over to the guards. They are startled to see her.
Guard 1: Excuse me Miss. But you?re not supposed to be here.
Koe: *sweetly* I?m not?
Guard 2: No ma?am. The banquet is that way.
Koe: Oh. I didn't know! I just got lost on the way to a restroom. And?Oh my! What?s that?!
Koe points in the opposite direction of the kitchen. The two guards look and at that moment a chef comes out of the kitchen. The fairies hastily fly inside the room undetected.
Guard 1: What was it ma?am.
Koe: It was a disgusting rat! And it is headed straight for the banquet! Quickly you must catch and kill it before the Empress sees it! Oh my! Hurry! Catch the little monster!
The two guards, alarmed, run in the direction of the banquet. Koe then silently slips into the kitchen. She looks up at the shelves and sees little Kihana waving to her. Koe motions her hand to "hide". She expects someone in the kitchen to tell her she?s not allowed there and has a witty excuse ready but none of the chefs or cooks even bother to tell Koe that she needs to leave. They don?t even bother to look at her. They all just ignore her as it she wasn't there and go about their business.
Inner Koe: They?re acting just like that maid. Odd, why don?t they say anything?
Koe shuffles out of their way over to a wall. She notices one of the cooks climbing up to the shelf where the fairies are. The chef not only grabs some spices he accidentally grabs Kihana! Without thinking Koe lets out a cry.
Koe: *gasps* Kihana!
Kihana: Eep! *gulp* o_o
Koe rushes towards the cook, while trying to dodge a few other people wandering about the kitchen. Panic fills her. The cook headed towards the biggest stew pot in the kitchen.
Koe: Kihana! Wait! Ack!
She chases the two like a salmon swimming upstream. Everyone in the kitchen is like water heading downhill and her trying to go uphill. She pushes and shoves, trying to get past, but the only one who seems to be moving is the cook with Kihana. The cook is already up to the pot. He holds out the spices and Kihana, ready to drop them both. Kihana lets out a scream of fear.
Kihana: Aaaaaaahhhh!!! Koe! Get your rear in gear and HELP ME!!
The other fairies shriek too.
Fairies: KIHANA!!!
Koe: STOOOOOP!!!!!
A wave of explosion seems to burst from her body! Everything moves in slow motion as Koe runs past all the cooks and chefs. She makes it up to Kihana and grabs the cook?s wrist, stopping him from dropping the fairy. Slowly he turns his head and looks into her eyes. A sharp chill runs down her spine. Her mouth gapes wide as do her eyes. Her body shakes with incredible fear. His eyes! They are blank! There is nothing in his sockets --just black pits of nothing! His mouth is sickeningly sewn shut with four large stitches. He has no nose! It is gone! His face is pale white and slowly his sockets begin to fill and drip with blood. The blood begins to pour from his sockets.
The room fills with all of his blood. Everywhere! Soon Koe is up to her neck in blood. She can taste the coppery liquid, as it rises over her head. She holds her breath and pulls hard to try to pry Kihana from his hand. The blood is not thick, but like water. Koe looks into his dreadful face as it begins to contort --as if he were trying to move it. The stitching on his mouth tears open! He lets his mouth open wide, wider than she ever thought possible, and releases an ear-splitting shriek! It hurts her ears but she doesn't let go of Kihana. Determined to get her free, Koe pulls hard, digging her nails into the demon's skin.
Finally he lets go!
Another powerful wave shoots from Koe's body that seems to shake the room and thrusts her down on the ground! Everything moves normally again and the ocean of blood is gone when she opens her eyes. She breaths deeply and looks at Kihana in her hand. Kihana is shocked after almost being boiled alive but is otherwise okay. She didn?t want to look at the demon-chef, but knew she had to. Koe looks at the cook who is now stirring his stew. His face was completely normal again except he has a vapid expression. The fairies all fly down to Koe and wrap their arms all around Kihana, relieved she is safe.
Fairies: Oh Kihana! We were so worried! I?m so glad that you?re ok! Kihana?
Koe: *still shaking* D-Did you all s-see that?
Marigold: See what? *looks up at Koe* Oh my. Koe you look like you just saw a ghost!
Koe: It was a d-demon.
Juniper: I didn?t see a demon. Just a mean ol? man that wanted to cook Kihana!
Koe: *calming herself* There is something terribly wrong here. I don?t think these people see us!
The little fairies look around. None of the chefs notice or care that Koe and the others are sitting there in plain site hugging one another. They don'tt even look at them. Everyone just goes about his or her business with lifless expressions on their faces. Koe stands up, the fairies taking flight. She waves a hand in the face of one of the passing cooks. The cook doesn't blink an eye.
Koe: I don?t know what?s happening around here but I do know that we have to get the rest of the fairies out of here fast! Let?s go, Kihana.
Kihana: Right!
Kihana leads Koe and the others to a small pantry-like room with all sorts of spices labeled in baskets on shelves. There are also three covered cages in there. The fairies smell like tasty spices, paprika, thyme, and basil. As it turns out, those are the names of the three of them too. Koe lets them all out. Koe and the nine fairies swiftly go past all the chefs and cooks. Koe goes out the door and into the next room across the way. The two chatty guards almost spot her too, but Koe is too fast for them. She runs to the next room then uses a little trick she learned as a child to spook all the mean kids that teased her: She throws her voice behind the two guards. She makes squeaky rat noises to draw their attention away from the kitchen door.
Koe: *Squeak, eek, squeak!*
Guard 2: What was that?
Guard 1: It was that damn rat! C?mon! I?m not letting it get away this time!
The guard charges off in the direction of the squeaky noises Koe made.
Guard 2: H-Hey! Wait for me!
After they are out of sight, Koe calls the other fairies over. All of them go into a large, bright, warm room. There are flourishing plants everywhere.
Koe: What kind of place is this?
Kihana: I know! It?s a greenhouse! It?s a place where people grow flowers and plants inside!
Trying to impress Koe, Kihana smiles about her "vast" knowledge of greenhouses, but Koe doesn?t care much; she?s only concerned whether there are fairies there or not.
Koe: Well I guess we don?t have to look here. It already smells like pretty flowers in this room.
Kihana: Nuh-UH! There are definitely other fairies here! Fairies help the flowers grow! I smell *sniff sniff* five of them here!
Koe: Five! Wow, that?s almost all of them then, right? How many of you are left anyways?
Kihana: Koe, there are a lot more of us! I told you that mean old Empress caught all of my friends and family.
Koe: So that leaves how many of you?
Kihana: Well, after we rescue these five there will be?umm?da..na and da?um?
Juniper: Eighty-seven!
Koe: EIGHTY-SEVEN?? There are eighty-seven of you???
Kihana: *cheerfully* ^-^ No, there are exactly one hundred of us!
Koe: We can?t rescue that many!
Kihana: We can?t?...Hmm?Well there is one way we might be able too.
Koe: And how is that?
Kihana: The Fairy Queen can do it! She can save all of us with her magic! ^-^ All we have to do is rescue her from the Emperor?s and Empress?s bedroom.
Koe: Their bedroom!?!
Kihana: Yes. That?s where she?s being held captive.
Koe: Alright. We?ll do it then! But first let?s get these five out to help us. All of you spread out and find the cages!
Koe finds one of the five cages near some beautiful, blooming jasmine. This cage doesn't have a cover on it like the other ones in the rooms. The fairy didn?t seem too surprised to see Koe waltzing up. She looks up at Koe with red, puffy eyes. She must have assumed that she was just another spectator. But when Koe starts to open the cage, the fairy jumps up and flutters her wings in surprise.
Koe: I?m here to help you. What?s your name?
???: It?s Jasmine. Who are you?
Koe: Just a friend. *smiles* ^-^
Kihana flies over with four extra fairy friends. Somehow she must have managed to unlock the cages. But there is no time for questions.
Jasmine: Kihana! Juniper! Marigold! You?re all here?!
She flies out of the cage and hugs Kihana and the others.
Kihana: Yup! We?re here to help! But now we gotta go rescue Queen Rose.
Koe: Lead the way Kihana!!

This is really long cuz I accidentally skipped Chapter 5 before so I just edited it into this post. So sorry about that for those of you who have read it.

[font=Verdana][size=1][color=red]Please don't double post. If you wish to add more to your post, simply edit the original post. ^_^ -- Lady Asphyxia[/color][/size][/font]

[Cat]

Hi,

This is good. I like it but I don't understand. You see you went from 4 to 6. Can you post the 5 chapter?



Well see you.

[*Tatl&Tale*]

Oh crap! Ur right! I did skip chapter 5. I'll fix that. Thanx for telling me! (I didn't even notice) hehe...

[jim, hawkins]

Well here is what I think of your poem. It's pretty good to my standards but it kind of seems like it could be the anime version of Romeo and Juliet. Imean the forbidn love and all teir obstacles they went through. But I like it. Kep up the good work.

[Oji ryu]

I haven't read capters 1,2,3,4,5,6 but I read the prolouge and I really liked it.I especially like the interracial part,because it compares to whats happening in todays world.(you know,like the racisim and laws against gay marriage)I'll be sure to read the rest of the chapters. :cool:

[Guest kidotaku]

great story,it sounds good and the chapters are well writen, but i thoght you said it was going to be a manga, not a fourm story but any way, good luck with the manga Tatl