Writing Poem: Pawn (Warning, somewhat disturbing/mature content)

[Pawn114]

Pawn
-=-=-=-=-
Wishing I was gone,
In this game of life,
Nothing but a pawn,
Constantly in strife
-=-=-=-=-
Basking in the hate,
Bathing in the fear,
Blackened deep inside,
My heart this life did sear
-=-=-=-=-
Blood pooling on the tiles,
Streaked across the floor,
Will my spirit plunge,
Or my spirit soar
-=-=-=-=-
For I am gone now,
Given unto fate,
Crawling towards destiny,
Fueled only by hate
-=-=-=-=-

Note: I am not depressed, spiteful, hateful or anything, thats just how I write. Feel free to review, give thoughts on, or criticise it. Just wrote this in the 5-10 minutes (horrible with time) I took to write the entire post, so it might not be fantastic, either in spelling, grammer or such things.

-Pawn

[Epsilon]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]Personally, I can't find anything within this poem disturbing. (Once again, personal opinion)

Moving on...I very much like your writing style, Pawn114. It's very well for this style of poem. And makes it flow all the more nicely. The poem is well done for the time you've spent on it. Not to many problems with spelling, but a few small ones with grammer.

I like the over all feel, since it gives a feeling of uncertainness. Also, the way it's able to go on describing a death and what the death brings to the person's soul/spirit/mind. Without going totally in depth so that the reader doesn't stray, and can connect with the thoughts and main ideal of the poem.

Hope to read more of your work in the future.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[InuyashaLvr]

[COLOR=Magenta][I] Chris, there's nothing wrong with the style you write. :) It's actually something alot of people can relate to! It's really awesome! Keep up the good work! :D :wave:

~vanna~[/COLOR][/I]

[Decadence]

[color=silver] Quite good. I like it, I'd have to agree with Ruby nothing disturbing about it, but then if you've read any of mine you'd see my stuff is probly just as dark if not more so.
I realy can't critique it because it seems so similer to my writting, but the slight rhyming scheme was a nice touch and over all it was quite nice.[/color]

[Pawn114]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]the only reason I put the warning thing, was incase anyone doesnt like blood or dark thoughts or somethin, personally, i see no problem with it at all, but hey, better safe then sorry![/COLOR]

[Rachael]

I've read some of your work before and I love it all. I think its great that you can write a peom like that in 5 to 10 minutes it take me forever to write one...Anyways I think its amazing keep up the good work!!

[Black Moon]

I really enjoyed it. As some have stated before, it flows. In my head, I can kind of hear it as a song. (my mind does weird things like that.) I actually enjoyed this because of it's "darkness". The way you're rhymes go it realy makes it all connect together, when some people do stuff along the same lines as this, they tend to sound like three or four small poems smashed into one, but not yours, it's easy to continue from one word to the next without breaking the beat. (Or at least the beat my head makes XD.)