RPG stress relief [PG - VSL]

[terra]

[color=gray]Anyone want a little stress relief? Oh, I do. So I'd like a rather non-serious spar with the rules that were employed in [url=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=32890]this thread[/url]. Basically, each post is in a different genre chosen by the previous poster, but a sort of general overarching storyline was still established (well, sort of, at least).

Uh, yeah. I'll be back later if anyone feels like responding.[/color]

[Balmon]

This sounds awesome - I read the thread and I love your idea. It allows for so much hilarity, and simultaneously, fun (cause one doesn't necessarily mean the other).

:)

Name: Yu Kan Kook

Age: 89

Background: In the course of his amazing life, Kook has circumnaviated the globe.... almost ONCE! Actually... the only thing he has navigated (SO FAR) is his backyard, with its one japanese maple, those really loud annoying kids next door, and those garbage cans that keep overflowing. He enjoys long walks on the beach, though he's never been on one, and candle-lit dinners.
He's also a big fan of Harry Potter books, and hopes to become a wizard some day.

Description: See [URL=http://gzmp.dayoo.com/img/2003-09/28/xin_ab8a396f2a834e62ae11664cb848068f.JPG]here[/URL]

Fighting Style: A generic mishmash of traditional Chinese martial arts, coupled with senility and general confusion.

Hope this works!

Phil

[Guest Juron]

Well, this certainly sounds...interesting. I'll throw in, using the ever-sexy Barbonah.

Name: Barbonah

Physical Description: Beautiful in design, terrible to behold, Barbonah is the epitome of the phrase ?savage angel?. His skin holds a normal, healthy color to it, with a slight lean towards being pale, with his upper-back length, stark white hair doing little to improve his coloration. His body is covered from head to toe in thick, powerful muscles, bulging out against his fair skin. Though the hair gives the impression of Barbonah being something of an albino, his sharp blue eyes derail that train of thought.

Clothing: Barbonah?s sense of dress can be described in three words?dark, expensive, and professional. The savage angel prefers the upper-class garments of a high-ranking businessman to the traditional flowing robes of his kind. He can normally be seen in a buttoned-up deep blue shirt, nearly black in coloration, with midnight-black slacks and firm leather shoes of the same coloration.

Personality: ?Hate to live, live to hate.? Barbonah is fueled by the competition, the sheer devilish joy he takes from the hunt, from destruction, from battle. He?s most definitely mad, but the thin rays of sanity that shine out display a brilliant mind. The savage angel is given to odd bouts of terrifying rage, and even more terrifying joy, during the heat of combat.

Equipment:

-The thickly-built warblade ?Limited Angel?. Given to Barbonah before he was sent from Heaven, blessed by the touch of the angel Azrael. Barbonah can focus his energies through this devastating weapon, using it as a catalyst to slice through anything standing in his way. On a prompt from the savage angel, lightning can be channeled along the length of the blade, working to empower, extend, or shorten it as he sees fit.

-The original ?Mind? rune.

Special Abilities:

-Shapeshifter: Barbonah?s greatest gift, burned into his very essence by God during his creation, was the ability to shed and alter his form as easily as he drew breath. This can be anything from augmenting his body into a more advantageous shape for the occasion, or turning his entire form into water. Though he has no ?true? form, Barbonah prefers the human body described above as his ?base state?.

-The ability to control and manipulate the energy of the Heavens as he sees fit, as well as the latent energy of the world around him. This ability, while not uncommon among beings, is further focused and defined by his existence as an angel.

-Psionics: The savage angel is a master of the mind, was one even before his bonding with the original ?Mind? rune. His powers have been refined to such a degree that he can slip into the minds of his opponents, potentially, without them even noticing his presence, to do anything from ripping their mental abilities apart, to making them into his puppets, or even influencing their actions. This can also be translated into a more physical form of attack, if he feels the need.

History:

Barbonah?one of the seven Angels of Confusion, Angel of Annihilation, present at the fall of the Tower of Babel?

Once, long ago, before the time when men covered the surface of the earth like a plague, there existed a separate race of beings?winged humans known as ?Angels?. The very avatars of light, love, and compassion, the angels worked and lived to serve the greater God above, acting as his hands in the material world. But even the purest water will eventually be tainted by imperfection.

The angels, being mortal had minor flaws. These were ignored, pushed aside, left unattended?and so they grew, becoming major faults in their bodies, minds, and souls. It eventually because so large that the divine beings were forced to accept the issue?they had become mostly flawed. This concept filled their minds to the brim, shattering their concept of a perfect reality?and so insanity was born, spreading through the angels like wildfire. What each angel sought was to return to the perfection they had been born into?a complete impossibility.

This problem was too large to ignore, to destroy, and with the sad remains of God rotting on high, the angels came to a decision. If they had been ruined by their damning desire to become what they once were, then the solution to the problem could be created by giving life to a mass imperfection, to show them how to fix their own faults?a crop for them to harvest. And so man came into existence.

For countless millennia, the angels carefully raised their crop, all the while making small appearances, a nudge here, a burned kingdom there, forever guiding toward the true meaning of their existence?the Harvest. The creation of the Key to the angel?s question. Barbonah?s job among the angels was to destroy those who had seen an angel at work, to purify the human race around him of flaws that might taint or ruin the harvest, and none took greater pride nor joy in their work than he.

Barbonah detests mankind, sees them as the embodiment of filth, weakness, corruption, nothing more than sickly cattle to be butchered before their terrible taint can spread to anything else. If not for the actions of his superiors, indeed, all human life might have been cast back into nothingness?but even in the depths of his madness, the savage angel knows that the Harvest is a needed function, that it will restore angels to their rightful place, and bring about the rebirth of God, with or without the energies of the original runes.

[Balmon]

Terra - why would you start this and then disappear for days?

I'm confused.
:)


Phil

[Wondershot]

Why not, this looked cool the last time.

[color=orange]Name: Tae-Won Hwang

Age: 18

Background: A Korean youth interested in a career in rock music, Tae-Won was kicked out of his house at age 12 because he had learned how to play the electric guitar...and was giving his parents conniptions with the noise...not even counting the damage to the structure of his house thanks to the explosive bass...and the windows that shattered thanks to his multiple 30-minute chord solos...and that he himself began bleeding from the ears at age 10...but that's not the point, it just annoyed his folks, so he got the ax. Tae-Won decided to do a little travelling by stowing away on a boat for a few months, but was eventually caught and thrown overboard by the furious sailors. It was then that Tae-Won learned that when stowing away, it is best to keep a low profile, rather than continue playing your guitar...at night while everyone was asleep...and then unintentionally causing a minor engine fault that grows into a major engine fault given time and sound waves that cause the said ship to sink moments after Tae-Won was thrown off...but that's not the point. He was thrown off, and had to swim himself, his:
[url=http://www.ibanez.co.jp/world/country/frame_korea.html][img]http://www.ibanez.co.jp/world/products/eg/pict/RG450LTDDAB-00-05.jpg[/img]
Limited Edition Ibanez RG450 Electric Guitar (Dark Adriatic Blue)
[img]http://www.ibanez.co.jp/world/products/amp/pict/tb50r.gif[/img]
and Tone Blaster 50R Series amplifier...[/url]

...all the way to Japan, where he decided to join a local garage band.

Tae won also has the strangest obsession with orange juice, whenever and wherever he sees orange juice, he buys it/drinks it on the spot, it's his greatest weakness.

Description: see attached picture, he usually wears a bright orange collared shirt over that striped vest, and even brighter orange cargo pants and sneakers. They say he blinds people with his orange obsession everywhere he goes.

Fighting style: When in doubt, swings his RG450 around like a maniac, when disarmed, he is familiar with a little Tae-Kwon Do, and has pretty good balance, so can usually recover from even the most adverse position and recover his precious guitar.[/color]

Edit: Damn, the banner died from exceeding bandwidth, I'll just attach the picture here.

[Brasil]

[left][size=2]Women wanted him, and men wanted to be him. He was sex personified. He was tight like a tiger and just as grrreat. Just uttering his name sent women into heated spasms of passionate excitement. Who was this man?[/size][/left]


[center][size=2][b]Johnny Bravo:[/b][/size][/center]
[center][size=2][b]Action Lover and Golden-haired Adonis[/b][/size][/center]



[left][size=2]Bravo is a master in the ancient Vegas art of King-Fu. Many warriors have fallen to his kicks that were fast as lightning, and his judo chops drop the heartiest of foes. He has no match on the battlefield; he encompasses all and defeats all.[/size][/left]


[left][size=2]But with great power, comes great stupidity, and Johnny is as dense as the Earth is round.[/size][/left]


[left][size=2]He is unable to take a hint, does not know when to quit, and finds himself on the floor when the female empire strikes back. Surely, this would deter any intelligent hunter from tracking his prey, but Johnny was never the intellectual. Perhaps, if he was able to somehow shorten his libido, he would pose a serious threat to his adversary.[/size][/left]


[left][size=2]Bravo operates under such misconceptions, and enters this battle with the childish hopes and dreams of superstardom and cinematic success.[/size][/left]


[left][size=2]So, if you will, Enter The Lover.[/size][/left]
[left][size=2][/size] [/left]

[left][size=2]For Picture, see Avatar, only with blonde hair and a better body...but the sexual tyrannosaurus quality is the same.[/size][/left]

[Balmon]

Changing my mind - I've been since informed regarding Terra's lack of availability due to an intense workload. I rescind my previous proposition to go ahead, and will respectfully await Terra's return.

Juron - while your character is super fantastic... if you do want to continue in this thread... whaddya think about making someone a little less... serious?

Just a thought.

Phil

[terra]

Wow, do I hate this computer and the backspace key.

*Goes about re-replying ...*

[color=gray][u]Signup:[/u]

Professor Adrienne Marshall had an ability to reduce any student to a petrified, slobbing mess. It was more of an in-born talent, really, a remarkable stare that expressed just-barely-contained seething rage through a pair of golden-brown eyes, boring into a student who suddenly knew the real meaning of fear as he cowered and desperately tried to remember the answer she was looking for. She taught freshman-level psychology at GU (General University), and she had the remarkable class attendance rate of 90%. This was in contrast to the typical freshman-level psych attendance of 50%. Students were afraid to go to class and face those eyes, but they were more afraid of not going. After all, the rumor was that if you showed up to a Professor Marshall final and she didn't recognize you from class, one scathing look from her would actually cause your exam paper to physically ignite, leaving you shivering in fear, probably sitting in your own pee from a sudden loss of bladder control, with a mass of ashes that you'd hand in for your F.

Her students thought the strangest thing about her was that, out of range of those eyes at least, she didn't look intimidating. In fact, you might even think she was hot, for a 30-something at least. She was always impeccably and fashionably dressed, short-ish skirts, almost daringly low-cut blouses that were masked in modesty by a jacket, stockings, heels. On campus she wore her hair back in a severe bun, and had a pair of stern black-rimmed glasses that somehow served to perfectly frame those famous looks of hers.

But the actual strangest thing about her was her life after General University shut down for the evening. Without going into too much detail, let's just say the glasses came off, the hair came down, and she spent a good deal of time meeting up with strangers she'd met online and performing all sorts of sexually explicit acts with them.

... Too much information?[/color]


Juron, I have to agree that your sign-up isn't quite what I expected, though it's obviously good. I'm just not planning to take this overly seriously, and since I think 5 people would be too many for a battle, I hope it's okay if I don't ask you to participate.

Arbitrarily, the teams will be:

[center]Balmon as [b]Yu Kan Kook[/b]
and terra as [b]Adrienne Marshall[/b]

[i]versus[/i]

Wondershot as [b]Tae-Won Hwang[/b]
and Bean as [b]Johnny Bravo[/b][/center]


Because I like things to have a somewhat real storyline, even ridiculous battles set in non-specific places with no real purpose, I'm going to start off (with no particular genre). I made up a history. Hopefully it doesn't offend anyone for whatever reason. Please also remember that even though we're switching genres, I do want some vague continuity of storyline. :D

----------------------------------

Adrienne passed a hand through her hair idly, waiting for Kook. They'd met almost ten years ago now, and he was probably the only person in her current list of acquaintances she'd really trust to accompany her while she waited to meet the sender of a threatening letter.

Just as she was beginning to get slightly worried that she would have to take on this threatening-letter-sender alone, Kook rounded the corner, looking typically bemused.

"Hey," she said, and almost before the word fell out of her mouth, two men rounded the other corner.

"So it's you," one of them, the silly-looking Asian lugging, for some reason, a guitar, said in what sounded like an attempt at a threatening voice. Adrienne resisted a small smile. He didn't know what threatening voice meant until she'd given hers a shot.

From his not-so-friendly greeting Adrienne assumed this was the one who had some beef with her for whatever reason, and she inclined her head slightly. "So it's me," she agreed, not quite affable, but not quite icy, either. She glanced over at the other guy indifferently, probably a friend of his for support, and then glanced over again, her eyes widened slightly. He was [b][i]hot[/i][/b]. And, if possible, more apish-looking than his friend.

From the looks of things, he'd noticed her too, and he stuck his hand out. A little dazed, Adrienne took it. "I'm Johnny Bravo, and this is my friend Tae-Won," he said, his voice suave and smooth.

Adrienne nodded, a slow smile spreading over her face, but the other guy's cutting in and batting their hands apart brought her back to the present.

"Do you know ..." Tae-Won started slowly, "... what horrible offense you've committed?"

Adrienne and Kook exchanged glances. "Not particularly," she said coolly.

"A couple weeks ago," Tae-Won said, then paused. It sounded kind of like he was hyperventilating. "You met with a man ... named ... Hae-Can?"

Adrienne furrowed her eyebrows slightly. Now that he mentioned it, she did remember meeting with another Asian guy. Who looked sort of like this one. "Could've been."

"He was ..." Tae-Won said, and his voice did have a tinge of real-sounding anger in it, "the drummer ... of my band!! And now ... because of you ... he won't play! He says sex is better!"

This time it was Adrienne and Johnny Bravo who exchanged glances, and they both smirked.

"The band is my life!" Tae-Won shrieked. He seemed to be on the verge of exploding. "My life! It's ruined, because of you, you she-devil! You must pay!"

And almost before Adrienne had registered his words, Tae-Won was hurtling towards her, itching for a fight.


[color=green]next genre // [b]informational pamphlet[/b][/color]

[Brasil]

[center]Mandalay Studios[/center]
[center]1304, Hollywood Blvd,[/center]
[center]Lots 36-45 B[/center]

[left]Hello, and welcome to Mandalay Studios. We are a small yet devoted cadre of producers, actors, and directors who are dedicated to giving smaller-name actors and actresses work, and also providing the industry with electric new talent. Our current project is entitled "stress relief," from gifted writer/director Ellie, and you have just watched scene 39 from this new picture.[/left]

[left]If you'd like to know more about "stress relief," or to watch more of this dynamic and groundbreaking, chronology-twisting, genre-bending cinematic entry, please follow this informational pamphlet and feel free to explore Lots 36-45, where you just might catch a glimpse of stars like Johnny Bravo or musician-turned-actor Tae-Won Hwang.[/left]

[left]The first stop on this tour is Lot 37, or what the staff affectionately call, "High Noon Draw," due to its frequent reservations for westerns from such acclaimed directors like Ted Nielsen and Alfred Johnson. If you look to the right, in the direction of the saloon, you will see Johnny Bravo and Adrienne Marshall getting into their characters for the next scene of "stress relief."[/left]

[left]---[/left]

[left]"So, how long have you and Tae-Won known each other," Adrienne asked.[/left]

[left]"Not too long, really. We ran into each other at a casting call for "My Father, The Mobster" a few weeks ago, and just started talking. He's a pretty cool cat, when he's not in character."[/left]

[left]"Not in character?"[/left]

[left]"Yeah. See that rocker vibe in him?"[/left]

[left]Adrienne nodded.[/left]

[left]"He takes it real serious, you know? Now, I don't really blame him for it," he leaned in closer to her, and in a seductive voice said, "music is the lover's language. Don't you agree, pretty momma?"[/left]

[left]She felt a tingle in her body, deep down inside her. Goosebumps spread on her skin like wildfire in a parched forest. She stuttered, "Y-yes. Definitely it is."[/left]

[left]Their lips were close, very close, and would have come together if not for Ellie's megaphone-enhanced, "Places, everyone! Lights, camera, ACTION!"[/left]

[left]---[/left]

[left]The saloon froze, and the air hung like the horses tethered outside as the doors swung open and in stepped a cowgirl who made Lily Von Schtupp look like yesterday's manure.[/left]

[left]"Well, now, what do we have here," a gruff, westernly-twanged voice said.[/left]

[left]The cowgirl made no acknowledgement of the snide remark, her eyes narrowing like a snake's, and her voice just as menacing as the rattle, "I'm lookin fer one man and one alone. I'm callin him out. He knows who he is, and if he isn't yella, he'll show himself!"[/left]

[left]A large man stepped out from the back, his blonde hair peeking out from underneath his hat. He tipped his fedora, "Ma'am, mah name's Johnny, and it looks like you've found me. What'll it be that yer lookin for, here?"[/left]

[left]"I reckon I'm lookin fer a fight, sir."[/left]

[left]The bartender stepped in, "If you two'r gonna be fightin, take it outside. I'll have none of that in my bar," he said.[/left]

[left]The cowgirl glanced to the man behind the bar, "Ah reckon we don't want none trouble from you, so we'll gladly oblige and take this to the street."[/left]

[left]The two, Johnny and the cowgirl, stepped outside and the bells tolled, as if to signal a clash of the titans.[/left]

[left]---[/left]

[left]We hope you enjoyed this scene of "stress relief," and wish you to know that the scene is not over, but the action will pause as the cast and crew change sets and prepare for a [b]dusty, western duel[/b].[/left]

[left]Thank you for touring with Mandalay Studios, and the fight scene will commence shortly.[/left]


[left]***[/left]


[left]PM me if you'd like to know just what I'm looking to do in this spar, heh.[/left]

[Wondershot]

The dry desert air, tearing almost soundlessly across the barren landscape, marked a signal that something major was coming, something major and beyond anything that could ever happen in the sleepy little western hamlet. The people parading the streets seemed to vanish all at once when the young cowgirl exited, very sullen looking, from the tiny saloon, being followed almost immediately by the much larger blond-haired Johnny. The two of them looked around, as though expecting some kind of a sign, some signal or starting point, when suddenly a long, single strumming note echoed through the area, and a hoarse voice called from one of the alleyways:

"Hey! Blondie!"

Johnny turned around, expecting the remark to have been aimed at him, and saw two men sitting down in the alleyway, one looked quite drunk, as he was holding a large bottle of booze in the one hand, and what appeared to be a large horn in the other. The other was a younger boy, but his facial features seemed to be hidden, as he was donning a sombrero and wearing a large orange-knit poncho. The old man whistled loudly at the cowgirl, evidently the one who had made the remark, and the young one nodded and strummed another long note on the acoustic guitar he had been holding, and the old man proceeded to play the horn, as thee two awesome fighters faced each other, eye to eye, several feet from each other. The two of them quickly pulled their hip holsters to their sides, and readied their six-shooters, each ready to go at the drop of a hat.

Squaring off, the two fighters stepped backwards a few paces, and eyed each other warily. Johnny cocked a quick eye to his comrade in the poncho, and the cowgirl did the same towards her aged cohort. Almost immediately, the two of them returned to each other's attention, attempting to scare the other into a slow draw. Their two cohorts continued to wail away on the sidelines, as the tension from their song appeared to be building to a fever pitch. The two wary combatants both moved their hands steadily to their sides, and proceeded to wait there while the music rang on.

Abruptly, the two musicians cut off their song, and the two fighters drew their six-shooters with lightning dexterity. Almost miraculously, the two combatants' bullets collided in midair, and both flew in their own paths. One of them shattered the bottle of alcohol the man was carrying, but no one saw where the other one went. Almost immediately afterwards, a man began to sway drunkenly out of the saloon, where he collapsed in the street, a gunshot wound in his chest. The two combatants turned to face each other again, and, in an almost otherworldly twist, the youth abruptly tore his sombrero off and smashed the old man in the face with his guitar, when all movement stopped abruptly.

[b]The Good[/b] caption appeared in bright yellow cursive under a very calm and ever-sexy Johnny's face, as he began to move towards the two who were now fighting.

[b]The Bad[/b] caption appeared below Adrienne, who smirked almost evilly at the two who were fighting.

[b]The Ugly[/b] caption appeared under the old man, Yu-Kan, who was now reeling, or was in the process of reeling from the shock of having taken a guitar in the face.

[b]and The Korean[/b] caption appeared underneath the now sombrero-less youth, Tae-Won, who was preparing to take another swing with the guitar.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"...Cut! That was great, people! It?s a wrap!" Ellie's voice boomed throughout the set, as Tae-Won released the tension he was creating for the next blow with the guitar. Yu-Kan began to get slowly to his feet, with a very little bit of help from Tae-Won, and Adrienne and Johnny both removed their cowboy hats. Several stagehands began to move like caged mice along the confines of the lot, and the bloody stunt man got up and was handed a bottle of [i]Dasani[/i] by one of the stage crew.

"Phew, that was kind of fun." Tae-Won proclaimed, removing the massive poncho to reveal a sweat-soaked undershirt. Johnny recoiled slightly from the stench, before asking.
"Hey, was that guitar thing even in the script?" Before Tae-Won could answer, not that he really intended to, Ellie's officious voice roared across the set.
"OK! Johnny! Yu-Kan! Adrienne! Tae-Won! We need you to move over to Lot 39, where you'll be working on [b]the parody of the 6 o?clock news![/b]"
"That wasn't really in my contract..." Tae-Won began to protest, but Ellie began hollering in to her megaphone with such harsh intensity that it began giving off feedback.
"This is Mandalay Studios! You signed our contract, we own you now! Get your butts over to the Lot 39!" Tae-Won removed his cowboy boots and proceeded to walk to the next studio, albeit limping slightly from the tension of wearing those uncomfortable boots.
"How did those cowboys [i]walk[/i] in those?" Tae-Won muttered to himself while the rest of the group marched ahead to the lot.

[terra]

[color=green]I was hoping Balmon would post, but apparently not so far, and I'm bored.[/color]

--------------------

"News team, assemble!" Johnny Bravo bellowed, flicking his golden hair out from one eye.

"Johnny, we're all [i]right here[/i]," Adrienne said, sounding exasperated. She was sitting two feet away from him, and they were both reclining in chairs, being eagerly dabbed at with giant poofs of white fluff by makeup artists. She also seemed to be annoyed, probably not in small part because she'd seen Johnny flirting with that tart of a copy girl five minutes before. "I don't see why you always feel the need to say that. This news team is undoubtedly the worst I've ever been on. I enjoyed myself much more on WKXYRASS, now they actually [i]know[/i] how to present the news --"

"Five minutes to showtime," a chirpy assistant squeaked as she popped out of nowhere, then disappeared to wherever she'd come from just as quickly.

"You're always complaining," Tae-Won said, trying not to blink as someone expertly applied mascara to his curly eyelashes. "Why don't you just shut up about it? Or leave, if you dislike us so much?"

"Hey, don't knock Adrienne because she's actually made anchorwoman while you're still doing the weather," Yu Kan spoke up, holding still as makeup artists poured on the foundation to cover up his wrinkles. "Everyone knows you had your eye on that spot for ages. Maybe if you ever let go of your guitar you'd actually get it."

Tensions were running high, and the not-so-united news team might have been giving each other evil looks if they weren't otherwise involved with being thoroughly caked in makeup.

"Time to go on!" the chirpy re-appearing assistant announced, and in seconds, the familiar theme music to the WACK six o'clock news was playing.

"Good evening, I'm your news anchor, Johnny Bravo," Johnny said, directing the full force of his beaming smile out to the [strike]millions[/strike] [strike]thousands[/strike] hundreds of watching Americans.

"And [i]I'm[/i] your news anchor, Adrienne Marshall," Adrienne cut in, also directing the full force of her beaming smile toward the camera. Just as Johnny was about to speak, Adrienne deliberately lifted her hands and pulled out her bun, tossing her head to show off her thick, silky hair that somehow no cameraman could pull away from.

After thirty seconds of silence, Johnny, who had also been unable to take her eyes off her (the women around the station rolled their eyes), cleared his throat and continued.

"Our top story tonight is the heightening of the security level in three parts of the nation," Johnny said, his voice deepening into what he called his "teleprompter talk."

"But more on that later," Adrienne interrupted once again, "as more importantly, it turns out that my co-anchor Johnny Bravo seems to wear a [i]hairpiece[/i]. If you'd like visual proof, I believe we have a compelling tape shot on the scene from an eyewitness."

Johnny actually stood up, his mouth open, and sputtered. "WHAT?! -- I mean," sitting down again and trying to compose himself, "Thanks for that top story, Adrienne, but it doesn't look like we'll have time to run the tape with all of the news we have to cover tonight. Luckily, there's another story that needs no videotape for introduction -- It turns out that Ms. Marshall, my co-anchor, is a complete bitch and a half, and you'd have no trouble seeing that if you've ever watched the 6:00 news before!"

Adrienne's eyes flashed their anger and the papers in front of Johnny caught on fire.

"Uh," he said, a little caught off-guard and motioning desperately for some water, "let's turn it over to Tae-Won for weather for now. Tae-Won? How's it looking? ... Tae-Won?"

The camera swerved abruptly to a map of the Eastern coast of the United States, as well as Tae-Won actually asleep standing up, leaning slightly on his guitar. At the third mention of his name, he came to abruptly, wiping a little bit of drool off the side of his mouth. "Uh, right, Johnny, thanks," he said, still looking dazed. "Looks like there's an 87.3% chance of precipitation, um, here, here, and here," he said, pointing at Michigan, Georgia, and Florida with his guitar. "And it's going to snow in Maine, for the first time ever in August! Back to you, Adrienne."

A muttered "Incompetent son of a ..." in a female voice was heard before Adrienne looked up brightly to address the camera once more. "Oh, thanks for that scintillating weather report, Tae-Won! And now for the latest in sports news, our very own sports correspondent, Yu Kan Kook."

The moment the camera spotlighted Yu Kan, he looked bemused. That was the only way to describe it. The poor guy had been struggling with his senility and all the station knew it, but as nobody had found a replacement for him yet, the only thing they could do night after night was put him on and hope he somehow made it through. Tonight wasn't looking that hopeful, though. After stuttering for a few minutes, the poor guy fell back on the only thing he knew to be true: "Tae-Won wanted the anchor spot but they wouldn't give it to him because he always carries that stupid guitar around!"

"All right, that's it, old man --" Tae-Won seemed to have had enough, and he vaulted over the news desk that separated him and the sports section with his guitar raised high and aiming for Yu Kan. The outburst was enough to shatter the already fragile peace established between Adrienne and Johnny, who attacked each other furiously, though to bystanders it wasn't always clear if they were making out or clawing each other.

The station was in chaos and its director was laughing heartily, evilly, even, one might say. "Brilliant," she seemed to be chuckling. "BRILLIANT! This will SURELY get our ratings back up!!"

------------------------

"All right, I've had enough of this ridiculous anchorman crap," Ellie shouted testily, striding through the set once more. Unfortunately, it was now clear to everybody that Adrienne and Johnny were indeed making out, albeit [i]also[/i] scratching each other. "AHEM."

Adrienne and Johnny parted, looking guilty.

"Aren't you still enemies?" Ellie said shortly.

"Er, yes," Adrienne started, "but --"

"Whatever, I don't know why I wasted my breath asking," Ellie moved on dismissively. "You guys are needed on a set over at Studio 4. They've asked you to do an [b][color=green]advertisement for Pantene Pro-V Shampoo and Conditioner[/b][/color], God knows why. You'd better get over there pronto."

[Brasil]

"Well, what did you expect me to do?!" Adrienne exclaimed.

"Hey, sister, I look out for one man. ME! I can't have you goin around and saying I'm wearing a piece up there, baby! I am my hair. Look at it! Wavy, blonde locks...full figure, my hair is a gift to women everywhere. It gives lepers hope. If I weren't so humble, honey, I'd say my hair can bring about world peace! It's [i]that[/i] important, pretty momma!"

Adrienne ran her hand through Johnny's golden silk.

"You're right. Damn, that is nice," she said, "How do you get it so soft yet firm?"

"Oh, it's a little secret of mine, and I couldn't possibly give it out, because I just wouldn't be so special anymore, and we can't have that. We can't have Johnny Bravo be a washed-up has-been, can we?"

"Oh, but Johnny, your hair is just so arousing...it makes me want to make sweet, sweet love to a big hunk of man. I smell that scent and I just want to scream out in a fit of passion...it's a totally organic experience, and please, I [i]need[/i] to know what it is you do to your hair that drives me so wild!"

"Well, when you put it that way," Johnny turns to the camera, "When I want my hair to look its best, I need a product that suits my dominant masculinity, but also projects an innocence and vulnerability. I've tried many haircare products in my years as a fasion model--"

"You were a fashion model," Adrienne interrupted.

"Yes, I was, Adrienne, and I've used many shampoos and conditioners in my time, but nothing ever came close to the power and energy I get from Pantene Pro-V Shampoo and Conditioner." A bottle is tossed to him from off-camera. "I tell you, Adrienne, if you want an attractive head of hair that makes you the cock of the walk, the creme de la creme, if you want to look your best, all the time, then you should use Pantene Pro-V Shampoo and Conditioner! It's dynomite!"

"That sounds absolutely wonderful, Johnny! Mind if I try some right now?"

"Sure thing, baby! Here, why don't you sit back in this salon chair?"

The water is hot, and for a brief moment, Adrienne recoils from the heat, but Johnny's gentle and sensual hands begin massaging her scalp, working the shampoo into her hair. Her face becomes flushed, her cheeks take on a pink hue as her body responds to this affectionate and passioned display of raw human desire.

Johnny's breathing becomes labored as his male passion increases, and Adrienne cannot help but be overcome with pleasure. Her body is electric; every inch of her skin becomes an erogenous zone. She begins to moan, louder and louder, writhing in a twisted dance of love and unbridled sexual fury. She screams out and the director snaps.

"All right! CUT! Adrienne! Johnny! Give your libidos a rest, please! I said CUT! Johnny, Adrienne, take a shower, please!" They begin to walk away. "And not with each other! I don't want what happened last time, either. I'm still getting grief for that [b]fight in the spa[/b] last year! Keep it clean!"

Johnny and Adrienne couldn't help but wink at each other as they headed off to the showers, into the sauna, where their intended continuation of the shampoo commercial would have to wait. There sat the Korean and the elderly and very much naked Yu-Kan sat, steaming out the pain, but ready for some off-camera action.

[Wondershot]

[i]"Tiny tiny, a little faith,
I bet he played a little, bend the norm,
Sit still, stand up straight,
You know you've got to concentrate..."[/i]

Tae Won absently strummed his guitar, unplugged, of course, as the sound of bare feet against wood floor told him that he had some company in the steaming sauna room. He glanced casually upwards to see Yu-Kan enter, fully clothed, looking rather lost. (which was quite normal for Yu-Kan, only in this situation even more so)
"Is this the cafeteria?" He asked halfheartedly, tugging at his collar in response to the steam permeating the room. Tae-Won rolled his eyes with a small smile, looking up at the older man.
"No, you took a wrong turn and ended up in the giant snack-bar deep-frier. Better get out before they grind you into fries and serve you to Johnny and Adrienne." Yu-Kan flinched at this, and looked over at Tae-Won, barely recognizable through the steam.
"Oh, thank you, giant french-fry. I'm sorry this had to happen to you." Tae-Won burst out laughing and emerged from the steam cloud, draping an arm around Yu-Kan's shoulders.
"I'm just kidding, old guy, come in and take a seat." Yu-Kan flicked Tae-Won's arm away, falling back in what appeared to be a slightly...actually, seriously off-balance fighting pose. The Korean rocker cocked a curious eyebrow at Yu-Kan's odd stance.

"You were just trying to lure me into your trap, French Fries! Your tactics won't work on me!" The Korean youth paused for a moment, looking at himself, and just about to register his incredulity at the fact that Yu-Kan could confuse his East-Asian complexion for that of a large deep-fried potato. However, he had to pause just long enough to step out of the way as the old man rushed right up for a slide kick, but continued to slide across the wet floor right into the sauna charcoal pit, landing feet first in the red-hot stones, and not appearing to notice. Tae-Won recoiled at the sight of Yu-Kan attempting to regain his footing by puttting his hands on the hot coals, and a small sizzling was heard as Yu-Kan's exposed hands gripped the hot coals, and hurled them directly at Tae-Won. Tae-Won bent slightly to his side and dodged the first stone, but the second caught his towel, burning a black hole at around waist level. Tae-Won whipped the towel off to reveal a pair of swimming trunks with little blue guitars decorated on them, and Yu-Kan raced off the hot coals to attempt a punch at Tae-Won's face.

[i]"Oh pick it up, and put it in,
You chose a great party,
Tiny tiny, a little faith,
I bet he played a little, bend the norm,
Play it on, play, play it on. (x4)"[/i]

The agile Korean jumped back from the punch, and landed his own uppercut at the old man, clocking him right on the chin. Yu Kan slid beck a few feet, but seemed no worse for the wear as he rushed forward a second time to try and catch Tae-Won with another blow.
"Resilient old man..." Tae-Won muttered as Yu Kan threw punch after punch, giving Tae-Won enough downtime to dodge every blow. Yu-Kan, however, seemed far from finished, as the rapidity of his blows began to gain tempo and Tae-Won really had to go on the defensive if he hoped to dodge everything.
"Fast old man.." Tae Won managed as he dodged a right hook from Yu-Kan, only to catch a glimpse of a wrinkly left fist headed for his midsection. Tae Won returned to his upright position, and cupped his two hands as though to catch the punch like a football. The punch, however, carried such enormous force that Tae-Won was pushed back several feet, carried by the slick floor, before hitting the opposite wall.
"Strong old man!" Tae Won cried as Yu-Kan's next double punch hit the wall, sending long cracks down the otherwise smooth surface.

[i]"Saddle up, and get the tape,
Saddle up and get the tape,
Wrap me up, and tear me down,
Red tape fill up all this ground,

Tiny tiny, a little faith,
I bet he played a little, bend the norm,
Stay still, sit up straight,
You know you got to concentrate,
Play it on, play, play it on. (x4)"[/i]

Tae-Won managed to barely dodge a heavy kick from Yu-Kan and jump onto the wooden dais, just as the door opened and Adreinne entered...back first. Tae-Won just stared at this, until he realized that the door had been opened by Johnny, who was currently engaged in a long kiss with Adrienne, and had just opened the door for her. However, the two of them were completely oblivious to what was going on, so the Korean managed to enlighten them by dropkicking Yu-Kan in the chest, sending him sliding back into the opposite wall, and landing with a thud next to Adrienne, who opened her eyes and screamed. Johnny glanced at Yu-Kan in confusion, then at Tae-Won on the dais.
"What's going on?" He asked, more annoyed at the fact that his romance had been interrupted than at the fact that there appeared to be a battle going on in the same room.
"Watch it! He's gone crazy!" Tae-Won cried, dodging a flying kick from Yu-Kan which splintered the wall. Tae-Won managed to get a hand on his precious guitar, and lifted it up to black a jab from Yu-Kan, causing the strings to vibrate discordantly.

[i]"Play it on...
Play it on, play, play it on (x4)
Play it on...(x4)
Play it on, play, play it on,
Play it on..."[/i]

Tae-Won, now completely tired of this confrontation, spun around quite rapidly thanks to the slick floor, and gave a circular cut to Yu-Kan's leg, sending him flying off the dais into the hot coal pit once again. Yu-Kan began to regain his footing, but Tae-Won wasn't about to give him another chance to throw searing coals, and delivered a flat-sided blow with his guitar to Yu-Kan's head, sending another dissonant chord down the strings. Yu-Kan reeled from the blow, and he turned around slowly just as Tae-Won shuffled backwards slightly for his big finishing blow.
"Waaaahahaha!" Tae-Won uttered his Bruce Lee-like cry as he unloaded an explosive heel kick to Yu-Kan's chin, sending him flying, as though wire-guided, right into the top corner of the room, whereupon he hit his head on the ceiling, and fell unconscious to the floor. Tae-Won cast a cocky glance around the room, as thought expecting someone to acknowledge his victory against a wrinkly old man. As though in answer, the ceiling and walls of the entire room fell apart, revealing a huge set, surrounded entirely by cameras from all angles and Ellie sitting in a director's chair standing at least ten feet off the ground.

"Cut! That was great, all, that's a wrap!" Tae Won stared incredulously around the room as Yu-Kan was helped to his feet by a couple of stagehands, while others picked up the charcoal pit and blew most of the steam out of the area. Ellie, meanwhile, was helping herself to a small snack table just as the entire meaning of what had just happened began to sink in. Face red, Tae-Won marched up to Ellie just as she began spreading some kind of unidentifiable pink spread onto a cracker.
"What the hell just happened?!" Tae-Won cried indignantly while Ellie ignored him, holding him up a platter, mouth half full.
"Shrimp?" She asked innocently, and Tae-Won flinched.
"NO!...You mean you were filming that whole thing?!" Ellie grinned and looked at Tae-Won condescendingly.
"Reality TV is a huge market, Tae-Won, we might as well cash in on it while it lasts." Tae-Won watched with disgust as Ellie finished her cracker.
"Is there anything you won't do for ratings?!" Ellie opened her mouth to speak, but then put on a pensive look as she put a finger over her closed lips, pondering the question.
"As in...do myself? Or do to other people?
"Urgh! You're even sicker than those people who make professional wrestling!" Ellie suddenly had a small gleam in her eye, as a small smile cracked over her face.
"Wrestling...." A second later, her hand shot out and shook Tae-Won's, as her small smile cracked out into full-blown expression of euphoria.
"Tae-Won, you're a genius!" She rushed over to the stage crew and bellowed into her megaphone.
"All right, people! We're moving over to the Lot 42 to set up! We're making our own [b]pro wrestling show![/b]" This was met by loud cheers from the male stageheands, and Tae-Won slapped a hand to his forehead.
"This can't be happening..." He began to walk off stage dejectedly, when he spotted a couple of men taking his clothes off stage and moving towards another set.
"Hey!...hey, WAIT!" Tae-Won cried, already in pursuit.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

OOC: The song in the background is "Red Tape" by Agent Provocateur.