Writing Oo! Fanfiction!

[asian_tofu]

I have a story called Red Sakura that I would appreciate if someone read. It's rated PG-13 for language and violence. Please only read the first chapter, since the second chapter is going through editing. I need a little criticism, so please reply. Thanks.

Here's the URL...[url]http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1844800[/url]

--BLUE

[Rachael]

so far what i read upto is pretty good. Alot of swearing though but its apart of the story so I wouldn't tell you to tone it down. As for the begining...flawless...nicely written. It flowed. THe only thing that bothers me is the names. You should create your own names. other than that...keep up the good job!

[shadow15]

its really good you should get it published ;) you really should think about it
p.s. some of the names a little ify ify.
luv ash

[Pawn114]

1.) Erm, Rachael... Isnt the -point- of fanfics, is to use the same characters, and placing them in a different plot and situation.

2.) Onto the critique: Erm, I found... wait, no I didnt... Maybe you did this wrong... no... no you didnt. The only thing I can possibly see right now is nothing and a little more nothing. Its flawless! Or close to! Nice job with the story, 'tis a pleasure to read! I like how the story seemed to flow at one point, and how using even small things, such as

junk
junk
letter

etc really added to the story!

[Eragon]

so far i've read only the first chapter ,but i must say i love it :love: . i especially like the whole miroku meets frying pan incident. :laugh: