Venting... (warning: Probable melodrama)

[ColourDeaf]

Well, I should probably get a live journal or a MyOtakku site or something for this kind of thing, but since I don't, I'll do it here.

As most of you have probably guessed by the big floating name above this post, here I'm calle ColourDeaf. Few of you know me and even less of you could care less, but I just want to let off a bit of steam.

Truth is, I'm tired.

I'm one of those guys that everyone comes to to vent on. I'm a pyscharatrist, a "Dear Abbey" coloumn, a teddy bear and a punching bag (verbally and physically) all rolled into one. To put it another way, I;m the "nice guy," the non-threatening, neutral friend that sorts out relationships and is the ever present shoulder to cry on (quite often literaly). I've always been able to help people with a smile, a hug and a good joke, or (more often than not) just listening to them for a while, asking the right questions and letting them get a load off their chests. I'm pretty good at it.

And therin lies my problem.

I'm only the "nice guy."

I'm supposed to always be there for other people. I sort out there problems. I make the bad things go away. I've helped people with problems with their parents, with their friends and mended together countless fractured relationships. But I have to be this kind of bedrock, this metaphorical judge absorbing all these problems and making solutions. But [I]I[/I] never get anyone to talk to about my problems. I suffer from mild insomnia brought on by depression. A few of my friends know this but the majority don't.

I just want someone I can talk to, you know?

My parents are divorced, with my mum just getting out of her depression. I can;t really talk to her, because I don;t want to upset her, and my dad and I...don't have that sort of relationship. My teachers are more friends than anything else, I see a psychiatrist occassionally (there's one at the school i go to), but I feel they just lisen out of politeness than anything else, and I can' talk to God because I don;t believe in Him. even if I did, I'd feel guilty asking about myself, rather than trying toget Him to help my friends.

There was this girl who I really liked. No. I loved her, plain and simple. I was always by her when she got hurt, I made her laugh and I was the one she talked to. Last year her boyfriend killed himself, and I was there to get her through these tough times. Unfortunately, this damned me, because after that I could never tell her how I really felt, she would (and I would) feel I'd just be comforting her just to get my own way, and that wasn't right. So now she's off with another guy (they met a couple of months ago), and I'm still here, just waiting for the next problem to come up for me to solve.

I suppose I shouldn;t really complain. There are a lt of people worse off then me. I'm just whining... you people don't know me, and I shouldn;t be coming to you for help.

I'm very sorry for wasting your time.

If you want to post your problems here, that's fine. If the mods want to come and shut this thread down, that's cool too. I probable shouln;t be putting things like this up anyway.

Cheers anyway, if you've read through this far, though I'm probably just talking to ghosts.

ColourDeaf

[Japan]

[COLOR=Navy]I read through your so called venting, and here's what I would do. Since you feel like you shouldn't bother other people about things that trouble you, I suggest you get a journal.

A journal helped me when I was in my four year depression. Since you feel like you can't talk to anybody, write it in your journal. You'll feel a lot better after that, trust me.

You may think that people are being as you say 'ghosts' here, but for me, I have three people from here that I can talk to about anything that's troubling me, and they help me through it.

I think that an example of a good friend is a person that can help you through thick and thin as you help them just the same.

About that girl...just be her friend now and help her out, some day she'll find out the truth about how you truely feel about her. If not, just keep writing in that journal. Bottling up your feelings is not a good thing to do. PM me if you want someone to talk to, k?

Good luck![/COLOR]

[Dan L]

[QUOTE=ColourDeaf]Well, I should probably get a live journal or a MyOtakku site or something for this kind of thing, but since I don't, I'll do it here.

As most of you have probably guessed by the big floating name above this post, here I'm calle ColourDeaf. Few of you know me and even less of you could care less, but I just want to let off a bit of steam.

Truth is, I'm tired.

I'm one of those guys that everyone comes to to vent on. I'm a pyscharatrist, a "Dear Abbey" coloumn, a teddy bear and a punching bag (verbally and physically) all rolled into one. To put it another way, I;m the "nice guy," the non-threatening, neutral friend that sorts out relationships and is the ever present shoulder to cry on (quite often literaly). I've always been able to help people with a smile, a hug and a good joke, or (more often than not) just listening to them for a while, asking the right questions and letting them get a load off their chests. I'm pretty good at it.

And therin lies my problem.

I'm only the "nice guy."

I'm supposed to always be there for other people. I sort out there problems. I make the bad things go away. I've helped people with problems with their parents, with their friends and mended together countless fractured relationships. But I have to be this kind of bedrock, this metaphorical judge absorbing all these problems and making solutions. But [I]I[/I] never get anyone to talk to about my problems. I suffer from mild insomnia brought on by depression. A few of my friends know this but the majority don't.

I just want someone I can talk to, you know?

My parents are divorced, with my mum just getting out of her depression. I can;t really talk to her, because I don;t want to upset her, and my dad and I...don't have that sort of relationship. My teachers are more friends than anything else, I see a psychiatrist occassionally (there's one at the school i go to), but I feel they just lisen out of politeness than anything else, and I can' talk to God because I don;t believe in Him. even if I did, I'd feel guilty asking about myself, rather than trying toget Him to help my friends.

There was this girl who I really liked. No. I loved her, plain and simple. I was always by her when she got hurt, I made her laugh and I was the one she talked to. Last year her boyfriend killed himself, and I was there to get her through these tough times. Unfortunately, this damned me, because after that I could never tell her how I really felt, she would (and I would) feel I'd just be comforting her just to get my own way, and that wasn't right. So now she's off with another guy (they met a couple of months ago), and I'm still here, just waiting for the next problem to come up for me to solve.

I suppose I shouldn;t really complain. There are a lt of people worse off then me. I'm just whining... you people don't know me, and I shouldn;t be coming to you for help.

I'm very sorry for wasting your time.

If you want to post your problems here, that's fine. If the mods want to come and shut this thread down, that's cool too. I probable shouln;t be putting things like this up anyway.

Cheers anyway, if you've read through this far, though I'm probably just talking to ghosts.

ColourDeaf[/QUOTE]

If you were a Christian, I'd say you had a very Pastoral calling (not so much [i]church leader[/i]-pastoral; that's not what a "pastoral calling" really is) in that the thing you seem to be best at is helping others. However, in helping others so much you have an array of problems in yourself that are undealt with. Partly that's by choice, because naturally you want to help others out, it probably even makes you feel worthwhile to some extent, and it distracts you from the problems in your own life; but at the end of the day, they're there. I'm exactly the same so I know what you're going through...

There are only a few suggestions I can really give-

1- Find someone, probably someone older (which may not be quite so easy in a school setting, unless it's a teacher or something) who you can actually talk to about things. The reason someone's older is best is because quite frankly, they're often wiser, and thus what they say will carry more meaning than someone your age, even if someone your age were to say the same thing.

2- Don't beat yourself up for wanting to sort your own life out. There's only a certain extent to which you can help other people without getting some kind of support yourself. The more you push to help others, the more problems you rack up within yourself, which will need dealing with at some point.

There's no harm -and in fact it does good- in seeking support for yourself, even if it does mean you have to spend less time helping people out.

3- On the same note, don't discount asking God for help because it's "selfish" :p. If it helps you, it prepares you to help others, so in the long run it does good to more than just yourself. Also don't worry about whether you believe in God or not; I'm sure God answers the prayer of someone who's searching around to see if he's there, but doesn't believe in him- as much as he does someone like me.

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]Nice guys always seem to get left behind. Believe me, I know.

But, nice guys can get ahead too. You are a lot closer to more people than you realise..but what you have to do now is go for what you want. [i]Go for it[/i].

It isn't the most helpful advice...but what I am trying to say, is that you can be a nice-guy but go for your own goals too.[/size]