Writing just read it and say good or bad

[shadow15]

I see things differnt than most poeple
they think I'm weird
I think there crippled
only in there mind
at least until they find
they see things float
I see them fly
there safe in a boat
I'm up in the sky
I wish people knew how I feel
Then the'd understand I'm real
not a toy you through away
a real person what poeple should say
so lets just stay
Its a nice day
please don't go
just so you know......
I see thing differnt than most poelpe

[Shi no Tenshi]

The rhyme scheme is cool, but I reckon your style can do with a little more work. It's coming along though, reminds me of the stuff I wrote when I was little, cept I never wrote about relationships cause I never cared for guys till I was about 15.

[Pawn114]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]Alright, although I disapprove of replying to everyone's topics to get people to read yours, i'll comment anyways.

1.) I dont like the rhyming pattern at all, seems almost like a 'patty cake, patty cake' rhyme that kids sing. Not everything has to rhyme, and effective rhyming pattern is:
[B]A[/B] - First line, Doesnt rhyme with anything
[B]B[/B] - This one will rhyme with the last line (B) so make it end with something easy to rhyme with
[B]C[/B] - This doesnt rhyme with anything
[B]B[/B] - This one ends the stanza and rhymes with the first B

So an example would be:[/COLOR]

[CENTER][B]A[/B] Darkness reigning over all,
[B]B[/B] Lurking in my head,
[B]C[/B] Tainting my very soul,
[B]B[/B] As I lay here, on my death bed.[/CENTER]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]Thats simplistic and thought up on the spot. But it shows the rhyming pattern, A, B, C, B. Also... 2.) Use stanza's, if you dont know what one is, its basically like a paragraph in a story. It seperates different Idea's. A,B,C,B could be one stanza, then put a space, then A,B,C,B again with a different part of the poem.

Sorry if that didnt make sense, but I tried! Also... Please dont reply to everyone's topic again, really annoying...

-Pawn[/COLOR]