Redemption Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 OK. Here's the situation. My bf and I have been going out for 8 months. My best friend, call her Kate, has been best friends with me for about 2 yrs and best friends with my bf for a bit longer than that. Also, Kate and my bf used to go to scouts together when they (and me) were younger, that's where the friendship started. Now, Kate is either angry with us for not spending enough time with her (we do, we especially make an effort to spend ample enough time with her) and she says some things that are either very rude or very hurtful. What should I do? By the way, Kate is starting on my other best friend's boyfriend too. Her and I have no idea what to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayashi Hansuke Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 For a friend that says rude and hurtful things about her friend just because her friend is the gf of her male bestfriend. Man she is such a narrow-minded girl (sorry for the words, I'm just talking myself out). Is she is really a friend and if she really loved that boy, then she must give freedom to you two. I mean, she must accept the fact that you and your'e bf are in a relationship right now and she mustn't be jealous of you two. And also, youv'e said that both you and your bf has been very long and good friends of this girl. For me, years of friendship is enough to be treasured by someone. Also if your friend really values friendship, she will stop the blabbering and just stay as a good friend for you and your bf. For the thing you must do....... you must talk with her about her attitude. Explain to her that it's not right for her to intrude you and your bf's relationship. If you really are lacking time for your bestfriend, then I suggest that you must budget your time between your bf and your bestfriend. I'm sure that your'e bf will understand if you say it to him. Besides your'e bf already knows your bestfriend so there is no problem about that. And also, please tell your bestfriend to stop going to relationships that are already closed, for the people who sees what she's been doing will have negative points at her. Tell it to her as a friend who also cares about her friend. I'm sure that you're bestfriend will understand and she will realize that you really treasure her as a friend because of the affection that you show to her. Hope that helped you from your problems. Just ask anything and I will post a reply immediately. Hayashi Hansuke- Dr. Love of Otakuboards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redemption Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Ok, I'll try and do that. You've got one thing right. She is a very narrow-minded person (and that really ticks me off). I'll let you know how I go. If anyone else has replies, just post them. I need all the help I can get. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrist cutter Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']For a friend that says rude and hurtful things about her friend just because her friend is the gf of her male bestfriend. Man she is such a narrow-minded girl (sorry for the words, I'm just talking myself out).[/quote] Wow, and I suppose she's [i]insecure[/i] too?? Stop throwing around buzzwords to sound smart. Do you even know what 'narrow-minded' means? Because if you did I can't see how you can apply it to the situation given the information in the first post. How is she refusing to listen to the other side of the debate when THERE'S NO DEBATE?? HMMMM??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redemption Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 What do you mean by that Wrist Cutter? Could you elaborate more? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayashi Hansuke Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [quote name='wrist cutter'] Do you even know what 'narrow-minded' means? Because if you did I can't see how you can apply it to the situation given the information in the first post. How is she refusing to listen to the other side of the debate when THERE'S NO DEBATE?? HMMMM???[/quote] The reason I say "the girl is narrow minded" is beacuse she still does't understand the position she's into. She still doesn't accept the fact of reality and that's the reason for her narrow-mindedness. The word "insecure" can also be applied to that girl and I agree with you. Also I agree to you that THER IS NO DEBATE! But the thing is, a debate is not always needed for a situation so that someone can call a person "narrow-minded". For me, narrow-minded persons are persons who really understands reality but still they oppose it and do things that they think can change reality but the truth is they are just making reality more "painful" for them. I can relate them with "selfish" people. If you have another description for narrow-mindedness, I don't care. [quote name='wrist cutter'] Stop throwing around buzzwords to sound smart[/quote] And also, I'm not trying to sound smart. I'm just saying what I want to say and if anyone has a problem with it, then I don't give a f**k for it is me and that's the way I am. I have the freedom of speech so no one can ever tell me what should I say! And if they doesn't understand me, then better consult a dictionary hon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wrist cutter Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']The reason I say "the girl is narrow minded" is beacuse she still does't understand the position she's into. She still doesn't accept the fact of reality and that's the reason for her narrow-mindedness.[/quote] How on earth is she not accepting reality? She's just being pissy and jealous. [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']The word "insecure" can also be applied to that girl and I agree with you.[/quote] Way to go. [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']For me, narrow-minded persons are persons who really understands reality but still they oppose it and do things that they think can change reality but the truth is they are just making reality more "painful" for them.[/quote] Thanks for proving you have no idea what being narrow-minded is. That's called "obstinance", not being narrow-minded. [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']If you have another description for narrow-mindedness, I don't care.[/quote] Yes, the correct one. [quote name='Hayashi Hansuke']I have the freedom of speech so no one can ever tell me what should I say![/quote] Because they DON'T have freedom of speech apparently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayashi Hansuke Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [QUOTE=wrist cutter] How on earth is she not accepting reality? She's just being pissy and jealous. [/QUOTE] The reality there is that her bestfriend (amgoddess) and another bestfriend (amgoddess' bf) are together. She still wishes that she and amgoddess' bf will be together. "Jealous" is also a good word but from the way I see it, she is obsessed with amgoddess' bf. [QUOTE= wrist cutter] Thanks for proving you have no idea what being narrow-minded is. That's called "obstinance", not being narrow-minded. [/QUOTE] I think that this "meaning of narrow-minded" thing will get us nowhere. I think the reason we have different meanings it's because I can call that girl in my language "makitid ang utak" in english "narrow-minded". Also I can say that your'e english is much more deep than mine so to end this I will say that we are both right. The true reason why I'm posting here is the way "someone" who doesn't really know me called me as a "smart guy wannabe". I just dont really like it because I have no intention to look smart. I just want to give my side of opinion, that's all! So let's stop this ok and stick to the topic and wait for the outcome of amgoddess' problem.;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChibiHorsewoman Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [color=darkviolet]Have you tried just sitting down and talking to your friend? You know figuring out why she feels the way she does about your relationship and why she's doing what she's doing? She may be jealous, but she also may be afraid that she's losing you to your boyfriend if that makes any sense. Her nastyness and rudeness could just be that she doesn't know how to react in any other way. Of course, if that doesn't work you may either have to choose between your best friend and your boyfriend. Or just nip teh whole thing in the bud and tell her you just can't be around people who act like she does. But I'd suggest talking to her first. Make a certain time, stick with it. Don't bring up your boyrfriend at all. Just ask her what's up with her sudden change in demeanor and what not. I know it may make no sense, but sometimes there needs to be a balance in relationships. Hope that helps out a bit if not well, there's always foam rubber bats and a psychiatrists office. [i]Chibi Horsewoman-She who is dabbling in psychology and should maybe stop now[/i][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brasil Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Your friend is delusional and disturbed. Drop her like a sack of ****, right now. Trust me on this. It won't be worth keeping her around when the shitstorm hits later. Just drop her. She's not your friend if she acts like that. Her behavior shows an incredible lack of any rational grasp of reality and life functions, and her behavior will only deteriorate. Get rid of her. CHW, talking will not help--that is, unless your goal is to drive her over the edge, then, by all means, talk up a storm, heh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChibiHorsewoman Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [quote name='Bean']CHW, talking will not help--that is, unless your goal is to drive her over the edge, then, by all means, talk up a storm, heh.[/quote] [color=darkviolet]Slowly but surely one person at a time. It's important to drive people who bug the crap out of you insane so they won't do it again. Why do you think we let Bush live? And who's to say that talking won't help anyway? Everyone's so quick to jump on that girl that nobody even knows. For all we know she could still be somewhat reasonable. Even if the reasonable needs electro shock therapy.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brasil Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [QUOTE=ChibiHorsewoman][color=darkviolet]Slowly but surely one person at a time. It's important to drive people who bug the crap out of you insane so they won't do it again. Why do you think we let Bush live? And who's to say that talking won't help anyway? Everyone's so quick to jump on that girl that nobody even knows. For all we know she could still be somewhat reasonable. Even if the reasonable needs electro shock therapy.[/color][/QUOTE] Oh, I have no problem at all with driving her over the edge; she sounds like a stupid, jealous *****, lol. She [i]deserves[/i] to get punished. And do you really think her current behavior would indicate any possibility for improvement, or ability to remain reasonable? Given this situation, I wouldn't want to give her the chance to do anything, and just remove her from my life entirely. It makes the most sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redemption Posted July 17, 2004 Author Share Posted July 17, 2004 Ok you guys, I left out one important fact. I only remembered it now. Her sister has a brain tuma. This started a couple of months before her sister found out but it has become worse after that incident. I understand that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brasil Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Well, here's what you need to consider, then. If your friend displayed this behavior [i]before[/i] finding out her sister had a tumor, then her behavior has only [i]degenerated[/i] since then, and chances are, her sister's condition will only worsen, maybe it's just me, but I really see no way for your friend to improve her current outlook. Her sister will get worse, and "Kate" will continue to behave irrationally, possibly even more-so as her sister's health gets worse. Drop her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChibiHorsewoman Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 [color=darkviolet]Plain and simple, your friend needs conseling. If she's going through that kind of trouble she needs to go talk to someone who gets paid $150.00 an hour to listen to someone complain and hit people with foam rubber bats (those things rock!) Having a family member go through cancer is no picnic, but she shouldn't be taking her frustrations out on you. It's not like your the one who gave her sister the tumor. [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gelgoog Pilot Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Hmmm try this maybe...if it's alright with your boyfriend that is. I would give ignoring her a chance...I was in a similiar situation (I told you about it) and well it worked for me. Once they realised that they weren't furthering their own cause then they dropped it. Now...don't just ignore her completely, but if she gets ranting rudely and such then you beging the ignoreing or just plain leave...sooner or later she'll see that "Hey if I talk about this like this my closest friends in the world will walk away not caring to hear me". I'd definetly say give it a try it worked for me and all of them are still close friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 She sounds very small-minded. She could be jealous, does this Kate have a boyfriend? She might feel left out or something like that. Whatever it is, it doesn't sound like she's thinking too far along the road, and is taking the worse into her own hands. The best remedy... I reckon you should confront her. Make sure she knows that you know what she's doing or what's happening. She might think no-one knows, even you and your boyfriend, what she's being rude and hurtful for... on the other hand but the same side, she might be looking for attention, like you mentioned. Confronting her might be the best bet to stopping it. :smoke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 [color=#707875]Whether or not her sister has a brain tumor...there is no excuse for her to be nasty to you. And there's definitely no excuse for her to go after someone else's boyfriend. Talking with her might help, in the sense that you can be honest with her and tell her that she's behaving in a hurtful way. I don't know if you've spoken to her directly, but it may help -- a lot of people are quite content to avoid issues like that, but doing so only makes it worse. I somewhat agree with Bean, at least as far as saying that you don't deserve that kind of treatment. If she was doing it before her sister's brain tumor became apparent...then that lends even more weight to the idea that you should drop her. I wouldn't normally suggest doing something like that, but really, there's only so much we can do to mend fences, you know? Sometimes, if you are being treated like crap by someone (especially a friend), you have to protect yourself and decide that you are more valuable than that. This sometimes means making decisions that involve disassociating yourself with someone. Might be something to consider here.[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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