Writing My Little Pandora's Box

[Guest MangaFreak]

This is one of those poems that aren't supose to rime and if it does it's not on purpose. It just happened that way.

[CENTER]My Little Pandora's Box
Can you see it?
I hold it close to my heart
Can you feel it...
tugging at your mind?
Can you hear it?
Its screaming to get out
Can you hear it yell and shout?
What's inside the box?
If you knew could you tell me?
It's driving me insane just thinking about it
It's dying to get free
It's taking over my thoughts
I think I'm going crazy
I now know how poor Pandora felt
The box just sitting there begging to come out
But what if this one's differant?
Could this one hold some thing of great value inside?
I hear the box calling me
It promises me riches beyond my wildest dreams
It says its been so long since it was out
It's persuasive and I'm growing weary
Would you take it?
I am too weak to with stand it any longer
If you find yourself weak give it to another
to some one who hasn't been poisened by the box
You walk away with what could be treasures or a great evil
I can see its talking to you as you walk down the street
Your face is becoming and I see you're growing weak
Its only a matter of time
[/CENTER]
what do you think?

[Hevn]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue][SIZE=1][B]Hmm... I always wondered what's inside Pandora's box...

The statement-question-statement style in the beginning sounds really good. I actually wanted it to stay all through-out the poem but it didn't. The whole idea is really good but I just can't keep myself from saying that it would've been better and a bit different if

[COLOR=Purple]...you kept it short using the statement-question-statement without losing the poem's basic thought.[/COLOR]

Some lines are a bit superfluous too, mainly this:

[COLOR=Purple]It's driving me insane just thinking about it and
I think I'm going crazy[/COLOR]

Well, that's just me I guess. ^_^x
[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Guest MangaFreak]

[QUOTE=`hEvN][COLOR=RoyalBlue][SIZE=1][B]Hmm... I always wondered what's inside Pandora's box...

The statement-question-statement style in the beginning sounds really good. I actually wanted it to stay all through-out the poem but it didn't. The whole idea is really good but I just can't keep myself from saying that it would've been better and a bit different if

[COLOR=Purple]...you kept it short using the statement-question-statement without losing the poem's basic thought.[/COLOR]

Some lines are a bit superfluous too, mainly this:

[COLOR=Purple]It's driving me insane just thinking about it and
I think I'm going crazy[/COLOR]

Well, that's just me I guess. ^_^x
[/B][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE]
Ya, you're probably right. Actually I wrote it on the spot and I was in a hurry to finish. I'll re-do it! I always do! thats how all my poems are. I write them sloppy then redo them right. Its how I've always written poetry... I'm not sure why? Guess its just some subconscious thing or what ever. Thanks for the input!