Writing Peoms for the Nocturnal Essence

[Amorphous]

Hopefully I will get some replies this time.
[center][i][u]Were All Gone[/u]

Auspicious hearts caught in the night,
Burning like fire as the rain collides.
Nearing are the footsteps of a stranger
As I hear the voice you fake.

You?re calling on me, burning this way.
Waters crawling up me
I'm drowning in your sound.
Your happy you can love, but someone's
There, you need to catch that hate.

Bleeding, I'm altering the rain,
Prayers calling for someone else's pain.
You?re ripping my heart out,
You?re tearing my soul away,
You sold me out.

You aren't screaming at me
You?re screaming at the agony.
I'm the translucent man you knew
Soaking in the cold blooming dew.

I'm envying the reality you see
The cold rains pale fatigue
It's burning me.
My soul is drowning in the sea.
There's nothing more I can see.

Emerald cold and blue
Those eyes they're staring back at me
I'm stuck in this, stuck in new.
I'm not here anymore. Nothings
Staying, bleeding rain, anger aching.

I'm standing in the mist,
Standing in the rain
Standing in the anger
Standing in the hate.

Stop screaming at me,
Stop screaming, I'm not going to make it.
I feel the pain; oh I'm just waiting
For you to end it, the current is flowing
Through me, I'm not sure what it's doing
I can't feel it anymore; it's gone it's gone
Your gone, were all gone. [/i]

[i][u]The Doors Chattered Upon The Wind[/u]

Three Rightful places 'neath the earth
rack up the winds and screech of dirge
Lunging against the bark of that bare grown trees
Delicate up in the sky where incognito weeps.

And I feel the grapes upon the tattered vineyard
Broken like the clattering graveyard gates
Light breaks upon that subtle courtyard
Knowing the contemplation of as skewed hate

And those broken doors in the field rattle
Those doors that chatter upon the wind
Feeling the knotting in your grave side cradle
And realizing the plight of hell's reign within

So speaketh the forest you doth here
Lying to you in the swayest form of seer
Where the bones lie on the wayward
An ebon dart of darkness pace it's slight of card

These all lie before you as the doors of 'neath
Writing in a passage to tend you and wreathe
Your neck, yourself upon the darker of forests
The sullen of plains
The cradle of graveyards that lay within
And to quote the poet. "Nevermore"
Shall I lay in my death bed, but always ?neath the earths floor. [/i]

[i][u]Untitled[/u]

As I draw my final breath
I hear the church walls hymn
Singing like a snow white dove upon death
You lay your hand upon my caskets rim

I draw thine breath of mine
A sensation that masses hear through time
A violin course rings like that for signs
That love she feels, her hand so kind

And she knows I shall never rise
Though it will close, my eyes.
I feel the sadness swell to stains
For you my blood will lay, Forever you in saddened pain.

I know those tears wont die
For many pillars line the years,
Though I rest in the translucent sky
An hour did fled, she kept, I reflected in golden mirrors.

I draw the final breath upon my coffins cedar lid
Watching my flesh drawn hands weep
Her name into sculptured frost. Then I seeped
Into silence for all eternity that ever shall forbid [/i]

[i][u]Morbid Fantasies of Subsequence[/u]

Silence careens in the darkness and my empty life;
Where my eyes see through.
Dark hues beyond the velvet curtain of the night
Deep seated; the translucent moon.

Heirs seated upon the throne
Of Tyranny, where I see.
Brought from depths un-atoned
Benighted upon the sea.

Eyes quiver, hands they shake;
My blood it does run.
Upon the imperialistic wake
Of Sinking from the sun.

Turned away from the clattering gates.
Where my graveyard sits.
Hallowed tombstones, dense macabre negates;
Screaming howls from the pit.

Ebony stench, quailing from austere sights.
Offers in scowling flesh
Under weights of the draconis talons blight.
Thirst under angst pressed
To the stench of the coiling of a tempest night.

Crescendo's eyes are musically under towed.
A hymn of dark seed angels.
Archangel Gabriel is cobbed in barbwire head to toe,
Wreathed and forever strangled.

Necrologies wreathed in bathory terrors
Grief wrapped in a shall.
Slithering tongues belting out the ire of error.
Perpetually overhauled.

Bleeding from my wounded shell.
Astral nightshade in comparison pales.
At night under the dark moon cell
Grayish stench of camphor and my morbid tales.

[u]The Lake of Glass Reflection[/u]

Hording at the pale portrait,
Severing deep at porcelain mirrors,
My deception, the liquid that bestows,
The water drawing my own lifeless echo.

The heart is beating, soulless burning.
Pounding at it, deepened fists
Screaming below the lake of glass.
Splitting the cracks of relapse.

Screaming desperate cries
As I watch my own suicide
My liquid flowing, needled crying
For it is dripping the aura of life away.

I'm seeping deep, the wounds of blood
The heir of nothing, this lake of glass.
I'm seared in moonlight shadows
Of the frozen lake, of sweet delicacy.

My blood pours out and I can see it all
Slipping away. My heart is crushing
As I sit back in my turquoise cage.
I'm drowning in the lake of glass reflection.

I call from the other side, where the
Water flows, you standing above
Where the liquids are soothing still.
Emerald tears fall from the heavens

The calm of the whipping deception.
Lashing back and forth, in the
Pale winter moonlight
I'm drowning in the lake, calm and breathless as could be.[/i][/center]

[Guest haruko]

those are great poems i really like them
my poems are werid
i mean....
like funky
see look
i
am
trapped
at the bottom of the gutter
this so so
so

sucks
what is in
this water?
sweat
oil dirt
piss
all up ons man... all up ons

haha see once u think about it it i sa real crappy situation..yo..
yeah.. lets all ignore this post ok loves?
good
luv-haruko

[Pawn114]

Firstly, I would just like to say... Wow. That having been said, onto the critique (or lack of said critique) and praise.

[B][CENTER]Critique: [/CENTER] [/B]

Ok, I couldnt find anything here, and I would have to search for 10 minutes to find anything out of place ^_^

[CENTER][B]Praise:[/B][/CENTER]

[B]1.)[/B] I love how you use words that I personally dont see very often. Words such as incognito really inhance the piece, and the words you used gave it an almost gothic style. Thats the closest style I can think of off the top of my head. Very elegant.

[B]2.)[/B] This seems like something 'Cradle of Filth' would sing, and as such I can follow it with a tune. I think if it had a rhyming pattern it would be easier to 'picture' (for lack of better words) the tune. But thats something totally not needed, as poetry doesnt have to rhyme.

[B]3.)[/B] I love the piece from 'We're all gone' where it says:

[CENTER][Quote]I'm standing in the mist,
Standing in the rain
Standing in the anger
Standing in the hate.[/Quote][/CENTER]

and I dont really know why. It just brings shivers up my spine, which is a good thing in my books.

[U]Summary:[/U] Very close to perfect from my view. Maybe somebody else can critique it more then I, as all I gave was praise ^_^.
[CENTER]-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-[/CENTER]
[I]Note: HarukotheSlut, that post really didnt contribute to much of anything, maybe you could give him/her some critique? Also: Please, please please double-check your post for grammer. A check, even a brief one can weed out errors such as: [Quote]haha see once u think about it it i sa real crappy situation..yo.. yeah..[/Quote]
Also: [Quote]lets all ignore this post ok loves?[/Quote]
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but why would you write a post and submit it, if you want it to be ignored. What is the point of it? I'm done playing mod now, sorry everyone ^_^[/I]

[Amorphous]

[QUOTE=Pawn114]Firstly, I would just like to say... Wow. That having been said, onto the critique (or lack of said critique) and praise.

[B][CENTER]Critique: [/CENTER] [/B]

Ok, I couldnt find anything here, and I would have to search for 10 minutes to find anything out of place ^_^[/quote]

[color=crimson][size=1]Thanks, glad you liked it[/color][/size]

[quote][CENTER][B]Praise:[/B][/CENTER]

[B]1.)[/B] I love how you use words that I personally dont see very often. Words such as incognito really inhance the piece, and the words you used gave it an almost gothic style. Thats the closest style I can think of off the top of my head. Very elegant.[/quote]
[color=crimson][size=1]I guess that would be a correct assumption, for the "Gothic" style, though I don't prefer labels, but I find the words to be quite interesting thus why I use it.[/color][/size]

[quote][B]2.)[/B] This seems like something 'Cradle of Filth' would sing, and as such I can follow it with a tune. I think if it had a rhyming pattern it would be easier to 'picture' (for lack of better words) the tune. But thats something totally not needed, as poetry doesnt have to rhyme.[/quote]
[color=crimson][size=1]I'm assuming this is in reference to "Morbid Fantasies of Subsequence" if it is so, then yes it does doesn't it? I think it's because of me listening to Cradle and Bathory while writting this song.[/color][/size]

[quote][B]3.)[/B] I love the piece from 'We're all gone' where it says:

[quote][CENTER]I'm standing in the mist,
Standing in the rain
Standing in the anger
Standing in the hate.
[/CENTER][/quote]

and I dont really know why. It just brings shivers up my spine, which is a good thing in my books.[/quote]
[color=crimson][size=1]Yes it is a good thing, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've done that with a few of my poems to people actually.[/color][/size]

[quote][U]Summary:[/U] Very close to perfect from my view. Maybe somebody else can critique it more then I, as all I gave was praise ^_^.[/quote]
[color=crimson][size=1]Thank you very much, I'm am looking for critique though to make my poems better, but praise is always welcome. Oh by the way, I'm a guy to clarify that.[/color][/size]