Writing My three best poems(so far) [PG]

[buffy_boy_]

This summer I wrote many poems these are my three best.

Swallowed
By Adam H.


I am tangled
Tangled in a line
A line of ants
Marching
Forever marching
Forever forming
Forever adding ants
Like grains of sand in an hour glass
Slowly slipping
Slipping, falling
Falling into an endless pile of others, others like me
Exactly, absolute
I decide to stop
That I don?t want to be another copy
A copy made by someone I don?t even know
I step out of the line
The creators see
They don?t like it
They send to put me back into the line so that I may fall
Fall forever until my mind, my heart, my soul, my life become one
Become one with everyone else?s
I run
I try to escape
They harass me and taunt me back into the line
They feel no pain in doing this
I try to escape again, not wanting the fate ahead unlike most
Most that enter the line to become everyone else
To be accepted and unnoticed
This time as I try to escape I ignore the harassment
I realize that it is just words
That I can rise up
For words are all they have
I escape and pity them,
all who must serve that fate of the line, following the leader
To be just like them
I pity the starter who can only get happiness by taking others originality
I see that there are two choices,
To escape and be yourself,
Or be swallowed


Here I Stand
By Adam H.


Here I stand
Standing in the darkness
Depending on my soul to guide me
Depending on my heart to help me survive
In a world where I know nothing
A world where chaos rules
Unaware of my surroundings
I start to walk
I fall
Fall into deeper darkness
Darkness in which I lose myself
My soul is gone
Devoured by the beast within me
Buried in the never-ending chaos
Where the darkness thrives
Then I see a light
My soul rises out of the pit
And I am whole again
I battle my own monster
And triumph over it
The light is guiding me through this world
Of chaos and darkness
Here I stand
Not alone

Lost
By Adam H.


As the blood flows down my skin
The pain is gone
I feel none
Blood begins to drip from my body
It drips into the blackness and fades
No tears are forming, no winces beginning
I feel nothing
My soul has gone cold
Finally defeated by the darkness
The light has faded
I can?t stand or shout
No whisper to be found
Just emptiness and dark
The shadows take form
They drag me out into the world
And throw me into a trench
I fall forever
The blood still flowing drips away, into the nothingness
I am lost
No hope in sight
I am lost


There they are. Hope you like em' pm me or post whatever you want about them.
Have fun.

[Guest MangaFreak]

Hmmm, ok then. I liked the last two. You need to make it more graphic and dark in my opinion but thats just how I like poems. The second one was a happy ending... I don't like those. I love when its all pain and suffering, it give me true pleasure. A pleasure most will never feel. But any way, your ok. Thats all I realy have to say.

[buffy_boy_]

[quote name='MangaFreak']Hmmm, ok then. I liked the last two. You need to make it more graphic and dark in my opinion but thats just how I like poems. The second one was a happy ending... I don't like those. I love when its all pain and suffering, it give me true pleasure. A pleasure most will never feel. But any way, your ok. Thats all I realy have to say.[/quote]


Thanks, most of my poems are all dark, no happy ending, but the first to just happen to. Probably cause I couldn't figure a way to keep them bad and still have it be a good poem. Thanks again for posting!

[Makurayami]

Pretty good, I like the first one the best.

[buffy_boy_]

[quote name='XYZ']Pretty good, I like the first one the best.[/quote]

Thanks. That's my favorite too. It's also the longest :eek: :laugh: .

Note to all who come in here:

[B][COLOR=Red][SIZE=4]PLEASE POST!!!!!!! I NEED MORE FEED BACK!!!
THANKS![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B]

OH COME ON PEOPLE PLEASE POST!!!!

[Lord Rannos]

[COLOR=DarkRed][FONT=Century Gothic]Hmm.....very dark. And you know how little I like metaphors, Adam. I think that the first one has a lot of depth and meaning, something that we all know, but don't really think about. They could put it on an inspirational poster. :p

Overall, I like them alot. Although I can't tell whether they express what your inner feelings are, or just darkish and meaningful poetry. Anyway, it would be cool if you wrote more.[/FONT][/COLOR]