youta moteuchi Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Hello, I'm posting the first part of a short story I drew for animeboston 2004. I wanna know what you guys thought about the drawings, the panelling, everything.... I know that being a romance the storyline is not problably the beeeeeeeeest, but that's just my first manga. I hope we will have many more to com..... I'll post the following pages pretty soon. YM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okita Posted August 2, 2004 Share Posted August 2, 2004 Um.. the dialogue flow between the fourth and fifth page is a bit akward, took me while to realise who was speaking, it would be nice to actually have the speech bubble point to someone... Way too early to comment on the plot (but don't put romance down! they're great!) and finally the animation is good (though not my favourite style)... good luck on your first work! I'll cheer you on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
youta moteuchi Posted August 3, 2004 Author Share Posted August 3, 2004 Thanks for the support. Yeah, I heard the same thing about the bubbles before.I'll do better on my next one, hehe. Hope you like the next pages better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomboy2xxxkoy Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 [COLOR=RoyalBlue] omg, the art is AMAZING ^o^ it's so detailed the scenery is really well-drawn *jealous* XP & nice use of perspective ;D this is really good for your first manga :animesmil i can't say anything about the story line yet cus i'm not seeing any plots in this manga except for that those two will somehow fall for each other XD o & um, i've a critique ready for it? here it is: their conversation sounds kind of awkward for me(but i can see what you were trying to do cus i had the same problem on my 1st manga ^^") i suggest that if you're not going to make them say anything much, then have one of the two (i recommend the girl) to "think" what he/she was thinking about the other do you get it? (cus that sounds kind of confusing) idk, it's just my opinion you might have done it that way because you're planning to do something in the future or something :animeswea other than that, everything's all good^^ good luck w/ the serie i'll be cheering for you ;) o! why don't you upload this in the fan manga section at theotaku? here's the link if you decided to upload it there: [url]http://fanmanga.theotaku.com/[/url] [/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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