Discuss MyHero Underground [PG-LV]

[Shy]

[center][font=trebuchet ms][img]http://otakuboards.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=20562&stc=1[/img][/center]

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This is an all-purpose thread that will provide supplementary stories, poetry and artwork for the "hero" universe created by the players. In addition to this, myHero will be used as a home for discussions related to the RPG.

MyHero has been transferred over to the Underground, where I think it will have a bit more exposure. Players (including myself) have mostly forgotten about the site, which is one of the more exciting prospects of "hero." So I encourage all of the players to use this thread to expand upon the ideas and characters they, and the other players present.

I'm very pleased with the work so far, and Issue #4 is going to rock. I look forward to seeing where this thread develops...

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[b]Next Issue:[/b] [i]Pinnacle[/i] by Zidargh, Shinmaru

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[quote][center][size=3][b]"Heroes of Key City"[/b][/size]
[i]Excerpt from Lenmark Travel Agency's Brochure about visiting Key City[/i][/center]

...and as you have seen on television, and in the newspapers, Key City is home to a very special league of superheroes, The Guardians. Founded in 1949, the group has since pursued it's goal of "Bringing evil-doers to the justice and helping individuals the world-over have a chance at the American dream" to great success. In 1954, after saving the Key City police station from an army of mechanized monsters, the citizens of Key City thanked their heroes by constructing them a special base of operations. The Gateway to Freedom is located in the geographical center of Key City; however, due to privacy issues The Guardians do not allow public tours of the facility.

The Lenmark Travel Agency takes time to stop by this historical landmark on it's "Guardian Getaways" tour. In addition to The Gateway to Freedom, the tour visits other areas of Key City that showcase The Guardians' illustrious history.

One such stop is the Key City Observatory, where Guardians Silver Eagle and Little Hawk batted the nefarious Dr. Cyclone. Like the motto says, justice always prevails in Key City, and the evil Dr. Cyclone was defeated before any damage could be done. Your guide will provide all sorts of interesting stories about the Guardians, which are proven to be fun and educational for the whole family. Be sure to have your cameras ready, at any moment one of those masked crimefighters could fly by for a great photo opportunity![/quote][/font]

[Sandy]

I actually never forgot about myHero site, I went to check if it was updated several times, but my problem was that I didn't have a slightest clue on what to post there! I know, I should've asked you, Shy, but...

I'm still waiting for my part to really start in the game, so I've kept quite a low profile with this. I've got few pieces of art for my character done, (and planning to do more), and I'll post the best ones of them in the near future.

But now I'm just anxiously waiting for that special PM from Shy, where my character (Viveca deVita) finally gets her power... Until then.

[Shy]

[size=1][i]Sage:[/i] Don't worry about it. I wasn't targeting anyone in particular; I haven't contributed to the MyHero site as much as I should, seeing as I created the darned thing. It may seem like I'm neglecting you and Shinmaru, but I have a very specific role for your characters in the story, and as of right now they aren't really needed. Vivica has a big part in all of this, but the story is being pushed in a certain direction and I'm going to try and advance the plot, as opposed to introducing everyone's character at once.

So yeah, you rock, and that's why you're in the RPG. I know you'll put some excellent stuff in "hero" when you have the chance.[/size]

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[font=trebuchet MS][b][center][size=3]My Husband, the Superhero
[i]Part 1[/i][/size][/b][/center]

Every day, morning, noon, and night Mary Harrison would have delicious meals prepared for the family she loved. It was something she took pride in, and she put extra time into suiting the individual tastes of her husband and children. [i]No mustard for Thomas, extra pickles for Sandra, and a special note for Richard,[/i] the man she fell in love with 15 years ago. He was a simple man; no particular interests or hobbies of note, but he was a hard worker, and and loyal, things that Mary found to be much more attractive than any physical attribute could be.

Their daily routine was set in stone. Every morning Mary would wake up to make breakfast, wake up her family, and pack them special lunches for the day ahead. The children would leave for school first, always running a little bit late, but never late enough to miss the schoolbus, and this would leave Mary and Richard some time to themselves. It was this 45 minutes that kept Mary going through her day, their time together was something she cherished, and although it became less intimate over the years (as Richard aged, so did his drive for such things) it was still the thing she looked forward to the most. Sometimes they would sit around and talk about his job at the steel mill, others they would look through old photo albums and remember friends and family they have long since fallen out of touch with, and on the especially rare occasions they would go out. Instead of taking the bus like Richard normally would Mary would walk her husband to work, laughing and holding his hand like a lovesick teenager.

Richard would kiss his wife goodbye, and Mary would walk home by herself, in a hurry to make up for lost time. Her non-stop routine of cleaning, cooking, and shopping never seemed to end. Where most housewives seemed satisfied with only a few hours of work, Mary never tired, and would scrub and re-scrub every bit of her small apartment until Richard and the children arrived home. It was her obsession. Not once did she take a break, not once did she give herself a day off. Not having a career of her own, Mary dedicated herself to her work. If all she could do was provide a clean house and a warm dinner waiting for her family then she would do it better than anyone else.

For 15 years, on and on this had continued, and for 15 years Mrs. Mary Harrison perfected his skills, and mastered the fine art of housekeeping. On the very rare occasion that she entertained company, or had a visitor, they would marvel at how spotless and immaculate the house was. One of her childhood friends, who she had not seen in several years (who has time for friends when there is a house to clean?) was especially impressed and worried about Mary's unwaivering devotion to cooking and housework. "You won't go to your deathbed until there is a roast in the oven," she laughed. Mary smiled politely, and asked her friend to step aside for a moment so that she could vacuum the carpet.

Then one day something changed. It was six o'clock, the children had been home for a few hours, like always, and like always, dinner had been prepared and was ready to be served. But unlike always, unlike every day that had passed before, Richard wasn't there. [i]He always came home by six, what if something had happened to him?[/i] Mary worried, and called up the steel mill. According to his foreman, Richard had left work at 5:30, just like he always did. The steel mill hadn't held him any longer, perhaps it was the bus. An hour passed, and then two, dinner was growing cold, and it was going to be the children's bedtime soon.

Sandra and Thomas seeemd unphased by this change in the schedule. When Thomas asked where his father was, Mary feigned a smile, and replied, "They need him to work late at the steel mill tonight. He'll be home soon enough."

Mary served her children dinner, noticably upset, and watched television with them to ease her nerves, the dishes could wait tonight. The kids insisted on watching some children's cartoons, but in-between commercial breaks Mary would flip to Channel 2, KeyTV, to see if anything about Richard was on that night's news report. Nothing. There was the occasional blurb about the President, a crisis brewing in the Soviet Union, but nothing about her husband... or perhaps she wasn't looking close enough. A new superhero in Key City, The Mark, had just recently been spotted on the city streets, not more than a few blocks from the Harrison residence. Witnesses claimed he had foiled an armed robbery by himself, an impressive feat for a new vigilante with no known superpowers.

After watching the report Mary felt a little more at ease. If her hunch was correct, then her husband was fine. In fact, he was [i]extraordinary.[/i] She tucked her children into bed that night with a smile on her face, and washed the dishes with newfound pride in her work, daydreaming of the Gateway to Freedom, and humming to herself for the first time in years.

It was 10 o'clock, and Richard entered through the front door. He was breathing heavily, like he had just been through a workout, and smoking a cigarette. Mary rushed over to him, and pulled the cigarette from his lips.

"I don't care who you are Richard," Mary put out the cigarette in a potted plant nearby, "You know the rules about smoking."

He stared at her for a moment, placed his jacket on the coat rack, and walked into the bedroom. Mary stayed a step behind him, asking him a barrage of questions about where he had been for the past four hours. Richard remained silent.

"We're in this together, Richard," Mary said hesitantly."This is a marriage. I have every right to know where you are when you disappear for four hours at a time."

"I'm tired, Mary. We'll discuss this another time. Good night."

Without saying another word, Richard quickly fell asleep on the bed in front of her. She sighed, and moved back to the kitchen. Mary wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, but she [i]could[/i] get an early start on tomorrow's lunches...[/font]

[size=1]-Shy[/size]

[Sandy]

After a month of frustration and uncertainty, Hero is back!

Yes, [B]Issue#4[/B] (the second one, written by me) is up, and the show can go on!

My issue is a bit on the shorter side, but hey, I'm Finnish, so what can you expect? I hardly talk, so I'm not much of blabber in the writing section either. ;) Okay, I am, but at least I don't blabber too long. :p

Anyways, I hope you like it, and now that I got to the taste, I'm eager to continue! :toothy:

EDIT: One piece of Viveca artwork coming through! Not exactly my best work, but it's at least something... The picture is a styled version of the meeting of Viveca and Frigida. Hope you like it...

[Shy]

[font=trebuchet MS]I really love the artwork, Sage, and your post was great as well. I'm very interested in seeing more of both your writing and drawing skills in the future, since both of them put me to shame. Feel free to use this thread to post your work, and I promise that from now on at least [i]I[/i] will respond in a timely manner.

Ben wanted some comments on his post, so that's what I'm doing here...

[size=3][center][b]Issue #5: [i]Double[/i][/b][/center][/size]
Great post by Ben here, and I think it does a good job at exploring Larry?s self-conflict a lot more. Like I said in the sign-up thread, it?s not about the superpowers but how the characters use those powers, and how the powers affect their lives. He?s terrified of the new ability he has discovered, and I think he really should be. The heroes of [i]hero[/i] are an insanely powerful bunch, and there?s a lot of potential in Larry?s ?death touch.?
[quote name='Ben']Small things from his childhood came sharply into focus: various insects dying in his hands, friends contracting rare and deadly diseases; his grandmother?s deathbed. Some of these things Larry thought were just coincidence, but now he could never be sure.[/quote]
There?s a strong chance that Larry never had anything to do with these things, but he?s going to continue torturing himself over it. Even though the Mafia men were threatening to harm his family and ruin his life, he still feels guilty over the events that had unfolded in his diner. It was merely an act of self defense, it?s not as if Larry had planned to kill the man. He only wanted to protect his family, and now because of what has happened he?s afraid to go near his family, or anyone else for that matter.

There were some things I did have problems with, but everything was minor overall. The horse race sequence felt more like a necessary step in the post than some sort of natural progression in the story, if that makes any sense. There weren?t any strong character moments in it like there were in the rest of the post, and I think it could have used a bit more fleshing out. The beginning and the end were strong, but this section in the middle really didn?t come across as well as I would have expected it to.

I thought your post could have used a bit more polishing. I realize I?m probably to blame for this, since I know I really pressured you into finishing this post as soon as possible. There are some minor grammar issues and awkward sentences that I would have liked to have seen corrected before you posted, but it doesn?t detract from my overall enjoyment of the post. You?re a fantastic writer, and you?ve grown an awful lot since I first began to read your work (three years ago or so.)

I was talking to Sara about it not too long ago, you?ve always been on par with, if not beyond, the stuff we do and that?s pretty darn impressive considering your age. My writing in junior year of high school sucked, in fact, it still sucks. Yeah. (And for anyone who is curious, I?ll be writing Issue #10 of the RPG.)

More things I really liked:
[list][*]It?s going to be hard for the supporting characters to grow and develop if Larry remains so distant from them. Herman seems like he has some potential, since I think above all Larry needs a friend right now, and somebody who won?t look down on him. At the same time, Herman obviously has some troubles of his own, and I?d like to see the two interact in the future and explore that idea more.

[*]I love the way you wrote Titan. Writing for somebody who can shrink or grow to nearly any size is a challenge, and I think you did an excellent job at that. Little things like Larry not knowing where Titan?s voice was coming from, and him suddenly growing to nine feet tall was a nice touch. It amuses me that such a dark and evil characters wears purple, it?s very much in the spirit of comic books from that era.

[*]?You?re going to touch the stars, Mr. Friar. You?re going to touch the Guardians.? Great closing line, and it makes for a strong cliffhanger ending to the post. There?s a lot of potential in this, since Larry would be incredibly reluctant to use his powers in such a way. But his family is at stake, and there?s no telling how far he would go to save his brother, who is obviously a very important person in his life.[/list]

So yes, keep up the good work. Sara is due to write next, and she gave me the impression that she will be finishing the post shortly. After that will be our first Issue that deals with multiple writers at once, and I?m really looking forward to that.[/font]

[Arcadia]

[size=1]I just thought I'd throw in my two cents real quick-like. ^_~

Sage [i]darling[/i], that's a gorgeous picture. I really love the colors to it, especially the blue-ish background. It definitely has the same feel to it that your chapter did, dealing with Viveca and what I kind of think is her inherent sadness. You have such a unique style of drawing anyway; it almost reminds me of the way mythology is represented in pictures. Always a joy to look at. ^_^

And Ben. My dear, dear Ben. There's not much that I can say about your post that Shy already didn't. Reading Larry's story really makes you feel for him and you want to sympathize with him, even though you know he's being drawn into doing very bad things. There's that, and the little touches you have (like the last line that Shy quoted ^_~) that really make for an awesome post.

Next time, just don't make us wait so long. :p [/size]

[Sandy]

Thanks for the comments, Shy and Arcadia! They're much appreciated. :D

I just wanted to tell that I've finished my next chapter (okay, it could still use some polishing), and I'm eagerly waiting for a chance to post it. This is beginning to take shape, this game, which is nothing but good.

What worries me is the SLOWNESS that this game proceeds! I mean, five posts in over three months?! What's going on? I really hope this game doesn't die, but honestly, this "speed" isn't very motivating... I don't think I signed in for an eternity project. ;)

I'm not sure what one could do to speed things up, but let's at least try, okay?

[Ben]

Sorry Sage (and everybody else :p), I think a lot of that time lapse was me and my last post. ^-^;; It should not happen again.

Shy and Arcadia, I appreciate the comments immensely. Thank you for the generally positive feedback. :D

I definitely did slack off on the race track portion of the post, simply because I don't [I]know[/I] all that much about race tracks, or gambling. Especially not from this time period.

Heh, I do much of the same thing in my essays and papers for school. The parts where I know what I'm talking about will be well-written, but I make up some rather bad B.S./filler material. :p

And, I know I should proofread my posts for the grammar mistakes and such that you mentioned, Shy. It's a failing of mine to not do that. Whenever I do a big writing project, I'll generally be very glad to have finished writing it, and want to have it totally over and done with. I'll definitely have to work on that from here on in.

So, yeah. Thanks again for the feedback. :)

EDIT:

I strongly recommend to everyone involved in this RPG: Watch the movie [I]Unbreakable[/I] starring Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson. It's a fantastic parallel to what we're working on here, and a thoroughly engaging film.

[Shy]

[b][center][font=trebuchet MS][size=3]Issue #6: [I]Crossing[/I][/size][/center][/b]

The second of (hopefully) many great posts by Sara here. This one really stands out because of the tone and perspective of it. Even though the RPG itself will be dark at times, the beginning of Sara?s post was lighthearted, almost comical.

[quote=Lore]We begin to scan the faces of the crowd, finally focusing on one woman. She is perhaps middle-aged, her hair styled in a way that was fashionable five years ago. Like those around her, she is dressed in her drab winter coat, carrying packages. But her face is bright, and on her coat is a colorful pin--possibly homemade, the sort children give their teachers for Christmas. A snowman, perhaps, or an oversized Christmas tree.

In fact, she is a school teacher. Her students know her as Miss Richards, in the quaint way children have. Even into the fourth grade (and further), students are sometimes unaware that their teachers have lives outside the classroom. Her colleagues call her Elizabeth, because that is her name.

Elizabeth Richards, Fourth Grade Teacher.[/quote]
I love, love, [I]love[/I] that introduction. I can just imagine a generic 1960?s narrator reading those lines, and Elizabeth meekly making her way through the crowd, carrying bags and bags of gifts for her students, past and present. The Christmas setting for this issue in particular is quaint, it?s innocent. That?s exactly the type of thing you can?t portray in most other RPG?s in the Arena.

The villain, or even the Guardian doing the fighting isn?t important to the issue. You really get an idea of how Elizabeth reacts to such situations. I told this to Sara earlier, most people would have simply had Miss Richards start throwing cars at the bad guy. Yay for taking the high road, it really pays off here.
[quote name='Lore']Incendia is a recent recruit to the Guardians. Less than twenty years old, she is very pretty--a young woman with a fire for justice. Contrary to stereotype, she is known to have a very calm personality...not that it is important right now.[/quote]
I like the name, Incendia, heh. Everyone else comes up with better superhero names than I do? Silver Eagle, Captain Light? Bleh. I love Frigida and Incendia, there?s actually a fun parallel there. Frigida is portrayed as being very old and wise, whereas Incendia is young and inexperienced. Not that I expect to look into that any further. It?s a fun coincidence, or a clever move by Sara, who knows?

More to the point. It?s a minor character, and with one paragraph of description she seems so much more real, and so much easier for me to imagine. Plotwise, this might seem like a minor issue but there were some major ramifications, and questions that his issue left unresolved. Who was the one to defeat Incendia? Is Incendia even alive? Most importantly, has Elizabeth left her teaching position for good?

Seeing Mr. Brown take over Elizabeth?s class was probably the most shocking thing I?ve seen in the RPG so far? it was done very well. Your post was very polished, although you did say to me that you have to rewrite it after you had a problem with saving? so that would make sense, heh.



[center][b][size=3]Issue #7 - Part I: [I]Pinnacle[/I][/b][/size][/center]

Now here?s where things are going to get truly exciting. This is our first multiple-post issue (six in total,) and the first one that deals with multiple players at once. Also important to note is the fact that it introduces the last two players in the story, Zidargh?s Christopher Dennett and Shinmaru?s Lawrence Moore Jr. Seven issues and five months later Shinmaroo and Zidargh are getting their first real chance to post, sadness. It seems like so long ago that this chapter was supposed to feature ColourDeaf and Zidargh, oh well.

This is easily the longest post we?ve dealt with so far, but it?s not as if the length of a post will automatically make it worthwhile to read. Great writing does that, and that?s what Zidargh pulls off here.

Admittedly, I found myself more interested with the first half of the post, dealing with the saxophonist and the dream sequence, than the action scene at the conclusion. Characters interest me more than anything else, I guess, and so I?m completely entranced by the dream sequence. For a while I honestly had no idea what was going on, it seemed very surreal.
[quote name='Zidargh]it proved futile. He was simply gone. Gone like the shadow that haunted the alleyway every now and again. Even though he didn?t know the saxophonist, it did prove disheartening that the saxophonist who relaxed him so, was to just leave like that. [I']?Probably didn?t trust me.?[/I][/quote]
This one little paragraph is really tragic, it seems. The whole dream sequence in and of itself is rather sad, Zidargh is a detective, he?s looking for a lot of things. He?s also looking to find himself, as clichéd as that sounds. The other characters, Elizabeth, Vivica, and Larry are not really doing that. They are too afraid to find themselves, or they aren?t really ready to start that journey. Vivica doesn?t know who she is or what she wants, neither do any of the characters, it seems like.

Dennett knows what he wants; he wants to be important to somebody. The question remains whether or not he will get that chance to be a hero. Maybe the title, [I]hero[/I] is misleading..

The way you wrote ?the beast? is quite frightening. I get a bunch of images in my head from the way it?s described, it?s? jarring. For some reason, one of my biggest fears is being suffocated. I have no idea why, it?s just when I see it in a movie or read about it (like this) I find myself putting my hand near my neck, trying to protect it from some unseen force. It?s lame, but it?s an example of how well the writing struck me.
[quote name='Zidargh']Choking, Dennett looked into the deep, bulging eyes of the beast. It seemed as if it was crying for help, but from the inside. But there was nothing he could do. This soul?s exterior was killing him, randomly bashing his spine against the plaster, jolting his head backwards and forwards. Dennett felt as if his spine was going to snap.[/quote]
Anyway, aside from my fear of death, there was a lot in this post that I enjoyed. The saxophonist rocks, I can?t really explain it. The character fits into Dennett?s little ?film noir? view he has of his life perfectly, and yet, the character kind of shatters that self-image at the same time. He?s way too cool for the room, I?m going to make every attempt to wedge the saxophonist into the story again.

Dennett made it out of that battle with his life barely intact, and he?s not any closer to solving the mystery behind this drug. What part does Lawrence play in this? We?ll find out soon enough.[/font]

[size=1]-Shy[/size]

[Shinmaru]

Well, somehow I ended up getting pretty motivated this morning, and I started on my post after I got home from school about seven or so hours ago. The finished product is up in the RPG right now, and I would greatly appreciate it if a few people took the time to read it and give me some feedback in the thread :)

But, of course, I understand that you must first give to receive, and so I thought it would be nice if I took the time to give some feedback to all of the people who have posted issues thus far. It's only fair, I think.

Issue #1: Great post to start off the RPG. It delves very well into the whole superhero aspect of the RPG, and you're left with a very clear reason as to exactly [i]why[/i] Marque has the power that she does. I also like how the racism was dealt with; it was overt, as it would have been at the time, but it wasn't over the top. It didn't feel like it was screaming "Racism!" at the top of its lungs, which I feel is fairly important. If you try to force-feed someone a certain theme too much, they'll like ignore it and/or reject it. It's important to be a bit subtle when it comes to these things.

Issue #2: I quite like this post. You're not only given background on Larry's character, but his family members are also fleshed out, as well. You get the sense that you know them as well as you know Larry, which is very crucial; if you do no sympathize with Larry's plight, then you will not sympathize with Larry himself. This is obviously very important to Larry's parts in hero, especially with his dealings with the mob. The second half of the post is especially well done, I think, and does a good job at capturing Larry's horror and confusion over what he had just witnessed.

Issue #3: The first word that pops into my head when I read your posts is [i]unique[/i]; your writing style is a lot different from what I usually read, and I really enjoy it. I don't think that it's something that a person could hope to emulate very easily. This lends itself very well to the ideas and thoughts that you present during your posts, too, because it gives them a sort of unique feel, as well. When you're reading it, you know it's something different, something outside of the box. I think I especially like this post, because you really feel like you're [i]becoming[/i] Elizabeth (even though it's all told in the third-person, heh) rather than sitting idly by and watching everything develop.

Issue #4: I have to say that I wasn't really all that familiar with your writing before the RPG, but I liked this post. The theme here is a familiar one - would people prefer a life of luxury in the spotlight, or a life of security and privacy? The old cliche 'money cannot buy happiness' fits well here. Viveca says differently, but we know that inside she is struggling over what she really wants. I think that this all comes across very well in your post; you're able to adequately describe these feelings that Viveca is going through, without making them overly contrived or dramatic. Good post.

Issue #5: Just about everything that Shy said earlier in the thread I agree with. Your first post was very good, but this one was pretty phenomenal, in my opinion. Larry continues to be pulled in different directions, both inside and out. His internal agonization over his own powers is making him feel extremely guilty about even the little things that have happened in his life, and the Mafia wants to make use of these powers against his will. I think that it's pretty strong stuff. After reading the post again, though, I think that the racetrack portion was kind of just there. The rest of the post is excellent, though.

Issue #6: You could probably take everything I said about Issue #3 earlier and apply it to this. I really enjoy reading your work, I could only hope that mine is as fluid and enjoyable to read ^_^ Also, you've done something that I find extremely difficult to do, and that is making the action portion of the post fun to read. I'm more of a dialogue person, myself, so I sort of think my more action-oriented stuff is a bit lackluster. And with the way that the Issue ended, I'm very interested in seeing what happens next with Elizabeth. I think that's something everyone who's posted so far has done a good job with - you're really interested to see what happens next with these characters.

Issue #7 (Part I): I like your writing style a lot, too, Zidargh. Like Lore's, it's a lot different from what I'm normally accustomed to reading, which is good. Like Shy, I particularly enjoyed the dream sequence with the saxophonist. That part is an instance where you really have the reader eating out of the palm of your hand. I like the rest of the post, especially how jarring the end is, like a really bad head trip. I enjoy reading the kinds of things that really toy with your mind. I'm definitely looking forward to reading your next post.

Whew, that took quite a while lol. I hope that my analysis will help a few people out in the future :)

EDIT: Okay, I think I made my analysis a bit better now. lol