ZakuSage Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 I just woke up after a long sleep, and after getting on my computer these words are the first things the came to my head. I tread along a winding road Carpeted with thorns With bushes of tainted berries Without shoes, food, or sleep Well thats it. It's pretty short, but I'd like to hear some critique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luminous Posted August 10, 2004 Share Posted August 10, 2004 [font=Century Gothic][size=1][color=silver]Well... Its interesting, but for some reason, to me it seems as though its not finished.[/color][/size][/font] [font=Century Gothic][size=1][color=#c0c0c0][/color][/size][/font] [font=Century Gothic][size=1][color=#c0c0c0]ja ne![/color][/size][/font] [font=Century Gothic][size=1][color=#c0c0c0]~luminous[/color][/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZakuSage Posted August 11, 2004 Author Share Posted August 11, 2004 I guess thats a good point. I originally wrote 2 other stanzas, but I thought they sucked so I simplified it to 1. Anything else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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