Writing Ryokushins Poems

[Guest Ryokushin]

Okay before I start this off, the first poems are in Paragraph format. So just bear with me on that. The next after that I just came up with spur of the moment:
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Since the first time I saw you I could not quit thinking about you. I could only imagine spending my whole life getting to know you and only you. I want to get to know you so I can fall in love with you. I have longed to be in love once more and you know all about me. I know only a little bit about you and I will always strive to learn more. I feel an odd warmth in my heart when I see you. My lips long to touch yours, just so gently when I think of kissing you my heart beats faster then it has ever done before. I wake up and smile because I imagine you are beside me but then I open up my eyes and realize that you are not. I slowly become cold, distant, and my smile fades, as I sink into a time of depression. I call you to hear your voice, it makes me happy, my sadness becomes happiness when I see and hear you.

I will always long for you in many ways and I always feel a bit of love when I say your name. I hear your name everywhere and I look around for you but I cannot see you. I am happy for the brief moment I hear your name, and when I imagine you near me. I would give my heart for you, if it made you live... I would love to see you for that last minute of my life. You are the only one I care for now. And you will be the only one I will care for, for the rest of my life. I have dreams of you, and I cannot get you out of my head. The dreams take place under the moon, and you cannot imagine how beautiful you look, how radiant you are. I see you under the moon and just love watching you run your hand through your blonde hair. It looks almost platinum in the moonlight as I see your beautiful body bask under the full moon. I can only say three words but speaking them would either end our friendship or turn it into a relationship. I did not want to risk it but I couldn't help it. I love you, I will always love you and I cannot stop loving you. I cannot help but tell you how much I care for you and want to be with you. I will always love you, you are always there for me and you will always be my friend and I can only hope that you could return my love.

You said you would have to think about it. And when I woke up I was saddened. I called you first thing and confessed my love for you, but alas it was the same, you had to think for a while. I waited for hours, which felt like years. When you finally called I could only feel hurt, I thought you would say you could not love me but you finally returned my feelings. I almost passed out, I wanted to tell you over and over how much I loved you, and wanted to be with you but I could not speak.

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As I look up into the night sky and see all the stars. I only think of you, you are the one I love, and I will never forget you. I will always need you and I can see you wherever I go. I love being with you, holding you in my arms. The only thing I need in this world is you. To hear your voice, to see your face, to smell your scent. I need it all. I can see you in the flowers, I can see you in the sparkling ocean. I can see you everywhere I go. I need you more then I need life itself. I really need to be with you... I am sorry for the trouble I caused in the past and I cannot make up for it but.... just know that I love you and will always love you. I have messed up before but I will try not to in the future. If I never come back... please forgive me.

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Thoughts rush through my head every day. "Why do you live?","Why are you still friends with people?", "How can I stop them from being my friends." I just wish I could make the thoughts dissapear. I live with myself everyday knowing I hurt people and make them cry or turn into an enraged beast who craves for my blood. Their eyes turn crimson red as they start thinking of ways to kill me and take out my soul. The only way I can make up with them is to say I am sorry... but those words have never escaped my lips... I have never been sorry for anything.

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The first time I had a sample of your love, in such a tiny package, it made me want more. I was satisfied with just a kiss and that is all I wanted once a day, a kiss from you. The first time I felt your soft lips touch mine. I was shocked I did not know who did what, if I started it or if you did. After that moment was over I excused myself from the room and walked into the bathroom shaking tremendously. I wasn't scared, I was just a little uncertain. It isn't as if I didn't want to, I just didn't know why I did it... I wanted to know why I kissed you or you kissed me. My breathing was shakey and I didn't know how to breath. I started splashing cold water on my face to wake up from this trance.

I finally regained my normal behavior, still shaking a bit, and walked out to see you once again. I slowly walked toward you and wanted that feeling again, shaking with happiness, I needed your kiss again, and again. My eyes stayed locked on yours. I started to feel fear once more... the fear of loosing you in anyway. I only knew three words now, 'I love you' and those were the only things I could say to you.

In reality I wanted to say 'I don't want to leave you, you are everything I want and I really need to be with you so much, I need you and I don't want you hurt.' but... I couldn't. The fact of the matter is... I love you more then life itself. I would give anything to make your past the one you want. I want you to have the perfect past, present, and future... but you will always have the past that we don't want. Remember you have the past you don't want but the future is yours to make. I wish I could have told you that...

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My heart was slowly sinking into darkness with this burden on my soul. Feeling that it was my fault, that I could have saved her. How is it I could feel this way to myself when all I gave her was love. All I wanted to give her was my heart... she had it but I was thinking that it was my fault. I was slowly turning into a demon, my soul was slowly sinking into submission, I couldn't handle it anymore. I was beggining to snap. I was saying to myself, "It was my fault." Repeatedly going through my head. I could not get that out of my head, no matter how many times people say "It isn't your fault" I could only hear the opposite. My soul was now dark, never to return the the emotional state that it use to be around you.

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It had been years since I felt emotions, I thought of you every day, every night, I longed for your kiss, your hand. I wanted you to hold me, I didn't want you to go away people tell me to move on... but I can't. I didn't want to let you go, I didn't want to let you out of my heart. I tried going out with other people but you were on my mind and you would not escape it. I had finally found someone else and she made me happy... but you were on my mind I wanted to hold her like I did you. My heart was slowly lifting out of the darkness, I was beggining to feel a sense of happiness. I have gotten more friends, and lost friends... but the ones who are my friends... I value as much as my love for you. I will let you know. Right here and now. I love you, and will never let you go. I wish I could give you one last kiss, but now I must say it, goodbye.

Quote: "Goodbye is said when you will never see them again... this is more like, 'See you later'" ~ ???

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Life and death are one in the same. If one dies another is born into this world. If one is born one dies. Everything ends in death. Love ends in death, friendship ends in death, and most of all, life ends in death. There is no way to stop this process, the circle of life. It begins with life, goes into love, then the love fades away, slowly the two or more begin to die. A slow painful death, it would be like injecting acid into your vain and letting it burn through your skin. It is a painful process, and the one who loves you the most will wish you were still alive.

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I can never replace you but... I feel love for someone else. I don't know how to say it... I had been wanting to tell her for so long and we joke around when we say it like a friendship way but... I really mean it. I called her last night, it was late, and I needed to tell her how I felt. I could hardly speak when I heard her voice. I wanted to tell her everything right in that instant but I couldn't. I was sick of being alone, sick of the lonely-ness. I didn't want that anymore. I was sick of being unloved, and not cared for, I just needed her to love me. I started to cry as I remembered those years alone, without you. I needed someone, but not just anyone I needed someone I loved. I would give her anything in the world... she could have my heart and... even if she wanted she could have Ryo.

I told her how much I loved her that I didn't want to lead a life without her. And we know that some people would say "Ryo doesn't exist" well to me he does and when I thought of giving him up I started to cry once more... he has helped me through thick and thin and made me who I am today and I don't know how to thank him. I don't know how to go on without him unless I am with her. My body was numb from the neck down and I don't know how to explain it. I couldn't move as I was spilling out my heart and my love and emotions. I need her so much and I really need to be with her... I really do.

I told her everything, how I couldn't be with anyone else but her, couldn't love anyone else but her, couldn't do anything without her. She is the most beautiful... most radiant woman I know. I really don't know how to express my feelings. I love her... and my heart will be hers from now on... I thank you for helping me through this. I needed you and you were there... I love you and thank you for leading her to me.

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I dream of her at night, and think of her the rest of the day. I dream of kissing her softly and hoping in that moment our problems would all go away. All the things I did or the things that happened to her. I have talked to her when she cried, soft cries because she didn't want me to know. I will always be here for her and she is slowly warming up from the cold, the cold that it lonely-ness. She is slowly returning to her semi-normal life, and returning the sancticity we know as 'happiness' and everyone takes it as if everyone has happiness. They all think everyone has happiness but that is not the case... she has a form of it, but she has led a hard life, and I don't know if she will ever be 'fine' but I will help her. I am in love with this girl... and her name is...

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The feelings I have for you are never going away I still love and care for you. No matter what happens I will always feel for you, and writing is the only way of expressing myself, and my love for you. No one understands what I am writing, they read it and think they understand it. Truely only those who have lost what they love can understand my feelings toward you.

And in some instances if they are in love and have done what I have done... they might understand and you know this more then anyone. I wish I could tell them strait up to their faces to quit making me remember... they think they are just words and they aren't my memories for you are so distant, I want to forget the pain... the broken glass... the blood. They strive for more, for their own personal gain. They need more of my poetry but it is more then that... it explains me.

They say they don't know anything about me... and you know that is wrong. My poetry, my character, my stories. All of which has my history in it, stories just switch the names and take out the demons... and angels and they would see it was me. I don't know how much more I can take I can only see blood now, white is now dark pink, yellow is orange, a light red is a dark red now. The pain, the blood, it never ends... I need more guidance... but it is getting harder... I need her more at this point... she hasn't actually said the words I want to hear. I need her to say it... then I can be happy.

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I have been asked a million times if I would go out with others but I say "No" they always tempt me with the one thing most men would want. They tempt me with it day in and day out and I turn them all down for you, I don't know how you truely feel for me your emotions tell me that you love me but you cannot say the words yourself. I really need to think about this. I don't want to pressure you into saying them but I need to know how you truely feel, but alas I will stay confined in the walls of my mind and never come out until you say those words. I have turned down hundreds of women for you in this short amount of time and I don't want what every guy wants, I don't want that I want a healthy relationship and yes one day I do want to make love to you but not now... I need to wait, we need to wait, I am not ready... not again. You make me so happy, I will see you before the summer ends, I will tell you everything right in font of you. You don't live far away I just need to see your face again, and kiss your lips again. I need to feel your skin, I need to feel your love, I need to feel your breath on my neck, I need to hold your hand again.

I have felt a small portion of your love and I need more... I need more of your love, it is like a holy grail, all its contents are sacred and never been touched by anyone else other then me... I treasure it immensely as if it were your life. I will do everything in my power to protect it and I will make sure no one else has it, I can never love again if I cannot have you, I cannot love again if you do not go out with me... I need you so much... I need you and if I cannot have you that would hurt me worse then burning in hell for eternity. I need to drink from the grail once every month or I become very weak, and slowly loose all hope for our love. One sip is just one kiss... that is all I need to keep the candle lit. I need to keep the candle lit... I need it lit or else I will become cold. I heard you say you needed me... that re-kindled the dieing flame... I heard you say a lot of things about me, all good, and I could not help but keep a smile on my face. I love you.

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Finally I had seen you after what seemed to be years of waiting. I saw you in your black shirt, black jeans, I wanted to hold you. I had been waiting for so long, because everyday I don't see you, is another day shaved off my life. I need you to keep me alive. You are the one who I have been waiting so long for, I need you more then money, I need you more then my life, I need you more then food. You are the most beautiful girl I have seen, your complection, your body, everything about you makes me want you more. The more I see you, the more I want you, the more I want you, the more desire I get to have you.

I hold you close, and feel your heart beat, I feel your heart beating with mine, my heart beats harder everytime I see you, my heart stops everytime I kiss you. My heart begs for more of your love. I need your love more then anything, I don't want anything from you but your love. I have the need to touch your warm body, I touch your arm, and want to hold you. I hold your hand, and want to kiss you. Everything about you. . . is perfect.

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The love I feel for you today
Isn't like what I felt yesterday
It never is, always growing stronger
My life feels as if it is slowly fading

Our lives were meant to be togather
We were destined to meet,
My heart craves for yours. . .
My heart will always push blood so I can keep living
For you.

Copyright @ 2004 Nick Loyd United States of America. All rights reserved not permitted for any use without permission
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Yeah thanks for your time people.