Writing Eternal

[Talon]

[color=teal]Just one long run, no pain to feel.
Outrunning a life I don't want to be real.
Preparing myself, I don't like what I see,
In that eternal mirror resting inside of me.

Stabbed in the back by those I'd trust,
Fighting my family for what I know I must.
Against all odds, this moment is key,
Baring the eternal mirror for all to see.

Father, my mother, all my siblings dear,
My friends and my love, lost to me, I fear.
Driven away, as though thrown out to sea,
I dredge these memories from inside of me.

Driven to namelessness, lost to the sands,
Sold away naked to the cruel world's demands.
Clothing myself in the hide of a new me,
The eternal mirror, for none save I to see.

A new name, a new life, the old left to rot,
As once they left me in my anger so hot.
Tossing away the rags that all could see,
I strive for the glory of the man I must be.[/color]

[DetectiveMikeRS]

This poem has a very good concept, and the words flow very well throughout the entire work. The rhyme scheme is good too, and it really holds the whole poem together. I don't really think there's one thing that needs to be changed.

[Ezekiel]

[COLOR=SlateGray]I know what's behind that poem and I guess that's why it seems to strike a different cord with me. I honestly felt like I was going to cry and I think I'm going to. *chokes up* You are a fantastic poet and that talent you have is wonderful, I really want to read more of your work.[/COLOR]

[Chaos]

Again, we have conflicting opinions. While you wish to leave your problems behind, I say burn them all down and piss on the ashes.

But I will allow for artistic freedom in this case. Haha. I do like the last couplet, though. Turns the meaning around. Goes from a tattered and torn depressed sense to a more willful and demanding pose of revenge. May not be what you were aiming for, but I like the way I make it sound. =X